comp Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious comp puns

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

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I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

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What do you do with a compressed folder of porn?

Unzip...

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My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.

Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition

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I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

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Just because nobody complains

Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

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My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper

looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

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My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information...

...it's called Norton

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Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today.

They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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A computer science student...

...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class

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A computer programmer's wife sends her husband to the store.

She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,

"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,

"Because they had eggs."

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Why were all the computers in the company frozen?

Because they let IT go

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I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind..

It came completely out of the green

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What company is the best at meeting deadlines?

The Make a Wish Foundation

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My computer just said hello to me.

I think it's A Dell.

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My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Really blind-sided everyone.

Nobody expected the Spanish Acquisition.

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Compliment somebody on their moustache

and all of a sudden she is not your friend anymore.

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How does a computer get drunk?

It takes screenshots.

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Complementing a mustache should be a good thing

I don't know why she took it as an insult.

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Best Computer Science Joke!

A man and woman are in a computer programming lecture. The man touches the woman's breasts.
"Hey!" she says. "Those are private!"
The man says, "But we're in the same class!"

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i got complimented on my driving earlier

they left a note on the car saying parking fine

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My computer beat me at chess...

So I beat my computer at kickboxing.

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It's complicated having sex with hipsters.

They don't like things that are "in".

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What computer monitor sings the best?

A Dell.

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The first computer can be traced back as far as Adam and Eve

It was an Apple with extremely limited memory: just one bite.

Then everything crashed.

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My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...

That's the last time I buy A Dell.

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I got a computer for my wife today.

Best trade I ever made.

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I completely understand parents who choose not to vaccinate their children...

...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out retarded.

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A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.

He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."

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Computer virus are no joke

I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomwareο»Ώ.

I WannaCry now... ;(

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I'm in a complex relationship

My girlfriend is imaginary.

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Complimenting the wife

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'

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Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'.

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Remember…you are not completely useless.

You can always serve as a bad example.

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What are the most funny Comp jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Comp? Well, here are the best Comp dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Comp pick up lines to share with friends.

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