Completely Stupid Jokes
18 completely stupid jokes and hilarious completely stupid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about completely stupid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Completely Stupid Short Jokes
Short completely stupid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The completely stupid humour may include short so dumb jokes also.
- If we took the collective stupidity of every low-life imbecile known since the evolution of man, it might be close to the complete lack of brain function you possess.
- Three men of different ethnicities walk into a bar. The first two say something smart. The third completely embarrasses his countrymen by saying something s**....
- I had dinner with my mother in law the other night. Was gonna ask "would you to pass the salt, please" But instead my tounge twisted and I said
"You s**... cow. You've completely ruined my life."
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Completely Stupid One Liners
Which completely stupid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with completely stupid? I can suggest the ones about stupidity and ridiculous.
- 95% of people are completely s**... Luckily, I'm in the other 10%
- What's green, s**..., and completely in the n**...? /b/
Completely Stupid Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about completely stupid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean completely jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make completely stupid pranks.
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
Today I had dinner with my boss and his wife
It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me "how many potatoes would you like?" and I said "I'll just have one". She said "it's alright, you dont have to be polite", and I said "alright then, I'll just have one you s**... cow".
A policeman knocked on my door this morning...
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm s**...? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."
A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.
To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.
"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.
"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.
Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit carefully. It's an ordinary bunny.
"That's not a superpower, that's just a s**... magic trick!" says Professor X. "Stop wasting my time!"
"Ah, but that's not my real power!" says the man. "My real power is curing disabilities!"
Mother is waking her son: Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.
Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.
No, it's really high time, now get up.
But I don't want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!
Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!
Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the s**... school.
Paulie, first of all, you're **45**, and second, you're the **headmaster**.
A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and struck the door, ripping it completely off the hinges.
When police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my car!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's incredible!" retorted the officer, "You're so concerned about your s**... BMW that you didn't even notice your left arm has been ripped off".
Upon heaering this the lawyers eyes shoot wide open as he jolts his head towards the left shoulder, only to find that his arm was indeed completely missing.
"Oh my god!", replied the lawyer, "Where's my Rolex!"
A cop knocked on my door this morning...
... but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent, but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm s**...? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in here!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."
Buddies
This guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f****** mess, and the dishes aren't done. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my f****** pajamas?? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the f*** did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you s**... idiot?"
Because he's thinking of getting married..."
New Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically s**.... So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so
I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
Did you hear about the kid who was afraid of monsters under the bed?
The kid's parents taught him to call under the bed every night and ask "Are there any monsters down there?". If you don't hear an answer, then you can go to sleep and know that it is safe.
Well, One night his parents went out and he was stuck with a s**... baby sitter. She completely ignored him. So he made cereal for dinner and played video games on the TV till it got late and he was tired.
He went to his room and found his baby sitter just sitting there. She left his room, and he went to bed. He sat puzzled for a moment, because the baby sitter's hair was a mess, and she had a blank look on her face like something had happened. So, he called under the bed and asked, "Are there any monsters down there?"
After a few seconds, a voice answered back "No".
The kid died of fright.
Replacement Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically s**.... So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year...
Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him...
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.