Compliment Jokes
117 compliment jokes and hilarious compliment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about compliment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a way to boost someone's day with a funny compliment? Look no further, this article is full of booty, backhanded and nice compliments that will leave your friends, family, and significant other feeling appreciated. Plus, read through some of the jokes to maybe throw in a little laughter! Get some bonus points by congratulating them through these funny, uplifting compliments.
Quick Jump To
- Short Compliment Jokes
- Compliment One Liners
- Nice Compliment Jokes
- Backhanded Compliment Jokes
- Booty Compliment Jokes
- More Compliment Jokes
Funniest Compliment Short Jokes
Short compliment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The compliment humour may include short complement jokes also.
- "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
- How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. - You the bomb. No, you the bomb.
A compliment in America.
An argument in the Middle East. - Give me a compliment. A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".
- Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.
- Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
- Got the best compliment from my doctor today He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice
- Compliment somebody on their moustache and all of a sudden she is not your friend anymore.
- Wife And Husband Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight." - My girlfriend said "Can you compliment me for once?" She's rather overweight so I said "Don't be sad when people call you fat, you're bigger than that."
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Compliment One Liners
Which compliment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with compliment? I can suggest the ones about congratulate and praise.
- What does miley cyrus serve on Thanksgiving? Twerky.
- i got complimented on my driving earlier they left a note on the car saying parking fine
- Someone complimented my parking today! They left a little note that said "parking fine".
- "You da bomb." "No, you da bomb" America: compliments
Syria: arguments - So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though.
- A girl complimented me AFTER I took off my mask She said the mask suits you
- Wife: I look fat.Can you give me a compliment? Husband: You have perfect eyesight.
- I just complimented someone's mustache and suddenly I'm not friends with her anymore. :(
- What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar? Pushing in somebody's stool.
- I complimented the toilet. It flushed.
- Why was the binary number so happy? Because of two's compliment!
- Never compliment your friend's moustache No matter how good it looks on her face
- Always compliment a girl "Wow you're a fast runner. You almost got away."
- Today, my dad complimented me on my parking skills I'm still shaking
- Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead. Hey, thanks for the compliment!
Nice Compliment Jokes
Here is a list of funny nice compliment jokes and even better nice compliment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The wardens at my University were always so nice. They always leave little notes on my car complimenting me, like, "parking fine".
- It's not often people compliment my parking.... but the other day, I came back from work and saw a piece of paper on may car that said "Parking Fine". That was nice of them!
- When is it okay to kick a midget? When he compliments how nice your girlfriends hair smells.
- How many nice guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just compliment it and get annoyed it won't screw
- How many nice guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just compliment it for being a strong, independent bulb until a real man comes along and screws it under their noses.
- A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student. "Nice skies, Finnish lass!"
- Got given a compliment about my parking today. Someone stuck a note to my windscreen that said "Parking Fine".
That's nice of them. - A girl compliments a guy on his new phone. Girl: 'Nice phone!'
Guy: ' Thanks! I won it in a race.'
Girl: ' Who were the participants?'
Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. ' - Nice mustache! ...oh. I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..
- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
Backhanded Compliment Jokes
Here is a list of funny backhanded compliment jokes and even better backhanded compliment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Welcome to backhanded compliment club! It's so nice to meet people who don't care how they look
- I hate Fred, my tennis coach I can't take any more of his backhanded compliments.
- My tennis coach told me my forehand s**... was rubbish ... But my s**... on the other side was great.
It was a backhanded compliment.
Booty Compliment Jokes
Here is a list of funny booty compliment jokes and even better booty compliment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do pirates and pimps both have in common.... ...they both say "yo h**..." and plunder the bootie!
Compliments of my gf :)
Hilarious Fun Compliment Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about compliment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flattered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make compliment pranks.
Good eyes
A woman standing in front of a mirror and telling her husbband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?
The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent".
I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...
...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel...
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel. She stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom. "I hate my body, i'm too fat", she says sadly to her husband on their bed. "I'm feeling a little down after that, i could use a pick me up. Compliment me?" she says. He says back, "Well for one thing your eyesight is great!"
My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.
A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."
A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.
The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.
"You know, you're good as a keeper."
"Oh? What brought this about?"
"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."
Two women are talking and the conversation veers towards work...
One of them says to the other:
"Work is great! The jobs are challenging, my coworkers are supportive and the pay is phenomenal. But there is one problem. The mail boy is constantly flirting with me and its borderline harrasment now."
"Well, what did he say?"
"Its just the one thing, everytime he passes by me he compliments me on how wonderful my hair smells."
"That doesnt sound too bad."
"Yeah, but hes a dwarf!"
People need to learn how to take a compliment...
Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.
My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye
When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was
My girlfriend was standing n**......
in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."
*Girl bumps into a guy at the bar*
Girl: Oh sorry about that, hi.
Guy: Oh! I shouldn't be talking to you.
Girl: Why not?
Guy: Because when I talk to a pretty girl I always make a fool of myself
*The girl smiles, taking this as a compliment*
Girl: You're not making a fool of yourself.
*The guy looks the girl up and down*
Guy: Oh yeah, you're right.
People don't usually compliment me on my driving...
But today I saw a note on my car that said "PARKING FINE". That was nice of them.
...
I'll e**... myself out.
My boss was honest with me today.
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
A woman is looking at herself n**... in the mirror
....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"
A girl looks at the mirror and says "Mom, I look really ugly, can you compliment me and make me feel better?"
The mother says "Wow you have really good eyesight!"
How many nice guys does it take to replace a light bulb?
Nice guys don't replace light bulbs: they'll just stand around complimenting it, hoping to get it s**....
Compliment of a HOT Secretary...
Secretary to her Boss: I want to complain of an employee here in our office.
Boss: What happened?
Secretary: Whenever we cross each other, he says that my hair smell too good.
Boss: That's just a compliment.
Secretary: It's not, he is a midget.
A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone
At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."
The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
There were two guys playing golf, and a f**... passed
so o**... stopped, and waited for the f**... to pass before continuing with his game.
His companion complimented him on his respect for the f**..., to which the guy replied, 'Well, its the least I could do, we were married for forty years!'
office joke
It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.
What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?
"You da bomb"
"No, you da bomb!"
A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.
The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.
So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"
"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."
Somebody finally complimented me on my parking today!
I got a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".
What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?
Thanks, it's my special tea.
Two cannibals are enjoying dinner.
One compliments the other, "I say, Bill, your wife really makes a great meal."
"I look fat..."
...said a woman to her husband. "Please give me a compliment."
"Honey," he said, "Your eyesight is perfect."
LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man.
WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
How do you catch an elephant?
First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.
Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.
A girl once said to me she looks ugly and to give her a compliment....
i said her eyesight was perfect.
If you want to impress a girl...
...try complimenting her. For instance, "Wow, you're a fast runner! You nearly got away!"
A man's wife is looking at herself in the mirror
She says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly. Can't you give me a compliment?"
To this the husband replies "well, at least your sight is working"
The police recently complimented me on my driving
They left a note on my windscreen which stated Parking Fine
I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache
I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.
Susan tells her boss that she was s**... harassed...
The boss asks what happened?
Susan says, "Bob walked up to me said 'your hair smells really good'"
The boss replies, "Well, I think that's more of a compliment than s**... harassment"
Susan yells "Bob's a midget!"
Savage husband
Wife: I look old, fat and ugly. I need you to guve me a compliment.
Husband: Well your eyesight is perfect
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During s**..., she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the h**... do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today...
They left a little note that said, "Parking Fine".
My bank just complimented me
They called and told me my check was outstanding! I felt so proud
A woman gets out of the shower and looks at herself in the mirror
She walks past her husband reading the newspaper on the couch, and says, "I just looked at myself in the mirror and I look ugly as h**.... How about a nice compliment to cheer me up?"
The husband takes one glance at his wife and replies, "Your eyesight is spot-on."
Give a man a fish and he'll ask for chips.
Give a man chips and he'll beg for salt.
Give a man salt and he's going to want a drink.
Give a man enough drink, and he'll start complimenting your wife.
Give a man your wife and you can go fishing as much as you'd like.
I get a lot of compliments about my feet...
Some say they're legends!...
Leg. Ends.
I'll see myself out!
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know TUBA is also an acronym? Yeah really. It stands for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
Compliments of Hank Green
I was recently complimented on my driving skills
Someone left a note on my car that said "Parking Fine"
I'm horrible at funerals.
Whenever I'm at funerals for some reason no one ever likes my speeches. You see, when i go up to the podium speak about the deceased, i like to compliment their intelligence. "He knew too much" is what i usually say. Not sure why people give me the funny looks there, and I'm usually kicked out when i add, "it's a shame he had to die".
My wife and I stopped by the optician's to pick up my new glasses.
Once the optician finished he minor adjustments, my wife looked up at me and said, "Wow, you look amazing! Like Clark Kent!" It made me smile...
We had other errands to run, and the compliments just kept coming; "You look like a movie star! So s**...!" Man, I felt great. In fact this kept up for the rest of the day. I was on cloud nine!
That evening, as we were getting into bed, I took off my new glasses and set them on my nightstand. My wife glanced over at me and said, "Oh. It's you."
How many guys in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just stand around and compliment it, and then get p**... when it won't screw
My wife spoke to me while staring into her mirror, she said 'I'm old, getting fat and look like I haven't slept for a week, I need a compliment'
I said 'Your eyesight is perfect'
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the Fresh Prints.
(Compliments of my teenager)
Complimenting the wife
An Irish man's wife is standing n**... in front of the mirror, looking at her body and feeling distraught by what she sees.
"Oh p**..., look at me! I'm hideous! I'm overweight, me t**... are saggy and me hair's starting to go grey.
"Could you please pay me a compliment to make me feel better about meself?"
p**... looks up from his book and says to his wife,
"Ah well... at least we know ye have perfect eyesight!"
A minister was making farewell visits before moving to a new parish.
An elderly woman of the congregation paid him the compliment of suggesting that his successor would not be as good as he had been.
Nonsense, he replied, flattered.
No, really, she insisted. * I've lived here under six different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last. *
How to bees get to school?
The school buzz. Compliments of my 8yr old. Not sure if it's been posted before but this was her first and I just loved it.
TIFU by complimenting a waiter at a steakhouse
I told him "well done!" and he decided to burn my steak?? Tf
What's the difference between a car and a compliment?
I don't hit people with compliments very often.
A woman is standing n**..., looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
Compliment."
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's d**... near perfect.'
