Concentration Jokes
96 concentration jokes and hilarious concentration puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about concentration that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Concentration Short Jokes
Short concentration jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The concentration humour may include short concentrate jokes also.
- Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on... because you know what they say about old habits...
- Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'
- Don't drink water while studying... Why?
Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.
Note: My first attempt. Thanks. - [Offensive] Adolf visits the concentration camp and asks a young boy how old he is "I'll be 6 soon!"
"Nope" - "I need help with this crossword," yelled my girlfriend, almost in tears. "9 letters, another word for 'concentration'. I think she's seeking attention.
- My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one... Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?
- I started a summer camp for kids with add/adhd to teach them to manage their symptoms. It didn't do so well, people kept telling me Concentration Camp was a bad name.
- Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films Because you know what they say about old habits...
- Translating the German joke Germans only tell Germans. I don't like to talk about the holocaust either. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.
He got drunk and fell off the guard tower. - I called my dad from the shop saying I'd forgotten what orange juice he asked for. Concentrate he said, but I still couldn't remember!
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Concentration One Liners
Which concentration one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with concentration? I can suggest the ones about intensity and congestion.
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- Why don't Jewish girls study on their period? Concentration Cramps
- Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
- What is the worst punishment for someone with ADHD? A concentration camp
- Never drink water while studying It'll dilute your concentration
- I got fired from the juice factory today I just couldn't concentrate
- Where do they make Adderall? Concentration Camps
- Did I ever tell you about how I lost my job at Tropicana? I couldn't concentrate.
- why did the orange fail school? It couldn't concentrate.
- What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called? Chrysler Concentrate
- Why did the acid perform poorly? Because it didn't concentrate.
- How did the jewish boy cure his ADD? He was sent to a concentration camp
- I spent an hour staring at the OJ container yesterday. It said "concentrate."
- What do you get when you cross an orchard with a concentration camp? apple juice
- What do you call milk that comes from cows with their eyes closed? Concentrated milk
Heartwarming Concentration Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about concentration you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean focus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make concentration pranks.
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I knew a blonde that was so s**... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "Concentrate."
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
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WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...
(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)
Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.
Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.
Player1: My god that's awful...
Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.
Player1 has left the game
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h**... gave his orders
...and his army set off. They spent all day attacking and capturing the Jews. After 4 camps were filled, they returned to h**...'s base. He closed the door and completely went off on his officers. "d**...!" he roared. "I said I wanted concentrated juice, not concentrated Jews!"
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What did the jew say when he reached the concentration camp?
AU SHWITZ
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What advice did tiger Woods' dad have for Tiger during training?
Concentrate on golf—f**... everything else.
What kind of vehicle did they use to transport prisoners to concentration camps during the holocaust?
Ju-Haul
Why did the Germans have a vitamin C deficiency during World War II?
All the juice was put in concentrate camps
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Beethoven
Beethoven dies and is buried. A few days after his burial the locals notice strange
music coming from the burial site. Alarmed, the villagers get the local priest and head
down to the graveyard. And sure enough the sound was coming from Beethoven's grave.
The locals watch as the priest places the side of his head onto the ground.
Deep in concentration he mutters: "Fifth symphony......fourth symphony....third...aha! Beethoven is decomposing!"
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How did h**... like his orange juice?
Concentrated.
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They say there's safety in numbers...
Tell that to 6 million Jews
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Where do Jewish kids go when they are diagnosed with ADD?
Concentration camps
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I'll never forgive the n**... for how they treated my granddad in that concentration camp during the war.
Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion...
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75 story hotel
Phil, Jim, and John were at a convention together sharing a large suite at the top of a . After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear the elevators were broken, and they now had to climb 75 flights of stairs.
Phil said to Jim and John,"let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something more interesting. Hmm, I'll tell jokes the first 25 floors, Jim, you can sing songs the next 25 floors and John you can say your collection of sad stories."
The others agreed and they started the climb for their hotel room. At the 26th floor Phil stopped with his jokes and Jim started his songs. At the 51st floor songs stopped and John's sad stories started.
"I guess I'll begin with my saddest story first. I forgot the room key in the car."
(EDIT) FIXED THE GRAMMAR d**...
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What was h**...'s favorite drink?
Orange jews, 100% concentrated
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German scientists have discovered a new drug, derived from the bacteria *Adolfus hitlerii*, which will be applied to people with ADD.
Its ad campaign will carry the slogan "It helps Jew concentrate"
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Where did h**... send his Oranges?
The concentration camps.
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My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate...
Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"
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Why do Germans have such great focus?
I think it's because they used to have concentration camps.
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What kind of orange juice do Jews drink?
All kinds, just not concentrated
My doctor prescribed me Adderall to help my concentration and frustration. The only problem is that...
now I'm super concentrated on my frustrations.
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Where do german parents send their ADD kids?
Concentration Camps
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Take it easy on the anti-semetic jokes.
Take it easy on the jew jokes please. My grandfather died in a concentration camp during WW2.
Apparently he fell off a guard tower during shift change.
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How does h**... organize his juice?
