concerned Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious concerned puns

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."



I responded, "How about now?"

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Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.

Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

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I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

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Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

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A little boy was looking through the keyhole of his sister's room

Mom says with a smile, "why are you concerned with what your sister is doing in there?"
Boy replies, "I am not concerned with her, I am wondering what dad is doing."

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A guy walks into the bar and looks the bartender in the eye and says "I need 10 shots"

The bartender lays them out and the man takes all 10 shots back to back.

In shock the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink like that before."

The man replies, "You'd drink like that too if you had what I had."

Sounding concerned, the bartender asks "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, what do you have?"

Man quickly says "2 bucks" and ran out of the bar.

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How to make girls feel safe in the hallways

I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a rapist.

I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.

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A woman is cleaning her 12-year old son's room...

...when she finds several BDSM porn magazines stashed under his bed. Concerned, she takes her find to her husband and asks "What do we do about this?"

"Well," says the dad "We obviously can't spank him."

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A German baby's parents are concerned that he never speaks...

It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"

"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."

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I'm concerned with the world news at the moment. Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York,

and I was thinking.

"If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere".

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A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.

Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."

Boss: " So what are you saying....?"

Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

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A father takes his son to the doctor...

After a brief wait, the concerned father brings his son into the examination room, pulls down his pants, points at the kids wiener, and exclaims "DOCTOR!!! IS IT NORMAL FOR A 3 YEAR OLD TO HAVE A FULLY DEVELOPED ADULT SIZED PENIS?!?!?"

The doctor looks down at it and says "It's only an inch and a half!

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Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."

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"Should I be concerned about eating genetically modified tomatoes?"

Tomato: "No"

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Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me wanking and not some pervert.

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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

The concerned father-to-be asked, "Doctor, what's going on?"



The doctor said, "Don't worry, those are just contractions."

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The man says to the bartender...

"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"

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A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.

She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"

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A man sees his dog chew up and swallow a pencil

Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.

"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"

"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."

"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"

"Use a pen."

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My bank was worried

My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday 

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My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils...

...but that's a whisk i'm willing to take.

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All these video games with epic orchestral music scores.

Those concerned mums were right, there's way too much violins in video games.

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I told my friend I was going to freeze myself to -273 degrees celsius.

He seemed concerned, but I said I'll be OK.

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Not for your health.

A man walks into the doctor's office for his annual check up. The doctor starts to look him over and says, "you need to stop masturbating"

The man looks up at the doctor concerned and asks, "why?"

And the doctor replies, "because i'm trying to examine you."

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A woman brings her elderly husband to the doctor for his annual check-up.

A woman brings her elderly husband to the doctor for his annual check-up. After the examination, the doctor pulls the woman aside.

"Your husband is in good physical shape," he says, "But I'm concerned about his mental health. He told me that when he gets up to go to the bathroom at night, God turns on the light for him."

"Oh, damn!" the wife replies, "He's pissing in the refrigerator again."

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The farmer was very concerned when his cows got into his marijuana crop.

The steaks were high.

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'Knock knock'

'Who's there'

'Okay Google'

'Okay Google, who?'

'Sorry I didn't catch that'

'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'

'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '

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Pancakes!

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a
large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

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Little Johnny... Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

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A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date

A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.

The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"

The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.

The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"

The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.

The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."

And the farmer shot him.

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A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.

A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!

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Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.

The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!

They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"

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The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

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Middle Earth Dreamer

A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.

"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"

The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep."

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Two women meet in heaven...

There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

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What are the most funny Concerned jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Concerned? Well, here are the best Concerned dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Concerned pick up lines to share with friends.

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