Compete Jokes

75 compete jokes and hilarious compete puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about compete that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Compete Short Jokes

Short compete jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The compete humour may include short competitors jokes also.

  1. Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
  2. I asked my German friend, What's a three letter word for compete? Friend: Vie.
    Me: Because I'm trying to finish a crossword.
  3. Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly? HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.
  4. Why do churches ban Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists
  5. A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
  6. What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios? Toucan play at that game
  7. The question was never whether Trump would be indicted.... But is he competent enough to be tried as an adult?
  8. Two slice of bread are competing to see who would stay fresh the longest. It ended in a stalemate.
  9. A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: "your word is 'inward' ".... Spelling bee contestant: "N-I-G-G..."
    Moderator: "Jesus no, stop please! "
  10. Why did the "Ringling Bros." Circus finally go out of business? They couldn't compete with the circus in Washington DC any longer.

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Compete One Liners

Which compete one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with compete? I can suggest the ones about contest and rival.

  1. Last week I competed in the World tanning Championships.. I came out with a Bronze..
  2. Why was Jupiter banned from competing in the planetary boxing match? He took asteroids.
  3. If procrastination were an olympic sport I'd compete in it later.
  4. Why couldn't the Bicycle compete in the Tricycle race? Because it was two-tired.
  5. Want to hear a joke? Your government is competent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.
  6. I would give an arm and a leg... to compete at the paralympics.
  7. My girlfriend got an abortion She said she didn't want another sister to compete with.
  8. What division does a blacksmith boxer compete in? Smelterweight.
  9. To enter a competition for bad handwriting first you must be illegible to compete
  10. How do the transgender compete? They Drag Race.
  11. How did the African island compete with Tesla? Madagascar.
  12. Im opening a Russian import store to compete with Bed, Bath & Beyond. Lenins & more
  13. Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments? They are missing two towers
  14. People competing in a staring contest... ..could lose it in the blink of an eye.
  15. Russian athletes in Olympics wont compete under their flag So the tradition continues...

Compete joke, Russian athletes in Olympics wont compete under their flag

Laughable Compete Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about compete you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean participate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make compete pranks.

Why do churches ban Wifi Networks?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible connection that actually works.

Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?

I've finally turned a corner in my career.

I have two friends who always compete against each other in art competitions

But they always end in a draw

I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing.

Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...

What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

How will Trump select his cabinet?

The Apprentice: the White House
Contestants will compete in a series of challenges aspiring to positions in Trump's cabinet all televised for your viewing pleasure on NBC.

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

I'm not sure which race yet.

Why did Ringling Brothers shut down the circus?

Because with Trump as president their clowns couldn't compete.

Did you hear Barnum and Bailey Circus is shutting down?

They can't compete with American politics.

Sea lions can run and swim faster than humans

Which means when you compete against one in a triathlon you really need to make up time on the cycling.

Why do churches, temples, mosques or any religious place not have WiFi?

- Because there is no way they could compete with an invisible power that actually works

My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend?

I replied I would rather compete against o**... than the whole world

A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition...

he said:
"Sine me up!"

I heard the Ringling Circus is shutting down this year

I guess they didn't want to compete with the White House.

It's no wonder Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey had to close

They couldn't compete with the circus in the White House.

Why is there no wifi in mosques ?

because they don't wanna compete with an invisible power that actually works

No one competes against Tom in staring contests anymore. He's a cheat...

...he uses stareoids.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses hate Halloween?

They have to compete with other strangers going door-to-door.

Two postman compete to see who can deliver more letters, what do you call the winner?

The alpha mail

What do you call it when two unspeakably awful demons compete to see which is the most evil?

The 2016 election.

A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.

Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can't see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the boxer asks why they stopped. His partner says: we stopped because you messed up the punch line.

The Regional Marionette Championship was in town last week...

It's famous for being really hard to enter, but I really wanted to compete in it.
Let's just say... I pulled a few strings!

Two German soccer players go to a s**... bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"
This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previous days game. After discussing it for a while, they decide to inform the nurse
"I don't think we're ready to compete for the cup...

Look out for Hugh's new kitchen range!

My friend Hugh Jarrs has just endorsed a new range of kitchen equipment to compete with George Foreman.
Look out for the Hugh Jarrs Grill.

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster:

Jesus and Moses compete who can cross a river faster. Moses makes the water split and walks on dry land to the other side. Jesus tries to walk on water, but glug... glug... glug... he starts sinking. "What's the matter?" asks Jesus, "I walked on the water quite well 2000 years ago..." "Well," replies Moses, "that was before you got those holes in your feet..."

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop...

A pair of Jesuits started a flower shop, with prices so below-cost that no other shop could compete. Several of the other shop owners tried to kill the brothers, but they always failed. Eventually, the other shop owners pooled their money to hire the most clever and expensive assassin in town, Hugh McTaggart. He succeeded, demonstrating that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I competed in a contest to see who could throw a package the farthest.

I won and got the job as an UPS driver!

"You gotta help man, my bike's possessed. If I ride it, it bites me, if I don't, it still bites me."

"It's a vicious cycle."

"You think that's bad? My bike's turned entirely into clumpy goo."
"It's a viscous cycle."

"You think that's bad?! My bike's turned into a man, and then gone off to compete in the olympics."
"It's discus michael."

There should be a TV show were participants compete in relay to get ingredients from high ropes obstacle course.

The steaks couldn't be higher!

Trump says that the Special Olympics will still be funded despite DeVos' plan.

This is presumably so Eric and Don Jr can still compete.

Did you hear the President overruled Betsy DeVos and is restoring the Special Olympics funding?

I hear he wants to compete.

We learned today that Trump blocked a proposed budget change that would have eliminated finding for the Special Olympics.

He must have been pretty mad at the thought of being unable to compete this year.

Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman are set to compete against each other in a wordplay competition in Spain

The Punning Of The Bulls

The fastest black people in my city and the local police department decided to compete against each other in a race

The cops beat them.

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.
Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.
Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gave them nothing.

So, me and the guys, each year, compete to see who has had s**... with the most women.

It's a very intense lying competition.

A Japanese prison invited a few sumo wrestlers for a match...

The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.
It's because the cons outweigh the pros.

How come churches don't have Wi-Fi?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.
Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had 8 rowers and one c**... while at Ford, one man was rowing and 8 yelled at him.
Ford's conclusion: The rower has to work harder.
Next year at the competition, Toyota won by an even larger margin.
So the rower was fired.

Me - What's a 3 letter word for compete?

Dracula - Vie.
Me - It's for a crossword.
I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.

Wrestlers are s**....

They compete for a belt and none of them wear pants.

Little known fact about me: I was supposed to compete in the 1988 summer Olympics in Seoul...

...but I suffered a Korea ending injury.

Why is there no Wi-Fi in church?

Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

There's so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally

Whatever else happens I hope they let Russians compete in the Paralympics. With the way the war's going they'll have a heck of a team

Compete joke, There's so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally

jokes about compete