communist Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious communist puns

In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"

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Hey baby are you a Communist?

Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.

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What do you call a Communist sniper?

A Marxman.

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I should've known my boyfriend was a communist.

There were plenty of red flags.

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I should have known my friend was a communist.

All the red flags were there.

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What do you call a communist sniper?

A Marx-man

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A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.


"I think it's raining," says the man.



"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.


"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"


"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.


The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

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Communist alternative of "grab 'em by the pussy" would be...

..."seize the means of reproduction."

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I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known.

All the red flags were there.

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A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation

The husband says "ah, it's raining"

The wife replies "no it's snowing"

"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,

"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"

"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off

"see?" says the husband,


"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

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Why can communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

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What do two communists have in common?

Everything

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What do you call a communist pirate ship?

The USS-ARRR

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In USSR we had a joke

A terminally ill jewish man is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wishes to join the Communist Party. A partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he takes the membership card and presses it against his heart. In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist dies"

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What do 2 communists have in common

Everything

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A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"

Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

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If Donald Trump was a communist,

If Donald Trump was a communist, instead of saying "Grab her by the pussy" he would have said "Seize the means of reproduction."

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Why do Communists only write in lowercase?

Because they hate Capitalism.

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A couple are walking in St. Petersburg square on Christmas Eve.

They start to feel some light precipitation


"I think it's raining" says the man


"No it's snowing" replies the woman.

"How about we ask this communist officer here?" "He is always right" exclaims the man.
"Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"


"Definitely raining" officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife and says.

"See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

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Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

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Have you heard about Marx's tomb?

They say it's a Communist plot

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Do you know why you should never hire a communist employee?

Because they only work in theory

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A Russian couple was walking down the streets of Saint Petersburg on Christmas Eve

And they felt a slight precipitation on their heads.

"I think its raining" says the man

"No its snowing" says the woman

"How about we ask this communist officer here? He is always right!" The man exclaims. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining" he said before walking away.

The man turns to his wife and says with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

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Why don't communists ever learn?

Because there are no classes.

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A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve

They feel a slight precipitation.

The man says, "I think it's raining."

His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"

Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.

"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

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What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?

A marxman.

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Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties

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I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags...

...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.

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My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

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During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...

You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.

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Give a communist a fish?

Feed them for a day

Teach a communist to fish

Now government has more fish

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Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...

One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

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How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.

But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.

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I think my cat's a communist...

He won't shut up about Mao

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In the spirit of Christmas, I've decided to regift this joke.

A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the main. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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What are the most funny Communist jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Communist? Well, here are the best Communist dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Communist pick up lines to share with friends.

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