Concerned Jokes
109 concerned jokes and hilarious concerned puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about concerned that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Concerned Short Jokes
Short concerned jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The concerned humour may include short anxious jokes also.
- My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD. Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.
- The cops just called and told me they found my husbands body in the water I was very concerned as that was not where I'd put it
- My wife is concerned at the amount of brake fluid I drink and thinks I may have a problem... I told her "It's ok, I can stop whenever I want! "
- My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday
- All these video games with epic orchestral music scores. Those concerned mums were right, there's way too much violins in video games.
- North Korea's leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder... ...Is Kim Jong ill?
- "doctor, my husband thinks he is a car. First he drinks five litres of gasoline abd then he runs 20km." "I understand your concern." Said the doctor "With 5 litres he should run atleast 50km."
- Protip: If you're looking for a needle in a haystack... ...you should probably be more concerned about confronting your horse concerning his drug problem
- As a soldier running through the forest you don't need to be concerned about running into an adult tree.. It's the infantree that's deadly!
- The obituaries are really concerning me as of late... People seem to be dying in alphabetical order.
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Concerned One Liners
Which concerned one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with concerned? I can suggest the ones about worry and cautious.
- What's a horse's primary concern when voting? A stable economy.
- "Should I be concerned about eating genetically modified tomatoes?" Tomato: "No"
- How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern...
- To whom do agnostics pray? To whom it may concern.
- Why are rich people so concerned with etiquette? Because they have a lot of manors.
- What concerns me is that one day I'll wind up an old man And then he'll attack me
- What did Sean Connery say in a dirty kitchen? Dishes, concerning.
- A bartstarter walks into a bar. The bartender is concerned.
- And people were concerned about the pod challenge... How the Tide has turned
- Why people are afraid of The Large Hadron Collider (LHC)? because it's Very conCERNing!
- Why were all the numbers concerned for 10? Because 10 was in the midst of 9/11
- My friend is so environmentally concerned she's started recycling throwaway comments.
- The only thing I enjoy about morning exercise Is that it doesn't concern me
- How does an atheist start their prayers? To Whom It May Concern
- I told the dentist I was concerned about the buildup on my teeth He just brushed it off.
Concerned Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about concerned you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean incensed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make concerned pranks.
I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?"
Why is everyone criticising EA?
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
Jewish ad campaign
Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sunday drive in the country when he saw the first billboard ad. There it was - a picture of Christ on the Cross, with the caption: "Nails for Every Purpose. Use Moskowitz Nails."
The old man immediately met with his 3 sons to voice his concern. He explained that the backlash could be horrendous. The company could be ruined. The sons agreed to discontinue that ad.
A week later the old man was again taking his usual Sunday drive when he saw the second billboard ad. There it was - - a picture of the same cross, empty, with Christ crumpled on the ground below... and the caption: "Next Time Use Moskowitz Nails."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jewish boy that can't understand math
Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.
The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!
They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"
The man says to the bartender...
"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Middle Earth Dreamer
A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.
"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"
The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep."
A young bride and groom to be
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
Two women meet in heaven...
There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to make girls feel safe in the hallways
I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a r**....
I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Young Man Asks His Father About His Fiance
A young man from West Virginia goes up to his dad and says, "Pa, I am really concerned about my fiance."
His dad asks him to tell him what the problem is, he says, "Well Pa, I just don't know what to do, I just found out she is a v**...."
His dad says, "Dump her, if she ain't good enough fer her own kin, she ain't good enough fer ours."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife went out to dinner
A husband and wife went out to dinner. They settled in a nice steak restaurant and begin ordering. The man told the waiter, "I would like a regular sirloin steak." The waiter asks, "and the doneness?" The man says, " I would like it b**...-rare." The concerned waiter asks, "what about Mad-Cow?" The man replies, "Oh, she can order for herself."
A man goes to his rabbi.
He says to the rabbi, "I think my wife is trying to poison me but I have no idea why". The rabbi, concerned about the distress the Jew was experiencing says "Don't worry, I will talk to your wife." A few days pass and the man returns to his rabbi still fearing for his life. The rabbi sits him down and says to him "My child, I spent several hours speaking to your wife, follow my advice, take the poison."
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.
I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.
Little Johnny... Finding Jesus
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poor Little Johnny...
Little Johnny is sitting on his porch crying.
His neighbor, Mr. Smith, is concerned, comes over and asks "Johnny, why are ya crying like that?"
Johnny says sobbingly, "Oh Mr. Smith, I just came home from school and found my Dad dead on the floor and I don't know what to do!"
Mr. Smith is shocked and says "Oh no Johnny. How can I help? Let me go get the town priest for you?"
To which Johnny states "God no... I can't think about s**... at a time like this!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband talks to a rabbi.
A husband goes to talk to a rabbi about how his wife is trying to make him consume poison. The rabbi shows concern and tells the husband, "don't worry I'll talk to her". The next day the husband and the rabbi meet together, and the rabbi informs the husband of the meeting with his wife. "I saw your wife - I talked to her for 3 hours! Take the poison!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This should raise a dry smile, then...
The knight approached the king and said, "Sire, we have spent the past two weeks destroying and pillaging the towns of your enemies to the West."
"What?" said the king, concerned. "I don't have any enemies in the West!"
"Oh," said the knight. "Well, you do now..."
JUST Jokes::MAD COW CONCERN::
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pretty teacher was concerned with
one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love." the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a c**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man sees his dog chew up and s**... a pencil
Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.
"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"
"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."
"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"
"Use a pen."
Watch List
A guy is nervously pacing around his house. His brother sees this and asks, "What's wrong." The guy responds with, "I was online and now I think I'm on some sort of watch list." Concerned his brother asked, "What were you searching?" The guy looks at his brother and says, "Rolexes."
As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...
Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
My Son's #1 Concern
When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The FBI made a big m**... bust recently.
The took the approximately 2 tons of w**... to a landfill and had it incinerated. However, the EPA stepped in and showed concern for the multitude of seagulls flying overhead. You know what their study discovered? That there was no tern left unstoned.
A concerned person is sick of all the corruption and injustice in the world and decides they want to expose it by becoming a journalist.
Only 3 weeks later they were caught trying to reveal corruption by some high ranking officials and were put to death.
You could say, they chose the wrong Korea.
A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....
He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.
Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."
Boss: " So what are you saying....?"
Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."
A concerned husband goes to his priest...
"Father, I think my wife is trying to poison me. Every time she makes me something to eat, the rat poison bottle gets lighter and lighter."
Troubled by hearing this, the priest tells the man, "I will go and speak with your wife and see what is going on here."
The priest then heads to their home and sits down with the wife and has a long discussion. He then comes back to talk to the husband.
"I've spoken with your wife for over 45 minutes about this", the priest said.
The husband looks intently at the priest, "Yeah, what should I do?"
The priest calmly says "you should take the poison."
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
Trump's presidency is historic...
He's the first president to ever be more concerned about personal insecurity than he is about national security.
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!
Everyone is concerned about Trump's health after he posted an incomprehensible tweet about his covfefe
But don't worry. Dr. Hufghfufu just assured the media that he's agvofofi.
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
Two olives are on a counter.
One falls to the ground. The one still on the counter, out of genuine concern, yells down, "ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
The one on the ground rolls over, quickly checks himself and replies,
"OLIVE"
A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....
When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."
A little boy was looking through the keyhole of his sister's room
Mom says with a smile, "why are you concerned with what your sister is doing in there?"
Boy replies, "I am not concerned with her, I am wondering what dad is doing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm concerned with the world news at the moment. Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York,
and I was thinking.
"If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere".
A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"
Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today
When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.
Another blonde joke
Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship
I am Canadian
It's strange that we don't hear more concern from the flat earthers about Antarctica melting
You'd think they would be worried about the ice wall springing a leak and draining the ocean.
