Condolences Jokes

Following is our collection of grief puns and sincerest one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Condolences jokes for adults, dirty eulogies jokes and clean pity dad gags for kids.

The Best Condolences Puns

A man attends his wife's funeral.

His wife had been hit by a car. Incredibly, the car screeched around the block and struck her once more before speeding off, never to be found.

The man was accepting condolences after the service. An old friend said to him, "I know you'll miss her."

"*Miss* her?" the man replied. "I got her pretty good the first two times!"

3 Irish brothers always get a pint together after work

2 of them moved away, and the 1 brother who stayed would order 3 pints so it would feel like any other night at the pub with his brothers

One day he orders 2 pints, the pub falls silent and the barkeep says they are on the house and offers his condolences. The barkeep then asks which brother had died and the guy says his brothers are both healthy. "But you only ordered 2 pints" to which he replied "oh, I quit drinking"

A mother finds out she has cancer

A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.

"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.

The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.

At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."

Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.

"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"

Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."

I was at the football game the other day...

It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me

I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.

"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.

I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.

"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.

The man replied, "Oh, he's at the funeral!".

Putin and Medvedeev talking

- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane crash in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!


A soldier walks into a bar.

A man in the bar strikes up a conversation with the soldier.

"So sorry if I'm being rude, but how'd you lose your leg?"

"Explosion in the war. I miss my friends too much here and I want to go back. They won't let me with my injuries though."

"They still stationed in Afghanistan?"

"No, they're dead"

"My condolences. Have a beer on me."

"That's very kind of you sir but I'm not old enough to drink"

On 9/11, one of the worst things in American history occured...

Condolences from the UK on Trump winning the election.

So on the morning of 9/11 then Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf rang up Bush

Musharraf - "Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to assure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush - "What buildings? What people?"

Musharraf - "Oh, what time is it in America now?"

Bush - "It's eight in the morning."

Musharraf - "Oops... Will call back in an hour."

My GF was brutal when we moved. Told me anything not used in the past 6 months had to go...

I just looked down and gave my condolences

What's the difference between the US and China?

When you give birth to a girl in the US people say congratulations, but when you give birth to a girl in China they give their condolences.

Hey Jim, I ran into your grandma while out shopping.

My condolences.


There is an abundance of died jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 11 funniest jokes and condolences puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any deepest witze you can hear about condolences.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes