Conductance Jokes
127 conductance jokes and hilarious conductance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about conductance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Conductance Short Jokes
Short conductance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The conductance humour may include short jokes also.
- My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
- My son was chewing on electrical cords so i had to ground him.. He is doing better currently and conducting himself properly
- I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable. So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly - We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
- What do you do when your son has started eating electrical cords? You ground him until he conducts himself properly.
- A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
- My son has been eating electrical cords. What do I do? Ground him until he conducts himself properly.
- My son was chewing electrical wires everyday. So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
- i caught my son chewing on electrical cords. so i had to ground him. he's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
- My son was chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. Made sure he was conducting himself properly.
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Conductance One Liners
Which conductance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with conductance? I can suggest the ones about and .
- My son was eating electrical cords So I grounded him till he conducted himself properly
- What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting.
- Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
- why can't coffee conduct electricity? because it is grounded
- So my kid was eating electric cables So I had to ground him until he conducts better
- How does Ohm conduct an orchestra? Standing on his head!
- Why did the electrician get killed in a debate? He used conductive reasoning.
- Lighting strikes an orchestra who gets hit first? The conducter
.... I'll see myself out - Why did Mozart run to the bathroom? To conduct his next movement.
- Buzzfeed Top 10 least conductive items! Number 6 won't shock you
- Where did fraudulent stone age people conduct business? The concave.
- What do you call it when a cow breaks the law? Dis'udder'ly conduct
- Once, my mom caught me conducting lightning... ...so she grounded me.
- Broke up with my girlfriend because she stopped conducting electricity. She is Ex-Static.
- Did you know that Bob Ross secretly conducted bank heists? He was the Rob Boss.
Conductance Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about conductance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make conductance pranks.
Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.
Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.
Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
I've been conducting a survey on the general public's thoughts on blenders.
So far it has had mixed reactions.
A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)
A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small p**....
The other 50% are women.
You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.
They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.
It was a herd shot round the world.
A new test was conducted to study how fat Americans are getting; the test results are as follows:
60% are deemed overweight
30% are deemed morbidly obese
10% ate the test
A study was just conducted to see what the #1 fear in humans is
The results came back, and it's cats. But something seems a little off. They've only done testing on mice so far
Inspection
While conducting a routine inspection, the colonel arrived at the mess hall door where he met 2 KPs with a large soup kettle.
"Let me taste that," the colonel snapped. One of the men fetched a big spoon and handed it respectfully to the CO, who plunged the ladle into the p**... and took a large mouth-full of the steaming liquid, smacking his lips critically.
Then he let out a roar that could be heard back at headquarters. "Do you call that soup?" He bellowed.
"No, sir," explained one of the KPs. "Its dishwater we were just throwing out"
Ninety-sixing is how dyslexic people perform the s**... position where both partners are conducting o**... s**... on each other at the same time.
A recently conducted study reveals...
Birthdays are good for health
people with more birthdays were found to have lived longer
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
Woman beats BF who f**... in her face then she was arrested for assault.
she was arrested for
disodorly conduct....
What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?
"Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"
From the Hospital...
Husband: Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been conducting examinations and tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot.
Wife: Who is Tina?
When Yoshi gets sick from eating too many goombas, what procedure should Dr. Mario conduct?
A Nintendoscopy!
What did the scientist who was conducting s**... experiments on dogs say to his partner?
"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."
What movement does a conductor conduct after eating too many burritos?
Tacobell's Cannon.
A new study has shown that women who get more sleep have better s**....
Unfortunately, the study was conducted by Bill Cosby
New study shows women who sleep more have better s**... in average.
Unfortunately the study was conducted by Bill Cosby, so the results may be a bit skewed.
r**... Gamers
A recent survey conducted asked about a thousand 13-year old gamers what they had done last week.
92% said "your mum"
I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children
Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay.
A blind judge conducted a trial..
And even after no one managed to provide a substantial incriminating evidence he still condemned the defendant.
he couldn't see the truth.
I went to the doctor today...
I went to the doctor today and after speaking to me for a few minutes he told me I would have to stop m**.... I asked him why and he said "because I'm trying to conduct an examination and it's distracting"
A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people
skip his name
I just conducted a survey.
I asked 68 men and 2 women what their views were on equality.
h**... and Pol p**... were considered two of the worst dictators in the world...
But at least they managed to conduct large amount of medical research without harming animals.
Why don't hipsters bother with electrical conductivity in Periodicity?
Because it's the current trend
Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.
"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."
"Bring it on."
