con Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious con puns

My girlfriend dropped this on me after some Tex-Mex last night ...

"I'm chilly"

She steps closer and takes my hand

"Will you be my con queso?"

And before I could even respond ...

"Sorry, was that too cheesy for you?"

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So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.

It was a little condescending.

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A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

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What do you call a snobbish criminal falling down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

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An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

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A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar.

The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"

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What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

I'll see myself out

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If the opposite of pro is con...

Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.

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I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

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I was walking past a prison the other day, and

I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.

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What do you call a snobbish criminal walking down stairs?

A Condescending Con Descending.

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Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"

"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".

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What do you call a snobby criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con desending..

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What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

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What do you call it when Condoleezza Rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs?

Conde sending condescending con descending.

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What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

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I got an email from a Mongolian king...

I got an email from a Mongolian king, promising me millions and everyone warned me it was a con, but I was like "Yeah guys, I know it's a Khan. That's what a king from Mongolia is called."

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What do you call a snobby criminal walking down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending

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Pros and cons of guys:

Con: They're dicks.
Pro: Their dicks.

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If you're a criminal and you go camping with EA, don't forget to bring something to sleep in...

... or they'll make you pay for the extra con tent

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My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

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What do you call an arrogant patronizing thief coming down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

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Con is the opposite of pro, and con is bad.

So if we want to turn the constitution into something better, then we should change it to...

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What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs?

A Condescending Con Descending.

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What do you call a rude criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

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I would share a joke that my friend in prison sent me in a letter...

But I don't like to quote out of con text.

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What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

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What do you call a snobby thief running down your stairs?

A condescending con descending.

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Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

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What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

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So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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A grade school teacher was asking students...

...what their parents did for a living.

Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"

Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"

Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"

The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.

Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid?"

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A smug prisoner went down a flight of stairs.

He was a condescending con descending.

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What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs?

A condescending con descending.

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what do you call a patronizing criminal walking down stairs

a condescending con descending

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What are the most funny Con jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Con? Well, here are the best Con dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Con pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes