Condo Jokes
90 condo jokes and hilarious condo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about condo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some laughs? Get ready to giggle at these funny jokes about Miami and Florida condos, associations, Benzes, Craigslist, and lofts. Check out this article and find out if your perfect punchline has made it onto the list!
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Funniest Condo Short Jokes
Short condo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The condo humour may include short apartment jokes also.
- Another sad news on an international celebrity... Justin Bieber was found alive in her condo earlier today.
- A conversation I just had. Friend - "My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."
Me - "Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode." - I just finished baby-proofing my condo. I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.
- Have you heard about the new condo complex for l**...? It's all tongue in groove construction. Not a stud in the whole place.
- Which of the following does not belong in this list: h**..., gonorrhea, or a condominium in Cleveland? The condo, obviously.
Nope, gonorrhea. It's the only one you can get rid of.
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Condo One Liners
Which condo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with condo? I can suggest the ones about apartment building and loft.
- What do you call a house that organizes your stuff? Marie Condo.
- I might be the greatest jiu jitsu practitioner who ever lived ... ... in my condo unit.
- What do condos and your condoms have in common? They're both short for something
Unearthly Funniest Condo Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about condo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apartment complex jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make condo pranks.
Two condoms are walking past a gay bar..
One says to the other, "Want to get s**...?"
So two condoms walk into a bar..
.. They quickly realize that it is a gay bar. One c**... turns to the other and says, "Dude. We are gonna get s**... tonight!"
What did one c**... say to the other at
a gay bar?
Let's get s**...!
Two condoms walked up to a gay bar
One said to the other, "Wanna get s**...?"
Two condoms drive by a gay bar...
One turns to the other and says "let's get s**...-faced!"
What do condoms and taxes have in common?
Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.
Condoms
A man walks into a shop to buy some condoms. The cashier asks 'would you like a bag with that?' To which the man replies 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'.
Do you know that condoms have serial numbers on them?
No? I guess you haven't rolled them down all the way.
Two condoms walk into a gay bar
Two condoms walk into a gay bar. One c**... says to the other "hey man, let's get s**...."
Why did the c**... go flying through the air?
... It got pissedoff.
Condoms
are really counterproductive.
I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream!
I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.
Use condoms: because if she'd sleep with you, she'd sleep with anyone.
I just got condoms installed on my floor today
it protects the hardwood.
Condoms are like rules...
...they're made to be be broken.
I didn't have a c**... last night, so I used a sock...
She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth.
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one c**... says to the other "hey, do you wanna get s**...-faced?"
What do a c**... and a fighter jet have in common?
A cockpit.
GRANDPA'S CONDOMS
An old man finds a c**... in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a c**...," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c**....
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."
Condoms
1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
c**... origins
Did you know the c**... was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.
Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.
Did you know condoms have serial numbers?
Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.
What do condoms and coffins have in common?
They both hold stiffs
Did you know that each c**... has a serial number printed on it?
I guess you have never had to roll it back that far.
What is a c**... with a hole?
Kinder Surprise
Two condoms walk past a gay bar...
one turns to the other and says "Hey, do you wanna get.....
s**...?"
(sorry if you saw this already)
Two condoms are walking down the street and stop outside of a gay bar.
The first c**... turns to the second and says, Do you want to go in and get sh*t-faced?
Condoms aren't as safe as they make them out to be...
My friend was wearing one when he got hit by a truck. He's not doing too well...
A c**... is like a plunger
You never know when you will need it but it's great to have just in case.
What are condoms?
Something your worthless f**... of a father couldn't afford.
So two condoms walk into a bar...
One looks at the other and says "did you know this is a gay bar?"
"Well yeah" said the first c**..., "I plan on getting s**... tonight."
A c**... isn't completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?
You're s**... if the rubber breaks.
"Condoms, please."
"Condoms, please."
"Do you need a bag for that?"
"No, she's not that ugly."
Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine
They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first
Why are condors such efficient fliers?
All their luggage is carrion.
How are condoms like cameras?
They capture your special moments.
Condoms don't guarantee safe s**... anymore....
My friend was wearing one and got shot by the woman's husband.
I don't use condoms.
