Communicate Jokes
94 communicate jokes and hilarious communicate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about communicate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Don't be afraid to laugh even if you're not sure of the joke. Discover how important it is to communicate jokes and why failure to socialize can lead to missed syncs and becoming mute.
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Funniest Communicate Short Jokes
Short communicate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The communicate humour may include short communication jokes also.
- Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- How do viking ships communicate with each other? Norse code
I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up - If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.
- What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
- The first rule of thesaurus club is... You do not talk, speak, communicate, orate, or converse about thesaurus club
- Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house... it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...
- I got fired from work today.. My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn't know what to say to that. - My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating. I didn't know how to respond.
- My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing. He was a medium.
- Why do you have to use email to communicate with a flat earther? You can't reach them with fax.
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Communicate One Liners
Which communicate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with communicate? I can suggest the ones about speak and negotiate.
- How did pirates communicate before the internet? Pier to Pier Networking
- How do Knights communicate ? Chain mail
- How do people from Wisconsin communicate with each other? Milwaukee-talkies
- How do gangsters receive communications? Gmail
- How do guilt-ridden spies communicate with each other? Remorse code
- What do solstices use to communicate? Sun-dial-up!
- How do trees communicate? They bark.
- I hate the part of the conversation where the other person says things.
- How does Zlatan communicate with animals? In Zlatan-guage!
- How does a tree like to communicate on the first day of spring? It branches out!
- My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.. Jack and the beans talk.
- Have you seen Stephen Hawking's new communication device? It really speaks for itself.
- How do triangles communicate? Sin language
- How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to Aye!
- What is Thor's favorite method of communication? Norse code.
Failure To Communicate Jokes
Here is a list of funny failure to communicate jokes and even better failure to communicate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Laughter Communicate Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about communicate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comprehend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make communicate pranks.
A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room.
In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry.
"I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!"
With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish.
Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need."
With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts."
With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama is so s**... when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having s**.
...
"Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom.
"Making a cake" his mom replies.
Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks.
"Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried.
"Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.
My name is John but you can call me tonight.
Wife to husband: "I'm pregnant!"
Husband: "You're kidding me!"
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Bubba n' Buford IV
Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but not in east Texas. Buford with a puzzled look on his face responded "ID 'bout what?"
Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...
Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.
How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.
After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar."
Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!"
Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."
What letter do pirate's hate the most?
Dear Charter Internet Customer:
Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.
What are the three fastest forms of communication?
Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman.
TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.
Whoops, wrong sub.
How do billboards communicate?
Sign language
Trump got angry with computers again...
Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.
Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:
"Alternative Fax"
How did the Scandinavian countries communicate during WW2?
Norse code
What device did God use to communicate with millennials?
A tablet.
But not from Apple.
My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
What language did the Viking secret service use to communicate in secret?
Norse code.
How do you lose your wife, your kid, and your job in one week?
Become the White House Communications Director.
A Scientist is with his peer
The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."
How does the ghost of a janitor communicate with the living world?
Squeegee board
How to blackboards communicate?
They chalk to each other
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
How do you communicate with fish?
You drop them a line.
Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad
neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the zoo with my daughter.
She said, "Daddy! Why are the monkeys throwing their p**... around?"
I said, "I don't know, honey. I guess it's their way of communicating."
She said, "Well, they're certainly eating their words now."
The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.
Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.
What do you call it when the Pope sends letters to his forbidden past lovers?
Ex-communication
Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate
Clearly they weren't on the same page.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.
Let's give them all a moment of silence.
A joke about eggs
An egg soldier is on a battlefield, trying to make contact with the egg commander.
"Sir, can you hear me?"
"Yes but there's a large amount of static on your end."
"Just as I thought."
"What do you mean, corporal?"
"Our communications have been scrambled."
How do sad people communicate?
Morose code.
How do pigs communicate?
Swine language
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kevin Bridges bus stop joke
I am a bus stop, ready on a bus, whilst a pleasant madman confirmed up.
He changed into throughout the road. He shouted “Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”.
Now whilst u are at a bus stop, at midnight, and a person instigates a communication with
“Hoi u, Hoi u,…, Ai u ”,…, you type a,…,s**... yourself!
You try to preserve your head down. Then the fellow shouts: “Oi fats boy!”.
I’m status there, searching at the two different human beings on the bus stop. I’m looking to discern out their BMI!
But beside me had been those 2 thin pensioner types.
I wager this one’s for me!
And the fellow said: “Fat boy. Give me a quid,…,or you’re getting stabbed!”
And I thought,…,a quid ? That is,…,pretty reasonable! Panic over!
I mean, I’ve by no means been stabbed, however I can believe it being really inconvenient.
You’d be blanketed in blood, need to visit the hospital, and be b**... and emotionally traumatized.
And here,…,we’ve were given a gentleman,…,providing me the threat to skip this sort of horrendous ordeal,…,
In this contemporary economic climate,…, for a trifling pound!
Now I’m a s**... for a bargain!
In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia's first internet.
And the speed of communication hasn't changed since.
Fedex
Fedex is like my ex, no communication, no respect for my stuff, it never seems to come and somehow it makes me think it's my fault.
Got home unannounced from college to find my parents had taken a vacation and not left the keys behind. Not a problem though, all I've got to do is talk to the door lock...
... because communication is key
My wife left me this morning...
My wife left me this morning. She said that I never communicate with her properly or let her know how I feel about things.
I didn't know what to say.
How do cells communicate with each other?
Cellphones!
My best friend with dwarfism started communicating with spirits...
My best friend with dwarfism started communicating with spirits. We were both happy for him.
He finally became a medium
Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?
Dear Mr Redbeard,
It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.
As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Court to face charges on the time and date so indicated below.
Regards,
J. L. Peabody
Chief Video Piracy Investigator
Two ghosts were arguing...
Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communicate with them properly.
Beginning to get frustrated, he turned away from the table and exclaimed under his breath,
"I'm going to have to find them a happy medium to get them to agree".
132 is my favorite number
the sum of all 2-digit numbers one can make from 132 results in 132. 132 is the smallest number with that property.
that's cool.
But it's my favorite because the response I give to many people is 132 in binary and I communicate binary using my fingers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Smith family is having a reunion.
The matriarch is a 110 year old woman who is confined to a wheelchair and cannot speak, so she uses a pen and notepad to communicate.
While watching her great grandchildren play, she begins to leeeaaan to the left. So cousin Joe lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her left side. Later she begins to leeeaaan to the right, so cousin John lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her right side.
Later, Uncle Bob approaches and asks if she's enjoying the family reunion. She takes out her notepad and slowly writes, "They won't let me f**..."
Seminar
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men: For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower? Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it? The rest of the story is not pleasant.
Three archaeologists met in a seminar.
The British said: we dug very deep and found sculpted animal bones. This proves that my ancestors invented art.
The German said: we dug very deep and found a plate-size disk showing the solar system. This proves that my ancestors invented astronomy.
The Italian said: we dug very deep and didn't find any wires. This proves that my ancestors invented wifi communication.
