The Best 58 Communists Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Communists jokes. There are some communists communism jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these communists brezhnev puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Communists Jokes and Puns

Where do Communists go to get burgers?


Q: How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.

What's a communists favourite sporting event?

Commonwealth Games

Communists joke, What's a communists favourite sporting event?

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.

But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.

What do you call an arranged marriage between two communists who don't like each other?

A so-be-it union.

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

Communists joke, What do communists put in their soup?

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Two communists are in a nudist club, reclining in the nude in bamboo chairs, when one turns to the other and asks "Have you read Marx?"

The reply he gets: "Yeah; wouldn't have happened if these were couches!"

What blood disease do communists get?

Hammer and sickle cell anemia.

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One guy to screw in the light bulb, and the other guy to shoot him if he doesn't do it right.

You can explore communists socialism reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean communists lenin dad jokes. There are also communists puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

All robots are communists

Because there seizing the means of production

Why don't communists ever learn?

Because there are no classes.

Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why don't people like communists?

Because they have no class

Communists joke, Why don't people like communists?

Why are the cars built by communists no good?

'cause they're constantly Stalin!

During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...

You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.

It's true, Communists have swag...

Something We All Get...

What's 200 feet long and eats potatoes?

Communists waiting in line to buy meat.

Why do Communists Type in Lowercase Letters

Because they are anti-capitalism

Where do communists go to get their coffee?


What's the worst thing about internet communists?

They spend all day trying to seize the memes of production.

Why do Catholics make the best Communists?

They're fine with standing in line for bread.

Before candles, what did North Korean communists use to light their homes with?


What do two communists have in common?


Why can communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why can't communists drive stick?

They keep Stalin the engine.

I hate playing chess with communists!

They're always stalin' for time..

What do communists make their beds with?


What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

Why were the communists barred from entering the fine dining restaurant?

It's because they had no class

How do Communists celebrate Valentine's Day

By seizing the means of reproduction.

What's a communists favorite way to waste time?


Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties

Why are communists so rude?

Because they hate class

I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

How Many Communists does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?


What did communists use for light before candles?


Communists must love Tsunamis.

They take the homes of the wealthy and give poor people access to the beachfront.

Why do stoner communists excel in academics?

They get high marx

How do Communists revive people?

By using CCCPR!

Is there something I'm doing that makes me unattractive to communists?

They always leave me on red.

How do Communists ask for help?

Quit Stalin and get Lenin me a hand right Mao!

What's a communists favorite measurement of time?


A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit.

The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.

The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.

How do communists neuter their dogs?

By seizing their means of reproduction

Why don't communists go to school?

Because the classes are divided

What do you call an arranged marriage between two apathetic communists?

The so be it union.

What did communists use before candles?


What do you call a group of indifferent communists

A So-be-it Union

Why do communists hate schools?

Because schools have classes

Communists make the best snipers

They're natural Marx men.

Why are communists always late to events?

Because they're Stallin'!

JK. It's cause they starved to death.

What did communists use to light their homes before candles?


What is a Communists favorite musician?


Why Don't Communists Like School?

Because they have always get bad Marx.

I think my cats are communists

They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the communists marx jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working communists khrushchev piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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