Compulsive Jokes

Following is our collection of addictive puns and anon one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Compulsive jokes for adults, dirty pathological jokes and clean narcissist dad gags for kids.

The Best Compulsive Puns

My wife broke up with me yesterday because I'm a compulsive gambler and ever since, all I can think about is...

...how to win her back.

Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...

...until he found a way to overcome this problem.

His friends noticed the dramatic change.

"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."

"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.

'I haven't had a single problem since."

"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"

"Tom replied, "That's his problem."

Dad is obsessive compulsive about his vinyl and owns every single Beatles record except for one..

I think he needs Help.

What do you call a support group for compulsive talkers?

On and on anon.

I got a handjob from a girl with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was the best minute of my life...

Then the worst eleven minutes of my life.


Whattaya call someone who seems to have an almost fetishistic obsession with stomping into a comments section, saying something absolutely horrible, and spending the rest of the day slapfighting with whole threads of people calling them an idiot?

A compulsive mass debater.

The Perfect Man

So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:

Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.

Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?

Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are Obsessive Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependant, have someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,6. If you are paranoid, we know which one you want.

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers.

It would be called On Anon Anon.

My girlfriend says I'm a fantasist and a compulsive liar.

That's a bit rich coming from someone who doesn't exist.

I asked my doctor if I have OCD because of my compulsive cleaning.

Apparently cleaning your browser history does not count.


What do you call a compulsive liar who's also an astronaut, a billionaire, and a nascar driver?

Me.

My doctor told me I'm a hypochondriac and a compulsive liar.

I'm not too worried about it.

I've been told I'm a compulsive liar and a hypochondriac

but I don't worry about it.

I was born handsome, charming witty and wise

I'm also a compulsive liar, but I think it evens out.

Are you a compulsive spender?

Buy this $1 Quiz today to find out!

Quiz results: 100% of people who bought this quiz were identified as compulsive spenders.

My girlfriend says I have compulsive lying disorder...

...she's right; I don't have a girlfriend.

I've started a group for compulsive talkers

It's call On and On Anon.

Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, obsessive compulsive butcher?

He used to lay in bed at night worrying about why he constantly weighed a steak.


What do a cattle farmer and a compulsive gambler have in common?

They're both interested in raising the stakes/steaks.

For 2016 I gave up smoking, for 2017 I gave up drinking.

For 2018 I gave up compulsive lying.

My wife left me, saying I was a compulsive liar

Atleast I think that's what she said... I was busy wrestling a tiger at the time.

I've been diagnosed as a compulsive liar and hypochondriac.

And it's making me sick.

Recently I bought a really good book about curing my obsessive compulsive disorder. It's helped me so much.

I can't stop reading it.

What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with?

"None of your beeswax!"

Hi I'm Greg, and I'm a compulsive liar...

"We don't believe you"

(Another screenwriting joke) Did you hear the one about the bulemic girl?

She overcame her disorder, but then lapsed into compulsive overeating. She gained 300 pounds and died of a heart attack. In the end, she was a round character.

What are the symptoms of a compulsive lisr?

I would check but I don't have internet connection...

A patient walks into a therapist's office.

The patient says "You would not believe the week I've had".

The doctor says "No. You're a compulsive liar, that's why you're here."

Did you hear about the compulsive gambler with diarrhea?

Well, he lost.

I have decided to take up compulsive lying

Nah not really.

I suffer from an unusual obsessive compulsive disorder, CDO

I have to write acronyms in alphabetical order

I'm starting a weekly meeting at my house for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I was once friends with a compulsive liar that "ate tiny insects"...

Everything that came out of his mouth was lice.

There is an abundance of psychotic jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes and compulsive puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any disorder witze you can hear about compulsive.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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