Cond Jokes

115 cond jokes and hilarious cond puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cond that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Cond Jokes

Short cond jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cond humour may include short cuts jokes also.

  1. What do you call it when Condoleezza rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs? Conde sending condescending con descending.

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Cond joke, What do you call it when Condoleezza <a href="/rice-jokes.html" title="Rice jokes">rice</a> pushes a

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cond can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cond puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Cond joke, What do you call it when Condoleezza <a href="/rice-jokes.html" title="Rice jokes">rice</a> pushes a

Cheeky Cond Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about cond you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean cont jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cond prank.

I've been conducting a survey on the general public's thoughts on blenders.

So far it has had mixed reactions.

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World
2) I do not want to be cremated

A conductor kissed a g**... the bus

He was arrested and the police gave him electric shocks but it had no effect.
Because he was a bad conductor.
Sorry guys.

Two condoms are walking past a gay bar..

One says to the other, "Want to get s**...?"

So two condoms walk into a bar..

.. They quickly realize that it is a gay bar. One c**... turns to the other and says, "Dude. We are gonna get s**... tonight!"

What did one c**... say to the other at
a gay bar?

Let's get s**...!

Two condoms walked up to a gay bar

One said to the other, "Wanna get s**...?"

Two condoms drive by a gay bar...

One turns to the other and says "let's get s**...-faced!"

What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.


A man was sitting in a pub when all of a sudden the most beautiful woman ever walked up to the bar and sat down next to him. The man immediately asked her what the conditions would be to make her his wife. 'Three things' she said 'First you would need a huge house with a swimming pool, second an expensive car and third a 9 inch d**...'.
'Oh' the man replied 'The house wouldn't be a problem, nor would the car be, but I'm not taking three inches off my d**...!'


A man walks into a shop to buy some condoms. The cashier asks 'would you like a bag with that?' To which the man replies 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'.

Do you know that condoms have serial numbers on them?

No? I guess you haven't rolled them down all the way.

Two condoms walk into a gay bar

Two condoms walk into a gay bar. One c**... says to the other "hey man, let's get s**...."

Why did the c**... go flying through the air?

... It got pissedoff.


are really counterproductive.

I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream!

I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.

Use condoms: because if she'd sleep with you, she'd sleep with anyone.

Is there a condition called "melanism" ... white people, the opposite of albinoism in black folks?
Because, if not, she's got some explaining to do.

String Fight

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.

I just got condoms installed on my floor today

it protects the hardwood.

Condoms are like rules...

...they're made to be be broken.

I didn't have a c**... last night, so I used a sock...

She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth.

Two condoms are walking down the street...

They pass a gay bar and one c**... says to the other "hey, do you wanna get s**...-faced?"

What do a c**... and a fighter jet have in common?

A cockpit.


An old man finds a c**... in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a c**...," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c**....
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."

I have this condition, I wake up at ten to nine every day...

Doctor says it is nothing serious just a mild case of ten-to-ninetis.


1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.

c**... origins

Did you know the c**... was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.
Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

What do condoms and coffins have in common?

They both hold stiffs

Did you know that each c**... has a serial number printed on it?

I guess you have never had to roll it back that far.

What is a c**... with a hole?

Kinder Surprise

Two condoms walk past a gay bar...

one turns to the other and says "Hey, do you wanna get.....
(sorry if you saw this already)

Two condoms are walking down the street and stop outside of a gay bar.

The first c**... turns to the second and says, Do you want to go in and get sh*t-faced?

I'm never condescending

That's when you talk down to people.

Condoms aren't as safe as they make them out to be...

My friend was wearing one when he got hit by a truck. He's not doing too well...

A c**... is like a plunger

You never know when you will need it but it's great to have just in case.

What are condoms?

Something your worthless f**... of a father couldn't afford.

So two condoms walk into a bar...

One looks at the other and says "did you know this is a gay bar?"
"Well yeah" said the first c**..., "I plan on getting s**... tonight."

A Conductor ...

What do you call a part time conductor ??
a *semiconductor*

I'm not condescending!

Try and count how many times I've been condescending! Exactly; you can't cause you're a d**....

A c**... isn't completely safe.

A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?

You're s**... if the rubber breaks.

"Condoms, please."

"Condoms, please."
"Do you need a bag for that?"
"No, she's not that ugly."

Why did the c**... fly across the room?

Because Grampa just shoots air these days.

Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine

They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first

Why are condors such efficient fliers?

All their luggage is carrion.


A midget convict was escaping out of a window, and as he lowered himself down I was walking past, and we made eye contact and he sneered at me and I thought "that's a little condescending". (Say it out loud)

I have a condition where I spontaneously tell jokes at random times

I think it's a gag reflex.

How are condoms like cameras?

They capture your special moments.

Condoms don't guarantee safe s**... anymore....

My friend was wearing one and got shot by the woman's husband.

A conductor asked me if I could help him drive a train...

I said, "yeah of course, how hard could it be?" Then I saw how complicated the control panel was. It was then that I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could choo.

I don't use condoms.

They irritate my sores.

Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring?

I guess you never had to roll it down that far.

I have a condition that makes me eat when I can't sleep

It's called insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia


Many years ago
Just before leaving to meet my first real girlfriend,
My Dad pulled me into his bedroom,
He opened his bedside drawer and handed me a c**....
With a wink he said, 'Take care, Son, I'm proud of you'
To this day I'm not sure what was worse:
My Dad's knowledge and pride in what I was about to do,
Having used a c**... that was intended for my Mother.

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.

I should probably get that checked out.

The c**... was first invented by a Welshman by using a sheep's intestine

The English later improved it by removing the intestine from the sheep first

What c**... packs do r**... buy?


I've been trying to be less condescending

You *do* know what that means right?

They say to use condoms if you don't want kids...

It totally works! Once you stretch it over their head, they suffocate it in a matter of minutes!

Why can't OJ use a c**...?

He just can't make the glove fit.

Condoms are supposed to provide protection

But my friend was wearing one and he suffocated.

I don't think condoms are 100% safe

My friend was wearing one and he got hit by a bus!

Condoms are not a 100% effective method of birth control

Or so my Dad told me

We conducted an online survey....

...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

What condition did the environmentalist wake up with every day after a local forest fire?

Mourning Wood...

The condensed version...

A Phillipino, a Korean, a Chinese fella, a Burmese lady, and a Vietnamese guy all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

Two condoms walking down the street

one says to the other "let's go to that gay bar and get s**..."

What did the condemned prisoner say when he was informed that the hangman forgot the rope?

No noose is good noose.

Because of condoms, s**... is the most expensive hobby ever

at like $1 for 10 seconds top

Two condoms walk into a gay bar...

One looks to the other and says, "Welp, looks like we're getting s**...-faced"

Condoms don't really guarantee full protection during s**....

A friend was wearing one and he got shot by the girl's boyfriend.

A c**... store should be called...

d**... Sporting Hoods.

I don't like to use condoms...

because I don't like the smell of burnt rubber.

Two condoms are walking down the street, and stop in front of a gay bar... c**... turns to the other and asks, wanna get s**...?

Condoms are like injured bones...

If they are broken you are s**....

How many condoms come in a box?

All of them.

I have a condition; Whenever I look at books of any kind...

I want to touch my shelf...

Two condoms walk past a gay bar

One asks the other, Hey, wanna go inside and get s**...-faced?

Condoms are available in three sizes:

Small, medium, and liar.

Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was stabbed by the woman's husband

Cond joke, Condoms do not guarantee safe s**...

jokes about cond

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cond jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.