The Best 60 Competition Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Competition jokes. There are some competition tournament jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these competition finalist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Competition Jokes and Puns

Jesus vs Satan

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

Did you hear about the competition for the world's best Tie?

There was no clear winner.

Gatorades competition.

Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.

Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...

Competition joke, Gatorades competition.

The Government

Don't lie..
Don't cheat.
Dont steal.
Don't sell drugs.
Don't kill.

The Government Hates Competition

I entered a laziness competition and placed first.

I got atrophy.


There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.

They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

Village Competition

Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition

I might enter my friend's sister.

Competition joke, Village Competition

My local newspaper is running an innuendo competition.

I might enter my sister.

I came 2nd in a Fidel Castro look-a-like competition..

close but no cigar

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...

...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.

The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".

The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."

The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.

"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."

What do you call two funeral homes right next to each other?

Stiff competition.

You can explore competition winner reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean competition contest dad jokes. There are also competition puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I saw a weird competition yesterday - The first person to successfully have intercourse with them self wins.

So I entered myself.

Did you hear about the meteorologist competition?

The losers got precipitation trophies.

I got second place in a star gazing competition once.

The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize.

My city is holding their annual incest competition...

I've entered my sister...

I once entered ten puns in a comedy competition hoping one would win.

But, no pun in ten did.

Competition joke, I once entered ten puns in a comedy competition hoping one would win.

I recently entered a blindfolded masturbation competition...

I haven't seen the results yet so I've no idea where I came...

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition

And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"


A professional limboer walks into a bar.

He was disqualified from the competition.

A man walked into a bar

And immediately lost the limbo competition

Dr. Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition...

It seems he wildly misunderstood the rules.

How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition?

I don't know, it was countless

I won $100 on a radio competition this morning.

The DJ called me and said, We are going live in a few seconds, I'm going to ask you what you're going to spend your money on and I want you to tell the listeners on air.
Okay I replied.
He said, 3…2….1….. Congratulations to Lefty, our competition winner, what are you going to spend the money on?
I said, I'm going to spend it on air.

Pun competition

One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China.

He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!

There's an incest competition in my town this weekend.

I'm going to enter my sister.

When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left.

I don't want to intimidate her with the competition right away

Why was Dr. Frankenstein upset?

He misunderstood the rules to the bodybuilding competition.

A man walks into a bar

He was immediately disqualified from the limbo competition.

There was a contortionist competition being held

So I entered myself, and won

Don't steal, don't lie and don't cheat.

The government hates competition.

I won first place in a swimming competition once...

9 months later, my mother gave birth to me

What do you get for winning the "Staying in Bed the Longest" competition?

Atrophy

Netflix's original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they're shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, sex and mystery.

The winner was "Oh god I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it".

Dr. Frankenstein went to a body-building competition...

There was a terrible misunderstanding.

I saw some cows having a weed smoking competition the other day.

It was very high steaks.

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition

and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective...

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition.

However, upon arrival he realised he seriously misunderstood the objective.

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

I know a guy that had a sexual relationship with one of his teachers

I suppose there's a lot less competition when you're homeschooled

There was a competition to find who could last the longest without masturbating.

I came first.

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"

The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.

"Nah, the steaks are too high"

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."

The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."

Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."

The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the erection to the resurrection."

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

Been trying to organize a local hide and seek competition, but it's been quite difficult.

Good players are just hard to find.

A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength...

So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

I get erections at funerals. "Mourning wood," if you will.

It's hard to come up with an original erection joke. The competition is stiff.

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat, she went to a weight lifting competition and won 1st place for standing up

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."

"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."

What do you get for winning a muscle loss competition?

Atrophy.

[Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath.

Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.

Guy: This isn't a competition.

I decapitated myself for a mountain rolling competition.

I guess you could say I was ahead.

What is first prize in a competition to lose muscle mass?

a trophy.

My friends and I had a competition to see what the most difficult to put on accessory was.

The end result was a tie.

A 10 year old girl opens a lemonade stand and sells at such low prices her competition can't keep up, and is forced to close down.

Maybe it would have helped if there were a punch line..

There was a pun competition going on in the local community.

I decided I might have a go at it since I am pretty good with puns. The rules were simple: we all had to tell 10 puns. I got on stage and gave it my best shot to wow the judges. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Last night I was bored so I entered a drinking competition in a japanese restaurant

It was only for the sake of it

My wife told me she and her sister started a weight loss competition to see who can shed the most pounds before their cousin's wedding this summer.

"I hope you win" was not the correct response.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the competition competitor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working competition competitive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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