The Best 66 Compute Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Compute jokes. There are some compute screenshots jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these compute computer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Compute Jokes and Puns

why was the computer late to work?

because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)

Computer joke of the day!

>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."

My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information...'s called Norton

Compute joke, My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal informatio

I don't like my computer memory.

Not one bit.

How is a computer like an air conditioner?

They both stop working properly when you open windows.

A computer joke...

I hear they make gender-specific versions of ActiveX now: ActiveXX and ActiveXY. Unfortunately, ActiveXX overflows for a few days every month and ActiveXY constantly tries to mount drives it shouldn't.

Why couldn't the computer play golf?...

...Because it had the wrong Driver

Compute joke, Why couldn't the computer play golf?...

Why did the computer scientist die in the shower?

The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.

Why did the computer cross the road?

To get a byte to eat...

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.

2. Get a water softener.

3. Your dog has ringworm.

4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

5. Your daughter is using cocaine.

6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.

A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.

He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."

You can explore compute supercomputer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean compute computer definitions dad jokes. There are also compute puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My ex was like a computer game.

Started off easy, got a little harder and eventually I ended up cheating.

['90s] I just got a new computer.

It's called "The Tyson." It comes with two bytes and no memory.

What computer monitor sings the best?

A Dell.

I got a computer for my wife today.

Best trade I ever made.

What computer says "hello"

A Dell

Compute joke, What computer says "hello"

My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper

looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar.

They both crash when the drivers stop working.

A computer science student...

...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class

Why were all the computers in the company frozen?

Because they let IT go

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

My computer crashed.

Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.

My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...

That's the last time I buy A Dell.

My computer just said hello to me.

I think it's A Dell.

How do computers measure pain?


(Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)

Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

A computer programmer's wife sends her husband to the store.

She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,

"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,

"Because they had eggs."

My computer kept overheating while playing CS:GO

I had to stop to give it a quick de_dust.

When was the first computer?

Adam and Eve's time. It was an apple. It only had one byte, then everything went downhill.

Why was the computer mad when he got home?

It had a hard drive

Computer virus are no joke

I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomwareο»Ώ.

I WannaCry now... ;(

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually.

It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

My computer beat me at chess...

So I beat my computer at kickboxing.

How does a computer get drunk?

It takes screenshots.

Why do computer scientists confuse halloween with christmas?


Oct 31 = Dec 25

When the computers crash at work.

A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.

I took my old computer to a computer repair shop

I asked the shop owner "My computer is too slow. What can I do ?"

Shop owner inspected the computer and said "It needs some hardware acceleration"

Me: How much acceleration would it need ?

Shop owner: 9.8 meter per second squared.

Before computers, we did Boolean algebra by hand. Everyone hated it.

It was all Bool sheet work.

A computer once beat me in chess

But it was no match for me in kick-boxing.

Why did the computer get drunk?

Because it took too many screenshots.

Why did the computer technician get kicked out of the army?

He had troubleshooting.

How does a computer learn something new ?

Bit by bit

A little computer humor

There's no place like

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

Why was Stalin's computer so slow?

It was on a five year plan

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike.

His buddy said sweet bike, where'd ya get it?

You'll never believe this, he said, I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said smart. Her clothes would have never fit you.

Why was the computer late?

Because it had a hard drive

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

How did the computer hacker escape the police?

He just ransomeware....

My computer gave birth today

Now I need to buy a baby monitor

What ever you do, don't use 'beef stew' as your computer password.

Apparently its not stroganoff...

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem.

Two computers walk into a bar. The first computer says 1110001010011011. The second computer replies 2 .

The first computer says, Oh, so you're non-binary?

Which computer sings the best?

A dell

Why do computer scientists always confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Its cause DEC 25 = OCT 31

If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

What do computers eat?

Micro chips!

What is OJ Simpson's computer password?

Slash Slash back-Slash escape.

Where do computers go when they die?


How much do computers like 1's and 0's?

A Bit.

What does a computerized frog say?

Reboot, reboot, reboot,...

My computer lost its shoe.

It had to reboot.

Why couldn't the computer take it's hat off?

Because caps lock was on.

Why was the computer late for work?

It had a hard drive.
I'll C myself out

What do computers do when they're partying?

They take screen shots.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the compute quantum jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working compute reckon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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