Concluded Jokes
47 concluded jokes and hilarious concluded puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about concluded that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Concluded Short Jokes
Short concluded jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The concluded humour may include short conclusion jokes also.
- Genie: You have 3 wishes. Me: I want a world without lawyers.
Genie: Done. That concludes your wishes.
Me: But you said I have 3 wishes?
Genie: Sue me. - Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf. - What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.
- Therapist: I've concluded that you are incapable of describing your feelings. Patient: I can't say that I am surprised!
- I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded... 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
- A man was found dead in his apartment. His friends claimed he died because he bet that he could eat $500 The autopsy concludes that, indeed, he put his money where his mouth was
- After years of research, scientists have concluded that dogs cannot use MRI machines. But catscan.
- Police were investigating a crime scene and found a knife and a clock. They concluded the man was just killing time.
- A report has concluded that paedophiles should be re-educated. What a great idea, let's send paedophiles back to school.
- A guy is at a talent show and says, just to make sure everything is working, if your name is Michael please stand up . Then, a couple of dudes stand up and he says, that concludes the mike check .
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Concluded One Liners
Which concluded one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with concluded? I can suggest the ones about resulted and conducted.
- "Ladies and Gents" That concludes our tour of the toilets
- 5 out of six researchers conclude, Russian roulette is complete safe.
- If your name is Mike please let me know below *edit, this concludes the Mike check.
- The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that 6 out of 10 people
- The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded... ... that 7 out of 10.
- The Incomplete Surveys Institute concluded that 78% of every women
- I've concluded that bread is better than Jesus. Bread only takes a few hours to rise.
- Bill Cosby's trial concluded... He got off.
- I've concluded the chicken came before the egg and got arrested for paedophilia
- A new study concluded that blind people cannot eat oranges. They can't process vitamin C.
- A joke about airport security The TSA.
This concludes the joke about airport security. - Is there life after death? 50 years of research concluded we don't know
- A recent study on l**... Concluded that they are allergic to nuts.
Cheeky Concluded Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about concluded you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean convinced jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make concluded pranks.
"That's not it."
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
I received a wedding invitation.
It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.
A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.
"Just count to five and pull on the main c**...," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve c**...."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main c**.... Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve c**.... Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."
I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs…
If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''
My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more s**... would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...
that I'm in the control group.
A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,
"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..
..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from a**....
An Old Man Goes In for a Physical...
The doctor concludes his examination and asks the patient if he drinks alcohol.
"I usually have a mimosa in the morning, a glass of wine with dinner, and a can of beer or two before bed."
"Well," says the doctor. "At your age the best thing would be for you to stop drinking entirely."
The old man thinks for a minute.
"I'm a pretty simple guy," he says. "I don't ask much for myself. I've dealt with my share of hard times, and I've learned to get by without much... I'll take the second best thing for me instead."
An Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit
The pit was full of e**..., and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded:
"It's not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!"
Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds and throw it to the pit:
"Now it's better" he said and jumped into the sewage.
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
People keep saying chivalry is dead. But, I looked up the definition of chivalry and it has little to do with manners and it is more about knights and combat.
The other day when I didn't open the classroom door for a girl in my class, she said that chivalry is dead. So, I challenged her to a duel.
To conclude, chivalry is not dead. But, that girl is.
Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.
The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.
Farmer tries to breed pigs
A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
A man decided to march in the holy crusades...
Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. What's wrong?' he asks.
You gave me the wrong key!
Man goes to a doctor
A man goes to the doctor and says "doctor, I have pain all over my body, everywhere I touch hurt". He then proceeds to point to various parts of his body cringing in pain. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and concludes. "Sir, it appears you have a broken finger".
Doctor, it hurts...
Says the patient with so much pain.
Patient: It hurts when I touch my head.
Doctor: \*Takes a look at the head\*, \*Does MRI\* Well, what else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my shoulders.
Doctor: \*Takes shoulder x-ray\* Hmmm, is there anything else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my knees too.
Doctor: \*Does that hammer thingy\* I see. I can conclude now.
Patient: What is it?
Doctor: Your finger is broken.
Two Norwegian scientists were operating on a frog....
They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards.
They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!". The frog leaped forwards.
They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!", but nothing seemed to happen.
After much discussion they could conclude that if you remove both rear legs from a frog, it becomes deaf.
Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke....
What's Irish and sits on the porch?
Patty O'Furniture
That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...
peaches vs peas
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches,
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."
The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke......and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an investigation into the matter, which will conclude within 4-6 business weeks.
As a chemist I can conclude that Freddie Mercury's voice is full of beryllium, gold and titanium
Because his voice is Be-Au-t**...-full
A woman from Connecticut goes on a business trip to Arkansas...
...and, her meeting over and business concluded, she goes to the hotel bar to enjoy a quiet drink.
The bartender, hearing her order, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did yew go to school?"
Smiling slightly, the lady says "Yale."
Bartender draws a deep breath and says "YEW SHORE TALK PURTY. WHAR DID YEW GO TO SCHOOL?"
