Conduct Jokes

Following is our collection of perform puns and demeanor one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Conduct jokes for adults, dirty unethical jokes and clean engage dad gags for kids.

The Best Conduct Puns

We conducted an online survey....

...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

A conductor asked me if I could help him drive a train...

I said, "yeah of course, how hard could it be?" Then I saw how complicated the control panel was. It was then that I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could choo.

why can't coffee conduct electricity?

because it is grounded

I went to the doctor today...

I went to the doctor today and after speaking to me for a few minutes he told me I would have to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he said "because I'm trying to conduct an examination and it's distracting"


Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age...

Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...

How does Ohm conduct an orchestra?

Standing on his head!

A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins

He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins

The clerk responds We don't have any dolphins, but would a whale work?

The scientist responds No thank you, that defeats the porpoise

The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.

A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.

"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,

"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.

"What did you find?"

"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."

Why did Mozart run to the bathroom?

To conduct his next movement.

A conductor kissed a girl on the bus

He was arrested and the police gave him electric shocks but it had no effect.
Because he was a bad conductor.

Sorry guys.


What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

"Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"

A Conductor ...

What do you call a part time conductor ??

.
.
.

a *semiconductor*

Did you hear about the military drum major who was dishonorably discharged?

It was for conduct unbecoming.

Where did fraudulent stone age people conduct business?

The concave.

What do you call it when a cow breaks the law?

Dis'udder'ly conduct

I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children

Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay.

I've been conducting a survey on the general public's thoughts on blenders.

So far it has had mixed reactions.

Did you hear that Snow White got arrested?

She was charged with unlawful sexual conduct with a miner.


I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years.

Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.

May they all rest in peace.

Why did the conductor make a terrible train pun?

Because he couldnt resist

What does it take to be a conductor?

Extensive Training

I just conducted a survey.

I asked 68 men and 2 women what their views were on equality.

When Yoshi gets sick from eating too many goombas, what procedure should Dr. Mario conduct?

A Nintendoscopy!

What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?

Go Bach and get a Handel on it!

Beethoven is about to conduct an orchestra...

Beethoven: Are you ready, kids?

Crowd: Aye, Aye, Captain!

Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Never book an orchestra for a wedding

They don't know how to conduct themselves

How do you become a better conductor

Through training

Why wouldn't the conductor let electron onto the train?

He was a bad conductor.

What does the conductor say on the train heading to the mosque?

Allah-board

Hitler and Pol Pot were considered two of the worst dictators in the world...

But at least they managed to conduct large amount of medical research without harming animals.

The conductor forgot the the aria again...

he forgot his to-do Liszt.

What movement does a conductor conduct after eating too many burritos?

Tacobell's Cannon.

Woman beats BF who farted in her face then she was arrested for assault.

she was arrested for

disodorly conduct....

There is an abundance of behave jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes and conduct puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any study witze you can hear about conduct.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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