Compromise Jokes

Following is our collection of treaty puns and opinions one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Compromise jokes for adults, dirty vows jokes and clean renew dad gags for kids.

The Best Compromise Puns

Trump got COVID...

Well my wife and I don't see eye to eye politically. One was happy, the other worried... you understand. So after much debate, we came to a compromise: we sent him a get well soon card that said stay positive.

A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...

So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."

The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually the father relents, and agrees on a compromise. The young vulture could eat some vegetables, but only if he finished his meat first.

The following day, the young vulture asks what they will be eating that evening. The father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy

"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.

After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"

"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"

The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

Not Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."

So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War...

I wouldn't say that's 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.


My wife believes in compromise

If we agree on something we do it my way, and if we disagree we do it her way.

I wanted a dog. My wife wanted a cat. We had to compromise

so we got a cat.

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger?

Because they'll never meat in the middle.

Tried To Compromise

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didn't have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, 'Look, if you go with me to my "Lord of the Rings" fan fiction meet up group, I'll go with you to this ultrasound thing.'

How are millenials and tightrope walkers alike?

Compromise their net and they will literally die.


two blondes want to forge banknotes

Two blondes want to forge banknotes. They can't decide whether to forge $50 or $100 banknotes - they argue a little and then they settle to a compromise: to forge $60 banknotes. They want to first test it on their blonde neighbour: so one of them goes to the neighbour - after a while she returns, smiling: "Everything went well: I have two $30 banknotes."

One should avoid marriage at any cost. Marriage is hard work. And compromise. And more work.

Even Hitler committed suicide 40 hours after marriage.

I heard he got caught but got off easy

I just read a news article with the headline "Woman beats off rapist!" and I thought... "Well... that seems like a reasonable compromise..."

My wife wanted to get a cat.

I really didn't want one, so after a lot of discussions, we reached a compromise: we're getting a cat.

California Census

When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.

The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.

My wife and I broke up

Looking back it just seems silly. We broke up because of our dream vacations of all things.


I always dreamed of going on an Alaskan cruise, whereas she always dreamed of sleeping with my best friend.


In the spirit of compromise I surprised her by suggesting we try both.


The biggest surprise, though, was that we each enjoyed the other's suggestion more.

Why we cremate people:

Some people get creamted because when you die, your family is gonna want to put you in a casket for the funeral. And if they can't decide whether to choose open or closed, they compromise... and put you in ajar.

How does a necrophiliac compromise, and live a normal life?

Find a handicapped partner. At least they're dead from the waist down.


TIL that in the 1820 Missouri Compromise, Missouri wasn't able to become a state unless Maine was also granted statehood.

As it turns out, Missouri loves company.

What happens when a political party filled with loyal members builds its entire platform on being unwilling to cooperate with the opposing party in a system based on compromise between parties that share power?

Your government fails.

wait... sorry I wrote this joke last year, I guess its not that funny anymore.

What do you call a Psychic Compromise?

A Happy Medium.

Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing.

What do you call five black guys having sex?

A threesome

3/5ths compromise

There are ongoing negotions to replace Andrew Jackson with Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill.

I think they're going to compromise by putting her on a $12 bill.

Marriage is all about compromise. My wife wanted a cat and I did not..

So we compromised and got a divorce.

A man and a fortune teller make a compromise and reach a happy medium.

Why is it called the 3/5 compromise?

Because it is only 2/5 solution.

What do you call 5 black people having an orgy?





A Threesome...







(three-fifths compromise... History buffs better get this one)

Did you hear the Russians have began funding and creating technology to compromise and undermine the USA's recent Central American initiatives?

They have created the ladder

People call me Mr Compromise

It wasn't my first choice of nickname.. but I can live with it

I like listening to classic rock in the car and my wife likes listening to country music, so we compromise

and listen to country music.

I'm hoping in 2018 we can come to a compromise on illegal immigration

and at least keep the hotties.

I've heard all the Pro life vs Pro choice debates, and after hearing the debates, i came up with a compromise.

I propose Pro Abortion, in which we abort everybody.

My wife complained that my indoor garden raised the electricity bill too much.

As a compromise, I replace all the flower bulbs with LEDs

Let's compromise ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Christianity: "Adam and Eve were the first humans."

 

Science: "Humankind evolved from primates."

 

Me: "Adam and Eve were the first primates."

The New 20 Dollar Bill Will Only Be Worth 12 Dollars

Thanks to the 3/5ths compromise.

There is an abundance of haggle jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes and compromise puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any reasonable witze you can hear about compromise.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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