Communion Jokes
43 communion jokes and hilarious communion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about communion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Communion Short Jokes
Short communion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The communion humour may include short confession jokes also.
- At church in Russia they have Communionism. Jesus broke bread and said "This is my body..." The Russian apostle cuts him off and says "Nyet, it is 'our' body".
- Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers. They call them "I can't believe it's not Jesus"
- Did you hear about the priest who gave his congregation noodles instead of wafers for communion? He was a Ramen Catholic.
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Food contamination scandal hits the church.
Communion wafers found to contain 0% Christ. - I am banned from my church livestream Apparently dunking a pizza crust into a full glass of wine and then chugging it is not acceptable for holy communion.
- My local church recently started offering gluten-free communion wafers.... They're called "I can't believe it's not Jesus"
- What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic? The strength of the communion wine.
- What did the body-building priest say after he was caught eating all the communion? I was putting on Mass.
- Did you hear about the New Age Catholic Church? They've got an organic gluten-free Communion wafer ... It's called I Can't Believe it's not Jesus!
- I told my nephew to enjoy his first holy communion... It might be the last time that Jesus is in his mouth unless he spends time in a Mexican prison.
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Communion One Liners
Which communion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with communion? I can suggest the ones about communism and prayer.
- When there is some wine leftover from communion, it doesn't get wasted... The vicar does.
- Why do churches use wine for communion? Because everyone's tired of shots
- Have you heard there's a new low fat communion wafer? I can't believe it's not Jesus!
- Why did Timmy drink all the communion wine? He wanted to be filled with the holy spirit.
- What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp? A communion wafer
- Why did the communion bread call the police? It was broke in two.
- What do Spanish priests put on the communion bread? Soy sauce
- What do you call a cross between Communism and Theocracy? Communionism
- Do You Know What Hannibal the Cannibal's Favorite Food Was? Communion wafers.
- You know how I know Jesus was white? The communion wafer tastes like a c**....
Communion Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny communion bread jokes and even better communion bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Christianity became a thing in Westeros. In communion, they say... "What is bread may never rise"
- Communion bread on Amazon is $13 for 2.3oz. At 7 packages per pound and assuming a middle eastern mans adult weight at ~140lbs, $12,740 buys you one Christ.
Comical Communion Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about communion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean congregation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make communion pranks.
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister
A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it.
After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion."
The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river."
The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
I got my kid baptized yesterday
Priest: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?
Me: I do
Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any s**... misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?
Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!
Priest: Too late! You said it!
Anyone who thinks Jesus wasn't a white man has never been to communion
The body of Christ is a c**....
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
Apparently they've come out with low-fat communion wafers
Yeah. They called it *I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus*.
My local priest thinks he's ugly, so ugly in fact he's decided to wear a mask when he offers holy communion. Certainly is a blessing in disguise.
A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to find out who is the best at their job.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
Converting bears
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
The priest begins. When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
How not to convert a bear
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. (a classic)
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who's best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds
a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the
circumcision.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi wanted to see who's the best at his job.
So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.
I found a bear by the stream, says the minister, and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.
