Compromise Jokes

47 compromise jokes and hilarious compromise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about compromise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article dives into the lighter side of compromise, exploring the best jokes about balancing and resolving conflicts. Learn how to use humor to negotiate a treaty, marriage compromise, or even the Missouri Compromise. Laugh and learn!

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Funniest Compromise Short Jokes

Short compromise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The compromise humour may include short negotiate jokes also.

  1. My coworkers at my place of work have given me a nickname Mr. Compromise . It wasn't my first choice, but I guess I'm ok with it.
  2. So John Kelly claims that the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War... I wouldn't say that's 100% accurate, but at least 3/5ths.
  3. My wife believes in compromise If we agree on something we do it my way, and if we disagree we do it her way.
  4. Why did the Republican get a sunburn? Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.
  5. Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger? Because they'll never meat in the middle.
  6. My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary. I compromised and bought her a toaster.
  7. How are millenials and tightrope walkers alike? Compromise their net and they will literally die.
  8. My wife wanted to get a cat. I really didn't want one, so after a lot of discussions, we reached a compromise: we're getting a cat.
  9. How does a necrophiliac compromise, and live a normal life? Find a handicapped partner. At least they're dead from the waist down.
  10. My Missus wanted a cat, I don't really like cats, so we compromised. We now have 3 cats ..

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Compromise One Liners

Which compromise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with compromise? I can suggest the ones about sacrifice and bargain.

  1. I wanted a dog. My wife wanted a cat. We had to compromise so we got a cat.
  2. My nickname at work is Mr. Compromise . It wasn't my first choice, but I'm ok with it.
  3. My wife wanted to have 3 kids, and I only wanted to have 1... So we compromised at 3.
  4. What happens when a sweatshop gets busted? The entire outfit is compromised.
  5. A man and a fortune teller make a compromise and reach a happy medium.
  6. Why is it called the 3/5 compromise? Because it is only 2/5 solution.
  7. She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
  8. The New 20 Dollar Bill Will Only Be Worth 12 Dollars Thanks to the 3/5ths compromise.
  9. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
  10. What did one fifth say to two fifths when they fought? We should compromise.
  11. What was the black guys reaction to the 3/5ths compromise? I can't even
  12. What do you call five black guys having s**...? A t**...
    3/5ths compromise

Marriage Compromise Jokes

Here is a list of funny marriage compromise jokes and even better marriage compromise puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Marriage is all about compromise. My wife wanted a cat and I did not.. So we compromised and got a divorce.
  • Marriage is all about compromise. For example, today I agreed to never sit in certain chairs in exchange for one chair I can sleep in.
  • One should avoid marriage at any cost. Marriage is hard work. And compromise. And more work. Even h**... committed s**... 40 hours after marriage.

Missouri Compromise Jokes

Here is a list of funny missouri compromise jokes and even better missouri compromise puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL that in the 1820 Missouri Compromise, Missouri wasn't able to become a state unless Maine was also granted statehood. As it turns out, Missouri loves company.
Compromise joke, TIL that in the 1820 Missouri Compromise, Missouri wasn't able to become a state unless Maine was al

Compromise joke, TIL that in the 1820 Missouri Compromise, Missouri wasn't able to become a state unless Maine was al

Hilarious Compromise Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about compromise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean agreement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make compromise pranks.

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

Trump got COVID...

Well my wife and I don't see eye to eye politically. One was happy, the other worried... you understand. So after much debate, we came to a compromise: we sent him a get well soon card that said stay positive.

Woman about to step into bath hears a ring at the door.

"Who is it?" she shouts.
"Blind man", comes the answer.
Assured that her modesty will not be compromised, she opens the door n**....
The man at the door says, "Nice t**... lady, now where do you want these blinds."

A teenager had just passed his drivers test, and he asked his dad to buy him a car

"Dad, will you be able to get me a car?" Asked the boy
"I suppose a car would be in order *if* you can raise your grades from C's to B's, you study your Bible, and cut your hair." Replied the father.
After contemplating for many hours, the boy decided it was a good and fair compromise. Six weeks later, the father is astonished. His son was excelling in school, he studied his Bible every day, but his hair was still long and shaggy.
"I am very impressed with you" said the father "you are passing all of your classes, and you read the Bible every day. But why wont you cut your hair?"
"After reading the Bible, I have noticed something." Said the boy "Moses, Samson, and Absalom all had long hair. There is even evidence that *Jesus* may have had long hair!"
The father replied back "Did you also notice how they had to walk everywhere too?"

A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...

So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."
The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually the father relents, and agrees on a compromise. The young vulture could eat some vegetables, but only if he finished his meat first.
The following day, the young vulture asks what they will be eating that evening. The father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."

Not Pregnant

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."


At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. Isn't it true, he bellowed, that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
The prosecutor again blared, Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, Sir, please answer the question.
Oh, the startled witness said, I thought he was talking to you.

Tried To Compromise

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didn't have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, 'Look, if you go with me to my "Lord of the Rings" fan fiction meet up group, I'll go with you to this ultrasound thing.'

My girlfriend wants to have a baby…

and I don't, so we're going to compromise. We're having a baby but I get to name it. So I'm going to call it Brexit, because although only half of the people involved want it to happen, it's going to happen anyway.

two blondes want to forge banknotes

Two blondes want to forge banknotes. They can't decide whether to forge $50 or $100 banknotes - they argue a little and then they settle to a compromise: to forge $60 banknotes. They want to first test it on their blonde neighbour: so one of them goes to the neighbour - after a while she returns, smiling: "Everything went well: I have two $30 banknotes."

Two coworkers chat in the dining room

A: "Hey, you know what I did the other day? I found the courage to finally walk into the bosses office and assertively ask for a raise."
B:"Wow, really? How did it go?"
A:"We've reached a compromise. My pay doesn't change and in return I can keep my job."

I heard he got caught but got off easy

I just read a news article with the headline "Woman beats off r**...!" and I thought... "Well... that seems like a reasonable compromise..."

What happens when a political party filled with loyal members builds its entire platform on being unwilling to cooperate with the opposing party in a system based on compromise between parties that share power?

Your government fails.
wait... sorry I wrote this joke last year, I guess its not that funny anymore.

California Census

When California was determining its census rules, a law similar to the three fifths compromise was considered, under which two Asian Americans would be counted the same as one caucasian.
The law was rejected, because the lawmakers all agreed that two Wongs don't make a white.

My wife and I broke up

Looking back it just seems silly. We broke up because of our dream vacations of all things.
I always dreamed of going on an Alaskan cruise, whereas she always dreamed of sleeping with my best friend.
In the spirit of compromise I surprised her by suggesting we try both.
The biggest surprise, though, was that we each enjoyed the other's suggestion more.

Why we cremate people:

Some people get creamted because when you die, your family is gonna want to put you in a casket for the f**.... And if they can't decide whether to choose open or closed, they compromise... and put you in ajar.

Compromise joke, My Missus wanted a cat, I don't really like cats, so we compromised.

jokes about compromise