The Best 56 Confidence Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Confidence jokes. There are some confidence complex jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these confidence insecurity puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Confidence Jokes and Puns

So I went to a stable for a self confidence boost

I found myself surrounded by a bunch of neigh-sayers.

Barbie and G.I. Joe.

A little girl sits on Santa's lap. In a jolly manner, Santa asks "What would you like for Christmas?"

The girl replies without hesitation:"I would like a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa sits for a moment, thinking about the request. Caught off guard, he says "But little girl, Barbie comes with Ken."

The girl looks at Santa and with incredible confidence, states: "No Santa, Barbie only fakes it with Ken."

How do you project confidence?

How do you project confidence?

Multiply by the cosine of the angle.

Confidence joke, How do you project confidence?

A boy asked his father...

"Dad, what's the difference between confidence, and confidential?"
The father thinks for a moment and says, "You are my son, and that I am confident of. Your friend billy is also my son but that's confidential."

I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called "101 ways to improve your confidence".

I couldn't buy it though, the cashier would have laughed at me......

What do you call the state of having confidence?

I'm sorry, it's confidential.

Women can't say no to three things;

Shoes, bags, chocolate, diamonds, clothes, perfume, food, flowers, money, cosmetics, attention, romance, kindness, adventure, affection, unpredictability, confidence, humor, ice cream, shopping, free drinks..

Confidence joke, Women can't say no to three things;

I finally got the confidence to be a peeping tom

For the longest time, I was just beating around the bush

Why do people in wheelchairs have such low confidence?

Because they never stand up for themselves.

How many remain voters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, but I have no confidence in Jeremy Corbyn

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

You can explore confidence handsome reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean confidence impressive dad jokes. There are also confidence puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

I failed stats because i have no faith in myself..

I couldn't find anything more than a 0% confidence interval.

Little Johnny

The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.

Johnny said with confidence "the desk".

I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry...

...I'm pretty proud of myshelf

My friend told me I didnthave the confidence to farm rocks.

You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder.

Confidence joke, My friend told me I didnthave the confidence to farm rocks.

I applaud all the women who don't shave down there

That's a level of self confidence I can really get behind.

What's the height of self confidence?

Farting when you have diarrhea.

I wish my nervous system...

...could be my confidence system for once.

Doubting wife!

My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.

Well, she's in for a shock!

Highest level of confidence: walking around naked alone in my apartment.

Lowest level of confidence: being caught walking around naked in my apartment.

Retail clerks who buy their own clothes from their own stores really need a confidence boost.

They sell themselves shorts

Do you love me for my beauty or brains? asks the woman

Without missing a beat he replies: I love your self confidence dear

Talking to girls is easy..

Talking to girls is easy, all you gotta do is go up to them with confidence and say "Name! My Hi is Mike."

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

By taking into account this year's string of sexual accusations, I can say with confidence that... was nice knowing you Mr. Claus. But seriously, why that elf???

So my 10 year old daughter asked me, What's the difference between Confidence and Confidential?

Well I thought about it carefully and said as I am your Dad, you are my daughter, of that I am Confident. Your friend Sally down the street is also my daughter, that is Confidential!

I always feel 100% confidence in the walk signal at an intersection

Because when the White Guy is on your side, you're gonna be ok

I lacked confidence in my ability as a sheep shearer....until I started shearing female sheep....

Ewes make me feel like a natural woolman....

I named my eraser Confidence...

Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make

They say confidence is key...

... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.

What did God become when he lost his confidence?

An atheist, because he stopped believing in himself.

If God lacked confidence

he'd be an atheist

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

TIL: Government officials can sometimes be removed from office with "a vote of no confidence"

Which is eerily similar to how many entered into office with "a vote of no competence"

Hey girl, I see that you're a golfer. Do you like putting?

Because I'm going to be putting my trust and confidence in you as we grow closer together over the course of a long, healthy, and mutually beneficial relationship.

The best thing about college

The best thing about college is it forces you to have confidence. Like in high school I never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

Why does grape jam lack confidence?

It's concord.

My girlfriend love compliments...

I've just told her she has the confidence of a much younger more attractive woman...
She's now not speaking to me, just grinding her teeth... Not a good sign!

Being an Uber driver did wonders for my confidence.

Yesterday I picked up a cheerleader and today I picked up a flight attendant.

Why do fewer people get asked out on dates after April?

Because no ones got confidence in May

I have absolute confidence in Jeff's Bezos rocket company Blue Origin

Jeff has already achieved good separation.

How do you know when you can trust a cow?

When you have udder confidence in it.

Women love a man brimming with confidence.

Because without that, what else is there to destroy?

I went to the confidence store because I didnt have any confidence. So they gave me some confidence for $2500.

But I think they tricked me.

I put a Honk if you think I'm sexy bumper sticker on my car.

My self confidence is skyrocketing!

A *TON* of people think I'm sexy at this green light right now....

I was balding and losing confidence so I had a rabbit tattooed on my scalp.

People tell me, from a distance it looks like hare.

If they made the first version of the car for Knight Rider in Manhattan while listening to Frank Sinatra's New York, New York, they might have had confidence in their ability to build another, elsewhere. After all...

If you can make Kit there, you can make Kit anywhere.

Hoarding toilet paper is a good sign.

It shows people's confidence that there will be food.

During this lockdown, please think of the confidence level and mental health of your companies IT person.

They have gone more then three months without being able to look you in the eye without smirking, while first turning your computer off and then on again, before accessing the admin profile to delete then add the wireless printer again so you can print your emails.

The best thing about college is it forces you to have confidence

Like in highschool i never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

Women love a man brimming with confidence.

Because, without that, what's to destroy?

Two Traitors Heading for the Capitol Building

Passenger asks "That bomb in the trunk was made by amateurs right?"

The driver responds "yup."

Passenger asks, a bit nervously, "Well what happens if that bomb just goes off?"

The driver responds with great confidence, "No problem at all".

"We have another one under the back seat."

So I once saw an argument in a comment section, a man said, How many chromosomes do you have?

The other replied, More than you .

The sheer confidence he had

A journalist tries to find out how different professions deals with basic math.

So he asks them a simple question: "How much is 1+1?"

The mechanical engineer quickly opens a handbook and say, the handbook says 2, let's make it 3 just in case.
The physicist starts scribbling and after 5 minutes say it's between 1.95 and 2.05 within 3 sigma confidence level.
The mathematician start writing formulas and within half an hour he announces he can prove that there is a solution.
The lawyer takes the journalist to the side and whispers, how much do you want it to be?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the confidence tentatively jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working confidence simple piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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