communication Jokes

funny communication jokes and hilarious stories

WHAT ARE THE BEST COMMUNICATION JOKES

Communication jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the best communication jokes to have fun with friends and family. Top 10 Communication jokes of all time along with the funniest communication sayings and gags ever told.

Yo mama so dumb that when she looked in a mirror she yelled stop copying me.

What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I'll show you my nuts.

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C."
Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

Instead of "Who's your daddy" I accidentally said, "How's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol.

I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

You mama so bugle one detection went the other derection.

Why do white peope call a Indians paiutes? Cuz paiutes was a Indians first words and they were like 30yrs old!

I don't like the term "anal bleaching".
I prefer "changing your ringtone."

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

WHAT ARE Communication JOKES ABOUT?

Communication is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about communication.

Are Communication jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring communication joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also view communication jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with communication jokes on YouTube.

FUNNY COMMUNICATION JOKES

What are the funniest communication jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best communication funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 871 jokes that are about communication.

I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

What's your best non swearing insult? I hope you step on a lego.

Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.

They say sex is a killer...
Do you want to die happy?

Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.

If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney.

A guy and a girl are roommates in college.
The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and:
Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..."
Her: "Really?!"
Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?"
Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore."
Him: "Great! So he's available?"

My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat."
"You're much bigger than that."

My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me.
On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen.
Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational.
He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing.
The guy goes up close to the cage.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down."
The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."

What do you call a bunch of black people in an elevator? A box of chocolate.

A girl married with a man who had only one foot.
Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?"
Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!"
Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."

Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"

I called in sick this morning on account of diarrhea. My boss told me to get my shit together.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.

Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert?
A: "Yes, the red wire."

A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down.
He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring.
As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?"
To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!"
And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"

What did the chicken say when it got to the library? "Book book book book book book book..."

If you understand English, press 1.
If you do not understand English, press 2.

I went to a party and met apple there. I asked him to buy me a vodka, but Damn! He gave me a fruit punch.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!"

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

What's the name of the latest gay sitcom? "Leave it, it's Beaver."

I like the sound of you not talking.

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"

There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain.
One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police.
The police picked up the phone, and said hello.
Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody."
Police: "Sorry!"
Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody"
Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?"
Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody"
Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?"
Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."

Sex is when a guys communication,
enters a girls information,
to increase the population,
for a younger generation,
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration.

Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".

Please spread the word. Sure, no problem! W o r d.

Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time?
A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!

What do you call a mountain where people never sleep? Mt Neverest.

I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

My wife pissed me off in my dream. When I woke up and told her about it she said it was probably something I started so I ended up apologizing and bought her flowers.

Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them.
One nun says "God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!"
The second nun says "Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!"

I don't believe in myths like the one that states you have a brain.

Autocorrect is Freudian slip of smartphone age.

Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!

Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."
Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."

What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey!"

Scissors are told not to run with Chuck Norris.

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888. So when someone asks for it, tell them it's 12345678.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me,
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.

What did the pirate say when he found someone? I sea you!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W-H-O.

I'd stand in a room amongst a group of people and say "hey do you guys want to see a joke?" Then walk out of the room, then walk back in whilst presenting myself in a grand fashion. "Et voila."

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing. It's always, "Is Pepsi okay?"

Why isn't necrophilia bad? I've never heard a corpse complain.

If your coworker has a picture of herself and her dog labeled "Beauty and the Beast" you shouldn't ask her which one is which.

What did the Asian parent say during the DNA test? That's Yu!

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant.
The steak did what it was told.

I'm at a McDonalds and their phone just rang. I have to assume whoever is making that call is a completely unstable human being.

My dad used to say "Always fight fire with fire." Probably explains why he was thrown out of the Fire Service.

Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."

I could make jokes about fences, but they are offencive.

A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.

My girl always tells me "Life is about the little things", but I just hate when she talks about her Ex.

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
"You mean J.C?", responds the alien.
"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"

A man is walking through a graveyard when he sees another man squatting next to a grave. "Morning!" he calls out. "No, just taking a shit!"

What's a word that begins with a N and ends with a R you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."

Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.

A lady goes to the doctor, and says:
"Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?"
The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first."
So the lady takes her clothes off.
Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back."
A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it.
The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?"
And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.

Why can't the bank keep a secret? It has too many tellers!

Imagine saying hello to a dog in a normal conversational voice.

A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words.
Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

I received a call from the school telling me my son is constantly lying. I said "Tell him he's a good liar. I don't have a son."

Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!

Why did the Investigator question the flat iron? To straighten things out.

I must have a nice butt, because, everytime I'm walking away from talking to someone they say "What an ass?"

My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!

Q: Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?
A: Time will tell.

Q: What was the world's first palindrome?
A: Madam, I'm Adam.

"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.

There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said
"I bet I can walk across the water."
He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said
"They did it that means I do it." ,
He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?"
Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"

Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!"
Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."

When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open."
So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper.
He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open."
Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open!
Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."

What cheese would you use to entice a bear out of the woods? Camembert.
What cheese is made backwards? Edam.
Best cheese to use to disguise a horse? Marscaponie.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can't really talk about it.

My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don't think she'd be a good secret agent.

What did the doctor say to the alcoholic? Keep taking the Pils.

How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.

Yesterday I lost my pen.
Today I saw it in my girlfriend's hand When I told her: "My PEN IS in your hand."
She began to laugh.
I don'nt why...

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best communication jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 871 jokes about communication. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty communication jokes to your kids.

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