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Confided Jokes

28 confided jokes and hilarious confided puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about confided that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Confided Short Jokes

Short confided jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The confided humour may include short confident jokes also.

  1. Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because without that, what else is there to destroy?
  2. An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.
  3. A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says… ... "Fine. suit yourself."
  4. Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
    Johnny said with confidence "the desk".
  5. What did God become when he lost his confidence? An atheist, because he stopped believing in himself.
  6. If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport... I would probably get bronze.
  7. Pirate, land lubber Yarrrr,
    Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident?
    For they are always on shore...
  8. I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry... ...I'm pretty proud of myshelf
  9. I was confident I could win the duel until my opponent swung his sword at my ankles. Alas, I was de-feeted.
  10. I don't think a wooden structure is capable of holding up my books. I have low shelf-confidence.

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Confided One Liners

Which confided one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with confided? I can suggest the ones about assured and trust.

  1. I named my eraser Confidence... Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
  2. I don't like over confident people
  3. This year I resolve to be more confident and assertive... ...if that's ok with you guys.
  4. I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now. Actually, don't.
  5. What do you call a lock with low self-confidence? Insecure.
  6. I can confidently run up 6 flights of stairs. But 7 Flights? That's another story.
  7. Women love a man brimming with confidence. Because, without that, what's to destroy?
  8. The beach is very confident... ...in fact its 100% shore.
  9. Why was Melania so confident that Donald would win? Because he always comes first.
  10. They say confidence is key... ... I guess that's why I'm always locked out.
  11. Women tell me Just be yourself, be more confident. I'm like... jeez pick one!
  12. What do you call a confident and stylish young fire ant? Flamboyant
  13. Why is it a bad idea to confide in a clock? Because time will tell
  14. I walked up to a Chinese laboratory and confidently knocked on the door. WHO's there.
  15. How do you know when you can trust a cow? When you have udder confidence in it.

Confided joke, How do you know when you can trust a cow?

Quirky and Hilarious Confided Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about confided you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reassured jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make confided pranks.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently
The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:
\- Guess I'm swimming then...

o**... wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.

'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

A boy asked his father...

"Dad, what's the difference between confidence, and confidential?"
The father thinks for a moment and says, "You are my son, and that I am confident of. Your friend billy is also my son but that's confidential."

An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...

During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!

A young boy asks his dad, What is the difference between confident and confidential?

The dad replies, You are my son, I'm confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That's confidential.

Confided joke, A young boy asks his dad,  What is the difference between confident and confidential?