Communist Jokes
136 communist jokes and hilarious communist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about communist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the lighter side of communist life with this collection of hilarious jokes! From the socialist sympathizer to the Marxist cat, you'll laugh yourself silly with these witty jokes about communist life. Whether you identify with this ideology or not, you'll be in stitches!
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Funniest Communist Short Jokes
Short communist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The communist humour may include short communism jokes also.
- I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist. I should've known sooner. There were red flag everywhere.
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist. To be honest, there were a lot of red flags
- I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known. All the red flags were there.
- Communist jokes aren't funny Unless everyone gets them.
My favorite joke for my cake day - What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system? Rename uranus to Ouranus
- A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"
Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom... - Do you know why you should never hire a communist employee? Because they only work in theory
- Why is it so hard for a communist to tell a joke? It's not funny until everyone gets it.
- Say what you like about China... [This post has been removed by the Communist Party of China (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]
- Why don't communists ever learn? Because there are no classes.
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Communist One Liners
Which communist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with communist? I can suggest the ones about commie and socialist.
- Hey baby are you a Communist? Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
- How did communists light their homes before candle? with light bulbs
- I should've known my boyfriend was a communist. There were plenty of red flags.
- What's a Communist's favorite video game? *Don't Starve*
- Who gets communist jokes? Everyone ideally
- Why did the girl not want to date the communist? He was waving a lot of red flags.
- I think my cats are communists They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.
- What do two communists have in common? Everything
- What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
- Why do Communists only write in lowercase? Because they hate Capitalism.
- Why are Communists bad java programmers? They don't like classes.
- What do you call a communist sharp shooter? A Marxman.
- I think my cat is a communist. When I say "Who is a good boy!" He says "Mao".
- He said he was a communist. I should've known darnit, there were red flags everywhere.
- Have you heard about Marx's tomb? They say it's a Communist plot
Communist Party Jokes
Here is a list of funny communist party jokes and even better communist party puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Tommy Wiseau walks into Communist Party HQ Oh hai Marx
- Yesterday we had a communist party... We enjoyed it to the marx.
- Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party? Chairman Meow
- There were two types of people in the Soviet Union People who supported the Communist Party and dead people.
- What do you get when 2 leftists get together? 3 political parties: one Communist, one Socialist, and a third founded in an attempt to merge the first two.
- What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink? A communist party
- What do you call a political convention in a Soviet state? A communist party
- The Communist Party changed things so that China uses single time zone. It's always Party time.
- China's Communist Party is starting a militia wing They're training their members to be good Marxmen
- What do you call a party of communists that haven't seen each other in years? Soviet Reunion
Terrible and painful, I know.
Communist Cat Jokes
Here is a list of funny communist cat jokes and even better communist cat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the communist cat say? Mao
- I think my cat is a communist. He keeps saying "Mao"
- What do communist cats say? OuroW
- What do you call a communist cat? Meow Zedong
- What did a communist name their cat? Lady Mao
- I think my cat is a paranoid Chinese communist
In Communist Russia Jokes
Here is a list of funny in communist russia jokes and even better in communist russia puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My partner is a diehard communist and loves China and Russia. I saw red flags on day one but ignored them.
- Do you know why the communist takeover of russia lasted more than a year? It took more than one revolution.
- Oldie - -Communist China telegrams Soviet Russia Communist China:
WE ARE OUT OF FOOD. SEND GRAIN
Soviet reply:
WE ARE ALSO OUT OF FOOD. TIGHTEN YOUR BELTS
Communist China:
SEND BELTS - What type of fabric does communist Russia use? Lenin.
- Why was the communist so fast? He was russian.
(I know that russia isn't communist) - Why are Democrats so upset about Russian interference? Because Russia is no longer communist.
Silly Communist Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about communist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comrade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make communist pranks.
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Communists make the best snipers
They're natural Marx men.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're n**... and they're eating fruit.
The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.
The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can communists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.
After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo c**... con.
What do you call a passive communist country?
The so-be-it union (one of my original jokes)
Why can't Communists be programmers?
Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties
What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?
They both believe restarting it might work.
What would you call an ex-muslim turned communist?
Infidel Castro
After a fun night, he invited me to his place. But then I realized he was a communist.
I should've seen the red flags.
I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags...
...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a group of indifferent communists
A So-be-it Union
Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)
A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".
Why do communists hate schools?
Because schools have classes
What makes communist jokes so difficult?
You have to make sure that everyone gets them.
During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...
You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Give a communist a fish?
Feed them for a day
Teach a communist to fish
Now government has more fish
Two men at the Communist Nudist Colony are sitting on the porch...
One turns to the other and says, "I say old boy, have you read marx?"
The other says, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.
But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you give a s**... communist who did well on a test?
High Marx.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How much food does it take to kill a communist?
None.
Why do Communists Type in Lowercase Letters
Because they are anti-capitalism
Communist jokes arent funny.
Unless everyone gets them.
Have you heard of the leader of the bovine communist movement?
Cow Zedong, better known as Chairman Cow.
Great guy.
Had the most mooving speeches.
What do you call a communist dog?
Karl Barx
Shout-out to "Matt & Tom" for that 😊
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm training to be a s**... in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...
... I'll be the designated Marxman!
The only funny communist jokes are...
... the ones that everyone gets.
Why are communists always late to events?
Because they're Stallin'!
JK. It's cause they starved to death.
Why are communist jokes so good?
Everybody gets them
A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...
This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.
I was with my wife in Russia when it starts to drizzle
So I say to my wife "It's raining" she quickly responds (looking to start a fight) "Actually, I think it's snowing".
This goes back and forth for a few minutes when I notice my buddy Officer Rudolf of the communist national guard. I go over to him and ask, "Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
He glances over and replies, "raining, ofcourse".
I turn back to my wife and triumphantly announce, "See, Rudolf the red knows rain dear!"
Why can't communists drive stick?
They keep Stalin the engine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst thing about internet communists?
They spend all day trying to seize the memes of production.
What did the communist say when his van stopped working
I guess it's stalin
what do you call a communist karen?
sharon
How Many Communists does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?
Everybody.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A communist girl thought I was cute.
Next thing I know she seized my means of reproduction!
A man walked into a communist school...
only to find that they had no classes.
An old romanian joke that my grandfather keeps telling .
During the communist era in Romania the Security (secret police) was like the heart of the country.
They were just beating, and beating and beating.
Did you hear about the communist couple that went to a fertility clinic?
They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's true, Communists have swag...
Something We All Get...
So I went on a date with this girl last night
Things were going well, so we ended up back at her place. Then things started going REALLY well, and we ended up in her bedroom. I looked around and saw that she had a king sized bed with Communist Party sheets.
Now that's a big red flag.
What do German Communists and German Capitalists have in common?
They both love Marks
I asked my kitten who her favorite Chinese communist was.
She said "Mao".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
all cats are communist
they just wont stop talking about mao.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It always shocks me when people say republicans are anti-communists
With trying to make abortions i**..., get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is China a communist country?
Because nobody wants to hold an e**....
What is a communist grave called?
A maosoleum
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a communist couple having s**... after their first date?
Russian things.
I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...
[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.
What's 200 feet long and eats potatoes?
Communists waiting in line to buy meat.
A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.
The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.
A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.
'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.
'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.
'What's a sausage?' asked the Communist
