Companion Jokes
60 companion jokes and hilarious companion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about companion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Catch up on some of the best jokes from Prairie Home Companion with this collection of laughs. Whether your coworkers, a Grant, or a random woman, these jokes will have everyone at the office in stitches. Find out what the fuss is about.
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Funniest Companion Short Jokes
Short companion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The companion humour may include short comrade jokes also.
- Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job. One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"
- I might not be the most companionable, engrossing and perspicacious person. But at least I know long words.
- Why do accordions make great travel companions? They’re always ready to squeeze into tight spaces.
- Middle-aged man looking for companion. If you're looking for honest relationship please call this number. If my wife answers, just hang-up
- Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, Snake! Run! His companion laughs at him. Oh, relax. It's only a baby, he says. Don't you hear the rattle?
- I call my Missus's mimsy 'The Tardis' Not because it's bigger inside than I expected. It's just that she's had several dozen companions and at least one dog in there.
- A traveling companion. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and orders, "I'll have a pint, please. And one for the road."
- My closest companions are horses that seem to think they can consume a lot of alcohol. But I can drink them all under the stable.
- A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
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Companion One Liners
Which companion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with companion? I can suggest the ones about colleague and classmate.
- Would anyone be interested in being my companion? Asking for a friend.
- Who is the chess player's dream companion? A *Czech Mate*
- Who's Garfield's cheesy companion? Parma John!
- Horses make the best companions Because they have stable relationships.
- What kind of horse makes the best companion? A palo' mino.
- Does anyone know how to get a companion? Asking for a friend

Amusing & Witty Companion Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about companion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fellow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make companion pranks.
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one.
They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out.
The dog didn't work.
No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.
The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist.
"Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day.
They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs.
Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one.
They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him.
They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do.
So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing.
They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do.
Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
There once was a princess who lived alone with her cat in a castle.
Being her only companion, she loved the cat very much. Little did she know, the cat was actually a handsome prince that had be cursed to live his life as a feline.
Seeing how much the princess loved the cat, the witch that had cursed him turned him back into a handsome prince, so he could spend the rest of his life with the princess.
Upon seeing the handsome prince, he said, "I bet you wish I wasn't fixed now, huh?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
Only Beer drinkers would understand
In Amsterdam, a world wide convention of brewers was held.
The presidents of many of the world's greatest breweries were on hand, and many of them decided to go out for dinner together on the first evening.
The waiter asked what they would like to drink, and the CEO of Miller said, The Best Beer in the world, an MGD please!
The president of Budweiser asked for The King of Beers, make it a Bud! .
Adolph Coors requested a From mountain spring water, the clearest beer, a Coors if you don't mind.
And so it went around the large table, each president asking for the brew from his own company as if it was the best.
Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness.
And you sir? he queried.
I'll have a Coke! was Guinness's reply.
A Coke??!? The waiter was shocked.
Wouldn't you rather have a Guinness, sir?
Arthur looked at the waiter, and gestured to his companions. Well, he said, If they're not drinking beer, then neither will I!
So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...
... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"
God creates Adam
God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."
Adam couldn't believe his luck!
God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"
A woman is walking through the woods at night with a serial killer.
She says to her companion, "Man, this forest is really creepy at night. I wish we weren't out here."
He replies, "You think you have it bad? I have to walk home alone!"
Adam was feeling lonely...
so God created all of the animals to be his companions.
"God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me."
"Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you."
"A Woman? What's that?"
"Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds."
At this point, Adam was convinced. "Well, what's stopping you? This woman sounds great!"
"Well," said God, "There's a bit of a cost issue. To make a woman, I'll need some of your body."
"Oh. Well, I guess it's to be expected no great thing is free...what'll it cost me?"
"An arm and a leg."
Adam thought long and hard about this, and eventually replied, "That's rather expensive. What can I get for a rib?"
I missed yesterday's "most intellectual joke" thread, so I'll just leave this here instead.
Two economists are walking through town, when one of them stops suddenly and points to something thin and green on the sidewalk.
"Look there," he says to his companion. "Is that a $100 bill just lying there on the ground?"
"Impossible," the other replies. "If it was, someone would have picked it up by now."
An oldie, but goodie.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Movie theater madness
A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS Joke
An ISIS fighter got arrested by soldiers around 10.00: "Kill me before 13.00, so that I can have lunch with the prophet and his companions in paradise" he said. One soldier answered: "No, we'll kill you after, so you'll wash the dishes"...
Three deceased appeared before st. peter in heaven...
Peter asked one of the deceased what he made in his previous life. The soul replied, "$300,000, I was a lawyer." Peter questioned the second deceased with the same question. "$75,000" the second man replied, "I was a salesman." Peter finally asked the third deceased how much he made to which the third man sheepishly replied, "Around $6000, I..." Peter interrupted the man, exclaiming, "OOOOOOH, what instrument did you play?!" (I heard this prairie home companion many years ago)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are out in the woods...
One collapses and stops breathing. His companion calls an emergency number and cries, "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down; I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot, and the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Italian and a Rabbi are riding on a train together...
They get acquainted, and at one point the Italian takes some sausage out of his bag and offers some to his companion.
Rabbi asks, "Is it made from pork?"
"Yes", replies the Italian.
"Well then, I can't eat it. It's not kosher. God's law."
The Italian shrugs and eats the sausage, then pulls out a bottle of wine, offering some.
Rabbi looks at the bottle and says, "It's not kosher, I can't drink it. God's law."
Italian says, "Wow your god is strict. What if there was nothing kosher around to eat or drink?"
Rabbi replies, "Well, he makes exceptions in situations of life and death."
With that, the Italian points a gun at the rabbi and says, "Drink the wine or I'll blow your head off!!"
Rabbi grabs the bottle, and with a very annoyed look on his face, downs the rest of it.
"Please don't be upset with me. I just wanted you to have some wine", says the Italian.
Rabbi says, "Of course I'm upset! Where was the gun when you had some sausage left?!?"
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Two Scottish nuns
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Two chemists walk into a bar
They walk up to the bartender and the first one says:
"I'll have a glass of H2O."
The other then says to his companion:
"Why don't you just say water? I understand that we're chemists an all that, but you don't need to walk around using random terms!"
The first chemist, frustrated, needs to rethink his assassination plot.
Three boys were talking after school...
Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."
The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"
The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke from a 1920s Australian Newspaper
**Diplomacy**
Uncle to nephew playing a game of War with a companion: "If you take the fortress within a quarter of an hour, I'll give you a sixpence."
Youngster (a minute later): "Uncle, sixpence please, the fortress is taken."
Uncle: "How did you manage it so quickly?"
Youngster: "I offered the besieged threepence and he gave in."
Source: The Narracoote Herald, Friday 13, February 1920
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
The World's Greatest Detective.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping. They'd gone to sleep beneath the night sky, when Holmes awoke and shook his companion.
"Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions of brilliant stars," Watson answered.
"And what does that tell you?"
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you, Holmes?"
Holmes paused. "What I see, Watson, is that someone has stolen our tent!"
A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...
They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain is that Ireland has at least one half of one brown cow."
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.
"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"
"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."
"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"
A dark turn
Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night.
Boy, it sure is creepy out here, says the first outlaw.
How do you think I feel? asks his companion. I have to walk back alone.
An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar
An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar, and spend the night drinking shot after shot. After a few hours, the kangaroo passes out and slumps to the floor. The man goes to pay his tab and starts to leave. The bartender shouts Hey! Are you just going to leave that lying there? The man turns back, glances at his drinking companion, and says to the bartender, That's not a lion. That's a kangaroo.
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The lone ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
A car rolls up to the cemetary and the pallbearers unload the coffin.
Resting on top of the coffin is a set of golf clubs. An onlooker remarks to his companion, "He must have been quite the golfer."
"Oh he still is. Once he gets his brother in the ground, he'll still have time for a quick nine."
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.
"Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said.
Later, he offered her a cigarette. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again.
On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there.
"Okay," his date replied.
"What will you tell your Sunday school class?" he asked, shocked.
"The same thing I always tell them. 'You don't have to drink or smoke to have a good time.'"
Two German explorers
Two German explorers were making their way east across New York when they came to a wide river.
Karl: How vill vee get across dee large body of vater?
The other explorer sees a large, steel object north of them.
Heinrich: Look der es und structure dat vee can use to cross
Karl and Heinrich make their way across and into the land know as upstate New York. Karl gets to the other side but notices that his companion is still behind. Karl also notices that he is continuously poking his finger on the object they just crossed.
Karl: Heinrich, vat are you doing?
Heinrich: I'm Tappan Zee Bridge
Trophy Girlfriend
Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.
They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're stunned, but continue to inquire about Bill's companion. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" Bill says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bill smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's dog dies
A man's dog dies, he had been his only companion for years.
So he goes to the nearest Catholic Church and asks for a f**... mass.
The priest said my son I can't give a mass for a dog. The pope would excommunicate me!
The man replies he's been my companion for 18 years. I saw there was a protestant Church down the street and I want to give a $5000 Dollar donation.
The priest replied, son you didn't tell me that the dog was Catholic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen are lost at sea in a life boat
They're gradually dying of thirst, until one day they spot an ancient bottle bobbing past. They grab it out of the water, open it and a genie arises and say's he'll grant them one wish.
Immediately one of them blurts out, "I wish the entire sea were Guinness!" Instantly whole ocean turns black and foamy, pure Guinness.
"Whadda do that for ya feckin' idjit!" Yells his companion, "Now we have to p**... in the boat!"

