Communism Jokes
128 communism jokes and hilarious communism puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about communism that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh and learn about the humorous differences between capitalism and communism with this collection of jokes. Discover jokes about the Gulag, Lenin, and the Soviet Union to gain insight into the history of communism.
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Funniest Communism Short Jokes
Short communism jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The communism humour may include short communist jokes also.
- We should've known about the failure of communism In retrospect, there were a lot of red flag...
- Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- People really should have known what was going to happen with Communism There were so many red flags
- If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it? They don't work either.
- In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . . . . . lousy Marx
- Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it. I didn't steal this joke. This is *OUR* joke.
- (Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common? They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.
- Difference between capitalism and communism Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite. - Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment? Because everyone would get the same Marx.
- What does the F in Communism stand for Food
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Communism One Liners
Which communism one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with communism? I can suggest the ones about socialism and communist russia.
- We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
- Veganism is like Communism They are both fine, unless you like food
- Why is Communism one of the most ironic words? It's Capitalized
- Communism's fall shouldn't have come as a surprise There were many red flags
- communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
- How did we not know that Communism was bad from the start? So many red flags.
- I wrote an essay on communism Teacher gave me good Marx.
- I wrote a poem about communism for my English class I had to share it with everyone
- My friend ask me for my thoughts on Communism I told him, "I will not share."
- Stalin should've known communism was a bad thing There were red flags everywhere
- Why did everyone hate communism? I'd give it full Marx
- I took a communism test today. I got full Marx
- Puns about communism aren't funny Unless everyone gets them
- It was obvious that Communism would fail. There were just so many red flags.
- I used to go to communism classes. I never really got good Marx.
Communism Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about communism you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean communist party jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make communism pranks.
'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke
One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...
[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.
What's the difference between communism and capitalism?
In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.
Two nudists are sitting on the porch
Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner.
After all, there were plenty of red flags.
Old Soviet Joke
Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
Communist Nudists
These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.
The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"
To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"
Communism and n**... beaches have one thing in common
The idea sounds great unless you've actually been there.
"If my country starts to veer towards communism"...
"Then Soviet"
Your Mother is like Communism...
Shared by everyone.
In high school, I presented a project on communism
I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.
Your Momma is like Communism
no class
Your mom is like Communism.
No class and everybody shares her.
What do a communist and communism itself have in common?
Neither one works.
Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.
> Sent from my iPhone 7
I was forced to drop out of communism class...
I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!
Since we are doing time period jokes: A Joke from the Great Depression.
Government: you have two cows
Socialism: You keep one cow's milk and the government takes the other and gives out its milk.
Communism: The government takes both cows and gives its milk away as it sees fit.
New Dealism: You get rid of both your cows and milk the government.
Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3
- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
Friend: "What's your opinion on communism?"
Me: "I don't want to share"
Russia should have known communism was a bad idea.
There were red flags everywhere!
Is there a difference between capitalism and communism?
Yes, in principle. With capitalism, man exploits man. But with communism, it is precisely the opposite.
Communism in Romania.
A homeless child walks into a Romanian store that has relatively empty shelves. He asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, if you don't mind, do you have any bread you can spare for someone hungry?"
The shopkeeper responds, "Sorry man, in this store we don't have any cheese. Next door is where they don't have any bread."
7 Great Wonders of Communism:
1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everything.
6. Despite everyone having everything, everyone remained a thief.
7. Despite the universal theft, no one was ever missing anything.
Why didn't people get laid during Communism?
The State seized the means of **re**production
Why was everyone named Ezekiel in the Soviet Union?
Because everyone Ezekiel in communism.
I dropped out of Communism class
Marx were bad.
You remind me of Communism
no class at all
in the next 50 years we will all be living under communism
because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.
Why did it Take so long For Russia to abolish Communism?
The Leader was Stalin
Under capitalism man exploits man...
Under communism the reverse is true
Wanna hear a joke about communism?
Nah, I shouldn't - It's only funny if everyone gets it.
Why are jokes about communism rarely funny?
Because they're only funny if *everybody* gets them.
What is communism?
- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats
What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism?
It's the order of events,
In Capitalism the dad goes missing and then kids report,
while in Communism kids report then dad goes missing.
A communist joke often told by Ronald Reagan
Two Russian friends were taking a walk downtown during the height of the Soviet Union. The one looks around at his country and says "is this it? Have we achieved peak Communism?"
The other responds "oh, no my friend, it gets much worse."
Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
Say what you want about communism.
...and you'll probably get poisoned.
A talented unemployed singer is like communism
Sounds good, doesn't work.
Its no wonder communism failed
there were so many red flags
Communism never killed anyone.
They died due to starvation.
Why did communism fail the exam?
Because it lost Marx.
Lenin should have known Communism would fail.
All the red flags were there.
Why should communism always be lower case?
So that it's not capitalized
My friend was giving a speech on the benefits of communism at an auditorium
But he kept Stalin
What's the difference between Communism and Capitalism?
In Communism the government owns and runs and collects everything.
In Capitalism you own and run things and the government collects it for you.
If communism would adapt English, they would adapt to British English.
ColOURs, FlavOURs, FavOURite and humOUR.
I did really well on my essay about communism.
People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.
No leader or government should establish communism in their country...
...after all, in history, there have been so many red flags.
We should've known communism was doomed to fall.
There were a lot of red flags.
If we have to force all surrounding nations into adopting communism, then so vi et
I see this go no upvotes and realize my russian pun went over your heads, next time I'll try tsarcasm
You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated
But communism? Everyone gets it
An old rabbi wants to leave the Soviet Union
So he goes to the emigration office. The clerk asks him why he wants to go.
Rabbi: There are two reasons. The first is that I'm afraid the Soviet Union will collapse someday. The people will then seek to blame someone for the crimes of Communism, and us Jews will become scapegoats once more.
Clerk: But this is nonsense, comrade. The Soviet Union can never fall.
Rabbi: Yeah, that would be the second reason.
Ahhh Communism
My favorite weight loss program
Communism is like a deadbeat dad.
No matter how much it could potentially do, it never works.
A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism
Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream! A man at the front whimpers, But I don't like strawberries and cream. The speaker thunders, Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!
There's this weird phenomenon when it comes to jokes about Communism...
They're not funny unless everyone gets them.
How funny are jokes about communism?
Equally as funny as any other joke.
Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.
You gotta love communism.
Or else.....
What's the difference between true communism and unhindered capitalism.
One spies on the people, removes privacy for the sake of the masses, and props up an establishment that serves only the lucky few.
And the other fortunately never caught on in America.
[A LITTLE SPICY] Why is Communism better than Fascism?
In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!
Communism jokes aren't funny
Except when everyone gets them
Communism doesn't work for me.
It works for us.
Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.
Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.
A joke about Communism isn't funny...
...unless everyone gets it.
