Company Jokes

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in France.

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).

I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares.

It's nice to have some company.

An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"

Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

There was company that sold sex toys to aliens.

It was SpaceXXX.

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:

"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."

My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.

Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition

I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company.

We're not very good.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

I was feeling very lonely the other day so I bought some stocks.

It's nice to have a bit of company.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court

Apparently he lost his case

The captain and the prostitute

A captain of the army goes to a prostitute and asks her :
"Say, madam, for a hundred dollars, would you accept my company ?"
And the prostitute answers : "Of course, a handsome military like you"
The captains thanks her, turns around and shout :
"Company, FORWARD !"

(I hope the joke translates well)

Punctuality....

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"

The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"

So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool.

I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".

Why were all the computers in the company frozen?

Because they let IT go

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.

I am never working for a calendar company again.

What company is the best at meeting deadlines?

The Make a Wish Foundation

I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States?

Because Missouri loves company

I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me."

He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"

I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."

During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...

The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'

The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests?

A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.

(NSFW) I heard that Research In Motion, the company that makes BlackBerry phones, is hiring.

So I ran a Google search on RIM Jobs. And you know what? I don't think I'm cut out for this line of work after all.

What's Alabama like?

My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?

I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places.

It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours

Tried to start an origami company...

It folded.

Everyone is panicking about the stock markets....

But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.

I'm not one to brag about my financial skills,

but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

~ Rob DenBleyker (Cyanide & Happiness)

A man goes to a job interview...

His resume was fantastic and his qualities was perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed.

"You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there's this 5 years gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?"

"I went to Yale"

"Wow great! You're hired"

"Yay, I got a yob!"

What is the quietest place on Earth?

The complaint department at a parachute packing company.

Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes...

Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.

I want to start an interior design company, I'm going to call it 9/11

because it's an inside job.

I've set up a company to rid people of vampires.

I'm the main stakeholder.

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."


The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."


Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."


The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the erection to the resurrection."

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts

down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev

from a company called You Crane.

What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company?

One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.

My boss wanted me to sign up for the company 401k.

I told him, "No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"

How To Become a Millionaire:

Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.

The new IT guy at my company is from Australia.

He comes from a LAN down under.

I started a company..

I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.

His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"

And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...

He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

My electricity bill was running suspiciously high

Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

What's the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?

The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. The Catholic priest gets its shaft stuck in a minor.

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

A Man asks his lover in a restaurant

Man : Honey, what do you love most about me?

Woman : I love your company the most darling!

Man : Wow really? that is so sweet of you my love

Woman : Um, it's still making money right?
*edit :forgot to mention that I remember this joke from Benny Hills show, not my own joke


*edit 2 : Benny Hills not Benn, autocorrect strikes again!

John Deere's manure spreader...

...is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats...

Prophets are through the roof

Sam walks into his boss's office.

Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?

The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.

We have collected gags that can be used as Company pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Company, here are one liners and funny Company pick up lines.

Joko Jokes