Conference Jokes

Following is our collection of expo puns and lecture one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Conference jokes for adults, dirty session jokes and clean delegate dad gags for kids.

The Best Conference Puns

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?

He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!

When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?

Very good, she replies.

And what happened to my present?

Which present? she asks.

The one I asked for - an Italian girl!

Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.

Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:

Macron: Is that why he was late?

Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !

Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...

Trump in a conference

A reporter asked Trump, "What does the J stands for in Donald J Trump?"

Trump replied, "The J stands for Genius."

What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference?

One is The Taming of the Shrew.

The other is the shaming of the true.


An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "What is Short?".

USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".

North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".

I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference....

And boy or girl are my arms tired

A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.

His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"

And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."

After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.

I said, "Don't jump."

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! What denomination?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."

I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.

--Emo Philips


A woman has to go to a conference in Italy, so her husband drives her.

"Thanks honey" she says, "what would you like me to bring you back?"

"Oh, um, an Italian girl!" The husband jokingly says.

"I'll see what I can do" the woman says as she walks into the airport waving goodbye.


3 days later the woman returns and her husband greets her at the airport.

"How was your trip? Did you remember to bring my gift?"

"What gift?"

"The Italian girl!"

"Oh, we'll have to wait 9 months to see if it's a boy or girl"

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender

Greg " that's not it ,chief "

And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand

" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .

Lawyers and Engineers

Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.

So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.

The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.

So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"

The Sun Mission

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !

Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"

Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and crash into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...

"Oh the Humanities!"

Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference

Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.

Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest.

It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.

A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy

Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"


At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus fart underwater!"

At a conference a sex therapist was discussing his book Sex in a Marriage

The therapist asked the audience how many couples have sex daily about 20% of the audience raised their hands

then he asked how many couples have sex weekly about 30% raised their hands

then he asked how many couples have sex monthly the remaining audience raised their hands

Finally he asked how many have sex yearly one guy in the back stood up smiling his hand stood
the therapist asked why are you so happy if you only have sex one time a year ?
the guy answered because today's the day

I went to a premature ejaculators conference, no one was there....I came too early.

Didn't know what to wear so I just came in my pants.

Why kind of plates did they use in the food court at the EA conference?

Pay-per plates

Me: This show is boring...

Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference!

A terrorist struck a local farm, setting off explosives inside the farmer's prized steer, blowing it to smithereens, but apparently committing no other mischief. The crime scene investigator had these words at the press conference...

"Abominable. Simply abominable."

So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...

and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked

"So, what do you do?"

He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"

Ah, I replied.....


Mice to Nietszche.

During today's press conference, someone asked the mayor of Houston about his opinion on Roe vs Wade.

He said "Honestly, I don't care how people get back to their houses."

In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically.

I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.


It was the world's first Ted Talk.

More than half of $2.6bn (Β£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

A drunk man is pulled over by a policeman at 2am

The policeman asks, "hey there, may I ask where you're headed?"

"I'm off to a conference about the effects of alcohol. How it affects relationships, the economy, how it has an effect on my children."

"And who, may I ask is leading this conference at this hour?" Asks the policeman.

"My wife when I get home."

One day Donald Trump's nudes will leak...

And he'll do a press conference where he will announce: FAKE NUUUUDES

I was going to go to the Psychics Conference.

But it was closed due to unforeseen circumstances.

What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?

A Sir conference.

At the Hotel Bar...

A man was sitting at a hotel bar, when a group of men sat down next to him and ordered a round of drinks.


"You guys with a convention?"


"Yes, we're with the Gynecology conference"


"Really? I was this close" he holds up his finger and thumb about an inch apart "to becoming a Gynecologist."


"So what did you end up doing?"


"I'm a proctologist."

How many doctors does it take to treat Trump for Covid-19?

11.

One to actually treat the President, and 10 more to hold a press conference about it.

Electromagnetism conference

I used my friend Michael's identity to enter an electromagnetism conference.

I was Michael for a day.



PS: my first oc joke, please be kind.

The keynote speaker for the medical conference walked up to the stage. "Before I begin," he started, "is there anyone in the audience from Connecticut? "

A couple members of the audience raised their hands. "Ok, thank you. You may put your hands down; I needed to check the accuracy of my CT scans."

A comic with the measles did a set at an anti-vaxxers conference.

Needless to say he killed.

Did you hear about the bank conference where no one turned up?

Apparently there was 0 interest.

Why couldn't the old bike stay upright?

It was *two-tired.*

An oldy, but a goody, I hope you can *handle* it.

Changing *gears*, I *spoke* at a fancy unicycle conference and you know what's different there? *Attire.*

I'm just *pedaling* for upvotes.

Today I had a three way with two women

It was quite the conference call.

So I went to an abstinence conference the other day...

All we did was wait

George bush was attending a morning press conference...

Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"

"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.

A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"

The Flat Earth Society held it's annual conference in Antarctica this year...

... but attendance fell off.

A man and a woman were...

A man and a woman were having drinks at a business conference when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid? That doesn't prove anything, the woman countered. Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?

I went to the annual stargazing conference yesterday....

...the turnout was astronomical.

I've just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer's conference.

"Do you know who I am?" I shouted.

The Point of A Conference Call

A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say bye 300 times.

A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...

"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."

So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"

Seminar topic at the annual vampire conference

"How to Deal with Stakeholders"

What do you say when you're in a video conference, and say something completely irrelevant?



Oh sorry: I was on moot.

I saw a famous astrobiologist at a conference and asked what in particular he was studying.

He said: Nothing at the moment, but we're working on that.

A young man joined a company, and was invited to a conference with the boss.

At the conference, he noticed his boss always got somebody else to get a drink and bring it to him. The young man asked his boss' secretary what was up with that, she answered cheerfully "you've gotta hand it to him. He hates the punchline"

What do you call it when a homeschool parent talks to themselves?

A parent-teacher conference.

There is an abundance of agendas jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes and conference puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any discuss witze you can hear about conference.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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