Computer Jokes
177 computer jokes and hilarious computer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about computer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover hilarious computer jokes for computer scientists, nerds, programmers, geeks, and engineers! Joke about computers, mice, laptops, iMacs, and routers and find humour in the world of technology.
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Funniest Computer Short Jokes
Short computer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The computer humour may include short software jokes also.
- What's the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
- The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
- My grandad asked me how to print on his computer... I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.
- Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer. - My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
- A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
He never returned. - What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.
- How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.
- I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt. - Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess. But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.
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Computer One Liners
Which computer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with computer? I can suggest the ones about internet and machine.
- I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free. - What does Stephen hawking say when his computer crashes? Nothing.
- What do computers eat? Micro chips!
- How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer? Dos
- I burned my finger on my computer processor. It MHz.
- What do you call a dying airport computer? A terminal terminal terminal.
- Are quantum computers going to change our world? Yes and no.
- Why is Voldemort so good with computers? He's fluent in Python
- Why were all the computers in the company frozen? Because they let IT go
- My computer just said hello to me. I think it's A Dell.
- I painted my computer black last night Now it runs much faster
- How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots.
- I started downloading Jaws the other day But after one megabyte, my computer died.
- What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?
- What computer monitor sings the best? A Dell.
Computer Science Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer science jokes and even better computer science puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either". - My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
- There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science 0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors - What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean
- I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance. Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.
- The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes
- Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays
- A programming joke There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and
- I would talk about computer science... But it makes my mother board
- I'm teaching my white blood cells math and my red blood cells computer science Once they become STEM cells I am hoping to regrow a finger.
Computer Crashing Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer crashing jokes and even better computer crashing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again
- My computer crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
- My computer kept crashing It turns out I had a bad driver.
I just came up with this tonight but I can totally see the joke having been come up with before, so if it has please let me know. - What's the difference between a car and a computer? If you install windows on a car, it crashes less.
- what's the difference between my computer and Paul walker. I care when my computer crashes.
- My computer just crashed while I was a couple hours into doing my essay Now I have to write those two sentences all over again
- What's the difference between princess Diana and my computer I care when my computer crashes
- Why do you always have to wear a seatbelt in an autonomous car? In case the computer crashes.
- When a computer gets a virus, it crashes. When a computerized car gets a virus It *crashes*
- What's common between a computer that just crashed and a guy who just had an argument with his wife ? Both of them proceed in safe mode.
Computer Virus Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer virus jokes and even better computer virus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton
- So I got a virus on my computer And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.
Must have ransomware. - Fix a man's computer, and he will be virus-free for a day. Teach a man to fix his computer, and he will be virus-free for a day.
- I installed anti virus software on my computer Now my computer has autism
- Computer virus are no joke I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomware.
I WannaCry now... ;( - My girlfriend dissapeared when she got a virus on her computer one day and never came back. I guess she Ransomware..
- Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers? Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.
- What kind of computer virus attacks kids A PDF file
- Son: "Mom! The computer is full of viruses!" Mom: "Screw the computer! I just won 2 free iPads and a free trip to Paris!"
- My computer died after getting a virus. It was a terminal illness.
Computer Problem Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer problem jokes and even better computer problem puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems? A mirror
- How do you annoy a computer person with a problem? Never mind, I figured it out.
- My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.
- What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting.
- I'm not happy with my new Quantum Computer Every time I try to solve a problem it collapses
- What's the difference between target practice and having cow computer problems? You shoot with a bullet and troubleshoot with Bull IT
- My older brother once told me you could use Final Fantasy VII to solve your math problems... Turns out it *was* pretty great at Cloud Computing.
- Why did the young man call a pest exterminator when he had a computer problem? Because he thought the pest exterminator would be good at debugging his computer problems.
- Light bulb classics. Light 'em up 1) How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does not compute. It's a hardware problem. - What's the difference between a computer and a European? A computer doesn't have a problem exiting.
Computer Nerd Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer nerd jokes and even better computer nerd puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is it so warm in Linus Torvalds' office? Because he doesn't have Windows.
- Why was the computer nerd sad that there weren't any barbecues with wifi? Because there aren't any grills on the internet.
- you should make sure chrome doesn't save your password on lab computers i logged you out
prequel nerd - Hide a seek champion...
;
Since 1958 - Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
A: Your mouse pad. - What do you call a computer nerd Um it's pronounced 'jif'
- For Every Computer Nerd Out There Learning binary is as easy as 01 10 11!
- Where does the computer nerd goes to have a drink? At the download bar.
- If the box says:
"This software requires Windows XP or better"
Does that mean it'LL run on Linux? - What type of cough does a computer nerd get? Hacking
Ridiculous Computer Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about computer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean keyboard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make computer pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Why is everyone criticising EA?
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Screw that clown from IT.
Always joking around when he should be fixing my computer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?
Because it had a bad driver!
*drops mic*
My boss calls me "the computer"
Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes
EDIT thank you all so much this is my first ever post to hit 1k upvotes and get awards
2nd edit wow 3k this post has blown out my previous record of 789 out of the water thank you so much
Saw "IT" last night
Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated
A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.
The ones on daddy's computer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.
But I don't give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd
A man calls quantum IT support and complains that his quantum computer isn't working.
Quantum IT support: "Have you tried turning it off and on at the same time?"
Soulja Boy is not even a soldier. Dr. Dre is not even a doctor.
Adele is not even a computer.
*Keep the joke going in the comments.*
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
An Apple store near where I live got robbed
$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Difference between computers and woman
Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
What's the difference between a feminist and a computer?
You can punch information into a computer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom said that if I don't get off the computer and do my homework she'll slam my head into the keyboard,
but I think she's jokinfreoiwjr67uiwosi94ckcjfkdald87lakdofasdkfj
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed...
They didn't install the driver.
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
Russian computer: "Enter password"
Me: "Beef stew"
Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I found some s**... videos on my son's computer...
"What should we do?"
"Well, we can't s**... him."
My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u
What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
There is a chance my computer will go down on me.
Me: Boss, I'm sorry I am late. I was having computer issues.
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It was my computer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.
He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.
"This is an outrage!"
The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.
"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 this week. But you certainly didn't complain when we **over**paid you by $50 last week."
The man points his finger at the woman:
"Listen, one mistake I can forgive. But enough is enough!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.
She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my d**... computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"
Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.
A young man helps his grandfather with his computer issues
His grandfather seems to be unable to set a password.
Trying to figure out the problem the young man looks at the password the old man is trying to set
His password is ParisLondonMickeyMouse
Puzzled by this, the man asks his grandfather why he wants to set this password anyways.
The grandfather simply replies: It wanted two capitals and a character .
How can you tell the difference between an influencer and a computer scientist?
By checking how they pronounce the word bios
whats the difference between a woman and a computer?
a woman wont accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a b**... in my neighbourhood
Whoops, wrong sub
At work I noticed the computer department have started putting Christmas decorations up
IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Why the musician sold his computer...
Not enough gigs.
How Can You Tell When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?
The power is on and you're connected to the internet.
What are Russian computers best for?
ComPutin.
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...
That's the last time I buy A Dell.
I got a computer for my wife today.
Best trade I ever made.
A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.
He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."
Wife or Girlfriend
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
What's the difference between a computer and a cop?
One has troubleshooting
If R. Kelly was a computer file...
He'd be a .pdf file
