companies Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious companies puns

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked what companies?

Gas, water and electricity.

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Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."

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I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

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I heard a statistic that there are more men named David in charge of companies than there are women.

Well obviously. How many women do you know named David?

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Testing products on animals

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.

Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.

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Arthur Guinness

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.

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I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job.

He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable.

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Tobacco companies kill their best customers

And condom companies kill their future customers.

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I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me."

He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"

I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."

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Employee: We need to stop testing our products on animals.

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time!
Employee: Yeah, but we make hammers.

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A CEO and his board of directors gather for a meeting

CEO: We need to stop testing our products on animals.


BOD: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.


CEO: Yeah but we make hammers

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Wife's Campaign

My wife has wasted years campaigning for tampon companies to make sanitary products suitable for the 'larger' lady.

I'm trying to convince her that it's time to just throw in the towel.

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I signed up for my companies 401K...

But I don't think I can run that far.

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Me: We need to stop testing out products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.

Me: Because we make dildos...

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I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies...

On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

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Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox

I find:

* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

* 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

* And Approx 40-50 mails from different girls who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.

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Sam walks into his boss's office.

Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?

The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.

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A man storms into his manager's office

and demands a raise. "And just so you know," he blusters, "three other companies are after me!"

"Is that so?" the manager says. "Which companies in particular?"

"The electricity company, the telephone company and the gas company."

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Why don't trucking companies like to hire women?

Every time you give them a load, it takes them 9 months to deliver.

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Guy: We need to stop testing our products on buildings.

Boss: Why, Elevator companies do it all the time?

Guy: Yeah but we make airplanes.

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Testing Products on Animals

Worker: We shouldn't test our products on animals

Boss: Don't worry, shampoo companies do it all the time.

Worker: ...but we make dildos

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Company meeting at the factory

Employee 1: We need to stop testing our product on animals.

Employee 2: Shampoo companies test on animals all the time though.

Employee 1: Ya but we're a dildo factory.

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An American decides to get rich quick...

By suing bus companies. So, he goes to a bus station, and when the bus arrives he sticks his leg out so it gets runs over. He spends 6 weeks in hospital and is given $10,000 in reparations. When he gets out, he goes to a different state and does the same thing, but this time with the other leg. This time he spends 8 weeks in hospital and gets $20,000 in reparations. When he gets out, he decides that people in the US will get suspicious if he keeps getting run over, so he travels to England. There he goes to the first bus stop he can find, sticks his leg out, and dies of pneumonia.

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My uncle has a factory that make "For Sale" signs.

I asked him how companies like that advertise because I've never seen ads any for that sort of business and he replied:

"They essentially sell themselves."

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Its outrageous when women complain about gender bias in companies

They're just some strong independent companies that don't need no women. They should understand

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What do 16 year old boys and drug companies have in common?

They are both more worried about getting inside you than being effective once there!

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A man walks into his bosses office...

Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise. After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and the man happily gets up to leave. By the way , asks the boss as the man is getting up, which three companies are after you? The electric company, water company, and phone company , the man replied.

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Companies should use chromosomes in advertising

Because sex cells.

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Three CEO's from different beer companies are sitting at a bar...

And the one from Bud light says, "Alright barkeep, give me a tall glass of bud light!"

And then the second one, from Miller light says, "ok barkeep, serve me a nice bottle of cold miller light!"

And then the CEO of Guinness says, well, "I suppose I'll have a glass of Coca-Cola."

The other two turn to him like he's crazy and say, "what, you aren't going to order Guinness?"

To which he replies, "well if you two aren't going to order beer, neither am I!"

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How do car companies measure the impact of a collision

A crash test, dummy

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How to ask for a raise

Employee: Sir, I really need a salary increment, 4 companies are after me.


Boss: Which 4?


Employee: Electricity, Gas, Cable, Credit Card.

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I was looking at the bigbustycoons.com website

Those guys have some big bus companies

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Paper

Two brothers each start their own paper making companies. One day one brother notices that the other is very upset, so he asks what's wrong. To which the sad brother replies " I perforated all the paper to the point where it can't be used". Next the other brother replied " That's tearable ".

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Three businessmen.

Three high flying businessmen have taken a trip to the spa. All three are CEOs of big technology companies, and naturally each is keen to show off to the other two. As they're relaxing in the sauna, naked as greased-up deaf guys, the silence is suddenly broken by a ringing noise. Everyone is confused until the tall bearded businessman brings his hand to his ear and begins to have a conversation. Eventually he explains: "Oh, you see this is just a little thing my engineers whipped up, it's a phone so tiny it can fit on a little chip attached to your fingernail". The other two look impressed, and yet just ten minutes later there is another, different ring, and this time the short, chubby businessman just begins to have a conversation. "Ah, see my company has developed a tiny phone that sits just behind your ear. It picks up high quality audio of your voice by feeling vibrations in your skull." The other two businessmen express their awe. But the third businessman is now feeling a little uneasy, his company hasn't developed anything like these swish telecommunicatory gadgets of his rivals. However, he's a crafty man, and not to be shown up by his competitors he slips off to the bathroom. Once there he takes a strip of toilet paper and sticks one end up his ass so the rest hangs down. He returns to the suana and turns around to look at his ass "Well would ya look at that?" he exclaims, "I appear to be receiving a fax."

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The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss ....

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phones. What's the Big deal??
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What are the most funny Companies jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Companies? Well, here are the best Companies dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Companies pick up lines to share with friends.

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