Communion Jokes

Following is our collection of jesus puns and catholic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Communion jokes for adults, dirty methodist jokes and clean holey dad gags for kids.

The Best Communion Puns

Anyone who thinks Jesus wasn't a white man has never been to communion

The body of Christ is a cracker.

I got my kid baptized yesterday

Priest: Β Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?

Me: I do.

Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?

Me: I do.

Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body andΒ life everlasting?

Me: I do

Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any sexual misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?

Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!

Priest: Too late! You said it!

Here in California Catholics use non-fat, high fiber communion wafers.

They call them "I can't believe it's not Jesus"


Food contamination scandal hits the church.

Communion wafers found to contain 0% Christ.

When there is some wine leftover from communion, it doesn't get wasted...

The vicar does.


My local church recently started offering gluten-free communion wafers....

They're called "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

Why do churches use wine for communion?

Because everyone's tired of shots

Have you heard there's a new low fat communion wafer?

I can't believe it's not Jesus!

What did the body-building priest say after he was caught eating all the communion?

I was putting on Mass.

Did you hear about the New Age Catholic Church? They've got an organic gluten-free Communion wafer ...

It's called I Can't Believe it's not Jesus!

You know how I know Jesus was white?

The communion wafer tastes like a Cracker.


Communion bread on Amazon is $13 for 2.3oz. At 7 packages per pound and assuming a middle eastern mans adult weight at ~140lbs, $12,740 buys you one Christ.

Why did Timmy drink all the communion wine?

He wanted to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

I told my nephew to enjoy his first holy communion...

It might be the last time that Jesus is in his mouth unless he spends time in a Mexican prison.

Christianity became a thing in Westeros. In communion, they say...

"What is bread may never rise"

Apparently they've come out with low-fat communion wafers

Yeah. They called it *I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus*.

There is an abundance of wafer jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 17 funniest jokes and communion puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any christ witze you can hear about communion.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes