Compete Jokes

Following is our collection of championship puns and archery one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Compete jokes for adults, dirty finalists jokes and clean atrophy dad gags for kids.

The Best Compete Puns

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend?

I replied I would rather compete against one guy than the whole world

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?

Toucan play at that game

Why did the "Ringling Bros." Circus finally go out of business?

They couldn't compete with the circus in Washington DC any longer.


Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster:

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster. Moses makes the water split and walks on dry land to the other side. Jesus tries to walk on water, but glug... glug... glug... he starts sinking. "What's the matter?" asks Jesus, "I walked on the water quite well 2000 years ago..." "Well," replies Moses, "that was before you got those holes in your feet..."

Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?

I've finally turned a corner in my career.

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

I'm not sure which race yet.

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse

"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...

How come churches don't have Wi-Fi?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Two postman compete to see who can deliver more letters, what do you call the winner?

The alpha mail


"You gotta help man, my bike's possessed. If I ride it, it bites me, if I don't, it still bites me."

"It's a vicious cycle."



"You think that's bad? My bike's turned entirely into clumpy goo."

"It's a viscous cycle."



"You think that's bad?! My bike's turned into a man, and then gone off to compete in the olympics."

"It's discus michael."



A Japanese prison invited a few sumo wrestlers for a match...

The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.

It's because the cons outweigh the pros.

If procrastination were an olympic sport

I'd compete in it later.

Why couldn't the Bicycle compete in the Tricycle race?

Because it was two-tired.

I have two friends who always compete against each other in art competitions

But they always end in a draw

What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

I would give an arm and a leg...

to compete at the paralympics.

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.


I heard the Ringling Circus is shutting down this year

I guess they didn't want to compete with the White House.

Why do churches, temples, mosques or any religious place not have WiFi?

- Because there is no way they could compete with an invisible power that actually works

My girlfriend got an abortion

She said she didn't want another sister to compete with.

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop...

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop, with prices so below-cost that no other shop could compete. Several of the other shop owners tried to kill the brothers, but they always failed. Eventually, the other shop owners pooled their money to hire the most clever and expensive assassin in town, Hugh McTaggart. He succeeded, demonstrating that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses hate Halloween?

They have to compete with other strangers going door-to-door.

I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing.

Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...

I competed in a contest to see who could throw a package the farthest.

I won and got the job as an UPS driver!

What division does a blacksmith boxer compete in?

Smelterweight.

So, me and the guys, each year, compete to see who has had sex with the most women.

It's a very intense lying competition.

A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition...

he said:
"Sine me up!"

A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.

Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can't see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the boxer asks why they stopped. His partner says: we stopped because you messed up the punch line.

To enter a competition for bad handwriting

first you must be illegible to compete

No one competes against Tom in staring contests anymore. He's a cheat...

...he uses stareoids.

How will Trump select his cabinet?

The Apprentice: the White House

Contestants will compete in a series of challenges aspiring to positions in Trump's cabinet all televised for your viewing pleasure on NBC.

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gave them nothing.

The fastest black people in my city and the local police department decided to compete against each other in a race

The cops beat them.

What do you call it when two unspeakably awful demons compete to see which is the most evil?

The 2016 election.

How do the transgender compete?

They Drag Race.

Sea lions can run and swim faster than humans

Which means when you compete against one in a triathlon you really need to make up time on the cycling.

How did the African island compete with Tesla?

Madagascar.

Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman are set to compete against each other in a wordplay competition in Spain

The Punning Of The Bulls

We learned today that Trump blocked a proposed budget change that would have eliminated finding for the Special Olympics.

He must have been pretty mad at the thought of being unable to compete this year.

Im opening a Russian import store to compete with Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Lenins & more

Why is there no wifi in mosques ?

because they don't wanna compete with an invisible power that actually works

Why did Ringling Brothers shut down the circus?

Because with Trump as president their clowns couldn't compete.

Did you hear the President overruled Betsy DeVos and is restoring the Special Olympics funding?

I hear he wants to compete.

Trump says that the Special Olympics will still be funded despite DeVos' plan.

This is presumably so Eric and Don Jr can still compete.

Look out for Hugh's new kitchen range!

My friend Hugh Jarrs has just endorsed a new range of kitchen equipment to compete with George Foreman.

Look out for the Hugh Jarrs Grill.

Did you hear Barnum and Bailey Circus is shutting down?

They can't compete with American politics.

There should be a TV show were participants compete in relay to get ingredients from high ropes obstacle course.

The steaks couldn't be higher!

There is an abundance of win jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes and compete puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any contestant witze you can hear about compete.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes