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Condolences Jokes

17 condolences jokes and hilarious condolences puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about condolences that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Condolences Short Jokes

Short condolences jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The condolences humour may include short apologies jokes also.

  1. I don't really follow the Royals but... My sincere condolences to those who died in the car accident next month.
  2. There are two kinds of people: those who know the meaning of the word 'inflammable', and I would like to offer my condolences to the grieving families of the second group.
  3. On 9/11, one of the worst things in American history occured... Condolences from the UK on Trump winning the election.
  4. My GF was brutal when we moved. Told me anything not used in the past 6 months had to go... I just looked down and gave my condolences
  5. How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Republicans don't change light bulbs. They hide the ladders, blame the Democrats for the dark, and send their condol
  6. What kind of condolence package do you send to the family of a deceased soul singer? A wreath of franklins
  7. What's the difference between the US and China? When you give birth to a girl in the US people say congratulations, but when you give birth to a girl in China they give their condolences.
  8. In f**... of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".

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Condolences One Liners

Which condolences one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with condolences? I can suggest the ones about thoughts and prayers and saddened.

  1. Hey Jim, I ran into your grandma while out shopping. My condolences.
  2. The unique thing about trash? Trash can!!!
    I offer my deepest condolences......

Condolences joke, The unique thing about trash?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about condolences can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of condolences puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Share Hilarious Condolences Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about condolences you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean regret jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make condolences prank.

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff. Remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"

A man attends his wife's f**....

His wife had been hit by a car. Incredibly, the car screeched around the block and struck her once more before speeding off, never to be found.
The man was accepting condolences after the service. An old friend said to him, "I know you'll miss her."
"*Miss* her?" the man replied. "I got her pretty good the first two times!"

I was at the football game the other day...

It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me
I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.
"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.
I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.
"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.
The man replied, "Oh, he's at the f**...!".

3 Irish brothers always get a pint together after work

2 of them moved away, and the 1 brother who stayed would order 3 pints so it would feel like any other night at the pub with his brothers
One day he orders 2 pints, the pub falls silent and the barkeep says they are on the house and offers his condolences. The barkeep then asks which brother had died and the guy says his brothers are both healthy. "But you only ordered 2 pints" to which he replied "oh, I quit drinking"

A mother finds out she has cancer

A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.
"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.
The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.
At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."
Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.
"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"
Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"

A priest is offering his condolences to a recently widowed man at his wife's f**......

Priest :"I'm very sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do for you?"
Widower: "Can you give me the WiFi password for this place?"
Priest: "You realise we're about to bury your wife?"
Widower: "is that all lower case?"

Company Picnic Softball Tournament

At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of this year's softball tournament, we finished in second place overall, having lost only one game the entire season. We would also like to take this opportunity to offer our condolences to the Ad Dept.'s team for finishing next to last, having won only one game during the entire year.

Putin and Medvedeev talking

- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane c**... in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!

A soldier walks into a bar.

A man in the bar strikes up a conversation with the soldier.
"So sorry if I'm being rude, but how'd you lose your leg?"
"e**... in the war. I miss my friends too much here and I want to go back. They won't let me with my injuries though."
"They still stationed in Afghanistan?"
"No, they're dead"
"My condolences. Have a beer on me."
"That's very kind of you sir but I'm not old enough to drink"

So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush

Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure that we had nothing in connection with that..
Bush - "What buildings? What people?"
Musharraf - "Oh, what time is it in America now?"
Bush - "It's eight in the morning."
Musharraf - "Oops... Will call back in an hour."

Condolences joke, So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these condolences jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.