Condo Jokes
90 condo jokes and hilarious condo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about condo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some laughs? Get ready to giggle at these funny jokes about Miami and Florida condos, associations, Benzes, Craigslist, and lofts. Check out this article and find out if your perfect punchline has made it onto the list!
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Funniest Condo Short Jokes
Short condo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The condo humour may include short apartment jokes also.
- I just finished baby-proofing my condo. I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.
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Condo One Liners
Which condo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with condo? I can suggest the ones about apartment building and loft.
- What do you call a house that organizes your stuff? Marie Condo.
- I might be the greatest jiu jitsu practitioner who ever lived ... ... in my condo unit.
- What do condos and your condoms have in common? They're both short for something
Unearthly Funniest Condo Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about condo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apartment complex jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make condo pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!
A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the c**... display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of
3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one
For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two
For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.
"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!
A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the c**... display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.
"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Home Loan Troubles
So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit.
He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says "Here's my deposit, give me a loan". The teller replies "I'm sorry that's really not good enough, you need money".
Kermit tells her that it's all he has and it will have to do. When the teller denies his request once more, he starts to get a bit angry. "Do you know who my dad is? He's m**... JAGGER." Kermit says forceably.
"I WANT YOUR MANAGER", Kermit yells. She lets out a sigh and wanders off to find her manager.
The teller explains to her manager the story about the deposit, the china elephant, and who it belongs to.
The manager places his palm on his face, looks up and says, "Jesus christ.. it's a knick knack Paddywhack, give the frog a loan.. his old man's from The Rolling Stones".
It is a cringe worthy joke, but I thought I'd share it.
Condoms don't break
They sexpire.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
condoms used correctly
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a c**..., cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What s that?
Jane: A c**.... This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of c**... she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
Why are condoms like grilling steak?
If you forget about it, your meat might burn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a c**...?
Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a c**..., cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at that and says, "That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?" "It's a c**...," The first lady replies. "Well, where can you buy those?" the second lady asks." Um...
Most people buy them at pharmacies." the first lady replies. So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. "Do you guys sell those c**... things?" she asks the pharmacist. "Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused, "Do you know what size you need?" So the lady says, "Well it's got to fit a Camel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy's first c**... story
I recall my first time with a c**..., I was
16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of
condoms at the pharmacy. There was this
beautiful woman assistant behind the
counter, and she could see that I was new
at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I
knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first
time.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one
out and slipped it over her thumb. She
cautioned me to make sure it was on tight
and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the
store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the
door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.👙
'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could
do was nod my head. She then said it was
time to slip the c**... on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her p**... and laid down on a desk.
'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful,
that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown.
'Did you put that c**... on?' she asked.
I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to
show her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Condoms.
A man goes to the pharmacy. He asks the pharmacist for a black c**.... The pharmacist says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think they exist."
"Find one." The man says. "I've seen them, I know that they exist." The pharmacist promises to look, but doesn't believe he'll find anything.
Three days later the man gets a call. It's the pharmacist saying, "I don't believe it but I found a black c**.... Come pick it up."
The man comes to the pharmacy. He picks up the c**..., but the pharmacist says, "I must ask, why did it have to be black?"
The man replies, "I have to give my condolences to my best friend's widow."
What do condoms and taxes have in common?
Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... for Donald Duck
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have s**... with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a c**...?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a c**..., they could not have s**....
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"
"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the c**... go flying through the air?
... It got pissedoff.
Condoms
are really counterproductive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A conversation I just had.
Friend - "My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."
Me - "Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode."
I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream!
I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.
Use condoms: because if she'd sleep with you, she'd sleep with anyone.
What do condoms prevent?
Minivans.
I just got condoms installed on my floor today
it protects the hardwood.
Condoms are like rules...
...they're made to be be broken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I didn't have a c**... last night, so I used a sock...
She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one c**... says to the other "hey, do you wanna get s**...-faced?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a c**... and a fighter jet have in common?
A cockpit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
GRANDPA'S CONDOMS
An old man finds a c**... in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a c**...," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c**....
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."
Condoms
1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
Did you know condoms have serial numbers?
Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.
What do condoms and coffins have in common?
They both hold stiffs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you don't have a c**..., put a stone in your shoe..
...it'll make you limp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is a c**... with a hole?
Kinder Surprise
Condoms.
I can't wrap my head around them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... is like a plunger
You never know when you will need it but it's great to have just in case.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're looking for a c**... in a pocket of your jacket,
But the only scumbag in your jacket is you
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What are condoms?
Something your worthless f**... of a father couldn't afford.
Two condoms walking down the street
decide on an early night.
Condoms prevent pregnancy..
and other STDs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ah yes, and here we have a c**...
The circle of no life
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the c**... fly across the room?
Because Grampa just shoots air these days.
Why are condors such efficient fliers?
All their luggage is carrion.
Condoms are like rocket ships
Sometimes they don't work, and explode.
How are condoms like cameras?
They capture your special moments.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a c**... on an elephant?
Take the 'Y' out of 'easy' and the 'F' out of 'Way' ....
I don't use condoms.
They irritate my sores.
Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring?
I guess you never had to roll it down that far.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
c**...
Many years ago
Just before leaving to meet my first real girlfriend,
My Dad pulled me into his bedroom,
He opened his bedside drawer and handed me a c**....
With a wink he said, 'Take care, Son, I'm proud of you'
To this day I'm not sure what was worse:
My Dad's knowledge and pride in what I was about to do,
or
Having used a c**... that was intended for my Mother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What c**... packs do r**... buy?
Family-Size.
They say to use condoms if you don't want kids...
It totally works! Once you stretch it over their head, they suffocate it in a matter of minutes!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't OJ use a c**...?
He just can't make the glove fit.
Condoms are supposed to provide protection
But my friend was wearing one and he suffocated.
Condoms are not a 100% effective method of birth control
Or so my Dad told me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which of the following does not belong in this list: h**..., gonorrhea, or a condominium in Cleveland?
The condo, obviously.
Nope, gonorrhea. It's the only one you can get rid of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Because of condoms, s**... is the most expensive hobby ever
at like $1 for 10 seconds top
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the c**... stop working?
I️ took it off
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Italian's most used c**...?
Agnolotti
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... store should be called...
d**... Sporting Hoods.
I don't like to use condoms...
because I don't like the smell of burnt rubber.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Condoms are like injured bones...
If they are broken you are s**....
How many condoms come in a box?
All of them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What should you do if you get a c**... stuck inside you?
Call one of the prison guards
Condoms are available in three sizes:
Small, medium, and liar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Condoms
A boy and his father are shopping when they pass the c**... aisle. The boy sees three pack sizes of condoms, a pack of three, one of six, and one of twelve. He grabs the three pack.
The father says, Those are for high schoolers. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.
The boy asks, Who are the six packs for?
The father responds, those are for college students. TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.
The boy responds, Ooo! What are the twelve packs for then?
The father sighs and says, Those... are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...
I've been wearing one for months and still haven't gotten any s**...
Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines?
The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.
Do you use condoms? No. Why?
Claustrophobia
Condoms were invented in Afghanistan
At first, they were just wrappers made of goat skin.
Then the Americans came along and improved them. By taking it out of the goat.
What do you get when a condor, an ostrich, and an eagle walk into a bar?
Three golfers lying about their game
Condoms
Because I exist.
Why are condoms transparent?
Cause the sperms can't go inside so the least we can afford them is a view.
I can't condone the consumption of dairy.
I was raised lactose intolerant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The c**... broke last night, but the pharmacist said the morning after pill would prevent conception.
They must not work, though. I took one as soon as I woke up and she still got pregnant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... is a wrapper..
.. inside a wrapper.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Do you have a c**...?
I'll need it to wrap your Christmas present.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What does a c**... and money have in common?
they both disappear from you wallet when your with a woman
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I use condoms all the time
Just take them out to pee and have s**....
I get all of my condoms at Costco because when you go through them like I do...
... you need to get them at a place with a good return policy.
What do condoms and turn signals have in common?
If people used them, there would be less accidents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
c**... expiration dates are a little misleading
because I get sick no matter when I eat them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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c**... holes
I'm starting to suspect my blonde girlfriend wants to become pregnant. She keeps poking holes in my condoms before we have s**.... I just wish she would do it before I put it on.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should you always use a c**... when having s**... with fruit?
Lemonaids
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The c**... looks at the mask, and says they won't wear you either, huh?
