Comp Jokes
120 comp jokes and hilarious comp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about comp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Comp Short Jokes
Short comp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The comp humour may include short comb jokes also.
- Miley Cyrus Do you know what happened after Miley Cyrus fell down at a concert?
She got twerkmans comp. - Now that Miley Cyrus is no longer doing raunchy pop music.. She decided to apply for twerkers comp
- What is the difference between a casino and the stock market ? The casino comps you after taking all your money
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Comp One Liners
Which comp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with comp? I can suggest the ones about cope and comm.
- What do you call a Mustard Competition? A Compe*Dijon*
- The CS:GO Joke. In a COMP match in CSGO how many people does Olofmeister kill?
Olofem - What does the average comp sci student graduate with? His virginity
- What class comes after comp sci 1? Comp sci 10.
- What do Comp. Sci majors and Biology majors have in common? They both study trees.
- What does h**... call his computer? Mein Comp.
- If h**... made a YouTube video, what would it be called? Vine Comp.
- What did h**... call his Bit Coin farming computer? Mine Comp
Howlingly Hilarious Comp Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about comp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make comp pranks.
I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.
It's my thirty-second birthday.
I complained to my local video rental store because they only have one movie to rent.
They said, take IT or leave IT.
why was the computer late to work?
because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)
Computer joke of the day!
>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."
My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information...
...it's called Norton
I don't like my computer memory.
Not one bit.
I complained to my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said "Don't be ridiculous! Everyone hasn't met you yet"
A computer joke...
I hear they make gender-specific versions of ActiveX now: ActiveXX and ActiveXY. Unfortunately, ActiveXX overflows for a few days every month and ActiveXY constantly tries to mount drives it shouldn't.
Why couldn't the computer play golf?...
...Because it had the wrong Driver
Why did the computer scientist die in the shower?
The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache.
No idea why she had to slap me though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's complicated having s**... with hipsters.
They don't like things that are "in".
A company of the French Foreign Legion are lost in the desert...
The Captain assembles his men and says: "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is... we have run out of food and there is nothing to eat but sand. The good news is... there's plenty."
I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines.
What can I say, I have issues.
A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.
He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."
Do competitive origami artists ever fold under pressure?
I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind..
It came completely out of the green
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I completely understand parents who choose not to vaccinate their children...
...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out r**....
Here's my complete guide on the art of Trolling:
My ex was like a computer game.
Started off easy, got a little harder and eventually I ended up cheating.
What computer monitor sings the best?
A Dell.
I got a computer for my wife today.
Best trade I ever made.
Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?
I've finally turned a corner in my career.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Compliment of a HOT Secretary...
Secretary to her Boss: I want to complain of an employee here in our office.
Boss: What happened?
Secretary: Whenever we cross each other, he says that my hair smell too good.
Boss: That's just a compliment.
Secretary: It's not, he is a midget.
Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today.
They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't Ever Let Him See You Completely n**...
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of
marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the n**...," she advised. "You
should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband
were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there
ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night
you've worn that silly hat to bed."
Compliment somebody on their moustache
and all of a sudden she is not your friend anymore.
A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.
To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."
I am completely outraged by JJ Abrahms saying the next Star Wars will have an openly gay character in his science fiction franchise
Star wars is Science Fantasy, not Science Fiction
My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper
looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar.
They both c**... when the drivers stop working.
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
Why were all the computers in the company frozen?
Because they let IT go
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Companies should use chromosomes in advertising
Because s**... cells.
My computer crashed.
Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...
That's the last time I buy A Dell.
I know you can't compare apples to oranges...
...but two apples do make a pear.
My computer just said hello to me.
I think it's A Dell.
How do computers measure pain?
Gigahurts.
(Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)
Just because nobody complains
Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.
I'm not sure which race yet.
A Comprehensive Guide on How to be Like Jesus
1. Be a carpenter.
2. Be a nice guy.
3. ???
4. Prophet.
Complementing a mustache should be a good thing
I don't know why she took it as an insult.
I'm not a competitive person
I'll be the first to admit it.
I just completed a puzzle in 6 months
despite it saying 4 - 6 years on the box.
What company is the best at meeting deadlines?
The Make a Wish Foundation
I might not be the most companionable, engrossing and perspicacious person.
But at least I know long words.
My computer kept overheating while playing CS:GO
I had to stop to give it a quick de_dust.
I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...
I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
Why was the computer mad when he got home?
It had a hard drive
I have compiled a list of the 10 worst things about my ADHD.
1.
My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.
Nobody expects the spanish Acquisition
I just got completely burnt fries at a restaurant.
It really is Black Fry Day.
My company has a weekly joke and after four years I'm quite sick of it.
They call it a "paycheck" when it's barely an allowance!
Computer virus are no joke
I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomware.
I WannaCry now... ;(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new comprehensive study found that only ~14.3% of dwarves are Happy
The study went on to show that the rest of them are Grumpy, Sleepy, d**..., Bashful, Sneezy, and Doc.
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screenshots.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When the computers c**... at work.
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
I took my old computer to a computer repair shop
I asked the shop owner "My computer is too slow. What can I do ?"
Shop owner inspected the computer and said "It needs some hardware acceleration"
Me: How much acceleration would it need ?
Shop owner: 9.8 meter per second squared.
Before computers, we did Boolean algebra by hand. Everyone hated it.
It was all Bool sheet work.
We all complain about reposts, but do you know where new jokes come from?
A dad joke meets a yo mama joke... and then they screw in a lightbulb.
Complex numbers are all fun and games...
Until someone loses an i. That's when things get real.
Why can't you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump?
Apples and oranges.
Why did the computer technician get kicked out of the army?
He had troubleshooting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was a competition to find who could last the longest without m**....
I came first.
You cannot compare Steve Jobs with Donald Trump.
Apples vs. oranges.
What company doesn't like people who get erections often?
Ubisoft
Got the best compliment from my doctor today
He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was company that sold s**... toys to alien.
It was SpaceXXX.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Ex and i weren't compatible,
i'm an Aquarius and she was a b**....
When companies say We value your privacy!
They really mean We put a value on your privacy!
A little computer humor
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
How did the computer hacker get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just ransomware.
Why was Stalin's computer so slow?
It was on a five year plan
A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs.
They were made for the sink.
We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...
Why was the computer late?
Because it had a hard drive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They should completely decriminalize w**....
Those who disagree should get s**....
A company owner was asked a question,
How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Is it okay to compare a man getting the snip with a woman getting her tubes tied?
After all, there isn't a vas deferens between the two o**...
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?
Error in connecting to the server