"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"
"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"
"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"
"How many is a Brazilian?"
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman -
"Which book has helped you most in your life?"
The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book !!
According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...
Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)
A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using h**... as a feed source for cattle.
The steaks have never been higher.
Did you hear about the thermal conductivity of Skywalker's new prosthetic?
They call him Cool Hand Luke now.
Did you hear that Snow White got arrested?
She was charged with unlawful s**... conduct with a miner.
A basic chick was conducting a statistical analysis and believed she'd found a correlation.
Turns out it was just confirmation bi-YAAASSSSSS.
A group of scientists conducted experiments on earthquakes
The results were ground breaking
Did you hear about the military drum major who was dishonorably discharged?
It was for conduct unbecoming.
What do you call a violin player who's killed by an electric chair?
Conducted.
Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age...
Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...
A Worldwide Survey Was Conducted by the UN...
A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear.
It was an interesting case study.
In a survey conducted in a land far far away it was found that....
6 our of 7 Dwarves are not happy
I heard the white supremacists are investigating the FBI
It's being conducted by Robert Muellet.
A man takes his goldfish to the vet
A man takes his pet goldfish to the vet and says "I think my goldfish has Epilepsy".
The vet conducts a thorough examination of the goldfish. Then he says to the man "I can't find anything wrong with this goldfish. I don't think it has Epilepsy."
To which the man replies "well you haven't even taken him out of the bowl yet."
My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician
He never conducted himself positively at work
The US postal service releases a stamp of Donald Trump
After sometime, reports start to come in that the stamp was not sticking. Infuriated that his own stamps were not working, Trump conducted a $1,300,000 investigation to find out what happened. After eliminating all of the possibilities, they observe the post office to see if the fault was on the consumers end. They soon found out that people were spitting on the wrong side.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...
The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
*I found this joke again while browsing and deleting my old facebook notes. This was from 2007.*
What cheese conducts tours?
Falloumi
A group of scientists conducted an interesting experiment on frogs.
They wanted to see how cutting off the legs of frogs would affect them.
In one of the experiments, a scientist told the frog to jump. It didn't.
The scientists concluded that cutting off the legs of frogs would make them deaf.
My nephew is conducting a study of the effectiveness of hand soap in health care settings.
He goes to the hospital twice a week for Dialalysis.
Never book an orchestra for a wedding
They don't know how to conduct themselves
A priest is conducting an exorcism, yelling, "The power of Christ compels you!"
The d**... sighs and says to him, "Sorry, I'm Jewish."
All the anti gravity experiments I conducted gave my son terminal cancer
It was incredibly hard to put him down.
Beethoven is about to conduct an orchestra...
Beethoven: Are you ready, kids?
Crowd: Aye, Aye, Captain!
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
What would you call it if a duck conducts a kidnapping?
Ab-duck-tion
I've just been stopped in the street by a lady conducting a survey.
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs.......I said "very little."
A U.S. warship is conducting war exercises off the coast of N. Korea
The captain accidentally launches a live cruise missile at N. Korea. The missile strikes Pyongyang and kills Kim Jong Un. The captain goes on trial and is found guilty. President Trump attends the sentencing hearing due to its importance. The captain begs Trump for a pardon explaining that he killed one of out countries greatest adversaries and it was by accident.
Trump walks up to him and whispers in his ear, "No pardon. He was my friend."
My friend told me that he was sent to a therapy group for procrastinators.
They haven't conducted the first session yet.
We need to conduct a properly controlled trial
In which one group is injected with Dettol and another is injected with Cillit Bang and lysol.
Contradicting Coronavirus advice!
First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus... now research suggests the opposite. Then we're told heat and humidity has no effect, but wait... direct sunlight might quickly kill the virus. So, if you come across some elderly bloke, standing in the yard, intoxicated and n**..., leave me alone... I'm conducting important medical research.
They have a lot in common
Both were loved by n**...
Both feared Americans
Both conducted regular bunker inspections
I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years.
Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.
May they all rest in peace.
The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.
A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.
"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,
"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.
"What did you find?"
"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."
There was a kingdom at the sky conducted by the random caste system.
At the age of 18 everyone gets a random cloud between 1 and 10. 1 is the best. Two friends join to the draw and result arrives. The first one gets the cloud number 5 and rejoices for it. He sees his friend extremely happy and asks "What happened? Did you get the cloud 1?"
"No" he says. "I'm on cloud 9."
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
I had a job interview yesterday...
The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me
"It says here you're a man of mystery"
"That's correct" I replied
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"No"