Con Jokes

Following is our collection of Con funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Con jokes

My girlfriend dropped this on me after some Tex-Mex last night ...

"I'm chilly"

She steps closer and takes my hand

"Will you be my con queso?"

And before I could even respond ...

"Sorry, was that too cheesy for you?"

So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.

It was a little condescending.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

What do you call a snobbish criminal falling down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar.

The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"

If the opposite of pro is con...

Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.

I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

I was walking past a prison the other day, and

I saw a dwarf in an orange jumpsuit shimmying down the side of the building.

I thought to myself, now that's a little con descending.

Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"

"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".

What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call it when Condoleezza Rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs?

Conde sending condescending con descending.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

I got an email from a Mongolian king...

I got an email from a Mongolian king, promising me millions and everyone warned me it was a con, but I was like "Yeah guys, I know it's a Khan. That's what a king from Mongolia is called."

What do you call a snobby criminal walking down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending

Pros and cons of guys:

Con: They're dicks.
Pro: Their dicks.

If you're a criminal and you go camping with EA, don't forget to bring something to sleep in...

... or they'll make you pay for the extra con tent

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

What do you call an arrogant patronizing thief coming down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Con is the opposite of pro, and con is bad.

So if we want to turn the constitution into something better, then we should change it to...

What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs?

A Condescending Con Descending.

I would share a joke that my friend in prison sent me in a letter...

But I don't like to quote out of con text.

What do you call a snobby thief running down your stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Millions of children are being inspired by seeing their first presidential election.

If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground.

So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

A grade school teacher was asking students...

...what their parents did for a living.

Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"

Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"

Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"

The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.

Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid?"

A smug prisoner went down a flight of stairs.

He was a condescending con descending.

what do you call a patronizing criminal walking down stairs

a condescending con descending

What do you call a bus on its way to Comic Con?

Virgin Mobile

What do you call a rude convict going downstairs?

A condescending con descending.

If pro is the opposite of con....

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

Joe Swanson - Family Guy

What do you call a convicted felon on an escalator?

I'm not sure, but I think it's con descending

Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines?

Con Air.

someone tried to tell stan lee this joke during his panel at comic con this week end

what do you call spiderman when he quits the daily bugal and starts working as a valet?

peter PARKER.

What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs in jail?

A condescending con descending.

What's a cowlick?

Dad: Son, your hair dresser does such a good job even with your cowlick as crazy as it is

Son: What's a cowlick?

Dad: Whatever it wants.

Son: what?

Dad: ...



My dad made this joke when I was around 10 and I didn't understand it until I was around 16...and I asked him about it every once in a while and he pretended he had no idea what I was talking about...really played the long con there....I can't wait for my kids to ask me about a cowlick...

I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.

It's no more muscular than regular wheat.

what's it called when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman going down multiple flights of stairs?

Conda sending condecending con decending

A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

I can't believe Comic Con 2020 got cancelled because of covid 19!

It was the one group of people who were 100% guaranteed to wear masks.

What do you call a snarky thief going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.



Sorry if this is a repost. Heard it yesterday and thought you all would enjoy.

We can all agree the opposite of pro is con, right?

In that case, the opposite of progress is...

Congress

I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day

He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope.
I though to myself, that's a little con descending

San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event.

But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.

Knock Knock

Q: Who's there?
A: Control Freak.
Q: Con...
A: Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"

What do you call an arrogant thief going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call an Irish conman with leprosy?

A Leper Con!

Why did the stonemason break up with the female con artist?

She took him for granite.

What do you call a sneaky criminal that thinks he's superior to everyone walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

If the opposite of con is pro...

...the opposite of constitution has to be prostitution.

Did you hear about the Greek bricklayer who lied a lot?

He would always con Crete.

Joke from my neighbour, Slade.

Pros and cons: Choice for abortions

Pro: Killing babies.

Con: Giving women a choice.

What do you call a snobby criminal walking downstairs?

a condescending con descending

A man is going to comic con

He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."

Yesterday I was walking past the state prison

and saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down from the concrete wall, screaming insults at the guards.

I thought, "Well, thats a little condescending little con descending"

A rapist and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.

But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.

Why is it impolite to say Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat?

Ettiquete dictates you say, "President Donald Trump is a racist, con man and a cheat."

Pros and cons of dating a man

Pro: Their dicks

Con: They're dicks

Other jokes like, "If pro is the opposite of con, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?"

Just looking for some jokes similar to this one, playing on opposites and such.

What do you call an arrogant criminal going down a set of stairs?

A condescending con descending

Did you hear the one about the Italian con man?

It turns out he was an im-pasta.

I used to live in a place with crazy thin walls.

I used to live in a place with super thin walls, which came with a lot of pros and cons

A big con was that at all times of day, you can hear people have nasty, carnal sex right next to you through the wall.

A pro, however, was that was if you knocked on the wall, and asked very nicely, you get to join in the sideways hokey pokey.

This led to a LOT of crazy, sex adventures.

All the crazy sex gets tiring after a while though, so eventually, I had to move out.

And I gotta say, it was really weird having to leave my parents place.

Did you hear about the man who faked leprosy to get charity handouts?

It was a leper con.

What do you call a prisoner with a snarky attitude going down stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts

I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.

What do you call an Irish scammer that has leprosy?

A Leper Con

What do you call someone who rips you off on the web?

A .con artist.

Did you hear about the guy swindling women by pretending to be Christian Grey

Turns out he was a Con Dom.

A lumberjack has sex with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company

*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*

Pros and Cons of making something to eat:

Pro: Something to eat

Con: Making

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes