Communism Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

We should've known communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

Veganism is like Communism

They are both fine, unless you like food

We should've known about the failure of communism

In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...

Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work.

I mean, there were red flags everywhere.

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats

Old Soviet Joke

Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?

His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

Why is Communism one of the most ironic words?

It's Capitalized

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it?

They don't work either.

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

My friend ask me for my thoughts on Communism

I told him, "I will not share."

Stalin should've known communism was a bad thing

There were red flags everywhere

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

(Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common?

They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

Puns about communism aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them

It was obvious that Communism would fail.

There were just so many red flags.

Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."

"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."

"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a vodka, and *pretend* the train is running!"

I used to go to communism classes.

I never really got good Marx.

We should have known Communism was going to fail...

There were a lot of red flags

What does the F in Communism stand for


They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner.

After all, there were plenty of red flags.

Communism doesn't work for me.

It works for us.

The great train of Communism grinds to a halt...

Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are riding on the great train of communism together when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin pokes his head out of the window and shouts, "Take the engineers behind the tool sheds and have them shot, then get new engineers!" But the train still does not move.

Khrushchev has a go at it next. "Pardon the engineers, retrain them, then put them back to work!" But still the train does not move.

Finally, after hours at complete standstill, Brezhnev turns to his fuming compatriots and says, "Gentlemen, let us simply close the blinds and pretend that we are moving!"

Your mom is like Communism.

No class and everybody shares her.

"If my country starts to veer towards communism"...

"Then Soviet"

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

Why should communism always be lower case?

So that it's not capitalized

If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows

How funny are jokes about communism?

Equally as funny as any other joke.

Lol just spent the last 3 hours kinda piecing this together, hope someone likes it.

[A LITTLE SPICY] Why is Communism better than Fascism?

In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!

Your Momma is like Communism

no class

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

We should've known communism was doomed to fall.

There were a lot of red flags.


Everyone should have known communism would fail, there were a lot of red flags!

Its no wonder communism failed

there were so many red flags

A joke about Communism isn't funny...

...unless everyone gets it.

In high school, I presented a project on communism

I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.

Two nudists are sitting on the porch

Two older nudist men are sitting on the porch, having a discussion about communism. One man turns and says, "Have you read Marx?"
The other man replies, "Yes, I believe it's these wicker chairs."

Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.

Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3

- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner

Why did it Take so long For Russia to abolish Communism?

The Leader was Stalin

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...

[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]

Have you tried Stalin bacon before?

*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*

Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil.

> Sent from my iPhone 7

Why didn't people get laid during Communism?

The State seized the means of **re**production

5 people that think communism is good walk into a bar...

The bartender says We don't serve alcohol to people under 18

Communist Nudists

These two guys were sitting outside at a nudist colony. After talking for a while, they discovered they were both believers in Communism.

The first one said to the other
"You seem very familiar with this. Have you read Marx?"

To which the second replied, "Yes, and I think it's from sitting in these wicker chairs!"

What's the difference between communism and capitalism?

In the former, man exploits man, in the latter, it's exactly the opposite.

I was forced to drop out of communism class...

I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!

Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government.

Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.

Wanna hear a joke about communism?

Nah, I shouldn't - It's only funny if everyone gets it.

Russian history joke, maybe not for everyone but my Soviet studies professor told it in class and I had to share.

Josef Stalin, Nikita Khruschev, and Leonid Bresnev are riding together on a train headed towards Communism.

Suddenly the train grinds to a halt. The three leaders are annoyed, most of all Stalin, who immediately orders the train's personnel executed. Still, the train does not move.

Khruschev stands up and tells Stalin he is wrong and his way is the best way to restart the train. He has the crew posthumously reanimated. Still, the train does not move.

Now some time has gone by and the leaders are becoming irate, that is, except for Bresnev, who now believes he knows exactly how to restart the train and arrive at Communism.

He stands up and moves to the window of the train. He lifts the curtain and says, "Comrades, the best way to make it Communism is to look out this window, and pretend the train is moving."

Communism and nude beaches have one thing in common

The idea sounds great unless you've actually been there.

in the next 50 years we will all be living under communism

because when AI will enslave us we will all be **equally** miserable.

'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke

One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

Friend: "What's your opinion on communism?"

Me: "I don't want to share"

What are the funniest communism jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Communism? Well, here are the best Communism puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Communism pick up lines to share with friends.

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