Conference Jokes
146 conference jokes and hilarious conference puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about conference that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you attending a conference? Need some relevant jokes and humor to lighten up the mood? This article provides some of the best conference jokes and humorous stories from parent teacher conferences, general conferences, sales conferences and more! Get inspired by these funny stories and jokes from experienced leaders about their attendance to all kinds of conferences, such as parent-teacher conferences and expos.
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Funniest Conference Short Jokes
Short conference jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The conference humour may include short committee jokes also.
- My coworker just found out she won't be able to attend next week's Innuendo Conference… I guess I'll have to fill her slot instead.
- Trump in a conference A reporter asked Trump, "What does the J stands for in Donald J Trump?"
Trump replied, "The J stands for Genius." - What's the difference between a a shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference? One is The Taming of the Shrew.
The other is the shaming of the true. - First Rule of Thesaurus Club: You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club.
- I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference.... And boy or girl are my arms tired
- Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
- Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
- The sheriff at the press conference said we have a torso with no arms, legs, or head. Frankly, we're stumped.
- Why did the bison, the cow, and the swordfish decide to attend the business conference? They realized they were all steakholders.
- During today's press conference, someone asked the mayor of Houston about his opinion on Roe vs Wade. He said "Honestly, I don't care how people get back to their houses."
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Conference One Liners
Which conference one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with conference? I can suggest the ones about concert and meeting.
- What do you call a meeting of 72 virgins? A scientific conference
- What do fishermen do at a their conferences? Network.
- Me: This show is boring... Boss: Again, this is a zoom conference!
- Why kind of plates did they use in the food court at the EA conference? Pay-per plates
- Why does NASA offer sprite at their conferences? Because they couldn't get 7 up
- Nine out of ten doctors signed up for a conference The Tenth Doctor didn't want to go
- What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights? A Sir conference.
- So I went to an abstinence conference the other day... All we did was wait
- Why was the press conference cancelled? Cause they forgot to bring a button.
- Today I had a three way with two women It was quite the conference call.
- A&M left the Big 12 for the SEC And the IQ of both conferences went up.
- Seminar topic at the annual vampire conference "How to Deal with Stakeholders"
- I went to the annual stargazing conference yesterday.... ...the turnout was astronomical.
- What do you call a quick video-conference at the Mazda factory? A zoom-zoom zoom Zoom.
- What do you call a dumb blonde in a press conference. Donald Trump.
Press Conference Jokes
Here is a list of funny press conference jokes and even better press conference puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically. I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.
- How many doctors does it take to treat Trump for Covid-19? 11.
One to actually treat the President, and 10 more to hold a press conference about it. - After Rudy Giuliani held a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, he experienced chest pains. He was quickly rushed to Mount Sinai Heating & Plumbing.
- The kings of Sweden and denmark are having a press conference today The king of Norway will also say a fjords
- A buzzfeed journalist whispers something to Mike Pence at a press conference ...what happens next will shock you.
- The CEO of Google was late to a press conference scheduled for 4:00... 4:04 Page not found.
- Bruce Jenner just said in his press conference that he is moving to London. When asked why, he said... ...he has always wanted to live abroad.
- What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference? You probably won't get it.
- OK, before the press conference starts Get onto your broker and go big on Domestos, Cillit Bang, Lysol and Toilet Duck.
- What is the White House Press Conference that should be taking place when North Korea starting a nuclear war? Press Thebutton
Conference Call Jokes
Here is a list of funny conference call jokes and even better conference call puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a parent-teacher conference where the teacher is invisible? a transparent teacher conference.
- The Holy Family were unable to participate.... ...in the conference call.
There was no Zoom at the inn. - What do you call it when a homeschool parent talks to themselves? A parent-teacher conference.
- The Point of A Conference Call A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say bye 300 times.
- what do you call a meeting between the knights of the round table? a sir conference
- What do you call the National Conference for Bridgebuilders? RubiCon.
- Kids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls.
- My history teacher always makes this joke so I just wanted to share it. Government conferences shouldn't be called conferences. They should be called government man dates.
- What do you call urologist conference? Pee'r review
- What do you call a comedy show at the workplace? A conference call.
Conference Room Jokes
Here is a list of funny conference room jokes and even better conference room puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doctor's Discussion Two surgeons are conferring in the hospital corridor outside a patient's room...
"We found a large lump in his wallet but I think we got it all." - What room was Matt Cutts trying to find when he got lost at the SEO Conference? Room 404
- An Engineer, a Physicist, and a Mathemetician Share a Hotel Room for a Conference... She fainted.
- What were the Mexican crisps doing in the locked conference room? It's nacho business!
Work Conference Jokes
Here is a list of funny work conference jokes and even better work conference puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a famous astrobiologist at a conference and asked what in particular he was studying. He said: Nothing at the moment, but we're working on that.
- Request - sfw fireman joke I work service industry and there is a fireman union conference. The more dad joke the better
Parent Teacher Conference Jokes
Here is a list of funny parent teacher conference jokes and even better parent teacher conference puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Most rides to the voting stations are free today so that means Rides to most parent teacher conferences are free today too. Show up for your kid if your are going to show up to vote, Todd.
- A home school mom was seen talking to herself... She was having a parent-teacher conference
Uproarious Conference Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about conference you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tournament jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make conference pranks.
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!
Lawyers and Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
G.W.Bush - Dyslexic?
After many speech errors, mispronunciations, apparent Freudian slips, rumors began to swirl that President Bush may be dyslexic. At a press conference the following month, one journalist found the courage to ask "Mr. President, is there any truth the the current rumor that you are, in fact, dyslexic?" To which he emphatically replied, "ON!"
A football player is seriously ill
On a press conference the coach of a famous football team announces that their best player, George d**..., won't be playing in the next game. After the conference a reporter comes up to the coach and asks "Just wanted to check if you're okay with the headline... it'll be 'Team plays without d**...' "
"Nah, that doesn't sound good. Change it"
So when the coach checked the newspaper the next morning, the headline read "Team plays with d**... out!"
"Complete" or "Finished"?
**Here's your English lesson for the day!**
**"Complete" or "Finished"?**
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobin's response: When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...
"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."
So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"
How did the racism conference go?
It was all white.
At a medical conference
Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus f**... underwater!"
Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:
Macron: Is that why he was late?
Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !
Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...
George bush was attending a morning press conference...
Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"
"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.
A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"
There was this huge autism conference for physiologists.
Sadly it fell through due to communication problems.
A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy
Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"
The successful entrepreneur was constantly in demand for after-dinner speeches and could never find the time to prepare his own material.
His assistant always wrote the speech. It was at the annual conference that he was called upon to give encouragement to small businesses.
After the meal, the entrepreneur stood up to address the audience. "Ladies and gentleman. There are three main areas of tension in today's small businesses. The first is the problem of not paying competitive salaries ..."
He then turned to the next page and read out, "From now on, you unappreciative pig, you're on your own ..."
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...
and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked
"So, what do you do?"
He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"
Ah, I replied.....
Mice to Nietszche.
At the Hotel Bar...
A man was sitting at a hotel bar, when a group of men sat down next to him and ordered a round of drinks.
"You guys with a convention?"
"Yes, we're with the Gynecology conference"
"Really? I was this close" he holds up his finger and thumb about an inch apart "to becoming a Gynecologist."
"So what did you end up doing?"
"I'm a proctologist."
I've just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer's conference.
"Do you know who I am?" I shouted.
TIFU by gatecrashing an amputee conference...
It was just a bit of 'armless fun.
An international conference was being held..
In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.
The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".
African president asked, "What is food?".
Europe asked, "What is Short?".
USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".
North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".
A drunk man is pulled over by a policeman at 2am
The policeman asks, "hey there, may I ask where you're headed?"
"I'm off to a conference about the effects of alcohol. How it affects relationships, the economy, how it has an effect on my children."
"And who, may I ask is leading this conference at this hour?" Asks the policeman.
"My wife when I get home."
