Confidently Jokes
40 confidently jokes and hilarious confidently puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about confidently that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Confidently Short Jokes
Short confidently jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The confidently humour may include short confided jokes also.
- Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because without that, what else is there to destroy?
- An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.
- A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says… ... "Fine. suit yourself."
- Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence "the desk". - What did God become when he lost his confidence? An atheist, because he stopped believing in himself.
- If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport... I would probably get bronze.
- Pirate, land lubber Yarrrr,
Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident?
For they are always on shore... - I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry... ...I'm pretty proud of myshelf
- I was confident I could win the duel until my opponent swung his sword at my ankles. Alas, I was de-feeted.
- I don't think a wooden structure is capable of holding up my books. I have low shelf-confidence.
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Confidently One Liners
Which confidently one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with confidently? I can suggest the ones about assured and firmly.
- I named my eraser Confidence... Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
- I don't like over confident people
- This year I resolve to be more confident and assertive... ...if that's ok with you guys.
- I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't.
- What do you call a lock with low self-confidence? Insecure.
- I can confidently run up 6 flights of stairs. But 7 Flights? That's another story.
- Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because, without that, what's to destroy?
- The beach is very confident... ...in fact its 100% shore.
- Why was Melania so confident that Donald would win? Because he always comes first.
- They say confidence is key... ... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.
- Women tell me Just be yourself, be more confident. I'm like... jeez pick one!
- What do you call a confident and stylish young fire ant? Flamboyant
- Why is it a bad idea to confide in a clock? Because time will tell
- I walked up to a Chinese laboratory and confidently knocked on the door. WHO's there.
- How do you know when you can trust a cow? When you have udder confidence in it.
Laughter Confidently Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about confidently you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean self confidence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make confidently pranks.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...
o**... wrote on his FB status:
"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."
Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.
'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
A boy asked his father...
"Dad, what's the difference between confidence, and confidential?"
The father thinks for a moment and says, "You are my son, and that I am confident of. Your friend billy is also my son but that's confidential."
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
A young boy asks his dad, What is the difference between confident and confidential?
The dad replies, You are my son, I'm confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That's confidential.
Two crazy people are by the pool in an asylum...
One of them falls in, the other quickly jumps in and saves him.
The doctor later meets the saviour and says "we've assessed your situation and believe you're qualified to leave the asylum based on your rational deeds. However I regret to inform you that the man you saved hung himself in the same night".
The man smiles and confidently says "oh he didn't, I hung him to dry him up!"
I put a Honk if you think I'm s**... bumper sticker on my car.
My self confidence is skyrocketing!
A *TON* of people think I'm s**... at this green light right now....
How to increase your strength
An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
—Beverly g**...
A mathematician wasn't too confident about his appearance...
So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."
"Well that's just mean."
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher
"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.
The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.
"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to the door.
"Not quite correct Bobby" the teacher said "so you don't get to leave early"
"You didn't say it had to be correct...Just that someone had to answer"
A Card
Man, am I scared! confided p**... to Seamus, looking furtively around the pub. I just got a card from a guy saying that he would shoot me if I did not stay away from his wife.
Well, stay away from his wife, advised Seamus, and you have got no problem.
How can I? moaned p**..., he did not sign his name.
In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...
"Because they make the toys."
