Communism Jokes

Following is our collection of soviet puns and capitalist one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Communism jokes for adults, dirty ussr jokes and clean stalin dad gags for kids.

The Best Communism Puns

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

Veganism is like Communism

They are both fine, unless you like food

We should've known about the failure of communism

In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...

Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats

Old Soviet Joke

Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?

His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

Why is Communism one of the most ironic words?

It's Capitalized

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it?

They don't work either.

communism jokes aren't funny

unless everyone gets it.

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

My friend ask me for my thoughts on Communism

I told him, "I will not share."

Stalin should've known communism was a bad thing

There were red flags everywhere

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.

I didn't steal this joke. This is *OUR* joke.

(Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common?

They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

Puns about communism aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them

It was obvious that Communism would fail.

There were just so many red flags.

I used to go to communism classes.

I never really got good Marx.

Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."

"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."

"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"

What does the F in Communism stand for


I made a meme about communism

But then I realized that to be more accurate it should be called an usus instead of a meme

They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner.

After all, there were plenty of red flags.

Communism doesn't work for me.

It works for us.

Your mom is like Communism.

No class and everybody shares her.

"If my country starts to veer towards communism"...

"Then Soviet"

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

Fact of the day: Stalin actually knew Communism won't work

There were red flags everywhere

Why should communism always be lower case?

So that it's not capitalized

How funny are jokes about communism?

Equally as funny as any other joke.

Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.

[A LITTLE SPICY] Why is Communism better than Fascism?

In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

Your Momma is like Communism

no class

We should've known communism was doomed to fall.

There were a lot of red flags.

Its no wonder communism failed

there were so many red flags

A little son asks his father what a communism is...

...and the father starts explaining:

"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it was a coup, and it wasn't in october, it was in november..."

"Jesus, dad, what a mess!" proclaims the son.

"Son, now you understand communism!"

A joke about Communism isn't funny...

...unless everyone gets it.

In high school, I presented a project on communism

I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.

Two nudists are sitting on the porch

Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.

Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3

- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner

It's okay to make jokes about Communism

But only if everyone gets the joke.

Why did it Take so long For Russia to abolish Communism?

The Leader was Stalin

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...

[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]

Have you tried Stalin bacon before?

*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*

Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

Why didn't people get laid during Communism?

The State seized the means of **re**production

Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7

5 people that think communism is good walk into a bar...

The bartender says We don't serve alcohol to people under 18

Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.

Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.

I was forced to drop out of communism class...

I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!

Communist Nudists

These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.

The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"

To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"

What's the difference between communism and capitalism?

In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.

Wanna hear a joke about communism?

Nah, I shouldn't - It's only funny if everyone gets it.

in the next 50 years we will all be living under communism

because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.

Communism and nude beaches have one thing in common

The idea sounds great unless you've actually been there.

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke

One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"

There is an abundance of engels jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes and communism puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any perestroika witze you can hear about communism.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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