Competitive Jokes

Following is our collection of medal puns and vie one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Competitive jokes for adults, dirty hearthstone jokes and clean contest dad gags for kids.

The Best Competitive Puns

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are

But I laugh more.

My brother and I laugh at how Competitive we were as kids.

But I laugh more.

My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are

But I laugh harder

My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last

He said, "Staring contest... GO."

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.

Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.


"You snooze, you lose."

-Competitive insomniacs

My brother and I often laugh at how competitive we are

I laugh more

Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.

After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."

I'm not a competitive person

I'll be the first to admit it.

What do you get with legalized prostitution and a highly competitive marketplace?

The best bang for your buck.

Do competitive origami artists ever fold under pressure?


To get in shape, I need to pick up a sport as a hobby...

I was thinking about competitive eating.

I've had 3 years of casual sex

I guess I'm finally prepared for competitive sex.

Why do women hate me?

Cause I'm very competitive and always want to come first.

Why is Finland the most competitive country in the world?

You can't find a road, store, or park without a Finnish line.

My friend and I were finally able to laugh off how competitive we are with each other.

But I laughed harder.

My friend made a flute out of a carrot...

It was impressive, and if you gave her some sheet music, she would show you just how well it played.

My other friend, who's a bit competitive, made an oboe out of corn. He said he could play anything by ear.

My girlfriend and I joke about which of us is more competitive.

But, I joke about it waaaay more than her.

We're pretty competitive

My brother and I sometimes laugh on how competitive we can be, but I laugh more!


A new Vietnamese restaurant opened across from another, and the owners have been throwing competitive deals all week.

It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

My friend and I sometimes laugh at how competitive we are.

I laugh more.

What do competitive butchers say to each other?

I will beat your meat!

A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.

To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.

They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.

It's a good thing mutual masturbation isn't a competitive sport...

...because I'd always beat you.

A lot of people thought bio-warfare was overpowered.

That's why it was banned from competitive use.

A new craze sweeps an Eastern European nation

Though Transylvania is mostly rivers and mountains, a new outdoor sport is achieving newfound popularity. Folks have been flocking to the calmer parts of the Olt and Danube to try out for a crew, the competitive paddling fad usually found in lakes. In fact, the sport has spread from the region to the whole country.

Truly, the nation has Ro-mania.

I always wanted to be a competitive eater

Unfortunately, I just never had the stomach for it

My wife says that I'm too competitive and its driving her insane

I told her I already knew that

Why did the competitive deep-sea diver lose the big competition?

He couldn't handle the pressure.

Pete: hi, I'm Pete

**Peter:** hi, I'm Peter

**Me, super competitive:** I'm Petest

I entered a pun competition

Being a competitive sort, I scoured my brains for my very best puns, sorting them and analysing them by punningness, and finally submitting my very best top ten puns. I was sure I would win, or at least one would make the medals table.

But unfortunately no pun in ten did.

If competitive lumberjacking is a sport...

...then Pinocchio would be a hall-of-famer.

There's a competitive gaming team called the Silver Snipers, consisting of old guys between 62-81 years old. So, are they any good?

Depends.

new way to pay

A company in India is coming out with a competitive PayPal alternative called PayMyFriend.

Competitive lumberjacking will never be a sport as it isn't a matter of skill

It just comes down to whoever has logged the most hours

I tried competitive eating once.

I was doing pretty well but I choked toward the end.

Why are most Taiwanese people competitive and ambitious?

Because of their Taipei personality.

You know what the definition of "competitive" is?

Finishing first *and* third in a circlejerk.

I hear Chinese tourists are aggressive and competitive.

They must have Taipei personalities.

COMPETITIVE SPIRIT

Judge: What made you go to the prison?

Criminal: Competition, Sir!

Judge: Competition?

Criminal: Yes, Sir, I made the same coins as the government did.

My family are very competitive

In our secret Santa, winner takes all.

The Academy Awards have introduced a new category for the upcoming Oscars ceremony.

"Best Acting for shocked response to Weinstein revelations" is full of very competitive entries .

I'm filming a documentary about high-stakes competitive beekeeping

I'm thinking about calling it "Game of Drones."

The competitive seamstress guild is accepting applicants.

Despite all the race conditions since they went global, they do get a lot of stuff done concurrently.

Everyone jokes about running away and joining the circus. But I hear they have a great 401K program and competitive benefits.

Too bad the pay is peanuts.

You're a rising star in the competitive masturbation circuit who's in LA for the WBC (World Bate Championships).

Don't choke.

"Oh my god! Sarah Jessica Parker is a competitive sprinter?!"

"Greg, calm down! This is just the Kentucky Derby."

I don't want to be racist....

so stop trying to make me to take up competitive running!

There is an abundance of farthest jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes and competitive puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any winner witze you can hear about competitive.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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