A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.
Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.
"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.
"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"
Bill and Hillary Clinton are eating dinner in a town where there has been a recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease.
When the waiter comes to take their order, Bill asks for a steak.
But sir, what about the Mad Cow? the waiter asks, concerned.
Don't worry, Bill replies, she'll order for herself.
I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.
Everybody who was important got encrypted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm afraid my wife might be a vampire.
She like to stay out all night, all of her guy friends invite her over before she can visit them and she always seems genuinely concerned when I try to stab her with a wooden stake.
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
So, I have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist
The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become egyptologists.
As far as I'm concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.
A couple was sitting at a bench in the park
They looked rather sad, so an old lady went up to them, looking rather concerned
Old lady: Are you ok? Why do you guys look so sad?
Man: Come sit down with us and you will understand
So the old lady sat down beside him, waiting for an explanation
Old lady: So, what is bothering you two?
Woman: The bench is freshly painted
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you're concerned about your new partner's s**... history, and you don't want to catch g**... warts, imagine you're playing chess, not craps.
So don't roll the dice. Check first, and then mate.
A concerned friend asks a guy why he just endures his marriage with an abusive spouse.
He just shrugged it off and says, "beats me."
A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside.
A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside. Concerned something had happened she asked, "What was that noise?"
The man replied, " It was just my underwear falling".
Unsure the wife asked again, "That noise was a bit loud for it to be just an underwear falling to the ground.
The man replied, " Yeah, because I was still in it"
A waitress spots a dejected looking man staring at the menu...
Concerned, she approaches and asks if she can help.
Man: I'd like to order my late wife's usual meal but I can't remember it...
Waitress: I'm so sorry! Could you describe it to me? I'm sure we can figure out what her favorite was.
Man: No, it's fine. I'll just text her, she should be out of the shower by now.
Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.
He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.
Welcome to Australia!
A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure," he replies.
"Anything to declare?"
"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.
"Do you have a criminal history?"
Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.
"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"
I went out late at night to call my cat.
And now I really regret naming him Batman. The neighbors are looking concerned.
It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.
The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:
Please, don't just stand there!
Go home!
————————————
Disclaimer:
I really appreciate my mother in law. This is a joke (which I like to tell her once in a while). In-laws deserve to be treated with respect, just like real human beings.
What has eight legs, a horse's head and makes hissing noises as it moves?
Seriously... What is that thing? It suddenly appeared in the basement a week ago. Should I be concerned? Would have asked my brother for help but haven't seen him in seven days.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my psychiatrist recently.
I told him I had been feeling down, and depressed lately, and I sometimes don't know how I will ever become happy and content anymore.
He looked at me and said, with a concerned look on his face "have you considered s**...?"
To which I said "I didn't know that was an option
Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.
The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"Yes."
"May I speak to him?"
"No."
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.
People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.
It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....
....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.
An old lady goes to visit her husband in his new care- home.
She asks the nurse at the desk "How is my husband settling in?"
The nurse sighs "Oh, he's like a fish out of water."
"Oh no, in what way?" The concerned lady asks.
"He's dead." replies the nurse.
My friend Jack …
… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is driving a car on a busy freeway
He receives a call from his concerned daughter.
"Dad, please be careful! I just saw on the news some idiot is driving the freeway on the wrong side of the road."
"One idiot? There are literally hundreds of them!"
A guy's playing basketball with his buddies...
A guy's playing basketball with his buddies when he injures a finger badly.
He goes to the doctor and explains what happened.
The doctor examines it and says "It's broken, but we'll be able to get it healed up just about as good as new."
The guy gets a concerned look on his face and asks "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after it's all healed up?"
Noticing his concerned look, the doctor reassures him "Sure you will," with a warm smile on his face.
The guy gets really excited and exclaims "YES! I've always wanted to be able to play the piano!"
