companionship Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious companionship puns

A couple are in bed...

Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."

"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"

"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."

"Would he use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"


Singles Ad

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work! Call and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

Man.... what a bitch.


A new lieutenant in the French foreign legion ...

Arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him his quarters, he asks the corporal "the base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?" The corporal replies "on Fridays, they let us use the camels" the lieutenant is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he? The next Friday, the young lieutenant slinks over to the camel pens, and after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar. The same corporal comes to investigate "lieutenant! What the hell do you think you are doing?!" "Come on man," replied the embarrassed officer "you yourself told me that we could use the camels on Fridays." "Yes, sir" replied the corporal "but we usually just ride 'em into town"


A lady has a parrot, but

Every time she brings a date home, the parrot says "Someone's gonna get some tonight!" This makes for some embarrassment for her so she talks to the veterinarian. He says maybe the parrot is lonely and could use some female companionship. She goes to the pet store but they're out of female parrots. They offer her the loan of a female owl, which is the best they can do til the parrot truck comes later that week. She takes the owl home to the parrot and later goes out on a date. When she brings the date home, the parrot says "Someone's gonna get some tonight!" The owl goes "Hooo" and the parrot replies, "Not you, you big-eyed bitch!"


A sailor is marooned on an island...

A man is marooned on a desert island with a female sheep and a male Doberman for companionship. The animals soon get it on sexually, and all goes well until the man becomes unbearably horny and makes his move for the ewe, at which point the dog interposes himself, snarling, fangs bared. Months later, a raft drifts into sight. The sailor swims out, finds a beautiful girl on it, takes her to shore and feeds and comforts her.

"You are so good to me," she responds gratefully. "I'd do absolutely anything to show my gratitude."

"Would you?" smiles the sailor as he unfastens the length of rope that holds up his ragged pants. "Well, then, here -- use this as a leash and take that damn dog for a walk!"


A miserable married guy goes to a pet store.

A miserably married guy decides he needs some companionship.

He goes to a pet store.

The salesman says. "I have a great pet for you. A toothless hamster."

Guy says, "Nah."

The salesman says, "But it gives great head."

The guy takes it home. His wife screams, "What the hell is that thing?"

He says, "Never mind what it is. Teach it to cook and then get the fuck out!"


An unhappily married man goes to a pet store looking for some companionship.

The store owner says, "You should buy this toothless hamster."
The man says, "I don't think so. It looks gross."
The store owner says, "Ya, but it gives great head."
So the man takes the hamster home, and when he gets there his wife says, "Ewww, what is that ugly thing?"
He says, "Don't worry about what it is, just teach it to cook, and get the fuck out."


What kind of ship carries a company's onions?



What are the most funny Companionship jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Companionship? Well, here are the best Companionship dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Companionship pick up lines to share with friends.

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