The Best 73 Concrete Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Concrete jokes. There are some concrete rebar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these concrete slab puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Concrete Jokes and Puns
This one's mainly for Mexicans and Texans.
What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?
"Davey.... are we pouring concrete today??"
Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.
Did you hear about the woman who injected concrete into her buttocks?
Talk about hitting rock bottom.
ALTERNATE: What a hard-ass.
A doctor diagnosed me with...
... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.
... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!
... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.
... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.
... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?
Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it.
Concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"
What does a fish say when he hits concrete?
Dam!
A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.
I fell face-first in fresh concrete the other day...
I wasn't worried though - my mom always said I'd make a good impression.
I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.
"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"
A guy walks into a bar with a slab of concrete slug under his arm
He says barkeep, a drink for me, and one for the road.
3 years ago someone was laying concrete so I put my hand prints in it.
Been here ever since.
Three slabs of concrete walk into a bar
They sit down, order drinks and start bragging about how strong they are. As they're doing this a small bit of green tarmac walks in and they hide under the table as it orders its drink.
When it leaves they all get up and the barman asks them
"What's up with you guys? I thought all of you were tough."
"Oh, we're tough," they said, "but he's a cycle path."
You can explore concrete mortar reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean concrete steel dad jokes. There are also concrete puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
As seen on a masonry truck
Cement shop robbed, police investigators find no concrete evidence
If you push George W Bush into a vat of concrete.
It would set a very bad president.
What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light?
A sunny day in Seattle.
George bush got stuck in concrete.
That sets a bad precedent.
How can you a drop a egg on concrete without cracking it?
Anyway you want. Concrete doesn't break easily.
If American dogs dig holes to China, where do Chinese dogs dig holes to?
Nowhere, slaughterhouses have concrete floors.
My pick-up line
"Hey girl are you a fallen angel? Because your face looks like it hit concrete."
A guy walks into a bar...
his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.
What did the fish say to the concrete wall?
Dam!
Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site
The evidence wasn't concrete.
Scientists recently discovered an interesting phenomenon: in a certain area, donkey farts are responsible for causing tremors that can crack pavement and concrete.
You know...Assfault.
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
I fell on the sidewalk as a kid...
it was a concrete example of gravity in action.
Two fish are swimming upstream and one of the fish hits his head against concrete.
He looks to the other, and says "dam"
How do you call a cement foundation?
A concrete base.
Building in Antarctica is difficult!
No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
Did you hear about the truck that spilt concrete across the road?
It wasn't cement to happen.
What did steel say to the concrete?
Don't take too much tension!
What do you call a sidewalk that swindles you out of your money?
CON-crete
I was thinking it might be a good idea if we buried Donald Trump in a few tons of concrete...
... but that might set a bad president.
Yesterday I was walking past the state prison
and saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down from the concrete wall, screaming insults at the guards.
I thought, "Well, thats a little condescending little con descending"
I heard people talking on the street today, they were saying that we should dry George W Bush in concrete
But I think that's setting a bad president
What do you call a steel stick that you can pull out of concrete?
Excalrebar!
Two fish were swimming in a river when they hit a concrete wall
They both looked at each other and said "Dam"
Two lumps of concrete walk into a busy bar...
They see some chairs next to a lump of tarmac, and the one goes over to sit when the other grabs him saying:
"Dude, don't sit next to him.. he's a cycle-path"
What do you add to water to make concrete?
About 400 feet.
While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.
Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
A man was murdered with a cinder block.
The evidence was concrete.
I left my job as a Concrete Worker.
It just seemed to get HARDER and HARDER.
Do you know what the gift theme is for the 27th anniversary of being married?
Concrete.
Did you hear about the guy that put his head in a microwave?
We now have concrete evidence that this is not a good idea.
Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake?
...because dam.
I think the kids next door stepped through my newly poured sidewalk
Don't have any concrete evidence though.
What does a criminal work with?
Con-crete.
Angry husband fills wife's car with concrete after she changed her surname
I hope she takes him to court, she has concrete evidence
My friend uses concrete and asphalt interchangeably
He says it's just a matter of cementics
What do you call a gun made fully from concrete?
An asphalt rifle
Solid joke right?
Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...
I need to see some concrete evidence
When I die I want to be buried in wet concrete
So that over time the plot thickens
Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....
....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.
I was trying to expose the cement company for using cheap materials
But I couldn't find any concrete evidence
A father is waiting for his newborn child outside a hospital
A doctor comes out holding the child by the leg, and walks over to the man. The father asks: "Is it a girl or a boy?". But the doctor smashes the baby on the concrete wall, and the father faints. The father wakes up on a hospital bed in a room, and the doctor is staring at him with a grin. The doctor says: "Alright alright i was joking, the baby was dead before it was even born".
To the person who has stolen my 5 tonne concrete boots and my invisibility cloak...
You can't run but you can hide
A man is walking by a mental asylum...
...when he hears the patients inside shouting 'FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!'. The asylum yard has a 9 foot tall concrete wall, so he can't see inside, but he notices a small hole in the wall, about waist high. Curious, he approaches the hole and looks through it. A stick suddenly pops out of the hole and jabs him in the eye, and the inmates start shouting 'FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN! FIFTEEN!'
What did the russian man say when he got his meal at the french restaurant?
"This is a bag of concrete. Ho ho ho"
A fish runs into a concrete wall.
Its pronounced 'Fsh'.
What's the hardest thing about skateboarding?
The concrete.
This really cracks me up
Screamed the concrete beneath the jackhammer
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "Dam."
Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be buried in a concrete slab?
He was dead set
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break…
This is probably because concrete floors are really hard...
I've decided to pour a new foundation for my porch.
I want to make concrete changes to my life.
A fish swims into a concrete wall
He turns around and yells DAM
Some minds are like concrete...
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
Got this out of a Georgia newspaper.
A detective is trying to solve a murder mystery
A lady was killed by being stabbed 17 times. The only evidence was a knife, fully made of concrete. The detective sent the knife to a lab, hoping for any DNA evidence, but unfortunately, the results came back inconclusive.
The detective was puzzled. He was sure it was concrete evidence.
A man committed a murder, and he made the mistake of dragging the body across a freshly-paved sidewalk.
He was easily convicted. There was concrete evidence
So two fish are swiming
One of the fish hits a concrete wall the other fish turns and says dam
Two guys walk into a bar,
One of them asks the bartender for a drink. He takes a sip and jumps out of the window and starts flying. He then comes back in and said to his friend, "You have to try this drink, it makes you fly."
So his friend takes a sip, runs over and jumps out the window, and falls right onto the concrete.
Then the bartender says,"Your a real asshole when your drunk Superman."
Did you hear the local concrete plant was flooded last week?
They're having a hard time moving inventory now.
Here is a story about what happens if you line a grave with concrete...
The plot thickens!
What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam
An Englishman, an African and an American decide they want to jump off of a building.
They climb up one. The Englishman looks down and says: "It's too high, I won't jump.", the African says: "Vool, vool, not jump.". The American jumps without thinking, nearly kills himself and yells: "My ass wool, concrete!"
(I tried to translate this from Czech as best as I could)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the concrete barrier jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working concrete builders piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.