Commotion Jokes
23 commotion jokes and hilarious commotion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about commotion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Commotion Short Jokes
Short commotion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The commotion humour may include short chaos jokes also.
- what's all this commotion in Israel? i don't know, the media is confusing. all I can tell is that the struggle isreal
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Commotion One Liners
Which commotion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with commotion? I can suggest the ones about havoc and rowdy.
- What kind of noise does a train make? A low commotion.
- Why aren't trains in the Cars universe? Because they cause a low commotion.
- A boy walks into confession.... a short commotion later the lad limps back out
Comical Commotion Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about commotion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean noisy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make commotion pranks.
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
I finally caught her.
I jumped into a cab and asked the driver to follow my wife's car. From a safe distance, I saw her turn into the motel parking lot. I told the cabbie, "I'll pay you an extra $100 if you go in there and bring her out."
Without hesitating, he jumped out of the car and trotted to the motel. After a few minutes, during which I could hear a lot of commotion, he came back to the car, dragging a woman by the arm. "Hey, what gives?", I protested. "This isn't my wife!" "I know, she's mine. I'll be right back with yours."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.
One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!
A man goes for a walk...
and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and peers through the wall silence falls over the yard and a long stick gets shoved through the hole and pokes him in the eye
"4! 4! 4! 4! 4!"
A giant pickle walks into a bar..
and everyone in the bar starts wanting to take selfies with him and buy him drinks. Once all the commotion settles, the bartender asks him why everyone was surrounding him to which the pickle replies, "Well, I'm kind of a big dill"
Putin steps away from the war room to use the restroom...
As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is.
He asks the next in command the situation: "ICBM Mr President!"
Putin replies "I WAS IN A HURRY, I DIDNT WIPE!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Translated (badly) Goulash is sitting and relaxing in the stomach...
Goulash is sitting and relaxing in the stomach, when suddenly a tequila falls in. He shrug it off and continue to relax, but after a while a r**... falls in and join them.
He do some smalltalk but in general isn't much interested, so he continue to relax on his own. Then v**... falls in and joins.
He clearly annoyed by all this commotion asks "what the h**... is going on up there?"
"You don't know? There is this huge party" says the v**....
"Yeah? I need to check it out." says the goulash as he starts climbing up.
There's only one mother.
Little Johnny got an assignment to write an essay for homework. The title of the essay: There's only one mother. He proceeded to write:
"When I came home from school, I stumbled over my dad that was passed out drunk in front of the door. I heard the commotion upstairs so I ran up to check. I found my mom in bed with our neighbor. Mom asked me to get two bottles of beer from the fridge. I went downstairs, opened the fridge and there was only one bottle, so I shouted "There's only one, mother!""
A Nigerian man.
*A Nigerian man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, Give him some water, it will help. Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board… (Translation: Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)
Heaven is celebrating
A man was waiting at the Pearly Gates, when he noticed a commotion, suddenly a choir of angels start singing and the whole place is rejoicing.
What's going on? He asked.
Soon a man whose deeds and actions were greatly admired by God, will be joining us and we're anticipating the arrival of this great human, who did more to spread prayer and joy than any other!
Ah, yes, I had heard that the Pope died.
Who cares about a freaking Pope? I'm talking about Pele!
Jack walked into a bar...
He sits down and orders a drink.
He sees familiar faces around the bar, like his good old friend Gerald.
He tried to get up from his seat, but he was stuck.
Gerald noticed the commotion and went to help.
Gerald helped his friend, Jack, off.
Fourth Grade Logic
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Arty
Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly m**... her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET
So a cannibalistic couple are try to decide what to have for supper one night...
When they hear a knocking at their front door. The husband opens the door where he sees a little boy crying. The kid then says, "Help me I'm lost, my name is Stuart and I live on 3rd street!" The wife hears the commotion and walks over to see what's going on, and the husband turns to her and says, " I guess we're having stew tonight."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Larry, the clumsy carpenter, was using his tablesaw and leaned in close to check he was following the line he had marked on the plank.
ZANNGGG! His left ear gets neatly severed, tumbles through the air and lands in the pile of sawdust.
Screaming in pain and panic, Larry drops to the ground, one hand pressed against his head and the other sifting through the sawdust.
Joe, hearing the commotion, races over to help. When Larry tells him what happened Joe starts searching too.
Suddenly Joe pulls a b**... left ear from the sawdust, "Is this it Larry?", he asks.
Larry takes a look and then goes back to searching.
"Nah, mine had a pencil behind it."