Why couldn't the old bike stay upright?
It was *two-tired.*
An oldy, but a goody, I hope you can *handle* it.
Changing *gears*, I *spoke* at a fancy unicycle conference and you know what's different there? *Attire.*
I'm just *pedaling* for upvotes.
A woman has to go to a conference in Italy, so her husband drives her.
"Thanks honey" she says, "what would you like me to bring you back?"
"Oh, um, an Italian girl!" The husband jokingly says.
"I'll see what I can do" the woman says as she walks into the airport waving goodbye.
3 days later the woman returns and her husband greets her at the airport.
"How was your trip? Did you remember to bring my gift?"
"What gift?"
"The Italian girl!"
"Oh, we'll have to wait 9 months to see if it's a boy or girl"
A man is at a business conference, and he's looking for something to drink that's non-alcoholic. He asks the waiter where the line is for punch. The waiter points at a sign that reads...
[Punchline]
A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.
His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"
And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."
The Sun Mission
Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
Did you hear about the bank conference where no one turned up?
Apparently there was 0 interest.
A group of linguists at the key note of a conference
They started chanting "Speech! Speech! Speech! ..."
Instead of "guys", use "comrades" in your talks at conferences.
It's a good way to get the audience. And maybe automatic recording.
One day Donald Trump's n**... will leak...
And he'll do a press conference where he will announce: FAKE NUUUUDES
The first rule about Thesaurus club is
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
I was going to go to the Psychics Conference.
But it was closed due to unforeseen circumstances.
A t**... struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...
"Abominable. Simply abominable."
A woman came into the police station sobbing. "A ghost has taken control of my husband" she cried.
The officer took her statement and conferred with his partner. He turned back to the woman and said confidently, "Dont worry about it, we deal with this kind of thing all the time, possession is 9/10ths of the law."
A man and a woman were...
A man and a woman were having drinks at a business conference when they got into an argument about who enjoyed s**... more. The man said, Men obviously enjoy s**... more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid? That doesn't prove anything, the woman countered. Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?
Where do Peeping Toms with foot fetishes hold their annual conference?
Topeka, KS
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
The Flat Earth Society held it's annual conference in Antarctica this year...
... but attendance fell off.
A young man joined a company, and was invited to a conference with the boss.
At the conference, he noticed his boss always got somebody else to get a drink and bring it to him. The young man asked his boss' secretary what was up with that, she answered cheerfully "you've gotta hand it to him. He hates the punchline"
A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference.
Needless to say he killed.
I was watching the ted bundy tapes on Netflix
When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.
It was the world's first Ted Talk.
Electromagnetism conference
I used my friend Michael's identity to enter an electromagnetism conference.
I was Michael for a day.
PS: my first oc joke, please be kind.
More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.
When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.
The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "
A couple members of the audience raised their hands. "Ok, thank you. You may put your hands down; I needed to check the accuracy of my CT scans."
What do you say when you're in a video conference, and say something completely irrelevant?
Oh sorry: I was on moot.
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...
Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?
At a conference a s**... therapist was discussing his book s**... in a Marriage
The therapist asked the audience how many couples have s**... daily about 20% of the audience raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... weekly about 30% raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... monthly the remaining audience raised their hands
Finally he asked how many have s**... yearly o**... in the back stood up smiling his hand stood
the therapist asked why are you so happy if you only have s**... one time a year ?
the guy answered because today's the day
An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.
He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from Latin he says, "Adducere me ad Marriott deversorium"
The cab driver nods and puts the car in gear. As he into traffic he says, "Wow, you sure haven't been to Rome for a long time."
"Why is it important for engineers and architects to get along?"
I was asked this by an engineer I was driving to a conference center from the airport.
"I don't know, why?"
"Well, you see, if all the buildings in the World were built only by architects, they would all collapse under their own weight."
This elicited some chuckles from his colleagues sitting in the back of the van.
"...but, if all the buildings were built only by engineers, they would be so d**... ugly that we would tear them all down., and that is why it's important for engineers and architects to get along."