By concentration
I was carefully measuring out a dab of Cannabis extract for my roommate, when she said,
"Did you remember to-- Oh, nevermind; you're concentrating."
Been working mornings in a juice factory, but I got sacked today.
Don't blame them though, I couldn't concentrate.
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Did you hear about the new s**... Fidget spinners?
They really help you concentrate!
What did the quiet orange say to the noisy orange?
"Be quiet! I'm concentrating!"
My parents and I came to the US from Germany when I was a little girl.
They didn't speak much English, but were experienced educators back home. One winter, they decided to open a tutoring/ study session program to help students stay productive and focus over the break. It wasn't until after a flood of angry phone calls and visitors that we realized that "Concentration Camp" was not an ideal program name.
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Did you hear about the German summer camp where they gave all the kids adderall?
It turned into a concentration camp
The year is 1945...
The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."
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Hitlers s**...
One jewish man tells a joke to a woman, so he says:
"Why did h**... commit s**...?"
She said: "I don't know."
he replies:".... He saw the gas bill."
Then she said:"That's horrible! How could you say that!"
And he replies: "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be joking about the holocaust. My great grandfather died in concentration camp."
The girl replies: "I'm so sorry to hear that."
And he says: "Yeah, it's sad, he fell off the guard tower."
I had ADD as a kid
So my parents enrolled me in a concentration camp
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Where do German parents send their children with ADD for the Summer?
Concentration Camp
What board game do they have in Concentration Camps?
Jewmanji
My summer camp, which was all about focus and blocking out distractions, did really poorly this year
Apparently no one wants to go to a concentration camp
What's the difference between a rehab center and a concentration camp?
One takes addicts out of people, the other takes people out of attics.
(Works best when said out loud)
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A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
I'm very appalled by holocaust jokes.
They are of poor taste and aren't funny.
My own grandfather died in a concentration camp.
The poor fellow, god bless his soul, went to get some food and accidentally fell down from his watchtower.
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At the doctors office
I went to the doctors office due to a strange abdominal pain. My doctor adviced me to stop m**.... "Is it dangerous?" I asked. "No", said the doctor " but it disturbs my concentration".
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
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A guy says: "My great grandfather died in the concentration camps"
Then he laughs: "He fell from the guard tower"
"Stop telling jokes about this" His friend replies - "My great grandma also died in concentration camps"
"Oh I'm sorry"
"Yeah, some idiot d**... dude fell on top of her from the guard tower"
I quit drugs to concentrate on rock climbing
"nice... what's the highest you've been?"
I tried to kiss a goldfish.
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First I put in two tablespoons of fresh chopped basil. Then six or so grapes. Then half a banana. A little orange juice concentrate. Then some Metaright high protein paste.
Then she says "Letting you play with my a**... was a mistake."
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Stop the concentration camp Jokes!
I find them incredibly offensive. My Grandpa died in one of those concentration camps!
Well, thinking about it...maybe he shouldn't have drank so much while standing on the watchtower...
Joke that has recently become popular in Russia in light of recent protests
- Dad, which concentration camp are we going to?
- Dunno, son, I'm not interested in politics.
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p**... is often frowned upon,
but that's only because I'm concentrating.
A russian, a jew and a german are at a bar
they talk about their grandfathers war experiences. The russian says: "war for my grandpa was so bad, he was shot on the eastern front fighting germans". Hearing this the jew says: "you think that is bad? my grandfather got killed in a concentration camp...". Seeing that the situation makes him stand in a bad shadow, the german says: "guys, calm down, my grandfather died in war at a german concentration camp too." Surprised both the russian and the jew ask in unison "how?".
The german replies: "poor man fell down from the guard tower".
Happy Friday!
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
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Chess Champion
The reporter asked the reigning chess grandmaster "What do you do before your games ?"
"Well", said the champ, "I never have s**... on the night before a big match"
"Does that help you concentrate? "
"I'm not sure" he sighed "I don't have s**... any other night either".
So I'm trying to open a chain of outdoor, overnight facilities to help children overcome symptoms of ADHD.
Unfortunately I'm having trouble getting the bank to approve a loan for concentration camps.
Did you hear about the guy who worked at the canned juice company?
He got fired because he couldn't concentrate.
A old TV psychic is given a question in an envelope and asked for the answer to said question without opening the envelope. The psychic holds it up to his head, concentrates, and says "The Answer! Is! 'Perpetuate!'"
Then, the old psychic opens the envelope to read the note inside out loud to the studio audience and says, "The Question! Is! How does a Chinese deli charge their customers...?!"
The other day, I ran out of apple juice
But I had a big box full of apples at home, so I thought I would try to make some myself.
I stared at that box for over an hour and nothing happened. Then I looked at the empty juice bottle again, and on the label it said "not from concentrate."
Boy did I feel foolish
An actual joke that was told by Jews during World War II
An SS man says to a Jew in a concentration camp: "You are to be killed today, but I will give you a chance. One of my eyes is a glass eye. If you can guess which one it is, I will give you your life."
The Jew looks at the SS man and says, "The left one, Herr Corporal."
"That is correct. How did you recognize it?"
"Because it looks so human."
