The Best 76 Communist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Communist jokes. There are some communist classless jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these communist fascist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Communist Jokes and Puns

What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

Have you heard about Marx's tomb?

They say it's a Communist plot

Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...

One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Communist joke, Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...

A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.

The man says, "I think it's raining."

His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"

Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.

"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.


A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation

The husband says "ah, it's raining"

The wife replies "no it's snowing"

"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,

"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"

"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off

"see?" says the husband,

"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

Communist joke, My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

A man walked into a communist school...

only to find that they had no classes.

A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"

Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

I think my cat is a communist.

He keeps saying "Mao"

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

You can explore communist marxist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean communist stalin dad jokes. There are also communist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.

But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.

What do you call a Communist sniper?

A Marxman.

Do you know why you should never hire a communist employee?

Because they only work in theory

I think my cat's a communist...

He won't shut up about Mao

I'm training to be a sniper in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...

... I'll be the designated Marxman!

Communist joke, I'm training to be a sniper in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...

A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."

"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.

The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."

Hey baby are you a Communist?

Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.

I was with my wife in Russia when it starts to drizzle

So I say to my wife "It's raining" she quickly responds (looking to start a fight) "Actually, I think it's snowing".

This goes back and forth for a few minutes when I notice my buddy Officer Rudolf of the communist national guard. I go over to him and ask, "Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

He glances over and replies, "raining, ofcourse".
I turn back to my wife and triumphantly announce, "See, Rudolf the red knows rain dear!"


My friend was dating a communist

He should have noticed earlier; there were a lot of red flags.

Why don't communists ever learn?

Because there are no classes.

Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

I should've known my boyfriend was a communist.

There were plenty of red flags.

During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...

You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.

I should have known my friend was a communist.

All the red flags were there.

A communist girl thought I was cute.

Next thing I know she seized my means of reproduction!

In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"

Give a communist a fish?

Feed them for a day

Teach a communist to fish

Now government has more fish

I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known.

All the red flags were there.

Why do Communists Type in Lowercase Letters

Because they are anti-capitalism

A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...

This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

How much food does it take to kill a communist?

None.

What do you call a communist dog?

Karl Barx

Shout-out to "Matt & Tom" for that 😊

What do you give a stoned communist who did well on a test?

High Marx.

Did you hear about the communist couple that went to a fertility clinic?

They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.

What do two communists have in common?

Everything

Why can communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

Why can't communists drive stick?

They keep Stalin the engine.

I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags...

...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.

What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS-ARRR

Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties

How Many Communists does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?

Everybody.

What did communists use for light before candles?

Electricity.

Communist jokes arent funny.

Unless everyone gets them.

What did the communist say when his van stopped working

I guess it's stalin

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".

He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".

He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."

The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".

A man and his wife are arguing, the man says it's going to rain, the woman says it isn't.

"Let's ask Rudolph, the communist police officer"says the man

"It might, the sky is pretty cloudy" says the policeman

The man turns to his wife and says:
"See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

Why are communist jokes so good?

Everybody gets them

I broke up with my girlfriend after she told me she was a communist.

In retrospect, I should have seen all the red flags

What do you call a passive communist country?

The so-be-it union (one of my original jokes)

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

I think it's raining. says the man.

No, it's snowing. replies the woman.

How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?

Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

what do you call a communist karen?

sharon

I should've known my girlfriend was a communist...

There were so many red flags.

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of ChinaΒ (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere

I broke up with my girlfriend because I found out she is a communist.

I should have known. There were red flags everywhere.

What makes communist jokes so difficult?

You have to make sure that everyone gets them.

What did communists use before candles?

Electricity

Why do communists hate schools?

Because schools have classes

What do you call a communist sharp shooter?

A Marxman.

Communists make the best snipers

They're natural Marx men.

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

He said he was a communist.

I should've known darnit, there were red flags everywhere.

Why are communists always late to events?

Because they're Stallin'!

JK. It's cause they starved to death.

What do you call a communist archer?

A marxman.

I ended things with my communist girlfriend.

Too many red flags.

I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy.

I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.

Communist jokes aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them.

My favorite joke for my cake day

In Communist China you don't use iMessage

You use WeChat

What do you name an American, Communist Pirate Ship?

The U.S.S. ARRRGH

When I started dating my communist girlfriend I should have known things wouldn't work out…

So many red flags

A communist joke isn't funny

.......Until everyone gets it

Today on the highway driving home.

Me: Ah! Come on man stay in your lane.

My wife: I'll bet he is communist.

Me: what? Why?

My wife: because now it's 'our' lane.

My partner is a diehard communist and loves China and Russia.

I saw red flags on day one but ignored them.

What does a very convincing communist and a psychopath have in common?

People leave them with big red flags

A communist and his friend walk into an antique store

His friend said:

Woah,look at this really fancy cone glass thing with the sand!,its mine!

The communist said:

no


Its Hourglass

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the communist brezhnev jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working communist khrushchev piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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