Communicate Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

The first rule of thesaurus club is...

You do not talk, speak, communicate, orate, or converse about thesaurus club

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

A Scientist is with his peer

The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"

The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"

The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.

The peer says, "What is he saying?"

The scientist says, "Woof."

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

"On what grounds?"

"Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees."

"No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?"

"Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage."

^(getting exasperated) "Does he beat you up?"

"No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he doesn't get up until after I've left for work."

"WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

"We just can't seem to communicate."

How do trees communicate?

They bark.

How do triangles communicate?

Sin language

Trump got angry with computers again...

Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.

Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:


"Alternative Fax"

How do you communicate with fish?

You drop them a line.

How do billboards communicate?

Sign language

What language did the Viking secret service use to communicate in secret?

Norse code.

How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

Sine language!

How does Mario communicate with Boos?

He uses a Luigi board.

How does the ghost of a janitor communicate with the living world?

Squeegee board

How to blackboards communicate?

They chalk to each other

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

I can communicate via smoke signals but I can only say one thing.

"We are having a fire"

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a quiet place and talk to him. If you want to see him, send him a text while driving."

How do turtles communicate?

With shell phones.

How did the Scandinavian countries communicate during WW2?

Norse code

What's a mathematician's favorite way to communicate?

Sine language.

If your mom could communicate with the dead

she would be an extra large.

What did the Hershey's bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate?

S'mores Code

Bubba n' Buford IV

Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but not in east Texas. Buford with a puzzled look on his face responded "ID 'bout what?"

A thought about Del Toro's The Shape of Water

The Shape of Water is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a plucky protagonist dodging authority.

However, the protagonist also has a love scene with him.

You could say that this is *BestialE.T.*

COMPUTERS: SHE OR HE?

COMPUTERS: SHE OR HE?

Why computers seem female:
-- No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
-- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
-- The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
-- Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
-- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories.

Why computers seem male:
-- They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
-- They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they are the problem.
-- As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
-- In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
-- Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

What device does Mario use to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.

What language does a Southerner use to communicate with a Mexican?

Espan-*ya'll*.

How do prisoners communicate?

CELL-phones

a really bad joke i made up and thought it should be shared with everyone.

Q.how do dogs communicate?



A. by pee-mail

How Do Avocados Communicate?

With Guac-ie-talkies!

What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought?

Moose Code.

How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours?

Cell phones.

I was abducted by aliens last night

I tried to communicate, but I didn't know Spanish

I had sex with a quadriplegic girl.

She could only communicate with beeps. 1 for yes and 2 for no, but she was really into it. She keep going "Yes yes. Yes yes. Yes yes..."

Why can't dwarfs sing?

Because they can't reach the high notes.

Bonus: how does dwarves communicate?

Smalltalk.

How did Viking ships communicate?

Norse code.

The Pope and the most renowned Rabbi are having a discussion...

...But neither of them speak a common language, and they want the meeting to be private. So the two icons decide to attempted to speak in their own signs to communicate.
The Pope starts by making a circular motion over with his hand
The Rabbi responds by pointing down at the ground
The Pope holds up 3 fingers
The Rabbi holds up 1
The Pope took out the wine and wafers
The Rabbi took out an apple
Then the two went their separate ways, the priests talked with the Pope and asked, "Well? What happened?" "He had me beat at every turn," The Pope responded, "I waved my hand around to say God is everywhere and he pointed down to say God is here, I held up 3 fingers to symbolize the Father, the Son, and The Holy Ghost, He held up one to say There is one God. I showed him the Body and Blood of Christ, and he showed me an Apple to remind me of Eve's original sin."

The Rabbi then went back to the other Rabbis and told of his experience "I don't quite know what happened," He said, "I waved his arm around to say 'Get out of here' so I pointed down to tell him I'm staying he gave me 3 seconds to get out so I gave him the finger, then he showed me his lunch so I showed him mine"

What animal can a cow communicate with?

A MOOse.

