Common Jokes

What are some Common jokes?

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people looking both ways before they start

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common?

They both want to get there before the hare does.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.

What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?

They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

A wet nose.

What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one.

What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common?

Jesus can make them both wine.

What does a church in Helsinki have in common with Mortal Kombat?

Finnish Hymn!!

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?

They both lost their vision

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

I got a massage last week...

and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

What do men and women have in common?

Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.

What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?

A man who didn't take it out in time.

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...

I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.

What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?

One dumbass who never pulls out in time

What does the NFL have in common with Brokeback Mountain?

The Cowboys suck.

*(I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, but I don't lack a sense of humor.)*

What do Apple and the NFL have in common?

The Chargers suck.

What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common?

Remove the ring and your house is gone

Recent study has revealed that masturbation might help curing the common cold.

Well I hope it is true because I haven't got any more tissues left..

What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?

I would tell you....


But I don't compare apples to oranges.

What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?

They both turn o into an O .

What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?

The whites are useless.

Mathematics is 90% common sense,

the other half is intelligence.

What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?

Neither of us know the words to any of her songs

What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?

Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em

What do gun owners and vegans have in common?

They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.

What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common?

They both shred footage.



(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)

What do broccoli and sex have in common? NSFW

If you were forced to have it as a child you're gonna hate it as an adult.

What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?

No *ball*room

What do prison and the shift key have in common

they both turn your "o" into an "O"

[NSFW] What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?

They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

What does titanic and the sixth sense have in common?

Icy dead people

My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman

Which finally gave us something in common.

What do two communists have in common?

Everything

Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?



**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.

**Me:** What do you mean?

**Therapist:** There it goes again.

What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common?

They both thought "my Mom's gonna kill me."

What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.



I'll see my self out......

What do Spiderman and I have in common?

We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.

What does sex and basketball have in common?

I'm too short to play

:(

What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common?

You left it in too long.

What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common?

They both have Kurds in their way

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?

The end has no Jack.

What do dwarves and midgets have in common?

very little

What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?

What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?

They both want to get there before the hair

What do Justin Bieber and Adolf Hitler have in common?

Neither of them are musicians.

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common?

All their Walkers are dead

What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?

They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.

What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common?

They both think,"Oh god, my mom is going to kill me".

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common?

They don't come until you're asleep.

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.

What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common?

Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.

Erections happen all the time

A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."

What does the Quran have in common with weed?

Burn it and you get stoned

What do sex and pizza have in common?

It's not very good when you buy it from a gas station.

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common?

Bad blood.

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?

They are both living off of dead beatles.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold."

Hope so, I've got no tissues left

What do a girlfriend and a forklift have in common ?

If you don't have one, you have to unload by hand

What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?

They can smell it but they cant eat it!

What do a woman and a grenade have in common?

Pull off the ring and the house is gone.

What does the sun and cleavage have in common?

You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses.

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

What does the letter K have in common with my cousins

They are ok by themselves, but they get pretty racist when there are three of them together

What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.

I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.

What do Kim Kardashian and a police siren have in common?

They get turned on when black guys are around.

What does a camera have in common with a condom?

They both capture that special moment.

What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?

They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.

A guy goes to the doctor.

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common?

They each have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How to make Common jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Common to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Common? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Common pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes