Common Jokes
167 common jokes and hilarious common puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about common that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From puns to parodies, discover the most common jokes told around the world. Learn how ubiquitous humor is among different societies, and be sure to know the differences between similar jokes from one culture to another. Explore why jokes get accused of bad common sense or common core math. Can jokes really cause a common cold? Find out in this article about the widespread prevalence of comedy.
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Funniest Common Short Jokes
Short common jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The common humour may include short usual jokes also.
- What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- What do kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
- You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody? That's common sense leaving your body.
- What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common? They all have *contractions*.
- What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get
- What do Green eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
- What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
- What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one.
- A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
- What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
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Common One Liners
Which common one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with common? I can suggest the ones about ordinary and general.
- What do Incel and excel have in common? Misinterpreting something as a date.
- What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke] - What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.
- What language is most commonly used in programming? Profanity.
- What does a church in Helsinki have in common with Mortal Kombat? Finnish Hymn!!
- What do all these Leonardo DiCaprio jokes have in common? They're all so childish..
- What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common? They both lost their vision
- What do men and women have in common? Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.
- What do you call a group of people with something in common, but hate each other? drivers
- What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn o into an O .
- Mathematics is 90% common sense, the other half is intelligence.
- What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common? They both got rich off of Tesla.
- What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No *ball*room
- What do Christians and mice have in common? They both worship cheeses
- What do two communists have in common? Everything
Things In Common Jokes
Here is a list of funny things in common jokes and even better things in common puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do men and Excel have in common? They're always automatically turning things into dates when they're not.
- Jesus and me have one thing in common: more and more people stop beliveing in me
- My dog and I have one thing in common. Neither one of us wants me to go to work.
- What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? When you're done with the breast and thighs, the only thing left is a greasy box to put your bone in
- My crush and I have a lot in common One thing is that we both like her but none of us like me.
- My girlfriend says she doesn't trust me I guess that's just one more thing she has in common with my wife.
- Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common... They all follow the path of least resistance
- Speed dating Her: I hate it when people get excited when they find out they have smallest thing in common.
Me: Oh my God! Me too! - What do your room and the Bermuda Triangle have in common? Things mysteriously disappear there.
- Jesus and Michelin Star chefs have one thing in common They can both feed 5,000 people with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fish
Common Sense Jokes
Here is a list of funny common sense jokes and even better common sense puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people
- What is the fear of chainsaws called? Common sense
- What do Logan Paul and the kid from The Sixth Sense have in common? Their careers ended after seeing dead people.
- What is the phobia of "getting married" called? Common sense.
- First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense. Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!
- What do you call a phobia of machetes? Common sense
- In tech support, we get asked questions that seem like common sense. Today I told a guy "CTRL-P"... ...but he didn't make it to the bathroom.
- What's another name for an irrational fear of clowns? Common sense.
- What do Mount Everest and The Sixth Sense have in common? They both have icy dead people.
- What do The Sixth Sense and Mount Everest have in common? Icy dead people!
Common Cold Jokes
Here is a list of funny common cold jokes and even better common cold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do a neckbeard and a cold beverage have in common? They get sweaty sitting at room temperature.
- Why didn't the other viruses hang out with The Common Cold? Because he is a bad influenza
- What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common? Cold turkey
- What do girls and cold fusion have in common? Science still doesn't understand either of them.
- What do Elsa and a necrophiliac have in common? The cold never bothered them anyway......
- What do a wife and an old car have in common? It's hard to get them to turn over on a cold morning
- Funny joke What does an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both like to go home and pound cold ones. - What does an Alaskan accountant and sociopath have in common? They're both cold and calculating.
- Why are simple jokes like a common cold? Because everyone gets it.
- What did the paraplegic track event and the Cold War have in common? They were both an arms race.
Common Core Jokes
Here is a list of funny common core jokes and even better common core puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do science and deep fried food at the Texas State Fair have in common? At their core, both concepts ask if you could but not if you should
- A school robotics team made an ultimate weapon, and needed ammo that makes everything fall apart. That's why they used common core standards.
- Why do teachers always laugh at the new standards for teaching math? Because the real joke is always in the common core.
- My daughter brought home a common core thesaurus from school today! Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible!
- 9/8 of common core teaches bad math That's why 10/3 Americans cannot do fractions right
- Why did Jeb lose support? He was always beating around the bush...
Without getting to the (common) core! - So these kids are learning things from Common Core...

Heartwarming Common Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about common you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean average jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make common pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?
**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny b**... girly voice.
**Me:** What do you mean?
**Therapist:** There it goes again.
I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.
I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.
What's the dating scene like at MIT?
Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does the US military and a f**... have in common?
Air Force
What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?
They both slowly remove clogs.
I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a massage last week...
and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an e**... normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?
What does the letter K have in common with my cousins
They are ok by themselves, but they get pretty racist when there are three of them together
What do floppy disks and Jesus have in common?
They both had to die to become the icon of saving.
What do Iron man and Sarah Palin have in common?
They both had a little Downey inside of them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recent study has revealed that m**... might help curing the common cold.
Well I hope it is true because I haven't got any more tissues left..
What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?
A man who didn't take it out in time.
What do scientists and vegetables have in common?
Stephen Hawking
My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman
Which finally gave us something in common.
What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?
If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
What does the sun and cleavage have in common?
You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses.
What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?
They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?
Bad blood.
What do Spiderman and I have in common?
We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.
What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common?
They both shred footage.
(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)
What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?
Both are measured in revolutions per minute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?
They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does s**... and basketball have in common?
I'm too short to play
:(
What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?
Both give you a good chance of catching something
What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common?
Both were shot before a live audience.
What's does a black man have in common with a tornado?
It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood
Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...
I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do the twin towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Justin Bieber and Adolf h**... have in common?
Neither of them are musicians.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common?
Jesus can make them both wine.
What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?
The end has no Jack.
What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?
I would tell you....
But I don't compare apples to oranges.
What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?
Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
They both want to get there before the hair
What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?
Neither of us know the words to any of her songs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do s**... and pizza have in common?
It's not very good when you buy it from a gas station.
What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common?
They both have Kurds in their way
Cataracts are extremely rare in Japan.
Chevrorets and Rincolns, on the other hand, are quite common.
What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common?
They don't come until you're asleep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Daily Mail online: "m**... may help prevent the common cold."
Hope so, I've got no tissues left
What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?
They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?
They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bullies and s**... have in common::
The One-in-a-Million chance of becoming a Human Being.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Apple and the NFL have in common?
The Chargers s**....
A guy goes to the doctor.
A guy goes to the doctor.
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?
They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
What do Winnie the Pooh and Vlad the Impaler have in common?
Their middle name.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do lawyers and s**... have in common?
1 in 3,000,000 have a chance of becoming a human being.
What do a gay Mexican and a highschool nerd have in common?
They both do their essays.
What does Grand Theft Auto and Europe in the 1930s have in common?
If you have a star, you're being chased
What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common?
All their Walkers are dead
What do gun owners and vegans have in common?
They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.
What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?
They both view alcohol as a solution.
I'll see my self out......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?
In both countries, it's legal to get s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?
White people looking both ways before they start
What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common?
Remove the ring and your house is gone
What do dwarves and midgets have in common?
very little
What do a girlfriend and a forklift have in common ?
If you don't have one, you have to unload by hand
What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?
They have both entered the dragon.
What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common?
They both end with a check mate
What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do w**... and Walmart have in common?
We all make fun of them, but when we're inside one at 4am we're glad they're around.
What do a glass of water and an atheist have in common?
Jesus can make them both wine.
Common English Mistakes
Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals

