Following is our collection of soviet puns and capitalist one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Communism jokes for adults, dirty ussr jokes and clean stalin dad gags for kids.
There were a lot of red flags.
They are both fine, unless you like food
In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...
I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats
Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
It's Capitalized
They don't work either.
unless everyone gets it.
I had to share it with everyone
I told him, "I will not share."
There were red flags everywhere
I'd give it full Marx
I didn't steal this joke. This is *OUR* joke.
They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.
Because everyone would get the same Marx.
Unless everyone gets them
There were just so many red flags.
I never really got good Marx.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"
Food
But then I realized that to be more accurate it should be called an usus instead of a meme
After all, there were plenty of red flags.
It works for us.
No class and everybody shares her.
"Then Soviet"
People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.
There were red flags everywhere
So that it's not capitalized
Equally as funny as any other joke.
Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.
In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!
Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.
no class
There were a lot of red flags.
there were so many red flags
...and the father starts explaining:
"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it was a coup, and it wasn't in october, it was in november..."
"Jesus, dad, what a mess!" proclaims the son.
"Son, now you understand communism!"
...unless everyone gets it.
I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.
Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
Because it lost Marx.
- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
But only if everyone gets the joke.
The Leader was Stalin
[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.
The State seized the means of **re**production
> Sent from my iPhone 7
The bartender says We don't serve alcohol to people under 18
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!
These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.
The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"
To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"
In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.
Nah, I shouldn't - It's only funny if everyone gets it.
because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.
The idea sounds great unless you've actually been there.
Neither one works.
One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"
There is an abundance of engels jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes and communism puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any perestroika witze you can hear about communism.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.