The Best 37 Conduct Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Conduct jokes. There are some conduct demeanor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these conduct engage puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Conduct Jokes and Puns
I've been conducting a survey on the general public's thoughts on blenders.
So far it has had mixed reactions.
A conductor kissed a girl on the bus
He was arrested and the police gave him electric shocks but it had no effect.
Because he was a bad conductor.
Sorry guys.
why can't coffee conduct electricity?
because it is grounded
Woman beats BF who farted in her face then she was arrested for assault.
she was arrested for
disodorly conduct....
What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?
"Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"
What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?
Go Bach and get a Handel on it!
When Yoshi gets sick from eating too many goombas, what procedure should Dr. Mario conduct?
A Nintendoscopy!
What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?
He was forced to resort to excessive violins.
What movement does a conductor conduct after eating too many burritos?
Tacobell's Cannon.
The conductor forgot the the aria again...
he forgot his to-do Liszt.
I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children
Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay.
You can explore conduct perform reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean conduct unethical dad jokes. There are also conduct puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I went to the doctor today...
I went to the doctor today and after speaking to me for a few minutes he told me I would have to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he said "because I'm trying to conduct an examination and it's distracting"
A Conductor ...
What do you call a part time conductor ??
.
.
.
a *semiconductor*
I just conducted a survey.
I asked 68 men and 2 women what their views were on equality.
What does it take to be a conductor?
Extensive Training
Hitler and Pol Pot were considered two of the worst dictators in the world...
But at least they managed to conduct large amount of medical research without harming animals.
How does Ohm conduct an orchestra?
Standing on his head!
What do you call it when a cow breaks the law?
Dis'udder'ly conduct
A conductor asked me if I could help him drive a train...
I said, "yeah of course, how hard could it be?" Then I saw how complicated the control panel was. It was then that I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could choo.
Where did fraudulent stone age people conduct business?
The concave.
Did you hear that Snow White got arrested?
She was charged with unlawful sexual conduct with a miner.
Did you hear about the military drum major who was dishonorably discharged?
It was for conduct unbecoming.
We conducted an online survey....
...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age...
Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...
What does the conductor say on the train heading to the mosque?
Allah-board
Why wouldn't the conductor let electron onto the train?
He was a bad conductor.
How do you become a better conductor
Through training
Never book an orchestra for a wedding
They don't know how to conduct themselves
Beethoven is about to conduct an orchestra...
Beethoven: Are you ready, kids?
Crowd: Aye, Aye, Captain!
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Why did the conductor make a terrible train pun?
Because he couldnt resist
Why did Mozart run to the bathroom?
To conduct his next movement.
I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years.
Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.
May they all rest in peace.
The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.
A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.
"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,
"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.
"What did you find?"
"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."
A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins
He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins
The clerk responds We don't have any dolphins, but would a whale work?
The scientist responds No thank you, that defeats the porpoise
Why does lightning shock people?
Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why can't you take electricity to social events?
Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
A concerned parent calls their child's pediatrician and says, Recently my child has started eating power cords. What should I do?
Without missing a beat the doctor responds, depending on the current situation at home you need to ground him until he can conduct himself appropriately!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the conduct behave jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working conduct study piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.