The Best 73 Compliment Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Compliment jokes. There are some compliment qualities jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these compliment eyesight puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Compliment Jokes and Puns

How do you make a fruit cordial?

Compliment his shoes.

Nice mustache! ...oh.

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..

Good eyes

A woman standing in front of a mirror and telling her husbband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?

The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent".

Compliment joke, Good eyes

I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...

...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.

Regretting the compliment...

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel...

A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel. She stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom. "I hate my body, i'm too fat", she says sadly to her husband on their bed. "I'm feeling a little down after that, i could use a pick me up. Compliment me?" she says. He says back, "Well for one thing your eyesight is great!"

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

Compliment joke, My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.

"You know, you're good as a keeper."

"Oh? What brought this about?"

"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."

Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead.

Hey, thanks for the compliment!

I complimented someone for their amazing mustache.

I don't understand why she threw a fit though.

So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache.

No idea why she had to slap me though.

You can explore compliment congratulate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean compliment bar compliments dad jokes. There are also compliment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why was the binary number so happy?

Because of two's compliment!

People need to learn how to take a compliment...

Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.

A husband and wife...

A husband and wife are in their bedroom together. The wife, fresh out of the shower, is standing in front of the mirror and says "I'm old, fat and depressed. I need a compliment." The husband thinks for a second and says "You have amazing eyesight!"

My girlfriend was standing nude...

in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Wife And Husband

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Compliment joke, Wife And Husband

My friend told he she thought she looked fat and needed a compliment

I told her she had perfect eyesight

*Girl bumps into a guy at the bar*

Girl: Oh sorry about that, hi.

Guy: Oh! I shouldn't be talking to you.

Girl: Why not?

Guy: Because when I talk to a pretty girl I always make a fool of myself

*The girl smiles, taking this as a compliment*

Girl: You're not making a fool of yourself.

*The guy looks the girl up and down*

Guy: Oh yeah, you're right.

People don't usually compliment me on my driving...

But today I saw a note on my car that said "PARKING FINE". That was nice of them.


I'll escort myself out.

My wife looked in the mirror today...

After taking a good look at herself she turned to me and said, "I look fat. Can you please give me a compliment?"

So I said, "Absolutely, you have perfect vision."

A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror

....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"

A girl looks at the mirror and says "Mom, I look really ugly, can you compliment me and make me feel better?"

The mother says "Wow you have really good eyesight!"

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

How many nice guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just compliment it for being a strong, independent bulb until a real man comes along and screws it under their noses.

It's not often people compliment my parking....

but the other day, I came back from work and saw a piece of paper on may car that said "Parking Fine". That was nice of them!

My friend said I twist everything to my advantage.

I took it as a compliment.

Compliment of a HOT Secretary...

Secretary to her Boss: I want to complain of an employee here in our office.
Boss: What happened?
Secretary: Whenever we cross each other, he says that my hair smell too good.
Boss: That's just a compliment.
Secretary: It's not, he is a midget.

Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today.

They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

Compliment somebody on their moustache

and all of a sudden she is not your friend anymore.

In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but...

In Afghanistan it's a question.

My girlfriend told me that she looked fat, and wanted me to give her a compliment...

I told her that her eyesight was outstanding.

A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."

The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

office joke

It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.

i got complimented on my driving earlier

they left a note on the car saying parking fine

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

"You da bomb"
"No, you da bomb!"

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.

So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"

"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

Give me a compliment.

A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

How do you compliment a scarecrow?

Tell him he's outstanding in his field!

You the bomb.

No, you the bomb.

A compliment in America.

An argument in the Middle East.

What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar?

Pushing in somebody's stool.

"I look fat..."

...said a woman to her husband. "Please give me a compliment."

"Honey," he said, "Your eyesight is perfect."

"You're the bomb, no you're the bomb"

A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.

I like showing women my big bag of almonds.

It's nice when they compliment my nut sack.

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man.

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

A girl once said to me she looks ugly and to give her a compliment....

i said her eyesight was perfect.

A man's wife is looking at herself in the mirror

She says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly. Can't you give me a compliment?"

To this the husband replies "well, at least your sight is working"

My girlfriend said "Can you compliment me for once?"

She's rather overweight so I said "Don't be sad when people call you fat, you're bigger than that."

It's funny how a sentence can have different meanings depending on where you say them.

saying "you da bomb" in the US is a compliment.
However a discussion in the Middle East.

I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache

I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.

I complimented the toilet.

It flushed.

My wife looked in the mirror one day and thought she was fat and ugly...

She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"

After twenty years of marriage, a woman looks in the bathroom mirror and sighs.

God, I look old, fat and ugly. She implores her husband; Pay me a compliment, dear.

Her husband replies, Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.

Susan tells her boss that she was sexual harassed...

The boss asks what happened?

Susan says, "Bob walked up to me said 'your hair smells really good'"

The boss replies, "Well, I think that's more of a compliment than sexual harassment"

Susan yells "Bob's a midget!"

Got given a compliment about my parking today.

Someone stuck a note to my windscreen that said "Parking Fine".

That's nice of them.

I just complimented someone's mustache

and suddenly I'm not friends with her anymore. :(

Never compliment your friend's moustache

No matter how good it looks on her face

The best way to get a girl's attention is to compliment her

As in "WOW! You're a fast runner, you nearly got away!"

Savage husband

Wife: I look old, fat and ugly. I need you to guve me a compliment.

Husband: Well your eyesight is perfect

The difference between men and women is that men insult each other but don't really mean it

and women compliment each other but don't really mean it.

Always compliment a girl

"Wow you're a fast runner. You almost got away."

Got the best compliment from my doctor today

He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today...

They left a little note that said, "Parking Fine".

Wife: I look fat.Can you give me a compliment?

Husband: You have perfect eyesight.

Someone complimented my parking today!

They left a little note that said "parking fine".

A woman gets out of the shower and looks at herself in the mirror

She walks past her husband reading the newspaper on the couch, and says, "I just looked at myself in the mirror and I look ugly as hell. How about a nice compliment to cheer me up?"

The husband takes one glance at his wife and replies, "Your eyesight is spot-on."

A short conversation between a husband and wife:

Wife: "I think this outfit makes me look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

How many nice guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they'll just compliment it and get annoyed it won't screw

What's the one compliment women hate to receive?

"Hey, nice moustache!"

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, " I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "your eyesight's damn near perfect."

He never even heard the shot

I once complimented a curvy woman who doesn't believe Earth is round.

She replied that it was very flattering.

Am i gay?

While watching movies with my girlfriend i sometimes compliment male actors on their good, and sometimes outrageous good looks. My girlfriend often asks me, since i do this alot, are you gay? and that she's worried i will leave her for a man. So, am i gay? Or am i just comfortable enough with my sexuality that i can appreciate the beauty of male aesthetics as well?

All this reflection got me thinking, and i had to reach out to my ex and ask if he ever had the feeling that i was gay, turns out, he didn't!

The elevator ride

A woman is on an elevator heading to the 9th floor. 3 other well dressed and wealthy women get in at the 5th floor and begin obnoxiously talking about how much they each spent on their perfume after one gives the other a compliment. The first one spouts off Chanel, $100 per bottle. The second one replies Gucci, $125 per bottle. The 3rd says Well I have you both beat! Jean Patou, $1800 per bottle! Annoyed, the first woman on the elevator goes to get off and let's out a very loud and rancid fart and says Broccoli, 59 cents a pound!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the compliment ovation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working compliment complementary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes