Computer Programmer Jokes
55 computer programmer jokes and hilarious computer programmer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about computer programmer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Computer Programmer Short Jokes
Short computer programmer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The computer programmer humour may include short computer programer jokes also.
- A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
He never returned. - What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.
- How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.
- I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills You could say I improved bit by bit
- [Walks into a bar] An sql query walks into a bar. Looking around, he sees a pair of tables. Going up to them, he asks, "Excuse me, but do you mind if I join you?"
- Why did the computer programmer get stuck in the shower forever? Because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said to "1. Lather 2. Rinse 3. Repeat"
- If an Indian programmer has no bread and his computations don't even give #NAN that's double trouble.
- A computer programmer goes fishing. When he comes home his wife asked him how it went? As he holds up 8 fish, he says "I only got one byte"
- What did the computer programmer name his son? Cody.
(pretty sure I just made this up :) ) - Why was the computer programmer who was sent back in time to 1700 disappointed? Because it was all baroque and no byte
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Computer Programmer One Liners
Which computer programmer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with computer programmer? I can suggest the ones about computer programming and computer scientist.
- Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because Oct31 = Dec25
- Why was the NSA computer programmer late for work? Because he got Snowden
- It's OK to go number 1 in the shower... ...unless you count like a computer programmer.
- Why was the little girl scared of the computer programme? He was a PDF file
- What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children? A PDFile.
- What do computer programmers do after work? They go out and grab a byte.
- What happens when a computer programmer does a marathon? Runtime Error.
- Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven? They were too GUI.
- IAmA dyslexic government computer programmer, AMA! Whoops, wrong usb.
- What does the libertarian computer programmer say? All fields should be private.
- How do computer programmers like their cookies? GUI.
- What is a computer programmer's favorite moon? Io
- 90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
- On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
- Chuck Norris can make a Java Program in visual studio 2010.
Giggle-Inducing Computer Programmer Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about computer programmer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean computer engineer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make computer programmer pranks.
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son:
"Dad, what is Windows 95?"
"Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning.
Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
What do you call an unconscious computer programmer?
dfghjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Why do computer programmers spend so much time in the shower?
The directions clearly state: "Rinse, lather, repeat"
A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.
He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."
What do computer programmers and aged-care nurses have in common?
They both worry about the position of colons.
how many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem!
A Job Wanted
A dog walks into a job centre, goes up to the woman at the desk and says, 'Good afternoon, miss. I'm looking for work.'
The woman looks up, amazed, and says, 'Good heavens, a talking dog! Er... well, let's try the circus in town. I'll give them a ring.'
The dog says, 'The circus? What on earth would the circus do with a computer programmer?'
A computer programmer was asked if he used Java or something else.
After a short pause, he replied "Yes."
What do you get when you give a computer programmer an aggressive dermal viral infection?
Open sores.
A computer programmer's wife sends her husband to the store.
She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,
"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,
"Because they had eggs."
A programmer and his wife...
A programmers wife asks him to go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer returns with one loaf of bread and twelve eggs because programmers don't act like computers unlike some others on this sub.
How do you know that a computer programmer is an extrovert instead of an introvert?
When he talks to you, he stares at your shoes instead of his own.
Programmer goes to his computer
He's working at home. Right now, he's coding a music player for his own system. He tests it, seeing that it works.
His friend calls him, and says: "What are you listening to right now?"
The programmer replied: "I'm listening to The Script."
Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving
A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scrapes the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."
I need to get a new friend
I've been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python
After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn't work at all. Seriously w**...? I should have just dumped coffee onto my keyboard because JavaScript is clearly better
