Following is our collection of ceo puns and slackers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Company jokes for adults, dirty painting company jokes and clean corporate dad gags for kids.
Because Ubisoft is in France.
Space x.
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
It's nice to have some company.
She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"
Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"
It was SpaceXXX.
I do not want unlucky people working in our company
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:
"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."
Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition
We're not very good.
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
It's nice to have a bit of company.
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."
Apparently he lost his case
A captain of the army goes to a prostitute and asks her :
"Say, madam, for a hundred dollars, would you accept my company ?"
And the prostitute answers : "Of course, a handsome military like you"
The captains thanks her, turns around and shout :
"Company, FORWARD !"
(I hope the joke translates well)
A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".
I am never working for a calendar company again.
Because they let IT go
The Make a Wish Foundation
Prophets are going through the roof.
Because Missouri loves company
He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"
I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."
The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'
The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
So I ran a Google search on RIM Jobs. And you know what? I don't think I'm cut out for this line of work after all.
I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5 % raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, By the way, which companies are after you? I responded, The gas, electric and cable company.
My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?
It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
It folded.
But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.
but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.
~ Rob DenBleyker (Cyanide & Happiness)
His resume was fantastic and his qualities was perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed.
"You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there's this 5 years gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?"
"I went to Yale"
"Wow great! You're hired"
"Yay, I got a yob!"
The complaint department at a parachute packing company.
Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.
because it's an inside job.
I'm the main stakeholder.
One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the erection to the resurrection."
A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.
from a company called You Crane.
One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.
I told him, "No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"
Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.
He comes from a LAN down under.
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.
His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"
And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.
Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin
The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. The Catholic priest gets its shaft stuck in a minor.
Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?
Woman : I love your company the most darling!
Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love
Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke
*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!
Prophets are through the roof
...is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
There is an abundance of corp jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes and company puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any executives witze you can hear about company.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.