Competition Jokes

147 competition jokes and hilarious competition puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about competition that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need some laughs? Look no further than this collection of funny competition jokes. From dance competitions to marching band championships, these jokes will have you and your friends in stitches! Enter the laughing competition, and crown yourself a winner as you check out these hilarious gags. Great for any time you're feeling like you need to take home the trophy for being the funniest one in the room.

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Funniest Competition Short Jokes

Short competition jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The competition humour may include short competitive jokes also.

  1. When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left. I don't want to intimidate her with the competition right away
  2. [Blind Date] Guy: Hi, my name is Heath. Girl: Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Heather.
    Guy: This isn't a competition.
  3. Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly? HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.
  4. My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
  5. TIL cow tipping is an urban myth. Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.
  6. Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective.
  7. Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective...
  8. Dr. Frankenstein went to a body-building competition... There was a terrible misunderstanding.
  9. Tonight, I will be judging the "World's Largest Ribeye" competition. I am not sure who will win. But the steaks are huge.
  10. A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength... So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

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Competition One Liners

Which competition one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with competition? I can suggest the ones about contest and tournament.

  1. What do you get for winning a muscle loss competition? Atrophy.
  2. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are But I laugh more.
  3. My brother and I laugh at how Competitive we were as kids. But I laugh more.
  4. My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are But I laugh harder
  5. There are only two outcomes in a knot-tying competition. Win or loose.
  6. A professional limboer walks into a bar. He was disqualified from the competition.
  7. I came 2nd in a Fidel Castro look-a-like competition.. close but no cigar
  8. My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more
  9. I tried to enter an ugly competition.. and was told sorry no professionals!
  10. What is first prize in a competition to lose muscle mass? a trophy.
  11. A man walks into a bar He was immediately disqualified from the limbo competition.
  12. "You snooze, you lose." -Competitive insomniacs
  13. I entered a laziness competition and placed first. I got atrophy.
  14. My brother and I often laugh at how competitive we are I laugh more
  15. I'm not a competitive person I'll be the first to admit it.

Laughing Competition Jokes

Here is a list of funny laughing competition jokes and even better laughing competition puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife and I were just laughing about how insanely competitive we are! (I laughed more than she did, though.)
  • My wife and I laugh about how petty and competitive we are. But I laugh much more.
  • My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are.. ..but I laugh more.
  • My friend and I were finally able to laugh off how competitive we are with each other. But I laughed harder.
  • We're pretty competitive My brother and I sometimes laugh on how competitive we can be, but I laugh more!
  • My friend and I sometimes laugh at how competitive we are. I laugh more.
  • Me and my brother recently laughed about how competitive we used to be. But I laughed more

Dance Competition Jokes

Here is a list of funny dance competition jokes and even better dance competition puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My grandma won the local grocery store's anual dance competition. She didn't miss a beet.
  • I was so drunk in the club last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another drink, I won the dance competition
  • Did you hear the Little Engine that Could is going to be on a dance competition? The show is going to be called So You Think You Can?
  • I want to make a revolutionary new show called So You Think You Can't Dance. It's a singing competition.
  • I saw M. Night Shyamalan at a dancing competition today. What a twist.
  • Paper Dance Competition Boy : Hey, will you be my partner in a paper dance competition?
    Girl : Sure!
    Boy : Great, so we are on the same page.
  • How do the Germans judge their Schuhplattler dance-off competitions? On the lederboard
Competition joke, How do the Germans judge their Schuhplattler dance-off competitions?

School Competition Jokes

Here is a list of funny school competition jokes and even better school competition puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Does anyone know any good renal/kidney jokes? I'm in nursing school right now and there's a competition in one of my classes for the funniest renal joke. I can't think of any! Help?

Athletic Competition Jokes

Here is a list of funny athletic competition jokes and even better athletic competition puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An athlete walks into a bar And gets eliminated from the high jump competition
  • You have the body of a professional athlete If competitive eating can be considered a sport
Competition joke, You have the body of a professional athlete

Gather Around for Heartwarming Competition Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about competition you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean compete jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make competition pranks.

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"

Why are programmers so good at poetry?

Well, all words rhyme in binary.

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

My city is holding their annual i**... competition...

I've entered my sister...

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

There's an i**... competition in my town this weekend.

I'm going to enter my sister.

I recently entered a blindfolded m**... competition...

I haven't seen the results yet so I've no idea where I came...

There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, s**... and mystery.

The winner was "Oh god I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it".

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the w**... to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the s**... to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the e**... to the resurrection."

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition.

However, upon arrival he realised he seriously misunderstood the objective.

MI6, CIA and KGB are competing against each other...

Last competition. The mission is to find a bear in a 10000 sq/km forest
MI6 goes first. Using dogs and 1000 agents they have found a bear in 12 hours.
CIA goes next. Using satellites and heatvisors they found a bear in 6 hours
KGB goes last. Two agents enters a forest and came out of it in 5 minutes. One of them is holding a rabbit by his ears.
Judges- And?
One KGB agent hits a rabbit.
Rabbit - ok ok i confess i'm a bear!!!

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The attendant notices he only writes down one name, and asks why, to which Dexter replies:
"I'm just a shucker with no shellfish team"

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat, she went to a weight lifting competition and won 1st place for standing up

There was a competition to find who could last the longest without m**....

I came first.

I know a guy that had a s**... relationship with one of his teachers

I suppose there's a lot less competition when you're homeschooled

Jesus vs Satan

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

A blonde is in a swimming competition.

She comes in dead last in the 100m breast s**.... After she climbs out of the pool, she walks over to the referee.
"I don't want to sound like a whiner," she says, "but I think the other swimmers were using their arms."

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...

...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."

A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

I get erections at funerals. "Mourning wood," if you will.

It's hard to come up with an original e**... joke. The competition is stiff.

I won first place in a swimming competition once...

9 months later, my mother gave birth to me

Why did the winter solstice audition for a singing competition? It wanted to show off its "illuminating" voice.

What do you get for winning the "Staying in Bed the Longest" competition?


Dr. Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition...

It seems he wildly misunderstood the rules.

The Government

Don't lie..
Don't cheat.
Dont steal.
Don't sell drugs.
Don't kill.
The Government Hates Competition

Gatorades competition.

Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.
Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...

How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition?

I don't know, it was countless

Been trying to organize a local hide and seek competition, but it's been quite difficult.

Good players are just hard to find.

A man walked into a bar

And immediately lost the limbo competition

I got second place in a star gazing competition once.

The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize.

Netflix's original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they're shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

My local newspaper is running an innuendo competition.

I might enter my sister.

Did you hear about the meteorologist competition?

The losers got precipitation trophies.

I saw a weird competition yesterday - The first person to successfully have i**... with them self wins.

So I entered myself.

There was a contortionist competition being held

So I entered myself, and won

Why does government hate organised crime?

They don't like competition

I entered the "How not to surrender" competition and I won hands down.

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

Why was Dr. Frankenstein upset?

He misunderstood the rules to the bodybuilding competition.

I once entered ten puns in a comedy competition hoping one would win.

But, no pun in ten did.

I saw some cows having a w**... smoking competition the other day.

It was very high steaks.

Pun competition

One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.

Village Competition

Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition
I might enter my friend's sister.

Did you hear about the French fencer who frequently spent time in the USA for competitions?

He eventually applied for duel citizenship.

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.
They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

What do you call two f**... homes right next to each other?

Stiff competition.

Did you hear about the competition for the world's best Tie?

There was no clear winner.

Don't steal, don't lie and don't cheat.

The government hates competition.

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China.

He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!

I won $100 on a radio competition this morning.

The DJ called me and said, We are going live in a few seconds, I'm going to ask you what you're going to spend your money on and I want you to tell the listeners on air.
Okay I replied.
He said, 3…2….1….. Congratulations to Lefty, our competition winner, what are you going to spend the money on?
I said, I'm going to spend it on air.

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

What does a man who just r**... 300 million people say after?

We are helping consumers and promoting competition, Mr. Pai said. Broadband providers will have more incentive to build networks, especially to underserved areas.

My friends and I had a competition to see what the most difficult to put on accessory was.

The end result was a tie.

A 10 year old girl opens a lemonade stand and sells at such low prices her competition can't keep up, and is forced to close down.

Maybe it would have helped if there were a punch line..

I saw an ad for an innuendo competition in my town...

So I entered my sister.

I entered a blindfolded m**... competition....

I still don't know where I came

I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.

It was a constellation prize

Why Does NASA Have No Competition?

Because they destroyed their last challenger.

Why is it tough to make it as a pornstar?

Because the competition is stiff.

I submitted ten of my best puns to a Pun Competition, hoping at least one of them would win.

No pun in ten did.

I recently participated in an e**... contest. Unfortunately I didn't do so well.

Let's just say there was some stiff competition.

I participated in a trigonometry competition

I got secant place.

We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.

No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.

A dyslexic s**... enters a competition.

He comes out on p**....

I was on the verge of winning the "Worlds Most Congested Nose " competition....

And then I blew it.

I once entered a weather pun competition

I beat the raining champion.

Competition joke, I once entered a weather pun competition

jokes about competition