Companion Jokes
63 companion jokes and hilarious companion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about companion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Catch up on some of the best jokes from Prairie Home Companion with this collection of laughs. Whether your coworkers, a Grant, or a random woman, these jokes will have everyone at the office in stitches. Find out what the fuss is about.
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Funniest Companion Short Jokes
Short companion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The companion humour may include short comrade jokes also.
- Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job. One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"
- I might not be the most companionable, engrossing and perspicacious person. But at least I know long words.
- Why do accordions make great travel companions? They’re always ready to squeeze into tight spaces.
- Middle-aged man looking for companion. If you're looking for honest relationship please call this number. If my wife answers, just hang-up
- Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, Snake! Run! His companion laughs at him. Oh, relax. It's only a baby, he says. Don't you hear the rattle?
- I call my Missus's mimsy 'The Tardis' Not because it's bigger inside than I expected. It's just that she's had several dozen companions and at least one dog in there.
- A traveling companion. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and orders, "I'll have a pint, please. And one for the road."
- My closest companions are horses that seem to think they can consume a lot of alcohol. But I can drink them all under the stable.
- A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
- digital marketing courses Digital Marketing Companion offers advanced digital marketing training programs for studens and professionals. Classroom based and online courses available.
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Companion One Liners
Which companion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with companion? I can suggest the ones about colleague and classmate.
- Would anyone be interested in being my companion? Asking for a friend.
- Does anyone know where I can find a companion? Asking for a friend.
- Anyone out here looking for a companion? Asking for a friend
- Who is the chess player's dream companion? A *Czech Mate*
- Would anyone like to be my companion? Asking for a friend
- Who's Garfield's cheesy companion? Parma John!
- Horses make the best companions Because they have stable relationships.
- What kind of horse makes the best companion? A palo' mino.
- Does anyone know how to get a companion? Asking for a friend
Amusing & Witty Companion Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about companion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fellow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make companion pranks.
There once was a princess who lived alone with her cat in a castle.
Being her only companion, she loved the cat very much. Little did she know, the cat was actually a handsome prince that had be cursed to live his life as a feline.
Seeing how much the princess loved the cat, the witch that had cursed him turned him back into a handsome prince, so he could spend the rest of his life with the princess.
Upon seeing the handsome prince, he said, "I bet you wish I wasn't fixed now, huh?"
Adam's new wife
Adam had been in the garden of Eden for several years without someone to share his life with. One day, he asked God for a companion.
God said to him, "I can give you a wife that will be everything you could dream of. Humble and submissive, she will make your life nothing but pleasurable. However, to make her I'll need an arm and a leg."
Adam says, "Aw what, that s**...! What can I get for a rib?"
So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...
... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"
God creates Adam
God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
A woman is walking through the woods at night with a serial killer.
She says to her companion, "Man, this forest is really creepy at night. I wish we weren't out here."
He replies, "You think you have it bad? I have to walk home alone!"
I missed yesterday's "most intellectual joke" thread, so I'll just leave this here instead.
Two economists are walking through town, when one of them stops suddenly and points to something thin and green on the sidewalk.
"Look there," he says to his companion. "Is that a $100 bill just lying there on the ground?"
"Impossible," the other replies. "If it was, someone would have picked it up by now."
Movie theater madness
A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"
I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden...
I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious-she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep, " replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
Adam and Eve
When God made Adam he noticed that Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.
Adam - I'm lonely.
God - That's no good! How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, give you mind blowing s**..., will cook and clean, and doesn't mind it when you spend time with the guys or watch football?
Adam - That sounds awesome! What will it cost me?
God - An arm and a leg!
Adam - What can I get for a rib?
Two hunters are out in the woods...
One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Two Scottish nuns
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"
God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.
God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".
Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"
God replies,"An arm and a leg".
Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"
There were two guys playing golf, and a f**... passed
so o**... stopped, and waited for the f**... to pass before continuing with his game.
His companion complimented him on his respect for the f**..., to which the guy replied, 'Well, its the least I could do, we were married for forty years!'
Holmes and Watson were investigating a m**... at an archaeological dig-site
Holmes picks up several of the rocks and pebbles surrounding the m**... victim. After a while, Holmes turns to his companion and says "I've cracked the case. The suspect was clearly murdered with a blow to the head by a rock, which then crumbled and scattered into pieces."
"How on Earth can you tell?" exclaims Watson.
"It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Two chemists walk into a bar
They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:
"I'll have a glass of H2O."
The other then says to his companion:
"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"
The first chemist, frustrated, needs to rethink his assassination plot.
A couple was walking on a beach when one tripped over a bottle and a genie came out.
You can each have one wish, said the genie. The wife made her wish first I would like to travel around the world, with my husband, .
Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets for travel around the world. Now it was the husbands turn, Well said the husband, with a naughty look on his face I wish I can have a younger companion, .
The words were barely out of his mouth when p**..., he aged 20 years!
Three boys were talking after school...
Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."
The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"
The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"
Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper
**Diplomacy**
Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."
Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."
Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"
Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."
Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
Adam was lonely
He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your t**...".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"
Two blondes were driving out in the country side
One looked out the window and saw another blonde in the middle of a field sitting in a rowboat, working the oars.
She pointed her out and said, "Its idiots like that that give us all a bad name."
"You're right," said her companion, "let's go drown her."
A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...
They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain is that Ireland has at least one half of one brown cow."
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
Adam was feeling a bit lonely in the garden of Eden
"Hey, God. I'm bored! I'm lonely, I have no one to talk to
The animals are great and all, but I need someone to share all of this with"
"Very well, I shall create for you the perfect companion.
a **woman**!
She will be smart, will make you laugh, she will love you, and you her for eternity.
But you will have to give up a leg and an arm"
"Uhm......
what can you give me for a rib?"
Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.
"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"
"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."
"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"
A dark turn
Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night.
Boy, it sure is creepy out here, says the first outlaw.
How do you think I feel? asks his companion. I have to walk back alone.
An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar
An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar, and spend the night drinking shot after shot. After a few hours, the kangaroo passes out and slumps to the floor. The man goes to pay his tab and starts to leave. The bartender shouts Hey! Are you just going to leave that lying there? The man turns back, glances at his drinking companion, and says to the bartender, That's not a lion. That's a kangaroo.
After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine
We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The lone ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
A pirate at sea has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch.
One of his companions ask how he lost his leg. He answers, "A cannonball." Then his companion asks how he lost his hand. He answers, "A sword." When the companion asks how he lost his eye, the man says, "A spray of the sea."
It was his first day with the hook.
A car rolls up to the cemetary and the pallbearers unload the coffin.
Resting on top of the coffin is a set of golf clubs. An onlooker remarks to his companion, "He must have been quite the golfer."
"Oh he still is. Once he gets his brother in the ground, he'll still have time for a quick nine."
2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.
"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said.
Later, he offered her a cigarette. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again.
On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.
"Okay," his date replied.
"What will you tell your Sunday school class?" he asked, shocked.
"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time.'"
Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a m**... temple wedding...
Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a m**... temple wedding when one of them leans over and asks the other:
I'm confused, how many wives are we allowed to have?
His companion mulls it over, Sixteen… I think. *Four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.*
Two German explorers
Two German explorers were making their way east across New York when they came to a wide river.
Karl: How vill vee get across dee large body of vater?
The other explorer sees a large, steel object north of them.
Heinrich: Look der es und structure dat vee can use to cross
Karl and Heinrich make their way across and into the land know as upstate New York. Karl gets to the other side but notices that his companion is still behind. Karl also notices that he is continuously poking his finger on the object they just crossed.
Karl: Heinrich, vat are you doing?
Heinrich: I'm Tappan Zee Bridge
Two men are hiking through the woods
**Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, Snake! Run! His companion laughs at him. Oh, relax. It's only a baby, he says. Don't you hear the rattle? **
Trophy Girlfriend
Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.
They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're stunned, but continue to inquire about Bill's companion. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" Bill says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bill smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
A man's dog dies
A man's dog dies, he had been his only companion for years.
So he goes to the nearest Catholic Church and asks for a f**... mass.
The priest said my son I can't give a mass for a dog. The pope would excommunicate me!
The man replies he's been my companion for 18 years. I saw there was a protestant Church down the street and I want to give a $5000 Dollar donation.
The priest replied, son you didn't tell me that the dog was Catholic.
"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden.
"I need to have someone around for company." "Okay," replied God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious, she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word." "Sounds great," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?" "An arm and a leg" answered God. "That's pretty steep," replied Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
Two Irishmen are lost at sea in a life boat
They're gradually dying of thirst, until one day they spot an ancient bottle bobbing past. They grab it out of the water, open it and a genie arises and say's he'll grant them one wish.
Immediately one of them blurts out, "I wish the entire sea were Guinness!" Instantly whole ocean turns black and foamy, pure Guinness.
"Whadda do that for ya feckin' idjit!" Yells his companion, "Now we have to p**... in the boat!"
Adam spoke to God in the Garden of Eden
"I am lonely" said Adam. "I need someone around for company."
"Very well," said God. "I will create a companion for you. One who will obey your every word, do all your chores along with cooking and cleaning for you."
"Wonderful!" said Adam. "What will it take?"
"For you, it will cost an arm and a leg" said God.
"That seems pretty steep" said Adam. "What could I get for just a rib?"
