Conducted Jokes
58 conducted jokes and hilarious conducted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about conducted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Conducted Short Jokes
Short conducted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The conducted humour may include short conducting jokes also.
- My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
- My son was chewing on electrical cords so i had to ground him.. He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly
- I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable. So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly - We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
- What do you do when your son has started eating electrical cords? You ground him until he conducts himself properly.
- A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
- My son has been eating electrical cords. What do I do? Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
- My son was chewing electrical wires everyday. So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
- i caught my son chewing on electrical cords. so i had to ground him. he's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
- My son was chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. Made sure he was conducting himself properly.
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Conducted One Liners
Which conducted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with conducted? I can suggest the ones about concluded and operated.
- My son was eating electrical cords So I grounded him till he conducted himself properly
- What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting.
- Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
- why can't coffee conduct electricity? because it is grounded
- So my kid was eating electric cables So I had to ground him until he conducts better
- How does Ohm conduct an orchestra? Standing on his head!
- Why did the electrician get killed in a debate? He used conductive reasoning.
- Lighting strikes an orchestra who gets hit first? The conducter
.... I'll see myself out - Why did Mozart run to the bathroom? To conduct his next movement.
- Buzzfeed Top 10 least conductive items! Number 6 won't shock you
- Where did fraudulent stone age people conduct business? The concave.
- What do you call it when a cow breaks the law? Dis'udder'ly conduct
- Once, my mom caught me conducting lightning... ...so she grounded me.
- Broke up with my girlfriend because she stopped conducting electricity. She is Ex-Static.
- Did you know that Bob Ross secretly conducted bank heists? He was the Rob Boss.
Study Conducted Jokes
Here is a list of funny study conducted jokes and even better study conducted puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A study conducted on representation of persons with disabilities found that blind people were 100% less likely to see themselves represented in the media
- A recently conducted study reveals... Birthdays are good for health
people with more birthdays were found to have lived longer - A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people skip his name
- A study was just conducted to see what the #1 fear in humans is The results came back, and it's cats. But something seems a little off. They've only done testing on mice so far
- A new test was conducted to study how fat Americans are getting; the test results are as follows: 60% are deemed overweight
30% are deemed morbidly obese
10% ate the test
- A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear. It was an interesting case study.
- My nephew is conducting a study of the effectiveness of hand soap in health care settings. He goes to the hospital twice a week for Dialalysis.
- A new study has shown that women who get more sleep have better s**.... Unfortunately, the study was conducted by Bill Cosby
- New study shows women who sleep more have better s**... in average. Unfortunately the study was conducted by Bill Cosby, so the results may be a bit skewed.
Comical & Quirky Conducted Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about conducted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean proceeded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make conducted pranks.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
As leader of the USSR, Gorbachev was allowed to conduct weddings
He liked to keep them brief:
Gorbachev: You want to marry her?
Groom: Da
Gorbachev: You want to marry him ?
Bride: Da
Gorbachev: Then so be it.
He was a master of the So-be-it union
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;
in India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;
in Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;
in China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;
in the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;
in South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
What did the scientist who was conducting s**... experiments on dogs say to his partner?
"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)
A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small p**....
The other 50% are women.
A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using h**... as a feed source for cattle.
The steaks have never been higher.
I caught my daughter chewing on our neighbour's electrical cable...
Thankfully, they didn't press charges
But, I had to ground her and keep her at ohm
She's doing better currently
And conducting herself properly
But she's still on a short fuse, as there seems to be some confission as to what she did wrong.
Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.
"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."
"Bring it on."
"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"
"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"
"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"
"How many is a Brazilian?"
You child is playing with wires and is getting electrocuted, what can you do?
Ground him until he can conduct himself properly.
First word in title should be "your"
My son has been eating electrical cords but I found a solution
I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
Scientists have conducted blood tests on a frog to extract DNA and confirm its identity.
They have discovered that the frog was:-
30% Russian
30% French
20% Italian
10% Spanish
5% British
4% Dutch
And a tad Pole...!
Why can't you take electricity to social events?
Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump
After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.
Some historians were convinced that Jesus's birth place didn't exist
After extensive research they conducted that it Israel
