Conductive Jokes
99 conductive jokes and hilarious conductive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about conductive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Conductive Short Jokes
Short conductive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The conductive humour may include short jokes also.
- My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
- We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
- A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
- You child is playing with wires and is getting electrocuted, what can you do? Ground him until he can conduct himself properly.
First word in title should be "your" - A study conducted on representation of persons with disabilities found that blind people were 100% less likely to see themselves represented in the media
- Why can't you take electricity to social events? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
- A recently conducted study reveals... Birthdays are good for health
people with more birthdays were found to have lived longer - Some historians were convinced that Jesus's birth place didn't exist After extensive research they conducted that it Israel
- Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age... Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...
- It's easier to conduct undercover crime investigations on Reddit or Twitter. You don't get followed easily.
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Conductive One Liners
Which conductive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with conductive? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting.
- Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
- why can't coffee conduct electricity? because it is grounded
- So my kid was eating electric cables So I had to ground him until he conducts better
- How does Ohm conduct an orchestra? Standing on his head!
- Why did the electrician get killed in a debate? He used conductive reasoning.
- Lighting strikes an orchestra who gets hit first? The conducter
.... I'll see myself out - Why did Mozart run to the bathroom? To conduct his next movement.
- Buzzfeed Top 10 least conductive items! Number 6 won't shock you
- Where did fraudulent stone age people conduct business? The concave.
- What do you call it when a cow breaks the law? Dis'udder'ly conduct
- Once, my mom caught me conducting lightning... ...so she grounded me.
- Broke up with my girlfriend because she stopped conducting electricity. She is Ex-Static.
- Did you know that Bob Ross secretly conducted bank heists? He was the Rob Boss.
- I just conducted a survey. I asked 68 men and 2 women what their views were on equality.
Conductive Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about conductive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make conductive pranks.
Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
I've been conducting a survey on the general public's thoughts on blenders.
So far it has had mixed reactions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)
A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small p**....
The other 50% are women.
A new test was conducted to study how fat Americans are getting; the test results are as follows:
60% are deemed overweight
30% are deemed morbidly obese
10% ate the test
A study was just conducted to see what the #1 fear in humans is
The results came back, and it's cats. But something seems a little off. They've only done testing on mice so far
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ninety-sixing is how dyslexic people perform the s**... position where both partners are conducting o**... s**... on each other at the same time.
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?
"Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"
From the Hospital...
Husband: Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been conducting examinations and tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot.
Wife: Who is Tina?
When Yoshi gets sick from eating too many goombas, what procedure should Dr. Mario conduct?
A Nintendoscopy!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the scientist who was conducting s**... experiments on dogs say to his partner?
"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."
What movement does a conductor conduct after eating too many burritos?
Tacobell's Cannon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new study has shown that women who get more sleep have better s**....
Unfortunately, the study was conducted by Bill Cosby
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Gamers
A recent survey conducted asked about a thousand 13-year old gamers what they had done last week.
92% said "your mum"
I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children
Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay.
A blind judge conducted a trial..
And even after no one managed to provide a substantial incriminating evidence he still condemned the defendant.
he couldn't see the truth.
A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people
skip his name
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... and Pol p**... were considered two of the worst dictators in the world...
But at least they managed to conduct large amount of medical research without harming animals.
Why don't hipsters bother with electrical conductivity in Periodicity?
Because it's the current trend
Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.
"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."
"Bring it on."
"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"
"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"
"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"
"How many is a Brazilian?"
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman -
"Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book !!
According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...
Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)
A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using h**... as a feed source for cattle.
The steaks have never been higher.
Did you hear about the thermal conductivity of Skywalker's new prosthetic?
They call him Cool Hand Luke now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear that Snow White got arrested?
She was charged with unlawful s**... conduct with a miner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A basic chick was conducting a statistical analysis and believed she'd found a correlation.
Turns out it was just confirmation bi-YAAASSSSSS.
A group of scientists conducted experiments on earthquakes
The results were ground breaking
Did you hear about the military drum major who was dishonorably discharged?
It was for conduct unbecoming.
What do you call a violin player who's killed by an electric chair?
Conducted.
A Worldwide Survey Was Conducted by the UN...
A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear.
It was an interesting case study.
A man takes his goldfish to the vet
A man takes his pet goldfish to the vet and says "I think my goldfish has Epilepsy".
The vet conducts a thorough examination of the goldfish. Then he says to the man "I can't find anything wrong with this goldfish. I don't think it has Epilepsy."
To which the man replies "well you haven't even taken him out of the bowl yet."
My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician
He never conducted himself positively at work
What cheese conducts tours?
Falloumi
My nephew is conducting a study of the effectiveness of hand soap in health care settings.
He goes to the hospital twice a week for Dialalysis.
Never book an orchestra for a wedding
They don't know how to conduct themselves
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is conducting an exorcism, yelling, "The power of Christ compels you!"
The d**... sighs and says to him, "Sorry, I'm Jewish."
All the anti gravity experiments I conducted gave my son terminal cancer
It was incredibly hard to put him down.
I've just been stopped in the street by a lady conducting a survey.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs.......I said "very little."
My friend told me that he was sent to a therapy group for procrastinators.
They haven't conducted the first session yet.
We need to conduct a properly controlled trial
In which one group is injected with Dettol and another is injected with Cillit Bang and lysol.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Contradicting Coronavirus advice!
First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and n**..., leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They have a lot in common
Both were loved by n**...
Both feared Americans
Both conducted regular bunker inspections
I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years.
Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.
May they all rest in peace.
The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.
A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.
"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,
"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.
"What did you find?"
"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."
There was a kingdom at the sky conducted by the random caste system.
At the age of 18 everyone gets a random cloud between 1 and 10. 1 is the best. Two friends join to the draw and result arrives. The first one gets the cloud number 5 and rejoices for it. He sees his friend extremely happy and asks "What happened? Did you get the cloud 1?"
"No" he says. "I'm on cloud 9."
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
I had a job interview yesterday...
The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me
"It says here you're a man of mystery"
"That's correct" I replied
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"No"
A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins
He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins
The clerk responds We don't have any dolphins, but would a whale work?
The scientist responds No thank you, that defeats the porpoise
A Lady was conducting her Anti-Drinking campaign outside a bar......
A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes.
The Lady asked him :"Tell me. If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor, do you think the Lord will let you in?"
"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind."
A concerned parent calls their child's pediatrician and says, Recently my child has started eating power cords. What should I do?
Without missing a beat the doctor responds, depending on the current situation at home you need to ground him until he can conduct himself appropriately!
My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him
Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room.
He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out.
Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance.
Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.
He can be a real live wire sometimes.
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son has been eating electrical cords. What do I do?
Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
As leader of the USSR, Gorbachev was allowed to conduct weddings
He liked to keep them brief:
Gorbachev: You want to marry her?
Groom: Da
Gorbachev: You want to marry him ?
Bride: Da
Gorbachev: Then so be it.
He was a master of the So-be-it union
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;
in India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;
in Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;
in China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;
in the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;
in South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.