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Con Jokes

158 con jokes and hilarious con puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about con that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready to laugh with these hilarious jokes about saw con, air con, comic con, greek con, ex con, cho con, and more! No matter your type of con, there's a joke for you that's sure to keep you laughing. UNA, fused para!

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Popular Con Short Jokes

Short con jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The con humour may include short para jokes also.

  1. What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches? On one hand, you have a watch...
    But on the other hand, you have a watch.
  2. I'm going to start a quidditch ball repair shop, staffed entirely with ex-cons from Azkaban. It'll be called Snitches Get Stitches .
  3. I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job... ...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.
  4. What do you call a snobbish criminal falling down the stairs? A condescending con descending.
  5. Came up with this joke this morning in the shower. I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.
  6. A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar. The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"
  7. Perks of being an adult: Nobody will stop me from eating an entire cake. Cons of being an adult: Nobody stopped me from eating an entire cake..
  8. The pros and cons of being overly literal PROS:
    People who profit as a result of their occupation.
    CONS:
    People found guilty of a criminal offense.
  9. I was walking past a prison the other day, and I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.
    I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.
  10. A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength... So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

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Con One Liners

Which con one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with con? I can suggest the ones about felon and saw con.

  1. If the opposite of pro is con... Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.
  2. I just got a new job at a prison library. It has its prose and cons.
  3. If con is the opposite of pro then isn't congress the opposite of progress?
  4. What are the pros and cons of making kids Pros: Making
    Cons: Kids
  5. Why was the prison poetry slam cancelled? There were more cons than prose
  6. What do you call a writing club in prison? Prose and Cons
  7. I have started teaching a poetry class at my local jail It's called prose and cons
  8. What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs? A Condescending Con Descending.
  9. I started a book club in prison It's called prose and cons.
  10. I started a literacy program for inmates. There's been some prose and cons.
  11. I've started running poetry nights at the local prison. It has its prose and cons
  12. What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending
  13. A smug prisoner went down a flight of stairs. He was a condescending con descending.
  14. I'm compiling a book of poems by felons. I'm going to call it "Prose and Cons".
  15. What do you call a rude convict going downstairs? A condescending con descending.

Comic Con Jokes

Here is a list of funny comic con jokes and even better comic con puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • someone tried to tell stan lee this joke during his panel at comic con this week end what do you call spiderman when he quits the daily bugal and starts working as a valet?
    peter PARKER.
  • I can't believe Comic Con 2020 got cancelled because of covid 19! It was the one group of people who were 100% guaranteed to wear masks.
  • San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event. But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.
  • I remember when I went to Comic-Con... It was so dark in there, I had to take a picture with The Flash...
  • Churches are the biggest cons out there. Besides Comic-Con of course.
  • I dressed up as the letter B for comic con. It's my favorite character.
  • I heard PAX and Comic Con won't be merging after all... They wanted to avoid so much.... con-fusion.
  • This year's Comic-Con will be hosted in Hawaii in the hopes that sacrificing a few virgins will appease the angry volcano god.
  • Got stuck on the highway when the engine blew on the way to Comic Con. It was a nerd bus breakdown.
  • They're gonna put San Diego Comic Con and New York Comic Con together, but people didn't quite get it They said it was con-fusing

Ex Con Jokes

Here is a list of funny ex con jokes and even better ex con puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Obama bans hiring bias against ex-cons seeking federal jobs He was quoted as says, "well, we politicians need somewhere to work after leaving office".
  • What's the difference between ex-cons and congressmen? Every once in a while ex-cons pass a few good bills.
  • What do you call it when your former girlfriend sees the person you are planning to con? Ex spots the mark
  • We just hired an ex-con, who was in for tax evasion, to do our landscaping And I must say he is terrific at cutting the corners.
  • Why didn't the ex-con turn down the apprenticeship with the town blacksmith? Because he worked with copper.
  • Why didn't the ex-con take an internship with the town blacksmith? Because it was unpaid and he needed to make a living.
  • I couldn't decide whether to hire an ex s**... worker or an ex prisoner for our job opening So I made a list of Pros and Cons.

Saw Con Jokes

Here is a list of funny saw con jokes and even better saw con puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • During a prison break, I saw a midget climb the fence of the prison yard. As he jumped down, he sneered at me... I thought to myself, "well, that was a little con-descending."
  • I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
    I though to myself, that's a little con descending
  • Yesterday I saw a midget escaping prison. As he went down its walls with a rope, he noticed me staring at him, so he looked at me with disgust.
    "That's a little con descending" I thought
  • Who is going to Saw Con this year ?
  • I saw a business group's website praising a felon for finishing his studies. I never thought I'd see a conglomerate congratulating a con graduating.
    ----------
    I know, it's horrible, but I like it.
  • what did the man say when he saw the chilli that he was about to cut up for his chilli con carne dancing? "My chilli's gone barmy!!!"
  • A lumberjack has s**... with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company *I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*

Air Con Jokes

Here is a list of funny air con jokes and even better air con puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines? Con Air.
  • Most successful personal ad in the UK ever Old, fat, bald, poor man seeks woman. HAVE AIR CON
    Turns out there are hundreds of woman in my area who want to meet me right now!
  • Did you hear that the star of Con Air was arrested and put in a jail cell filled with pennies, dimes, and quarters? It was a nickel-less cage.
  • What brand of hairdryer does Nicholas Cage use? Con-Air
  • Why was the criminal so cold? He was an air-con

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about con can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of con puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Unearthly Funniest Con Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about con you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean comic con jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make con prank.

