communism Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious communism puns

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.


Veganism is like Communism

They are both fine, unless you like food


We should've known about the failure of communism

In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...


Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.


What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats


Old Soviet Joke

Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?

His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."


Why is Communism one of the most ironic words?

It's Capitalized


If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it?

They don't work either.


I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone


My friend ask me for my thoughts on Communism

I told him, "I will not share."


Stalin should've known communism was a bad thing

There were red flags everywhere


Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx


(Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common?

They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.


Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.


Puns about communism aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them


It was obvious that Communism would fail.

There were just so many red flags.


I used to go to communism classes.

I never really got good Marx.


Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."

"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."

"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"


We should have known Communism was going to fail...

There were a lot of red flags


What does the F in Communism stand for



They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner.

After all, there were plenty of red flags.


The great train of Communism grinds to a halt...

Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are riding on the great train of communism together when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin pokes his head out of the window and shouts, "Take the engineers behind the tool sheds and have them shot, then get new engineers!" But the train still does not move.

Khrushchev has a go at it next. "Pardon the engineers, retrain them, then put them back to work!" But still the train does not move.

Finally, after hours at complete standstill, Brezhnev turns to his fuming compatriots and says, "Gentlemen, let us simply close the blinds and pretend that we are moving!"


Your mom is like Communism.

No class and everybody shares her.


"If my country starts to veer towards communism"...

"Then Soviet"


I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.


Why should communism always be lower case?

So that it's not capitalized


Old, Russian

An old one...

Rambo Retard, the American, and Boris Bog, the Russian, are sitting in MacDonald's hamburger restaurant in Santa Fe, discussing communism.

"In America we have such freedom," claims Rambo Retard, stuffing his mouth with a cheeseburger. "For example, any man who wants to can walk right up to the steps of the White House and call President Bush an asshole!"

"Ah!" retorts Boris, the Russian. "We have equal freedom in Russia. Any man who wants to can walk right up to the steps of the Kremlin and call President Bush an asshole, too!"


How funny are jokes about communism?

Equally as funny as any other joke.

Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.


If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows


Your Momma is like Communism

no class


We should've known communism was doomed to fall.

There were a lot of red flags.


Its no wonder communism failed

there were so many red flags


Two nudists are sitting on the porch

Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."


In high school, I presented a project on communism

I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.


Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.


What are the most funny Communism jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Communism? Well, here are the best Communism dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Communism pick up lines to share with friends.

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