The Best 78 Computers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Computers jokes. There are some computers dev jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these computers imac puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Computers Jokes and Puns

I like computers more than i like women.

I don't have to buy dinner for a computer to get it to accept my three and a half inch floppy.

Jesus vs Satan

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

Difference between computers and woman

Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

Computers joke, Difference between computers and woman

I'm surprised more people didn't know about the NSA spying programs

I mean most of our computers are labelled "Intel"

And old timer is talking to a millennial and says, "Your generation is sure in trouble thanks to all this talk of computers taking all the jobs. Aren't you worried?" To which the millennial replied,

What jobs?


What do the LGBT community and computers have in common?

Most people over 50 are scared of them and think they are destroying the fabric of society!

Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?

It's a shifty business.

Computers joke, Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?

What's the difference between HP computers and HP in a video game?

One of them you want to see a lot less of.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Because if you purchase one of their computers, you won't be able to afford health insurance

Why do SJWs hate Apple computers?

Because they're not PC

Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar.

They both crash when the drivers stop working.

You can explore computers dell reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean computers computer definitions dad jokes. There are also computers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Computers are like women

At first you cherish them with all your love. Then, as time goes on you become more careless. Until one day you realize...

*You have a virus*

How are women and computers the same?

Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.

[Computers] Why do Linux admins always take Xanax?

Because they're constantly battling their daemons.

Why were all the computers in the company frozen?

Because they let IT go

What do computers snack on?

micro chips

Computers joke, What do computers snack on?

An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

Mommy, how come computers are so smart..

That's because they listen to their Motherboards.

My computer crashed.

Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.


A paladin and a warrior go into a mage's electronics store to buy computers.

The paladin asks for a Dell computer. The mage directs him to aisle five. The warrior asks for a Hewlett-Packard. The mage says "I'm all out of HP." The mage dies.

when I talk about computers

I make my motherboard

How do computers measure pain?

Gigahurts.

(Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)

So the FBI is reopening their investigation due to emails found on computers at Anthony Weiner's house.

If these emails bring Hillary down, it'll be the first time she's been screwed by a Weiner in years.

Women are just like computers...

They are always freezing for no reason and you need to replace them about every 3-5 years.

What do Hutts use to program computers?

JabbaScript

Trump got angry with computers again...

Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.

Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:

"Alternative Fax"

why do apple computers dislike love songs?

they are all done by Adele!

BLONDES & COMPUTERS

Q: How are blondes and computers similar?

A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.

Only 49 states like computers...

The last state isn't Dell-aware

How does a Russian hacker get its malware onto the NSA's computers?

By in-Stalin it.

I asked my mother "why are the computers so smart?"

Mother: because they listen to their motherboard

The first computers were made by women...

that's why computer language is so difficult to understand

How are Computers and Air Conditioners similar?

They both stop working when you open windows.

Why Are Computers So Smart?

Cuz they listen to their Motherboards.

A programmer and his wife...

A programmers wife asks him to go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.

The programmer returns with one loaf of bread and twelve eggs because programmers don't act like computers unlike some others on this sub.

In Heaven, computers don't need a lot of space.

It's all stored on the cloud.

How do computers make sweaters?

On the interknit.

What's the difference between an IT professional and a polygamist?

The IT guy has two computers in case one goes down, the polygamist has two wives in case one doesn't.

I like my women like my computers

At least old enough to handle my 3 1/2-inch floppy.

49 states don't know about computers.

The last state is Dell-aware.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

You don't understand computers.

2005: One day computers will be so good that you will have to prove you aren't a robot.

2017: One day computers will be so good that you won't have to prove that you are a robot.

Women are like computers.

You never really appreciate them until they go down on you.

I don't get why people are scared of computers taking Jobs.

Cancer got him first.

Why are computers so messy when they eat?

They take megabytes.

What's a computers favorite food?

Cookies and chips.

In Spanish, why are computers "la computadora" and not "el computadoro"?

Because they think they know everything.

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.

It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

Why is Pennywise good with computers?

Because he works in the IT department.

Thomas Edison was certainly one of history's greatest scientists.

If not for his invention, right now we would be using our computers by candlelight.

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

Computers don't laugh at 3.5 inch floppies

TIL That due to recent advancements with AI two computers identified themselves as mates, and even went as far as to set up a Romeo and Juliette style suicide pact...

They say they were so in love they finished each others sentiences.

When the computers crash at work.

A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.

Are quantum computers going to change our world?

Yes and no.

Before computers, we did Boolean algebra by hand. Everyone hated it.

It was all Bool sheet work.

What kind of soup do computers eat?

RAMen.

Indians Robbing a Bank

An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.

What is a similarity between computers and prostitutes?

They can both be used for 20+ hours.

Wives are not like computers

When you're not expecting it, a computer will go down on you.

Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?

Because you can never be sure of their true values.

Why are computers better than girlfriends?

They're the only ones that can accept a 3 inch floppy.

Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers?

Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.

Why are old computers so slow?

Because they do things a bit at a time.

A person invented a new computer and called his friend to check it out...

Person:- this computer can think like a human

Friend :- how?

Person :- whenever it does something wrong, he blames it on other computers.

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

Why can't elephansts use computers

Because they are scared of the mouse

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

What are Russian computers best for?

ComPutin.

A friend of mine made a funny joke about computers.

but it wasn't funny. Not one bit.

Why were older computers heavier?

Because they used a FAT file system!

Sharing for my 70 yr old mother. Why are computers so smart?

Because they listen to their motherboards.

What's the difference between computers and Americans?

Computers have troubleshooting.

All of our workers have airbags in their monitor

So it will protect them when their computers crash.

Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers

They only know how to log out.

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

What do air conditions and computers have in common?

They work fine until you open Windows.

What do Bad computers and Children have in common?

They're worth more if you sell their parts separately

I asked my mom why computers are so smart

Mom: because they listen to their motherboards!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the computers macs jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working computers viruses piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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