Commutative Jokes
57 commutative jokes and hilarious commutative puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about commutative that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Commutative Short Jokes
Short commutative jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The commutative humour may include short jokes also.
- Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is.
- Me: Boss, I'm sorry I am late. I was having computer issues. Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It was my computer. - My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement... I just realized that I'm the only one who has to commute to work
- Did you hear about the bomb blast in Pakistan? Apparently the terrorists were tired of the commute and wanted to work from home for a while
- When I bought a fixed gear bike last summer, people called me a hipster. Commuting to work today in the snow, I finally understood why. I only liked riding my bike before it was cool.
- What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? NYC subway commuters.
- What did the robot say to his wife when she asked him to take the bus to work? DOES NOT COMMUTE!
- daily commute I'm not sure if people don't sit next to me on the train because I'm black, or because I look Muslim. It's a win for me either way.
- Why is it impossible to hastily commute whilst abstaining from ingesting food or beverage and surrounded by foes? Because you cannot fast travel when enemies are nearby
- I got to work one hour late, the commuter bus was one hour behind. I hope I can keep my job as a bus driver.
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Commutative One Liners
Which commutative one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with commutative? I can suggest the ones about and .
- how does trump commute to work each day? by walking the fascist way possible!
- It's hard work being a commuter. You have to train a lot.
- Which baseball player has the shortest commute? The catcher, he only works from home.
- Why couldn't the physicist get the Standard Model to work? Because it wouldn't commute!
- What's the similarity between a Cubs fan and a daily commuter? They both take the L.
- How many commutative groups are there? Abelian
- How do people with injured hands commute to work? Carpool tunnels
- What is purple and commutes? An Abelian grape!
- What do you call a comrade on his way to work? A commuter
- Evening commute One inch of snow will do this to you in DC
- Why does Torque live on campus? Because cross products don't commute!
- What do you call a mathematician who rides a train to work? Abelian, because he commutes
- What do motors and the Soviet Union have in common? Commutators
- What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter? Thank you for your patients.
- You don't have to worry about me commuting s**.... It's the last thing I'll ever do.
Commutative Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about commutative you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make commutative pranks.
An old man has spent 30 years working for the railroad, punching tickets and being mean to everyone who crossed his path.
Finally it's discovered that he's responsible for a string of dozens of murders up and down the railroad line, at almost every stop, going back almost the whole 30 years of his career. He confesses to all of them and is quickly convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.
The day finally comes, they strap him into the chair and the guard throws the switch. Sparks fly and smoke curls upward from the straps and skullcap, but the old man is unhurt. The switch is thrown again and again, but always with the same result. Finally he is released from the chair, and the next day the governor commutes his sentence to life in prison.
When a reporter asks him about the incident and why he thought he survived, the man replies, "Well, I've always been a poor conductor."
One Wish
A man encounters a genie one day while walking through the woods and the genie says: "I will grant you a single wish."
The man thinks for a little bit and says: "I really like my job but my commute is terrible. I have to take a ferry every single morning because I live on an island off the coast of the city. It takes way too long. Can you build a bridge between the island I live on and the city where I work so I can drive there every morning?
The genie says; "I don't know about that. Bridges are really complicated to build and one that long is likely to be unstable or dangerous. Do you have any other wishes that are a little more realistic?"
So the man thinks for a little bit and say: "My whole life I've never understood how women think. Can you help me understand women?
The genie then says: "So when do you want me to start building that bridge?"
Cell Phone Etiquette
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
Cell phone in public...
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.
I share a commute with three friends.
Every weekday for the last 15 years I've driven into the city, taking the road that goes under the river.
Now the doctor says I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Sheikh's son goes to University
A rich billionaire Sheikh sends his son to a university in the US. He buys his son a gold plated Ferrari so that he can commute from his house to the university everyday.
A couple of weeks in, he gets really upset and sends an email to his dad:
Dad, all my friends in the university use the public transport .. usually a train .. to come to university. I feel really embarrassed to be driving around in a gold Ferrari.
Next day, the Sheikh responds: Don't worry son. I've just transferred $10 million to your account. Go buy urself a train.
Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?
Because they won't commute.
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.
A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.
An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.
Doctors are reporting a new disease affecting commuters in New York.
It only appears to be affecting drivers traveling in groups through the Lincoln Holland Tunnels. The symptoms are pain in the hands and wrists.
Doctors are calling it Car Pool Tunnel syndrome.
Tonight I'm going to go see the commuter with Liam Neeson
Cuz he's my friend and he invited me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
good or bad?
Did you hear about the morning commute during the Purge?
Traffic was m**....
I was running late this morning to I took my weet box to eat on my commute to work. In my tired state I hopped on the wrong bus which instead of taking me to work went hurtling through space.
I accidentally had gotten on the Universal Cereal Bus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to a recent medical study, m**... helps to ease congestion.
The traffic cops on my afternoon commute did not agree, however.
I got fired from work today.
Trebuchets have really come a long way, and it beats the typical 30-minute commute from my work to home.
Did you hear about the French chef who dropped the toaster in the bathtub
He commuted sois vide-cide.
Half an year ago, a middle-aged man, walking home after a long and stressful day of work, found an old, crusty lamp in an abandoned alley.
"What harm could it do," he said out loud, and gave it a rub.
A genie emerged, exclaiming, All behold, I, the most powerful genie!! My might is unparalleled, my power is incomprehensible, and I shall grant you 3 wishes for freeing me from my prison...
"I am a simple man with a simple life, genie. All I wish for is to spend more time with my wife and children, have a shorter commute than I have now, and a case of Corona."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife was joking about her commute to our office in the back yard.
h**... boy this commute is going to be rough today she said as she opened the back door to walk 50 feet to the office
Yeah I heard there's a squirrel flipped over on the tree o five