My girlfriend dropped this on me after some Tex-Mex last night ...

"I'm chilly"
She steps closer and takes my hand
"Will you be my con queso?"
And before I could even respond ...
"Sorry, was that too cheesy for you?"

So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"

"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".

What do you call an uppity criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con, descending.

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call it when Condoleezza rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs?

Conde sending condescending con descending.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

I got an email from a Mongolian king...

I got an email from a Mongolian king, promising me millions and everyone warned me it was a con, but I was like "Yeah guys, I know it's a Khan. That's what a king from Mongolia is called."

What do you call a s**... criminal walking down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending

Pros and cons of guys:

Con: They're d**....
Pro: Their d**....

If you're a criminal and you go camping with EA, don't forget to bring something to sleep in...

... or they'll make you pay for the extra con tent

What do you call an arrogant patronizing thief coming down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the s**... Squad!

Con is the opposite of pro, and con is bad.

So if we want to turn the constitution into something better, then we should change it to...

I would share a joke that my friend in prison sent me in a letter...

But I don't like to quote out of con text.

Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

What do you call a s**... thief running down your stairs?

A condescending con descending.

So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

what do you call a patronizing criminal walking down stairs

a condescending con descending

What do you call a bus on its way to Comic Con?

v**... Mobile

If pro is the opposite of con....

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
Congress.
Joe Swanson - Family Guy

If pro and con are opposites

Then the opposite of progress is Congress.

What do you call a convicted felon on an escalator?

I'm not sure, but I think it's con descending

A short man was just convicted of a felony and was going down the stairs with his lawyer and the deputies

His lawyer said, "you should have listened to me, s**...!"
I'm like wow - that's a little con descending.

What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs in jail?

A condescending con descending.

When two criminals get surgically attached

They are con fused

What's a cowlick?

Dad: Son, your hair dresser does such a good job even with your cowlick as crazy as it is
Son: What's a cowlick?
Dad: Whatever it wants.
Son: what?
Dad: ...
My dad made this joke when I was around 10 and I didn't understand it until I was around 16...and I asked him about it every once in a while and he pretended he had no idea what I was talking about...really played the long con there....I can't wait for my kids to ask me about a cowlick...

I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.

It's no more muscular than regular wheat.

If Con is the Opposite of Pro...

Does that make Congress the opposite of Progress?

Did you hear about the herculean female elder at the prison?

The mighty old con Andrea is the powerhouse of the cellblock

what's it called when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman going down multiple flights of stairs?

Conda sending condecending con decending

What do you call a snobbish and negative criminal walking down the stairs?

a condescending con descending

A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

In Kent a business man was con

In Kent a business man was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Essex and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

What do you call a snarky thief going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.
Sorry if this is a repost. Heard it yesterday and thought you all would enjoy.

Knock Knock

Q: Who's there?
A: Control Freak.
Q: Con...
A: Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"

We can all agree the opposite of pro is con, right?

In that case, the opposite of progress is...
Congress

What do you call an arrogant thief going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call an Irish conman with leprosy?

A l**... Con!

The opposite of a pro is a con.

The opposite of progress is Congress.

Did you hear about the Greek bricklayer who lied a lot?

He would always con Crete.
Joke from my neighbour, Slade.

Why did the stonemason break up with the female con artist?

She took him for granite.

If the opposite of con is pro...

...the opposite of constitution has to be prostitution.

Where does a con artist stay when camping?

The answer is in the content!

What do you call a sneaky criminal that thinks he's superior to everyone walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

If Spanish explorers had cheese dip

Do you think thy would be called the Con Quesodores?

Imagine a con artist named Dom.

He'd be called c**....

Pros and cons: Choice for abortions

Pro: Killing babies.

Con: Giving women a choice.

A man is going to comic con

He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."

My brother told me this one...

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then the opposite of PROgress is CONgress.

What do you call a s**... criminal walking downstairs?

a condescending con descending

Why is it impolite to say Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat?

Ettiquete dictates you say, "President Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat."

Yesterday I was walking past the state prison

and saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down from the concrete wall, screaming insults at the guards.
I thought, "Well, thats a little condescending little con descending"

Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts

I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.

Other jokes like, "If pro is the opposite of con, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?"

Just looking for some jokes similar to this one, playing on opposites and such.

Best name for cured meat convention in San Francisco...

... Bay Con.

What do you call an arrogant criminal going down a set of stairs?

A condescending con descending

A r**... and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.

But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.

Pros and cons of dating a man

Pro: Their d**...
Con: They're d**...

What do you call an Irish scammer that has leprosy?

A l**... Con

Did you hear the one about the Italian con man?

It turns out he was an im-pasta.

What do you call a prisoner with a snarky attitude going down stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call someone who rips you off on the web?

A .con artist.

jokes about con

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these con jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.