Compliment Jokes

Following is our collection of congratulate puns and qualities one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Compliment jokes for adults, dirty bar compliments jokes and clean eyesight dad gags for kids.

The Best Compliment Puns

"You're the bomb, no you're the bomb"

A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

You the bomb.

No, you the bomb.

A compliment in America.

An argument in the Middle East.

My girlfriend was standing nude...

in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Give me a compliment.

A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today.

They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

Regretting the compliment...

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

Got the best compliment from my doctor today

He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice

Compliment somebody on their moustache

and all of a sudden she is not your friend anymore.

i got complimented on my driving earlier

they left a note on the car saying parking fine

Wife And Husband

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

My girlfriend said "Can you compliment me for once?"

She's rather overweight so I said "Don't be sad when people call you fat, you're bigger than that."

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man.

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

Someone complimented my parking today!

They left a little note that said "parking fine".

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.

So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"

"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

Good eyes

A woman standing in front of a mirror and telling her husbband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?

The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent".

People don't usually compliment me on my driving...

But today I saw a note on my car that said "PARKING FINE". That was nice of them.


I'll escort myself out.

A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."

The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

Susan tells her boss that she was sexual harassed...

The boss asks what happened?

Susan says, "Bob walked up to me said 'your hair smells really good'"

The boss replies, "Well, I think that's more of a compliment than sexual harassment"

Susan yells "Bob's a midget!"

I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...

...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.

It's not often people compliment my parking....

but the other day, I came back from work and saw a piece of paper on may car that said "Parking Fine". That was nice of them!

*Girl bumps into a guy at the bar*

Girl: Oh sorry about that, hi.

Guy: Oh! I shouldn't be talking to you.

Girl: Why not?

Guy: Because when I talk to a pretty girl I always make a fool of myself

*The girl smiles, taking this as a compliment*

Girl: You're not making a fool of yourself.

*The guy looks the girl up and down*

Guy: Oh yeah, you're right.

So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache.

No idea why she had to slap me though.

How many nice guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they'll just compliment it and get annoyed it won't screw

A girl looks at the mirror and says "Mom, I look really ugly, can you compliment me and make me feel better?"

The mother says "Wow you have really good eyesight!"

Compliment of a HOT Secretary...

Secretary to her Boss: I want to complain of an employee here in our office.
Boss: What happened?
Secretary: Whenever we cross each other, he says that my hair smell too good.
Boss: That's just a compliment.
Secretary: It's not, he is a midget.

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today...

They left a little note that said, "Parking Fine".

People need to learn how to take a compliment...

Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.

"I look fat..."

...said a woman to her husband. "Please give me a compliment."

"Honey," he said, "Your eyesight is perfect."

A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel...

A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel. She stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom. "I hate my body, i'm too fat", she says sadly to her husband on their bed. "I'm feeling a little down after that, i could use a pick me up. Compliment me?" she says. He says back, "Well for one thing your eyesight is great!"

I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache

I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.

How many nice guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just compliment it for being a strong, independent bulb until a real man comes along and screws it under their noses.

What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

"You da bomb"
"No, you da bomb!"

Wife: I look fat.Can you give me a compliment?

Husband: You have perfect eyesight.

A soccer team goes to a bar after a big win.

The keeper decides to hang out with his close friend, a defense player and his girlfriend. As it comes time to head home, the defender pulls the keeper aside and decides to compliment him on his play.

"You know, you're good as a keeper."

"Oh? What brought this about?"

"Well to start, you've been keeping me from scoring all night."

office joke

It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.

I just complimented someone's mustache

and suddenly I'm not friends with her anymore. :(

A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror

....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"

What is the biggest compliment you can pay at a gay bar?

Pushing in somebody's stool.

A girl once said to me she looks ugly and to give her a compliment....

i said her eyesight was perfect.

I complimented the toilet.

It flushed.

A woman gets out of the shower and looks at herself in the mirror

She walks past her husband reading the newspaper on the couch, and says, "I just looked at myself in the mirror and I look ugly as hell. How about a nice compliment to cheer me up?"

The husband takes one glance at his wife and replies, "Your eyesight is spot-on."

A man's wife is looking at herself in the mirror

She says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly. Can't you give me a compliment?"

To this the husband replies "well, at least your sight is working"

Why was the binary number so happy?

Because of two's compliment!

The best way to get a girl's attention is to compliment her

As in "WOW! You're a fast runner, you nearly got away!"

Savage husband

Wife: I look old, fat and ugly. I need you to guve me a compliment.

Husband: Well your eyesight is perfect

Got given a compliment about my parking today.

Someone stuck a note to my windscreen that said "Parking Fine".

That's nice of them.

My friend told he she thought she looked fat and needed a compliment

I told her she had perfect eyesight

A husband and wife...

A husband and wife are in their bedroom together. The wife, fresh out of the shower, is standing in front of the mirror and says "I'm old, fat and depressed. I need a compliment." The husband thinks for a second and says "You have amazing eyesight!"

Never compliment your friend's moustache

No matter how good it looks on her face

Always compliment a girl

"Wow you're a fast runner. You almost got away."

I complimented someone for their amazing mustache.

I don't understand why she threw a fit though.

Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead.

Hey, thanks for the compliment!

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

My wife looked in the mirror one day and thought she was fat and ugly...

She asked me to give her a compliment to cheer her up, so I told her "well, you have perfect eyesight!"

My wife looked in the mirror today...

After taking a good look at herself she turned to me and said, "I look fat. Can you please give me a compliment?"

So I said, "Absolutely, you have perfect vision."

It's funny how a sentence can have different meanings depending on where you say them.

saying "you da bomb" in the US is a compliment.
However a discussion in the Middle East.

My friend said I twist everything to my advantage.

I took it as a compliment.

How do you make a fruit cordial?

Compliment his shoes.

After twenty years of marriage, a woman looks in the bathroom mirror and sighs.

God, I look old, fat and ugly. She implores her husband; Pay me a compliment, dear.

Her husband replies, Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.

How do you compliment a scarecrow?

Tell him he's outstanding in his field!

My girlfriend told me that she looked fat, and wanted me to give her a compliment...

I told her that her eyesight was outstanding.

I like showing women my big bag of almonds.

It's nice when they compliment my nut sack.

The difference between men and women is that men insult each other but don't really mean it

and women compliment each other but don't really mean it.

Nice mustache! ...oh.

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..

In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but...

In Afghanistan it's a question.

A short conversation between a husband and wife:

Wife: "I think this outfit makes me look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

A woman was looking in the mirror...

And she says to her husband "I look fat. Give me a compliment." The husband replies " Your vision is perfect."

There is an abundance of ovation jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 69 funniest jokes and compliment puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any complementary witze you can hear about compliment.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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