There were a lot of red flags.
They are both fine, unless you like food
In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...
I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats
Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
It's Capitalized
They don't work either.
I had to share it with everyone
I told him, "I will not share."
There were red flags everywhere
I'd give it full Marx
They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.
Because everyone would get the same Marx.
Unless everyone gets them
There were just so many red flags.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"
I never really got good Marx.
There were a lot of red flags
Food
After all, there were plenty of red flags.
It works for us.
Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are riding on the great train of communism together when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin pokes his head out of the window and shouts, "Take the engineers behind the tool sheds and have them shot, then get new engineers!" But the train still does not move.
Khrushchev has a go at it next. "Pardon the engineers, retrain them, then put them back to work!" But still the train does not move.
Finally, after hours at complete standstill, Brezhnev turns to his fuming compatriots and says, "Gentlemen, let us simply close the blinds and pretend that we are moving!"
No class and everybody shares her.
"Then Soviet"
People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.
So that it's not capitalized
Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor
Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk
Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk
New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain
Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows
Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned
Binaryism: You have 10 cows
Equally as funny as any other joke.
Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.
In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!
no class
Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.
There were a lot of red flags.
Everyone should have known communism would fail, there were a lot of red flags!
there were so many red flags
...unless everyone gets it.
I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.
Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."
Because it lost Marx.
- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
The Leader was Stalin
[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.
> Sent from my iPhone 7
The State seized the means of **re**production
The bartender says We don't serve alcohol to people under 18
These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.
The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"
To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"
In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.
I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!
Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
Nah, I shouldn't - It's only funny if everyone gets it.
Josef Stalin, Nikita Khruschev, and Leonid Bresnev are riding together on a train headed towards Communism.
Suddenly the train grinds to a halt. The three leaders are annoyed, most of all Stalin, who immediately orders the train's personnel executed. Still, the train does not move.
Khruschev stands up and tells Stalin he is wrong and his way is the best way to restart the train. He has the crew posthumously reanimated. Still, the train does not move.
Now some time has gone by and the leaders are becoming irate, that is, except for Bresnev, who now believes he knows exactly how to restart the train and arrive at Communism.
He stands up and moves to the window of the train. He lifts the curtain and says, "Comrades, the best way to make it Communism is to look out this window, and pretend the train is moving."
The idea sounds great unless you've actually been there.
because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.
One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"
Neither one works.
Me: "I don't want to share"
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Communism? Well, here are the best Communism puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Communism pick up lines to share with friends.