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Completed Jokes

76 completed jokes and hilarious completed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about completed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Completed Short Jokes

Short completed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The completed humour may include short finished jokes also.

  1. So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
  2. My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weigh 7lbs 12 oz
  3. I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
  4. Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
  5. Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
  6. I'm glad the cave rescue is complete.... Now when I google thai boys I can get back to normal results
  7. I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West... ...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
  8. One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
  9. TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the french flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
  10. If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's Doctor Whom.
    ^*

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Completed One Liners

Which completed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with completed? I can suggest the ones about unfinished and successful.

  1. simulation of monkey pressing button simulation complete
  2. I just found out I'm colorblind The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
  3. A flashbang would be completely ineffective against Helen Keller. Because she's dead.
  4. I broke my finger today... But on the other hand I am completely fine.
  5. I just found out that I'm colorblind It completely came out of the purple
  6. I completely misunderstood Pride month… Anyway, who wants to buy 12 lions?
  7. This morning, the doctor told me I was colorblind. It came completely out of the orange.
  8. Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar. I am completely dismayed
  9. Every program I write is completely error-free No exceptions!
  10. What do you call a super hero completely made of ice? Justice
  11. Why couldn't Jesus complete the crossword? Because he got stuck on 2 across
  12. Now that the movie Titanic is 25 years old Leo has completely lost interest in it.
  13. I was just diagnosed with colorblindness The result came completely out of the purple
  14. My paper aeroplane won't fly. It's completely stationery.
  15. The Queen just phoned to say I have won a knighthood! It was a complete Sir prize

Completed joke, The Queen just phoned to say I have won a knighthood!

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about completed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of completed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Completed Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about completed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean fulfilled jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make completed prank.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely n**....

I'm not sure what scared him more. My n**... body or the fact I knew where he lived

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's m**....

Footprints

A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

are you sure I'm drunk?

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

I just found out I'm colour blind

The diagnosis came completely out of the green.
(Courtesy of a family member)

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space...

It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

Man tries to open a bank account

Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete m**...."

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange

She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue...

Completely pale, no arms.

A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.

He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, I've got your bandit just as you requested 'dead and alive'.
The mayor says, not 'dead AND alive', 'dead OR alive'.
The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, I guess we should open the box then.

A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.

Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?

A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A lot of people are roasting Cleaver on saying "Awoman"...

I mean, I know that "Amen" comes from Hebrew and means "so be it", and therefore "Awoman" would make no sense in Hebrew.
In Shebrew, however, it makes complete sense!!!

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:

- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
-
- - Jane ate her friend's colon.

My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course...

It's a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.

A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain

He goes to the clerk and says
"Hello, I'd like to purchase a new brain".
The clerk replies with "Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale"
"Here's the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars."
"Here's our second deal for today. The brain of an anti-vaxxer, 10,000 dollars".
The man, completely confused, asks "Why is the brain of an anti-vaxxer more expensive than of a physicist?"
"Because it's never been used" The clerk replies.

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog s**... on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

I'm so proud of my 18 year old son

I gave him a puzzle that said "2-3 years" on it and he completed it in 2 minutes.

A software tester walks into a bar

Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.

Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full?

Applicant: It's completely full.
Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory.

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

I'm in an age gap relationship.

I'm 40, she's 19.

Anyway, we went out for a meal, as soon as we walked in the restaurant people shot me dirty looks, then the whispering started "nonce", "pervert" "paedo.

My girlfriend got upset and we left.

Completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tell me there was nothing wrong with me."

Saw my doctor today and showed him the bleeding coming out of my a**....

He completely ignored me, and carried on pushing his shopping basket in Walmart

My friend said that I make people uncomfortable by invading their personal space.

It was a very hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

One of my friends told me I make people uncomfortable by often invading people's personal space

I found this really hurtful, it completely ruined our bath

To my favorite pond of water that completely evaporated last night:

You will be mist.

I was totally shocked that my Border Collie loved the Harry Potter movies

I mean, he completely hated the books

Someone asked me...

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was, it was a complete guess but I was right

The dumpling said to the chopstick, “You complete me rice away.

Completed joke

jokes about completed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these completed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.