The Best 90 Complain Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Complain jokes. There are some complain seoul jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these complain moan puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Complain Jokes and Puns

I complained to my local video rental store because they only have one movie to rent.

They said, take IT or leave IT.

So my friend lives in North Korea

And I asked him how it is there.
He replied "Well, I can't complain."

I found this on sickipedia complain if you want

A man is working as a taxi driver He just started his job He went and picked someone up about halfway through the journey the man taps him on the shoulder At this point The taxi driver freaks swerves nearly misses a bus and two cars and crashes into a building. The passenger says "Sorry I didnt know a small tap could scare you that much" The taxi driver replies "No sorry it's my fault I used to work as a hearse driver"

Complain joke, I found this on sickipedia complain if you want

Vow of Silence

Chap decides to to join a monastery. As a novice he is only allowed to speak two words to the prior, once every 7 years.

The first seven years go by and he whispers, "Cold floors..."

The next seven years go by and he whispers, "Bad food..."

Seven more years go by and he croaks, "I quit!"

The prior raises his eyebrows and replies, "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you joined."

How's it like living in a totalitarian regime?

Can't complain.


What do all North Korean's say when you ask them how their day was?

"can't complain"

They found a way to make men experience child birth...

now if they could somehow simulate to women what it's like to hear them complain about it.

Complain joke, They found a way to make men experience child birth...

I complained to my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.

He said "Don't be ridiculous! Everyone hasn't met you yet"

A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

I asked my North Korean friend how he was doing....

...and he responded, "I can't complain."

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."

You can explore complain dmz reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean complain elders dad jokes. There are also complain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The whiny monk

A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He can only say two words every five years.

After five years, Father Donald says to him, "Brother John, what do you have to say?"

He replies, "Bed hard."

Five more years go by and Father Donald asks him again.

He replies, "Food bad."

Another five years go by and Father Donald asks him again.

This time he replies, "I quit" at which point, Father Donald says, "Good! You've done nothing but complain since you got here!"

A man goes to a prostitute

and later he finds out he has crabs. When he goes back to complain, the prostitute says "It was only five dollars, what did you expect, lobster?"

After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.

Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.

When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.

Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.

After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.

I ask my friend in North Korea how he likes it there

His exact words were... "I can't complain"

Must not be all that bad there.

Complain joke, I ask my friend in North Korea how he likes it there

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change bulbs and 3 to sit around and complain that the original was better.

Recently asked my North Korean buddy how it was over there...

He said he couldn't complain.

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.

Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.

Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sex with his girlfriend.

A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"

"Who needs a girlfriend?," said Pinnochio.


Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

went to a temporary tatoo parlor

it wouldn't wash off so I went back to complain but the shop was gone.

I want to find a hobby where I can get in peoples way, complain for equality but ignore the law, and get all defensive if anyone attacks my hobby.

Hey, check out my new road bike!!

*

I like to take my girlfriend to restaurants so she can complain

I call it "whining and dining"

Compliment of a HOT Secretary...

Secretary to her Boss: I want to complain of an employee here in our office.
Boss: What happened?
Secretary: Whenever we cross each other, he says that my hair smell too good.
Boss: That's just a compliment.
Secretary: It's not, he is a midget.

So I met this guy from North Korea.

I asked him, "so how was life in North Korea?"

He replied "Can't complain."

How many long-time fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change it and one to complain that the old one was better.

A John gets crabs from a 10$ hooker...

he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"

I complained to my wife that I was short staffed at work

She responded "yeah, and you have the same problem at home"

Q: How's your visit in North Korea?

A: Can't complain ...

A couple are dining at a German restaurant...

A couple are dining at a German restaurant, and so far it has been awful. The appetizers were cold, the beer was warm, and the main course has been in preparation for over two hours.

They call over their waitress to complain about the appetizers and the beer, and to ask where their entrees are.

She frowns and replies, "The wurst is yet to come."

I asked my North Korean friend how it was to live in North Korea...

He says he can't complain.

I'm so tired of hearing people complain about being hung over.

Just stop your wining.

Women complain that men treat them as sex objects.

Then they buy a vibrator. Isn't that just women treating sex objects as men?

A man goes to a $3 hooker

He contracted crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $3, a lobster?"

Just because nobody complains

Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

I asked a North Korean how his life was going...

He said "can't complain."

My brother and I own adjacent farms

The other day he rode over to complain that I was growing marijuana on his side of the fence.

I told him to get off his high horse.

People keep asking me how I'm doing since moving to North Korea

Eh, can't complain.

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

Why was Adam and Eves marriage so successful?

Because he couldn't complain about her mothers cooking.

Teach a man to fish and he will have food for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will complain about how fishing is male-dominated.

I asked my North Korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea

"I can't complain" he wrote back.

I got complaints about my dog chasing people on bikes

I didnt know my dog could ride a bike

Being a North Korean is tough and all but hey

At the end of the day, I can't complain.

Are Gorillas stupid?

Of course, who else would complain about a 19$ drink but keep coming back to the same bar

A man goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs.

So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says 'Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?

A friend just returned from a visit to North Korea.

Me: How was the stay over there?

Friend: Can't complain.

I asked someone in North Korea how their day was going...

They replied, "Can't complain."

Funeral homes are a great place to hit on women.

No matter how many times you punch them, they will never complain about it.

Or: They might give you the cold shoulder at first, but if you keep at it, they'll eventually warm up to you.

Or: Because of recent trauma in their lives, they are very receptive to having sex.

I asked my friend who works in google how it is out there ?

He said " can't complain "

I asked my buddy what it's like working at Google.

Says he can't complain.

I don't get why people say that North Korea is bad

My friend lives there, and he can't complain about anything.

My friend lives in North Korea

It must be pretty good over there, because he says he can't complain about anything.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there

He said he couldnt complain

Its outrageous when women complain about gender bias in companies

They're just some strong independent companies that don't need no women. They should understand

An old man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem gas.

"It's non-stop," the man tells his doctor. "I just have this *constant* stream of silent gas pouring out of me. It might shock you to know that it's even been happening since I came into your office."

"OK," replies the doctor. "The first thing I'm going to recommend is a hearing test."

The wife looks at herself in the mirror and complain to her husband: I am so ugly and wrinkle and fat. Do I even have any good traits?

The husband put down his newspaper and slowly answer: Your eyesight is excellent darling

So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday

So I got my concealed carry gun permit yesterday and then went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small caliber pistol for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun, the cashier said, Strip down, facing me. Making a mental note to complain about these new invasive gun control laws, I did as she instructed. After her hysterical shrieking subsided, I realized she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the reader. I still don't think I looked that bad.

GF: Why are you buying a puzzle when you don't have brain to play it?

BF: Do I complain when you purchase bras?

A lot of people complain about reposts, but I ran the numbers and only about 0.2% of people actually repost jokes here

Earth has ~7 and a half billion people; this sub only has ~14 million

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I've never heard him complain

We all complain about reposts, but do you know where new jokes come from?

A dad joke meets a yo mama joke... and then they screw in a lightbulb.

People in the office always complain about the a/c being too strong

but I'm totally cool with it

Last time I went to the Indian restaurant, they forgot to give me bread...

But I didn't complain, since it was a naan-issue.

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don't complain about a few inches, neither should you.

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

People complain a lot about dealing with erectile dysfunction

But it's not exactly hard, is it?

$5 Hooker

A man goes to see a 5 dollar hooker, he does his business and the goes home. The next day he was furious, he got crabs from the hooker. He decides to go back to the hooker and complain.

Man: This is outrageous I pay you and I get crabs!!!

Hooker: Well what did you expect for 5 dollars? Lobster?

How many guys in the friend-zone does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero, they just keep complimenting it and complain when it doesn't screw.

So how's life in totalitarian China?

Oh you know... can't complain

So a guy buys a $5 hooker.....

They have sex and the next day the guys realizes he has crabs. The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund

The hooker goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"

An old friend, now living in China, called me. I asked him how life is over there and if he's doing well.

He said "Ah well , you know. I can't complain".

a Jewish man living in Moscow applies to move to Israel.

At 3:00 AM there's banging on his door. It's the KGB.

You! Jew! You applied to move to Israel?

He nods.

Here in Russia, you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in Russia, you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in Russia, you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why you apply to move to Israel?

Because *There* I can complain!

Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Double Dang!
(E) Enormous!
(F) Fake.
(G) Get a Reduction.
(H) Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!!!

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China

He says he can't complain

I asked my North Korean friend how he liked living there.

He said he can't complain.

Back in the 80s I asked my friend from soviet Russia how he felt living there.

He said he couldn't complain.

Personally, I don't get why people complain about American Healthcare

It ranked 3rd in North America

A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.

Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?

Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?

Because There I can complain!

I asked my North Korean friend what life was like there.

He can't complain.

Which month do wives complain the least?

February because it has fewer days.

A South Korean asks a North Korean How's life?

The North Korean responds Well, I can't complain.

A guy goes to a five dollar lady of the night and he gets crabs.

So the next day he goes back to complain.

And the woman says, "Hey, it was only five dollars. What did you expect, lobster?"

A co-worker asked me "How's it going?"

Me: "I can't complain."
Coworker: "Hey it's great you're having a good day!"
Me: "No I mean I literally can't complain. HR said it's affecting morale."

I asked a north korean how his day was

He said he couldn't complain

I was told I shouldn't be too full of myself.

But then they complain when I eat other people.

I asked my friend in North Korea how things were going

He said he can't complain.

Everyone keeps on complaining about my offensive jokes but,

whenever I make fun of mute people they don't even say a word!

Doctor: I was told you have some kind of speech disorder. How bad is it?

Me: I can't complain.

Someone asked me how being mute was going for me.

Can't complain.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the complain moaner jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working complain supreme piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes