Concrete Jokes
102 concrete jokes and hilarious concrete puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about concrete that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our concrete jokes article! We've got a ton of hilarious jokes that will have you rolling on the floor.
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Funniest Concrete Short Jokes
Short concrete jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The concrete humour may include short cement jokes also.
- Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. Concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!" - How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it? Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.
- Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'mafia' concrete..... ....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.
- A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.
- I was trying to expose the cement company for using cheap materials But I couldn't find any concrete evidence
- Did you hear the local concrete plant was flooded last week? They're having a hard time moving inventory now.
- To the person who has stolen my 5 tonne concrete boots and my invisibility cloak... You can't run but you can hide
- Angry husband filled wife's car with concrete after she changed her surname She could take him to the court. She had.... concrete evidence
- Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times... I need to see some concrete evidence
- I fell face-first in fresh concrete the other day... I wasn't worried though - my mom always said I'd make a good impression.
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Concrete One Liners
Which concrete one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with concrete? I can suggest the ones about construction and clay.
- Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake? ...because dam.
- What do you call a gun made fully from concrete? An asphalt rifle
Solid joke right? - I got fired from my job finishing concrete I can't even
- Someone fell into wet cement Currently there is no concrete evidence of who fell
- When I die I want to be buried in wet concrete So that over time the plot thickens
- My friend told me that he ate pavement. I asked him if he has any concrete proof of this.
- So you're a fan of Brutalist architecture? Give me 3 concrete examples
- A man was murdered with a cinder block. The evidence was concrete.
- I left my job as a Concrete Worker. It just seemed to get HARDER and HARDER.
- I saw a nun wearing a concrete dress. That's a hard habit to break.
- Do you know what the gift theme is for the 27th anniversary of being married? Concrete.
- What did steel say to the concrete? Don't take too much tension!
- What do you call a steel stick that you can pull out of concrete? Excalrebar!
- What do you call a sidewalk that swindles you out of your money? CON-crete
- Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be buried in a concrete slab? He was dead set
Concrete Wall Jokes
Here is a list of funny concrete wall jokes and even better concrete wall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A fish runs into a concrete wall. Its pronounced 'Fsh'.
- What did the seal say when he ran into a concrete wall? Dam
- A fish swam into a concrete wall.. It swam away in silence because its a fish
Concrete Cement Jokes
Here is a list of funny concrete cement jokes and even better concrete cement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend uses concrete and asphalt interchangeably He says it's just a matter of cementics
- As seen on a masonry truck Cement shop robbed, police investigators find no concrete evidence
- Did you hear about the truck that spilt concrete across the road? It wasn't cement to happen.
- How do you call a cement foundation? A concrete base.
Concrete Slab Jokes
Here is a list of funny concrete slab jokes and even better concrete slab puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light? A sunny day in Seattle.
- My uncle was finally arrested for smashing people over the head with paving slabs. He tried to get away with it... But there was concrete evidence.
Concrete Truck Jokes
Here is a list of funny concrete truck jokes and even better concrete truck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck. Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
Concrete Worker Jokes
Here is a list of funny concrete worker jokes and even better concrete worker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does one say to construction workers after they complete a building? Concrete-ulations
Hilarious Concrete Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about concrete you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cement mixer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make concrete pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits s**....
Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Lately I have a big problem with my memory."
The psychiatrist asks Johny: "And how does it demonstrate concretely?"
Johny: "What?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one's mainly for Mexicans and Texans.
What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?
"Davey.... are we pouring concrete today??"
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the woman who injected concrete into her buttocks?
Talk about hitting rock bottom.
ALTERNATE: What a hard-a**....
A doctor diagnosed me with...
... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?
Inside the Alamo, Davy Crockett got up from his cot, walked across the dusty dirt floor to the ladder, and climbed to the roof. There, he found Sam Houston and Jim Bowie staring off in the distance...
...as over the hills rode straight toward them a thousand Mexicans. Davy thought for a moment and then said, "Guys...are we laying concrete today?"
What does a fish say when he hits concrete?
Dam!
A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.
I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.
"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"
Three slabs of concrete walk into a bar
They sit down, order drinks and start bragging about how strong they are. As they're doing this a small bit of green tarmac walks in and they hide under the table as it orders its drink.
When it leaves they all get up and the barman asks them
"What's up with you guys? I thought all of you were tough."
"Oh, we're tough," they said, "but he's a cycle path."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you push George W Bush into a vat of concrete.
