The Best 56 Complaint Jokes

I was down the gym this morning, when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in...

...Anyway, she's now made a formal complaint and I'm barred for life.

A teenage girl went to visit the doctor for her cough complaint.

The doctor examined her with his stethoscope. 'Big breaths' he said. 'Yeah, and I am only thixteen' she replied.

So Lena finishes dead last in the breastroke...

She immediately filed a complaint with the officials, because the other girls were using their arms.

What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?

I'm always taken for granite!

Sexual harassment

The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man working in the same department. "What on earth did he do?", asks the boss. "It's not what he did but what he said!", the secretary shrieks. "He said my hair smelt nice!". "And what is so wrong with him telling you that?", asks the boss. "He's a midget" ,huffs the woman.

What do you call a cockroach filing a complaint?

A Bug report

"What's the biggest complaint a sea anemone gets on dates?"

"They're too touchy feely."

"That's gotta sting."

A woman wrote a complaint to the hospital in which her husband had surgery...

She wrote: After his surgery he lost all interest in sex.

The hospital answered: Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight

Three year old goes to prison.

A police officer was investigating a noise complaint coming from a daycare in downtown Detroit. The officer realized that it was just a three year old kid kicking and screaming because he didn't want to nap during nap time. The officer charged the child with resisting a rest, and took him to prison.

A man by the name of Ronald Bates came home to find his butler being arrested...

"What in the world could my butler have done to be arrested?" Bates asked the police officer handcuffing the butler.
"We had a complaint from you next door neighbor that he was yelling obscene remarks," the police officer replied.
"Obscene remarks?!?! What was he saying?!?!"
"The neighbors say that, for a few minutes on end, he kept yelling 'Masturbates,' 'Masturbates!'

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.

China banned their soldiers from using the Apple watch due to security concerns

One soldier submitted a formal complaint. "My daughter made this for me!"

Complaints via email or texts should be called "Read Whine"

I just went to the apple orchard with my girlfriend...

My only complaint was I didn't get to be in cider.

What is the quietest place on Earth?

The complaint department at a parachute packing company.

An office worker opened his pay envelope to find

his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.

"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."

"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"

What was the head hunter's complaint about his career path?

He couldn't get ahead.

I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company...

My girlfriend recently dumped me and this "No Tears" stuff isn't working at all.

A man with a phobia of old men files a complaint about Santa...

He didn't like his Christmas presence...

The arrogant baker declared 'You'll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window'

The customer agreed 'It must be the double glazing'

What do you call a random complaint in Star Wars?

A General Grievance.

I was at the gym the other day....

I was at the gym the other day and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in !.

Anyways he made a formal complaint and now I'm banned for life.

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

I went to the gym and found a hole in my trainer big enough to get my finger in...

She raised a complaint and now I'm banned for life.

I got complaints about my dog chasing people on bikes

I didnt know my dog could ride a bike

I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in.

Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.

I went to the gym the other day and noticed a hole in my trainer.

Anyway, he made a formal complaint and now I'm banned for life.

The police came to my door the other day telling me there had been a complaint made, that my dog chased a man on his bike

"sorry officer" I said "my dog doesn't have a bike"

I was at the gym and i found a hole in my trainer that i could fit my whole finger in

Unfortunately she made a complaint and now I'm banned for life.

Our complaint department manager is Helen Waite.

So if you have a complaint go to Helen Waite.

I got a noise complaint for playing my drums late at night.

Now I just play piano.

I joined my local gym the other day

and found a hole in my trainer just big enough to put my finger in. She has lodged a formal complaint.

TIL: The last time Roy Moore went to the gym, he noticed a hole in his new trainer big enough to put a finger in...

...Too bad she made a formal complaint.

If I had a $ for every complaint I've seen this week about the FCC...

A woman filed a sexual harassment to the HR Department.

Hot employee: Sir I would like to file a complaint for sexual harrassment to my boss.

HR employee: So what did he do or say to you ?

Hot employee: He said my hair smells sweet and lovely today.

HR employees : I don't see a problem there. Aren't you just overreacting a bit he just complimented that your hair smells good.

Hot employee: SIR!! You don't understand my boss is a midget!!!

A hot female employee filed a sexual harrassment complaint.

Hot employee: Sir I would like to file a complaint to my boss.

HR Dep: So miss what did he say, or do to you that would make you file a complaint?

Hot employee: he said the other day that my hair smelled sweet and alluring.

HR Dep: I don't see anything wrong that would incite or imply any sexual harassment. He just complimented that your hair smells good.

Hot employee: SIR YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY BOSS IS A MIDGET!!!!

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three.
Two to write a report and one to file a complaint.

An atheist walks into heaven...

...goes immediately to the complaint department.

I get complaints that my dog is chasing people on bike

I didnt take this as a problem until i realized he has been using my motorcycle

I was at the gym, and discovered a hole in my trainer so big I could put my finger in it!

Anyway, she's filed a formal complaint and now I'm banned from that gym.

I didn't quite get my girlfriend's complaints about my passion for Grease songs...

So I asked her to tell me more, tell me more.

The police receive a noise complaint from a nearby tennis equipment factory

They were making a racket.

Well, I just got a very bitter complaint that the polo mallet I sold on ebay was too short

I told him to get off his high horse

The other day at the gym, I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to stick a finger in

She's now made a formal complaint and my memberships been revoked.

"We've had complaints about you," said my boss.

"What are they?" I asked.

"They're what people make when they aren't happy with something," my boss replied.

I was at the gym the other day and saw a hole in my trainer big enough to put a finger in...

...Anyway she made a formal complaint and I'm banned for life!

I hosted a silent disco party in my apartment

I got a complaint from the mime next door.

Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life

New cuisines

I went to a Chinese/ German fusion buffet today for lunch. I had the Szechuan Schnitzel with sweet and sour kraut. It was pretty good. My only complaint is that an hour later I was hungry...
For POWER!

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

Me, on the phone: I have a complaint. Every time I make a sandwich, it's always too dry.

Guy on the other end: Sir, that's not what we do at the Mayo Clinic.

I have many complaints about women with kitty rings

and that's just scratching the surface

What do you call a group of Karens?

A complaint.

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine

He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

What do you call a gathering of Karen's?

What do you call a gathering of Karen's?

A group of Karen's is called a complaint!