Company Friendly Jokes
57 company friendly jokes and hilarious company friendly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about company friendly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Company Friendly Short Jokes
Short company friendly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The company friendly humour may include short work friendly jokes also.
- What's Alabama like? My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?
- A friend invited me to his place the other day. When I got there he said to make myself at home.
So I kicked him out because I don't like having company over. - My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer. It was all just smoke and mirrors.
- My friend's nanotechnology company is doing really well. In fact, it's doing so well that he's considering moving to smaller premises.
- What is the most environmentally friendly game company? The three that make Call of Duty; They've recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.
- My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals.. He's just mining his own business.
- What do you call friend who works for an insurance company? A friend with benefits
I'll leave now - a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic. the sails were through the roof.
- I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies... It'll be called Friends With Benefits.
- My friend started a beer company named "Dilla" So I went to the store and bought a case a Dilla.
Share These Company Friendly Jokes With Friends
Company Friendly One Liners
Which company friendly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with company friendly? I can suggest the ones about school friendly and office friendly.
- I used to work at a company called 69, my friend took over my position.
- An ad company friended me on facebook I guess you could say they wanted to ad me.
- I Just Went And Saw the LEGO Movie with Some Old Friends Good film; great company!
- Why do b**... keep to themselves? Because they have the company of their breast friend!!
Company Friendly Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about company friendly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family friendly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make company friendly pranks.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him.
One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely n**... lady who also had just become marooned.
"Finally, some company!" he thought.
While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
Four guys were golfing when one gets a phone call and walks away
The other three guys start talking about how successful their sons have been. The first guy explains how his son started as an entry level stock broker, but now owns his own wealth management firm. The last time he got a friend a gift, he gave him a half-million dollar investment portfolio. The second guy then brags about his son. My son is so successful, he started out as a used car salesman but now owns his own dealership. He recently gave a friend a brand new Bentley as a birthday gift. The third guy, not to be outdone, says that his son started as a carpenter but now owns a construction company. The last gift he gave a friend was a brand new house. At this point, the fourth guy returns from his call. The other gentleman ask about his son, to which he replies "Well, I'm not too pleased with my son right now. He has been unemployed for the last year and a half, and he recently told me he is gay." As the other men look at him in horror, he continues "But he must be really good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends gave him a huge stock portfolio, and new luxury car, and a brand new house."
Charley is a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart,
just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly"policies.
One day the boss called him into the office fora talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-upjob when you finally get here; but your being late so often
is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
I know you're retired from the US NAVY. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said,
'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"
An American, an Englishman, a German and a Japanese go golfing on their annual meetup...
As they are playing, they hear a ringing sound. The American rushes to his golf bag and pulls out a mobile phone. He answers the phone and when the conversation is done, he explains to his friends, "My company needs to be in touch with me all the time, so I carry this fancy phone around with me." The other golfers are mildlyinterested.
As they continue playing, another ringing sound is heard. The Englishman puts his thumb to his ear and his last finger on his mouth and also has a conversation. When he is done he says "My company also needs to be in touch with me, so they installed a speaker on my thumb and a microphone on my last finger. The antenna is in my hat. The other golfers nod in approval at his technology.
Later in the day, yet another ringing sound is heard. The German tilts his head and starts talking. When he is done he says to the others, "To keep in contact with my company, there's a speaker in my ear canal and a microphone in my tooth. The antenna is in my spine." The other golfers are impressed at such marvels of technology.
As they are playing the last hole, a beeping sound is heard and the Japanese runs into the bushes. After he hasn't shown up for a while, the other golfers look for him and eventually find him squatting on the ground, pants down. "Oh, I'm sorry for intruding." Says one of them. "Oh, it's okay. I'm just waiting for a fax."
So 4 guys are talking in a bar.
So 4 guys are talking in a bar, one leaves to go to the restroom while the others continue to talk. They start talking about the success of their sons, the first man says "my son's car company is so successful he was able to get his best friend a new Ferrari for his birthday." The second man boasts "well my son's real estate company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third man says "my son's airline company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The forth man comes back from the restroom and asks what everyone is talking about, they reply back "we're just talking about the success of our sons." The forth man says "oh, my son is a gay stripper," the other three men feel sorry for him and apologize, but the forth man simply says "don't worry about it, it's not that bad, for his birthday he got a new ferrari, house, and a private jet from his three boyfriends."
Tech Companies are getting into Showers.
A Google shower would make you sign in to Google+, track how many times per day you shower, then sell it to advertisers.
A Facebook shower would have a camera watch you so you can share it with your friends
An Apple shower would only work with an obscure showerhead that uses a non-standard connection, would be no longer supported after 5 years, and would force you to buy a new home to upgrade.
A Linux shower would require that you first spend 40 years becoming a master plumber, carpenter, engineer, and electrician, renovate your entire house from the ground up to install it, and would not be compatible with your utility company's water.
The Answering Machine
Hi, this is Eric.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Three old ladies are boasting about their children.
One says:
"I am so proud of my son! He worked very hard to become a lawyer, and now he is very successful, earning a lot of money. But he is also very generous. Recently, he just gave one of his fiends a brand new ferrari as a present!"
The other says:
"I am very proud of my son as well. He has started a company, worked very hard, and now he is a president of a large corporation. Be he is very generous too, recenty he gave one of his friends a villa on the rivera!"
The third one sighs:
"I wish I could be proud of my son, but he achieved nothing. He is lazy and only goes to parties. And I also found out that he is gay. But I don't know where he gets the money, but he always seems to have plenty, and recently someone gave him a new ferrari and a villa at the riviera as a present".
Just made it so don't judge.
So a man is on a double date with his wife, best friend and the friend's new girlfriend. As the date progresses the girlfriend asked the man "how they met". "Well", said the man. "We met at grade 6 and we started talking, the more we talked the more we liked each others company." As he's telling her all these details and stories the wife just looks at him confused. Finally, after talking for several minutes he finishes with "I can't imagine how bad my life would be if we hadn't met" Awwww, the girl says. "I hope my marriage can be that happy one day." The man looks puzzled, grabs his wife's hand and says, "ohhhh you mean my wife?!"
Isaac Newton, being the big p**... Mack daddy he is, goes to the bar.
There, he sees his good friend Rene DesCartes wallowing in self pity, crying over a whiskey.
"My dear friend," Newton says, "whatever is the matter?"
"Ah, Isaac, tis terrible! My wife has been cheating on me!" DesCartes bemoans, "We are separating and I fear I shall never love again!"
"Nonsense!" says Newton, "Join me and we shall go have a romp at the brothel! Surely some woman of ill repute will catch your fancy!"
DesCartes considers, but returns to his drink; "Sorry my dear friend, but I cannot find the passion within me. Will you stay here and keep me company?"
Newton sighs, knowing that his night is ruined, but knowing his friend is in need. "Of course I shall stay my friend; sometimes you need to put DesCartes before the w**...."
my black friend just got denied an interview for a job. they told him straight up they wouldn't hire a black man.
I said in disbelief, "which company was that? we must report them!"
he replied, "It was an audition for the role of Queen Elizabeth"
Lance Armstrong
I waited a whole semester to tell this joke to a bunch of engineers. My girlfriend at the time was an engineer and we would end up in the lab with friends all the time. Every now and then when they had to do hand drawn plans the conversational topic came up about mechanical pencils and pens and what drew really well, etc etc. So literally in the middle of the conversation I decide to add my two cents.
"Hey guys, you know if you're going to spend a bunch of money on nice pens and pencils you might as well support a charity."
Everyone bought into supporting a charity so on I went.
"Lance Armstrong just bought a pen company, and now all purchases contribute a percentage to support cancer research and the LIVESTRONG foundation."
And then someone asked "Which one?"
To which I replied "Uniball"
Classic.
A boss had a sudden dilemma...
...as due to the company's restructuring, he has to fire one of two employees, Karen or Jack. Both are excellent workers and are perfect for the job, but the position was deemed redundant and only one should stay.
While out for lunch, he decided to confide with his office friend, "Look, I can't really decide on this matter. What do you think: should I take Karen or j**...?"
His friend replied, "Well, kidnapping is a crime and m**...'s not. I think the answer's obvious."
Positive...
James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, h**...."
The Unluckiest Guy in the world
A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'
4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich
he gave his best friend a ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so
rich he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development
company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became
and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not
becoming successful.
" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.
" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends..." .
All the 3 Ladies fainted ....
During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...
The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'
The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'
A deeply in love boy says to his girlfriend ...
"I might not be rich, nor have any money or expensive apartments, and even not be the owner of many companies like my friend Jack, but i love you, and i always will"
She, hugging him tight and already crying answered :
" If you really love me, will you introduce me to your friend Jack please ? "
Cafe Chit Chat
At a local cafe, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night! An old granny overheard and spoke up, Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!
Leaving for the Crusades...
*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"
A new hot secretary joined a company...
Two guys of this company start to speak about her:
"Holy molly she is so hot, we should really try to sleep with her"
So they start flirting with her.
One week later, the first one manages to sleep with her. His friend asks him "So, how was it?" "Meh, my wife is better".
Surprised by this answer, this guy starts to hit on the secretary very hard, and gets to have s**... with her three days later.
His friend then asks him if he shares his opinion. He answers: "Yeah, you were actually right: your wife is better".
My friend Ted told me he would not give anymore money to "that awful airline company everyone is talking about".
So I said, "U N I, Ted !"
[Long]Two men sitting at a bar, one asks the other "Do you want to hear a blonde joke"?
The other guy says "Yeah sure, I could do with a laugh".
The first guy is just about to start when he is tapped on the shoulder, and turns round to see three bulked up blondes. The one who tapped him on the shoulder says to him :
"I am the worlds premier female bodybuilder, and a blonde. My two friends are world champions at kickboxing and Judo respectively - they are both blondes. Are you sure you want to tell a blonde joke in this company?"
The guy says "Not if i have to explain it three times".
My mate bought a new suitcase
My mate bought a new suitcase advertised as 'indestructible!', with a lifetime guarantee.
One week later one of the wheels broke clean off and the case would fall over when being used.
He tried to return his broken suitcase but the company refused to deal with him.
'Im going to sue!' my friend said angrily
I told him I would too but I was afraid his case wouldn't stand up in court.
A man goes to Japan for a business trip and decides to spice things up.
The night before the meeting, he goes out and meets a friendly Japanese woman who he takes back to the hotel. They get to action and all night the woman repeatedly yells, Chigau! Chigau!
The next day the man goes to the meeting and it follows up with Golf with the Japanese employees. As the man lines up his shot on a Par 3, he swings and gets a hole in one! His Japanese peers celebrate and the man, out of instinct, excitedly yells Chigau!
The company's Japanese translator, confused, asks the man, What do you mean 'Wrong Hole'?
A joke from a friend.
4 beer company owners walk into a bar. The owners of Bud, Miller, Coors, and Guiness.
The bartender asks for what they want.
The owner of Bud replies with Bud Light.
The owner of Coors replies with Coors light.
The owner of Miller replies with Miller light.
The owner of Guiness replies with water.
All the other owners stare at him and he says if you aren't drinking real beers neither am I.
This guy I know is the CEO of a huge company and lives on the top floor of a very tall, 5* apartment building
You could say I've got friends in high places
My liberal friends really love their new iPhone.
Made by kids in China, from rare metals, mined by slaves, from a company that pays no tax.
An American businessman
An American businessman travels to Japan to do business with a Japanese company.
He is in his 50's so he hasn't had s**... in years so he decided to hire a p**... .
He led her to his room and started railing on her , it was great s**... but she kept on yelling this same Japanese phrase that he didn't know.
A couple months later he was back in America and was golfing with his Japanese friend.
His friend was really great at golf and he got a whole in one .
He wanted to impress his friend on his Japanese so he said the same phrase that the p**... told him.
His Japanese friend turned to him confused and said
Wrong hole?
My friends dies the other night on the way home from the company Christmas party. They died doing what they loved
Getting drunk and driving really fast.
Today's events
3 things happened today:-
1. My friend said he hated PewDiePie
2. He was run over by a bus.
3. I got fired from the bus company.
I was on a trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man
Over time, we actually became friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns.
He said:
Each pair of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?! this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what happend?
People stopped buying them
Four guys are playing golf together and talking about how successful their sons are.
The first says, "My son is so successful, he's VP of his company and just gave his best friend a car. "
The second says, " That's nothing, my son is CEO of his company and just gave his best friend a house."
The third says, "Well, my son owns 3 highly profitable companies and just gave his best friend a jet."
They look expectantly at the last guy who says, "My son is a gay e**... who gets showered with love and admiration. He just got a car, a house, and a jet from three of his clients."
My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.
He said he would look into it.
Netflix is cracking down on password sharing as it turns out one-third of users share logins
Recent news from the company shows they are not worried about the other two-thirds who are Redditors with no friends
After a very successful heist, a thief treats his two close friends to a sumptuous meal at a fancy restaurant.
Friend A: "You've walked away with millions?? By stealing from a printer company? How on earth did you pull that off??!"
Friend B: "You must've had to drive out an entire truckload of printers to make that much!"
Thief: "It was actually a lot easier than that. I just walked out with all my pockets filled with ink cartridges."
My buddy and I have been working at this company for several years
We thought everything was going great. Numbers were up, sales were soaring! But one day our boss announced that the entire company was being bought out by some company in Spain.
What?! I exclaimed to my friend. This is so out of the blue! Never in a million years could I have seen this coming.
My friend shook his head and looked at me sideways. Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition, he sighed.