It would set a very bad president.
George bush got stuck in concrete.
That sets a bad precedent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If American dogs dig holes to China, where do Chinese dogs dig holes to?
Nowhere, slaughterhouses have concrete floors.
My pick-up line
"Hey girl are you a fallen angel? Because your face looks like it hit concrete."
why couldn't the asphalt company be prosecuted for fraud?
Because there was no concrete evidence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two detectives were investigating a m**... at a construction site
The evidence wasn't concrete.
Scientists recently discovered an interesting phenomenon: in a certain area, donkey farts are responsible for causing tremors that can crack pavement and concrete.
You know...Assfault.
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
I fell on the sidewalk as a kid...
it was a concrete example of gravity in action.
Building in Antarctica is difficult!
No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was thinking it might be a good idea if we buried Donald Trump in a few tons of concrete...
... but that might set a bad president.
I heard people talking on the street today, they were saying that we should dry George W Bush in concrete
But I think that's setting a bad president
What do you add to water to make concrete?
About 400 feet.
Did you hear about the guy that put his head in a microwave?
We now have concrete evidence that this is not a good idea.
I think the kids next door stepped through my newly poured sidewalk
Don't have any concrete evidence though.
What does a criminal work with?
Con-crete.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the russian man say when he got his meal at the french restaurant?
"This is a bag of concrete. h**... h**... h**..."
I just finished building my concrete speakers today.
It sounds solid!
What's the hardest thing about skateboarding?
The concrete.
This really cracks me up
Screamed the concrete beneath the jackhammer
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break…
This is probably because concrete floors are really hard...
I've decided to pour a new foundation for my porch.
I want to make concrete changes to my life.
Some minds are like concrete...
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Got this out of a Georgia newspaper.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A detective is trying to solve a m**... mystery
A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times. The only evidence was a knife, fully made of concrete. The detective sent the knife to a lab, hoping for any DNA evidence, but unfortunately, the results came back inconclusive.
The detective was puzzled. He was sure it was concrete evidence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man committed a m**..., and he made the mistake of dragging the body across a freshly-paved sidewalk.
He was easily convicted. There was concrete evidence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys walk into a bar,
One of them asks the bartender for a drink. He takes a sip and jumps out of the window and starts flying. He then comes back in and said to his friend, "You have to try this drink, it makes you fly."
So his friend takes a sip, runs over and jumps out the window, and falls right onto the concrete.
Then the bartender says,"Your a real a**... when your drunk Superman."
Here is a story about what happens if you line a grave with concrete...
The plot thickens!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, an African and an American decide they want to jump off of a building.
They climb up one. The Englishman looks down and says: "It's too high, I won't jump.", the African says: "Vool, vool, not jump.". The American jumps without thinking, nearly kills himself and yells: "My a**... wool, concrete!"
(I tried to translate this from Czech as best as I could)
My wife said, "Do you know that a healthy human thigh bone is tougher than concrete?"
"Yes, I believe you," I replied, "now please put away the drill."
Asphalt and Tarmac were in the bar together having a beer, arguing over who was toughest - when a pink piece of concrete walked into the bar....
Everybody in the bar fell silent and averted their attention. The pink piece of concrete ordered a drink. The bartender was shaking as he poured his beer. The pink piece of concrete looked around, nobody meeting his gaze, drank his beer in one glug and left.
The normal ambience resumed.
"Youv'e got to watch out for him" Tarmac said to Asphalt, "hes a cycle-path!"
In light of recent political tensions, please refrain from wishing Putin falls into a vat of concrete.
That would set a very dangerous president.
Was driving on the freeway
And over in the fast lane a concrete delivery truck went by and following behind was a contractor in his normal truck. So I pointed it out to the kids in backseat.
Kids asked where they were going.
I replied I don't know but bet when they get there they will have a concrete plan.
The groans were were like a symphony
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold.
A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.
He began an Epic struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.
He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign. Turns out somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'Shell' sign."
A family of moles wake up from hibernation.
They start digging up to the surface to get some air and stretch their legs. When they arrive, there's a layer of concrete that wasn't there before. They dig around the concrete and Papa mole pokes his head out and smells fresh pancakes.
Oh, they must have built a pancake house up there! It smells great!
Mama mole, right behind Papa, sniffs and says, Oh wow, the syrups smell delicious!
Baby mole, in the hole behind both Papa and Mama says Yuck! All I can smell are molasses from back here!
