Computer Jokes

Funniest Computer Short Jokes

Short computer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The computer humour may include short camera jokes also.

1. What's the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
2. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
3. My grandad asked me how to print on his computer... I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.
4. Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
   Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
5. My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
6. A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
   He never returned.
7. What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.
8. How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime? I think they just ransomware.
9. What is the difference between USA and USB? One connects to your computer and accesses all your data. The other is an industry standard.
10. I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
    Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
    Now the whole system is corrupt.

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Computer One Liners

Which computer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with computer? I can suggest the ones about software and internet.

1. Screw that clown from IT. Always joking around when he should be fixing my computer.
2. I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
   Turned on.
   Virus free.
3. Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.
4. What does Stephen hawking say when his computer crashes? Nothing.
5. What do computers eat? Micro chips!
6. Do not use beef stew as a computer password. It is not stroganoff.
7. How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer? Dos
8. What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot? A cursor!
9. I burned my finger on my computer processor. It MHz.
10. What do you call a dying airport computer? A terminal terminal terminal.
11. Are quantum computers going to change our world? Yes and no.
12. Why is Voldemort so good with computers? He's fluent in Python
13. Why were all the computers in the company frozen? Because they let IT go
14. My computer just said hello to me. I think it's A Dell.
15. I painted my computer black last night Now it runs much faster

Computer Science Jokes

Here is a list of funny computer science jokes and even better computer science puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
  The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
• My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
• There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science 0: Naming things
  1: Cache invalidation
  2: Off by one errors
• What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean
• I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance. Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.
• The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes
• An SQL query walks into a bar. Looking around, he sees a pair of tables. Going up to them, he asks, "Excuse me, but do you mind if I join you?"
• Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays
• A programming joke There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and
• I would talk about computer science... But it makes my mother board

Computer Virus Jokes

Here is a list of funny computer virus jokes and even better computer virus puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton
• So I got a virus on my computer And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.
  Must have ransomware.
• Fix a man's computer, and he will be virus-free for a day. Teach a man to fix his computer, and he will be virus-free for a day.
• I installed anti virus software on my computer Now my computer has autism
• Computer virus are no joke I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomware.
  I WannaCry now... ;(
• My girlfriend dissapeared when she got a virus on her computer one day and never came back. I guess she Ransomware..
• Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers? Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.
• What kind of computer virus attacks kids A PDF file
• Son: "Mom! The computer is full of viruses!" Mom: "Screw the computer! I just won 2 free iPads and a free trip to Paris!"
• My computer died after getting a virus. It was a terminal illness.

Computer Crashing Jokes

Here is a list of funny computer crashing jokes and even better computer crashing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again
• The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve. It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.
• Do you know the oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve? It was an apple, with very limited memory, one byte and everything crashed!
• The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. Surprise, surprise!
  It was an Apple,
  but with limited memory.
  Just one byte,
  and everything crashed.
• Yes...First Computer was from Apple The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
• My computer crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
• My computer kept crashing It turns out I had a bad driver.
  I just came up with this tonight but I can totally see the joke having been come up with before, so if it has please let me know.
• What's the difference between a car and a computer? If you install windows on a car, it crashes less.
• what's the difference between my computer and Paul walker. I care when my computer crashes.
• My computer just crashed while I was a couple hours into doing my essay Now I have to write those two sentences all over again

Computer Problem Jokes

Here is a list of funny computer problem jokes and even better computer problem puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.
• What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems? A mirror
• How do you annoy a computer person with a problem? Never mind, I figured it out.
• My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.
• What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting.
• I'm not happy with my new Quantum Computer Every time I try to solve a problem it collapses
• how many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem!
• What's the difference between target practice and having cow computer problems? You shoot with a bullet and troubleshoot with Bull IT
• My older brother once told me you could use Final Fantasy VII to solve your math problems... Turns out it *was* pretty great at Cloud Computing.
• Why did the young man call a pest exterminator when he had a computer problem? Because he thought the pest exterminator would be good at debugging his computer problems.

Computer Nerd Jokes

Here is a list of funny computer nerd jokes and even better computer nerd puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why is it so warm in Linus Torvalds' office? Because he doesn't have Windows.
• Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he's programming in python.
• Why was the computer nerd sad that there weren't any barbecues with wifi? Because there aren't any grills on the internet.
• you should make sure chrome doesn't save your password on lab computers i logged you out
  prequel nerd
• Hide a seek champion...
  ;
  Since 1958
• Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover?
  A: Your mouse pad.
• Computer nerd dirty talk I'm going to stick my D: disk into your V: drive.
• What do you call a computer nerd Um it's pronounced 'jif'
• For Every Computer Nerd Out There Learning binary is as easy as 01 10 11!
• Where does the computer nerd goes to have a drink? At the download bar.

Ridiculous Computer Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about computer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean machine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make computer pranks.