They irritate my sores.
Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring?
I guess you never had to roll it down that far.
c**...
Many years ago
Just before leaving to meet my first real girlfriend,
My Dad pulled me into his bedroom,
He opened his bedside drawer and handed me a c**....
With a wink he said, 'Take care, Son, I'm proud of you'
To this day I'm not sure what was worse:
My Dad's knowledge and pride in what I was about to do,
or
Having used a c**... that was intended for my Mother.
The c**... was first invented by a Welshman by using a sheep's intestine
The English later improved it by removing the intestine from the sheep first
What c**... packs do r**... buy?
Family-Size.
They say to use condoms if you don't want kids...
It totally works! Once you stretch it over their head, they suffocate it in a matter of minutes!
Condoms are supposed to provide protection
But my friend was wearing one and he suffocated.
I don't think condoms are 100% safe
My friend was wearing one and he got hit by a bus!
Condoms are not a 100% effective method of birth control
Or so my Dad told me
Because of condoms, s**... is the most expensive hobby ever
at like $1 for 10 seconds top
Two condoms walk into a gay bar...
One looks to the other and says, "Welp, looks like we're getting s**...-faced"
Condoms don't really guarantee full protection during s**....
A friend was wearing one and he got shot by the girl's boyfriend.
A c**... store should be called...
d**... Sporting Hoods.
Two condoms are walking down the street, and stop in front of a gay bar...
...one c**... turns to the other and asks, wanna get s**...?
Condoms are like injured bones...
If they are broken you are s**....
How many condoms come in a box?
All of them.
Two condoms walk past a gay bar
One asks the other, Hey, wanna go inside and get s**...-faced?
Condoms are available in three sizes:
Small, medium, and liar.
Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband
Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...
I've been wearing one for months and still haven't gotten any s**...
Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines?
The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.
Two condoms walk past a gay-bar.
One of them says to the other, Hey, whaddya say we go in there & get s**...-faced?
Condoms were invented in Afghanistan
At first, they were just wrappers made of goat skin.
Then the Americans came along and improved them. By taking it out of the goat.
What do you get when a condor, an ostrich, and an eagle walk into a bar?
Three golfers lying about their game
Two condoms are walking down a street one night
Two condoms are waking down a street one night when they pass a gay bar. One turns to the other and says Hey, wanna get s**...-faced?
What do condoms and turn signals have in common?
If people used them, there would be less accidents
99¢ c**...
A young guy walks into a drugstore to buy a c**.... He sees they are on sale for 99¢ each and luckily he has $1 on him. He gives the c**... to the clerk.
Clerk: That'll be $1.04
Guy: I thought they were on sale for 99¢. What's the extra 5¢ for?
Clerk: Tax
Guy: Tacks!? I thought you rolled them on!!
c**... expiration dates are a little misleading
because I get sick no matter when I eat them.
Two condoms walk past a gay bar....
.... one turns to the other and says, "why dont we go in and get s**...?"
c**... holes
I'm starting to suspect my blonde girlfriend wants to become pregnant. She keeps poking holes in my condoms before we have s**.... I just wish she would do it before I put it on.
Condoms cannot be considered safe
A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a car.
Why should you always use a c**... when having s**... with fruit?
Lemonaids
Condoms don't guarantee safe s**... any more.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The c**... looks at the mask, and says they won't wear you either, huh?
2 condoms are walking past a gay bar.
One of them says to the other "Let's go in there and get absolutely s**...-faced!"
John was excited to move into his new condo which was exactly below Dwayne Johnson's apartment. But soon he became ignorant & oblivious to things happening around him. Why?
Because John was living under The Rock.
Did you know that the very first condoms were invented by the Welsh, using sheep intestines?
But it wasn't until the 19th century that the English perfected it by removing it from the sheep first
c**... expiration dates are so misleading
I get sick regardless of when I eat them.
Two condoms are walking down the street.
And they pass a gay bar
One of them turns to the other and says.
Do you want to go in and get s**... faced
Two condoms are walking through town one night looking for a decent bar for a drinking session
As they walk past a gay bar one turns to the other and says
"How about this place, we can get proper s**...-faced"
