Communist Jokes
142 communist jokes and hilarious communist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about communist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the lighter side of communist life with this collection of hilarious jokes! From the socialist sympathizer to the Marxist cat, you'll laugh yourself silly with these witty jokes about communist life. Whether you identify with this ideology or not, you'll be in stitches!
Quick Jump To
- Short Communist Jokes
- Communist One Liners
- Communist Party Jokes
- Communist Cat Jokes
- In Communist Russia Jokes
- More Communist Jokes
Funniest Communist Short Jokes
Short communist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The communist humour may include short communism jokes also.
- I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist. I should've known sooner. There were red flag everywhere.
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist. To be honest, there were a lot of red flags
- I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist. I should have known, there were red flags everywhere
- I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known. All the red flags were there.
- Communist jokes aren't funny Unless everyone gets them.
My favorite joke for my cake day - What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system? Rename uranus to Ouranus
- A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"
Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom... - Why are Communists bad java programmers? They don't like classes.
- What do you call a communist sharp shooter? A Marxman.
- I think my cat is a communist. When I say "Who is a good boy!" He says "Mao".
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Communist One Liners
Which communist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with communist? I can suggest the ones about commie and socialist.
- Hey baby are you a Communist? Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
- How did communists light their homes before candle? with light bulbs
- I should've known my boyfriend was a communist. There were plenty of red flags.
- I should have known my friend was a communist. All the red flags were there.
- Communists make the best snipers They're natural Marx men.
- What's a Communist's favorite video game? *Don't Starve*
- Who gets communist jokes? Everyone ideally
- Why did the girl not want to date the communist? He was waving a lot of red flags.
- Why can communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
- I think my cats are communists They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.
- What do two communists have in common? Everything
- What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
- Why do Communists only write in lowercase? Because they hate Capitalism.
- I ended things with my communist girlfriend. Too many red flags.
- How do you tell a chemist from a communist? ask them to pronounce unionized.
Communist Party Jokes
Here is a list of funny communist party jokes and even better communist party puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Say what you like about China... [This post has been removed by the Communist Party of China (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]
- Tommy Wiseau walks into Communist Party HQ Oh hai Marx
- Yesterday we had a communist party... We enjoyed it to the marx.
- Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party? Chairman Meow
- There were two types of people in the Soviet Union People who supported the Communist Party and dead people.
- What do you get when 2 leftists get together? 3 political parties: one Communist, one Socialist, and a third founded in an attempt to merge the first two.
- What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink? A communist party
- What do you call a political convention in a Soviet state? A communist party
- I don't know how the Chinese fell for Mao and the communist party I mean, there were a freakin ton of red flags.
- The Communist Party changed things so that China uses single time zone. It's always Party time.
Communist Cat Jokes
Here is a list of funny communist cat jokes and even better communist cat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think my cat's a communist... He won't shut up about Mao
- What did the communist cat say? Mao
- I think my cat is a communist. He keeps saying "Mao"
- all cats are communist they just wont stop talking about mao.
- what does a communist cat say? Mao
- I think my cat might be a communist... Mao...Mao...Mao...Mao...
- I think my cat is a communist She won't stop saying Mao
- Guys, I think my cat is a communist! He won't stop talking about Mao!
- I think my cat's a communist. He always talks about Mao.
- What do you call a communist cat? Mao
In Communist Russia Jokes
Here is a list of funny in communist russia jokes and even better in communist russia puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My partner is a diehard communist and loves China and Russia. I saw red flags on day one but ignored them.
- Do you know why the communist takeover of russia lasted more than a year? It took more than one revolution.
- Oldie - -Communist China telegrams Soviet Russia Communist China:
WE ARE OUT OF FOOD. SEND GRAIN
Soviet reply:
WE ARE ALSO OUT OF FOOD. TIGHTEN YOUR BELTS
Communist China:
SEND BELTS - What type of fabric does communist Russia use? Lenin.
- Why was the communist so fast? He was russian.
(I know that russia isn't communist) - Why are Democrats so upset about Russian interference? Because Russia is no longer communist.
- What did a blind man tell another blind man? GO BACK TO RUSSIA YOU COMMUNIST SCUMBAG!
- How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? In Soviet Russia, lightbulb screws YOU!
Silly Communist Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about communist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comrade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make communist pranks.
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
What do you call a Communist s**...?
A Marxman.
Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.
One turns to the other and asks Have you read Marx? The second replies yes, it's these d**... wicker chairs!
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
I should've known my girlfriend was a communist...
There were so many red flags.
He said he was a communist.
I should've known darnit, there were red flags everywhere.
Have you heard about Marx's tomb?
They say it's a Communist plot
What did communists use before candles?
Electricity
What do you name an American, Communist Pirate Ship?
The U.S.S. ARRRGH
Do you know why you should never hire a communist employee?
Because they only work in theory
Why is it so hard for a communist to tell a joke?
It's not funny until everyone gets it.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she told me she was a communist.
In retrospect, I should have seen all the red flags
I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.
After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo c**... con.
Why don't communists ever learn?
Because there are no classes.
A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
What do you call a passive communist country?
The so-be-it union (one of my original jokes)
What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?
A marxman.
Why can't Communists be programmers?
Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties
What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?
They both believe restarting it might work.
What would you call an ex-muslim turned communist?
Infidel Castro
After a fun night, he invited me to his place. But then I realized he was a communist.
I should've seen the red flags.
Before candles, what did North Korean communists use to light their homes with?
Electricity.
I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags...
...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.
I broke up with my girlfriend because I found out she is a communist.
I should have known. There were red flags everywhere.
What do you call a group of indifferent communists
A So-be-it Union
Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)
A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".
Why do communists hate schools?
Because schools have classes
What makes communist jokes so difficult?
You have to make sure that everyone gets them.
During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...
You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Three prisoners of communist regime
Three prisoners are in one cell and they talk about why they are here.
First guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes late, so I was always late for work and they locked me up for betrayal."
Second guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes early, so I was always 10 minutes early to work and they locked me up for being a spy."
Third guy: "My watch was always on time, so I was always in time to work and they locked me up for having an offshore watch."
Give a communist a fish?
Feed them for a day
Teach a communist to fish
Now government has more fish
Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...
One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
Why do Catholics make the best Communists?
They're fine with standing in line for bread.
How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.
But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.
I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy.
I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.
A man and his wife are arguing, the man says it's going to rain, the woman says it isn't.
"Let's ask Rudolph, the communist police officer"says the man
"It might, the sky is pretty cloudy" says the policeman
The man turns to his wife and says:
"See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."
"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What did communists use for light before candles?
Electricity.
What do you give a s**... communist who did well on a test?
High Marx.
How much food does it take to kill a communist?
None.
Why do Communists Type in Lowercase Letters
Because they are anti-capitalism
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
I think it's raining. says the man.
No, it's snowing. replies the woman.
How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?
Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Communist jokes arent funny.
Unless everyone gets them.
Have you heard of the leader of the bovine communist movement?
Cow Zedong, better known as Chairman Cow.
Great guy.
Had the most mooving speeches.
What do you call a communist dog?
Karl Barx
Shout-out to "Matt & Tom" for that 😊
I'm training to be a s**... in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...
... I'll be the designated Marxman!
The only funny communist jokes are...
... the ones that everyone gets.
Why are communists always late to events?
Because they're Stallin'!
JK. It's cause they starved to death.
Why are communist jokes so good?
Everybody gets them
A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...
This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.
