Silly Communist Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What do you call a communist who's good with a rifle?
A marxman.
Have you heard about Marx's tomb?
They say it's a Communist plot
Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...
One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.

A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...
The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"
Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...
Why are Communists bad Java programmers?
They don't like classes.
How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.
But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.
What do you call a Communist s**...?
A Marxman.
You can explore communist marxist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean communist stalin dad jokes. There are also communist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Do you know why you should never hire a communist employee?
Because they only work in theory
I think my cat's a communist...
He won't shut up about Mao
I'm training to be a s**... in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...
... I'll be the designated Marxman!
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."
"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Hey baby are you a Communist?
Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.

Why don't communists ever learn?
Because there are no classes.
Why do Communists only write in lowercase?
Because they hate Capitalism.
I should've known my boyfriend was a communist.
There were plenty of red flags.
During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...
You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.
I should have known my friend was a communist.
All the red flags were there.
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
Give a communist a fish?
Feed them for a day
Teach a communist to fish
Now government has more fish
I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known.
All the red flags were there.
Why do Communists Type in Lowercase Letters
Because they are anti-capitalism
How much food does it take to kill a communist?
None.

What do you call a communist dog?
Karl Barx
Shout-out to "Matt & Tom" for that π
What do you give a s**... communist who did well on a test?
High Marx.
What do two communists have in common?
Everything
Why can communists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags...
...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS-ARRR
Why can't Communists be programmers?
Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties
What did communists use for light before candles?
Electricity.
Communist jokes arent funny.
Unless everyone gets them.
Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)
A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".
A man and his wife are arguing, the man says it's going to rain, the woman says it isn't.
"Let's ask Rudolph, the communist police officer"says the man
"It might, the sky is pretty cloudy" says the policeman
The man turns to his wife and says:
"See, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
I broke up with my girlfriend after she told me she was a communist.
In retrospect, I should have seen all the red flags
What do you call a passive communist country?
The so-be-it union (one of my original jokes)
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
I think it's raining. says the man.
No, it's snowing. replies the woman.
How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?
Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
I should've known my girlfriend was a communist...
There were so many red flags.
Say what you like about China...
[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of ChinaΒ (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]
I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere
I broke up with my girlfriend because I found out she is a communist.
I should have known. There were red flags everywhere.
What makes communist jokes so difficult?
You have to make sure that everyone gets them.
What did communists use before candles?
Electricity
Why do communists hate schools?
Because schools have classes
What do you call a communist sharp shooter?
A Marxman.
Communists make the best snipers
They're natural Marx men.
What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?
They both believe restarting it might work.
He said he was a communist.
I should've known darnit, there were red flags everywhere.
Why are communists always late to events?
Because they're Stallin'!
JK. It's cause they starved to death.
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.
Too many red flags.
I discovered that my boyfriend is a communist spy.
I guess I could have noticed this sooner, but chose to ignore the red flags.
Communist jokes aren't funny
Unless everyone gets them.
My favorite joke for my cake day
What do you name an American, Communist Pirate Ship?
The U.S.S. ARRRGH
Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.
One turns to the other and asks Have you read Marx? The second replies yes, it's these d**... wicker chairs!
Who gets communist jokes?
Everyone ideally
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
Three prisoners of communist regime
Three prisoners are in one cell and they talk about why they are here.
First guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes late, so I was always late for work and they locked me up for betrayal."
Second guy: "My watch was always 10 minutes early, so I was always 10 minutes early to work and they locked me up for being a spy."
Third guy: "My watch was always on time, so I was always in time to work and they locked me up for having an offshore watch."
The only funny communist jokes are...
... the ones that everyone gets.
What did the communist cat say?
Mao
I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist.
I should've known sooner. There were red flags everywhere.
Why did the girl not want to date the communist?
He was waving a lot of red flags.
Why is it so hard for a communist to tell a joke?
It's not funny until everyone gets it.
How did communists light their homes before candles?
with light bulbs
After a fun night, he invited me to his place. But then I realized he was a communist.
I should've seen the red flags.
What would you call an ex-muslim turned communist?
Infidel Castro
What do you call it when everyone spins round once?
A communist revolution.
Shaggy dog storyβ¦
Rudolf, the high ranking communist and his wife are asleep in their dacha outside Moscow. A noise on roof wakes her up. Wife says 'there's something moving around on our roof. I heard a plop then a clink'.
Rudolf says 'don't worry dear, it's just the first large raindrops'. Wife mumbles unconvinced, but sure enough, a few minutes later the obvious sounds of a drenching hit the roof.
Wife says 'I'm sorry I doubted you my love. You were right'
He says 'Yes. Never forget: Rudolf the Red knows rain dear'.
How do you tell a chemist from a communist?
ask them to pronounce unionized.
What do you call pasta that you share with everyone?
Communist manipesto
Stalin's Tomb
is a communist plot.
Have you heard of the leader of the bovine communist movement?
Cow Zedong, better known as Chairman Cow.
Great guy.
Had the most mooving speeches.
I think my cat is a communist.
When I say "Who is a good boy!" He says "Mao".
I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist.
To be honest, there were a lot of red flags