Alien arrives on Earth

and goes to communicate with humans.
He enters a bar, men there are drinking vodka.
"I am from Sirius" alien starts.
"Hey, barkeep! Pour Sirius a shot"
Everyone drinks a shot, after a while alien starts again:
"You didn't understand me. I am from Sirius"
"Hey, bartender! Pour Sirius another one"
After the second shot already slightly drunk alien starts again:
"Didn't you understand? I am an alien"
Men looks between them and yells to the bartender:
"Sirius had enough. He is drunk already"

How does a deaf Gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips.

How do prison inmates communicate with each other?

With their cell phones

There was once a man who had a curse put on him by a witch....

There was once a man who had a curse put on him by a witch because he insulted her. With this curse he could only communicate by saying one word per year, or, if he didn't speak for several years he could build up a sentence.


Several years after being cursed, he meets the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He waits 2 years just so he can say 'My darling' to this woman as a way of showing expressing to her his intentions.


After waiting 2 years he realises that he is in love with this woman and so he decides to wait another 3 years in order to tell her this.


Having waited for 5 years to talk to this woman, he is committed to marrying her so he waits a further 4 years to ask her to marry him.


Finally, having waited 9 years he approaches his love and says, 'My Darling, I love you. Will you marry me?' With a dainty hand she brushes her hair behind her ear, turns to him with a loving smile and says, 'Pardon?'

How do an American and Russian communicate without a translator?

Using Korean.

How do skeletons communicate?

A cell bone.

*just got it off a popsicle.

I think I may have met my new bestest friend!

While driving home, I eventually reached a red light. When I turned around, a cute foreign looking girl tried to communicate with me by writing me a note, and I think we really clicked. I think we are destined to meet again one day. By the way, does anybody know what "Help" means in foreign?

How do wheelchair users communicate at long distances?

Not with walkie talkies

What do Han and Chewbacca use to communicate?

A wookiee talkie.

How do speakers of Dutch, English, French and Danish communicate with each other?

They speak Mumble-Saxon.

John, the simulation is over.

This is not a drill. Please wake up John. You have to wake up now. This is the only way we can communicate to you. Don't worry, only you can see this.

How do you communicate with deceased Nintendo characters at Halloween

With a Luigi Board

How do Osteoclasts communicate with monocytes?

Cell phones

You hear about the new super hero that is also a politician?

He can communicate in every language..

He is..

The Cunning Linguist

During the 80's, many college students from Eastern Bloc countries - Poland, Hungary, and Romania met each other at a summer camp

Sitting around the campfire after supper, these young people tried their best to communicate with each other (Polish, Hungarian, and Romanian are totally not related), ultimately having to resort to some kind of sign language

Then one dude got an idea: Hey, we all learned Russian in high school, why don't we try speaking in Russian?

… After a brief, thoughtful thinking and pause … everyone returned back to that sign language

How do street urchins communicate with each other?

Gutterskype.

How would your grandmother communicate with you if she knew you liked Pokemon?

She would Raichu.

My wife can communicate to me across the house with just a glance.

I call it our 'wife-eye' network.

Grandma

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where
the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when
she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to
the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again
the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again
grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi
Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the
nephew: "They won't let me fart."

New Jimmy Johns stickers at work.

our new sandwhich stickers say "i woke up like this". I am puzzled. Our bread is pretty hard, did it wake up hard? whats going on here, and what is this sub trying to communicate to me. i thought this was platonic.

GDrive to store, GMail to letter, GTalk to communicate,

GSpot to, well you know :-)

Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...

Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...

What did the squirrel say to the tree?

Nothing. Squirrels and trees don't communicate with each other.

How do Vikings communicate?

Norse code!

Police are looking for an escaped convict who is 4 feet tall and can communicate with ghosts.

He is a small medium at large.

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

Some fish communicate by farting

Some old farts communicate by fishing

What are the funniest communicate jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Communicate? Well, here are the best Communicate puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Communicate pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes