The Best 95 Common Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Common jokes. There are some common frequent jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these common common sense puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Common Jokes and Puns
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?
**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.
**Me:** What do you mean?
**Therapist:** There it goes again.
What does the NFL have in common with Brokeback Mountain?
The Cowboys suck.
*(I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, but I don't lack a sense of humor.)*
What does the US military and a fart have in common?
Air Force
What do men and women have in common?
Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.
What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?
They both slowly remove clogs.
I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !
I got a massage last week...
and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an erection normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?
Recent study has revealed that masturbation might help curing the common cold.
Well I hope it is true because I haven't got any more tissues left..
What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common?
A man who didn't take it out in time.
My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman
Which finally gave us something in common.
You can explore common accuse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean common favourite dad jokes. There are also common puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?
If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.
Erections happen all the time
A man is about to get a prostate exam from his doctor. Before the doctor begins, he tells the man "I must tell you, during this type of examination, erections happen all the time. They are very common, and trust me, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The man seems a little uncomfortable, but the doctor continues, "Now a little less common, is you may get one too."
What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?
They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.
What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
They are both living off of dead beatles.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?
The higher they are, the more spaced out they get
What does a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?
They both like to crack open a cold one.
What do Spiderman and I have in common?
We both end up with sticky hands after using the web.
What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?
What do women's panties and nail polish have in common?
They both come off with alcohol.
What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common?
They both shred footage.
(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both want to get there before the hare does.
What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
No *ball*room
What does a burnt pizza, a frozen beer and a pregnant girlfriend have in common?
One dumbass who never pulls out in time
What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common?
Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.
What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?
They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.
What does sex and basketball have in common?
I'm too short to play
:(
What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?
A wet nose.
What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?
They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common...
I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two and now it's too offensive to talk about.
What do Justin Bieber and Adolf Hitler have in common?
Neither of them are musicians.
What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?
They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common?
Jesus can make them both wine.
What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?
The end has no Jack.
What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?
I would tell you....
But I don't compare apples to oranges.
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?
They share the same middle name.
What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?
Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
They both want to get there before the hair
What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common?
They both thought "my Mom's gonna kill me."
What do me and Mariah Carey have in common?
Neither of us know the words to any of her songs
You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?
That's common sense leaving your body.
What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?
Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em
What do prison and the shift key have in common
they both turn your "o" into an "O"
What does a church in Helsinki have in common with Mortal Kombat?
Finnish Hymn!!
What does a burnt pizza, a pregnant woman and a frozen beer all have in common?
You left it in too long.
What do sex and pizza have in common?
It's not very good when you buy it from a gas station.
What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?
Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
What do Little Miss Muffet and ISIS have in common?
They both have Kurds in their way
What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?
The whites are useless.
What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common?
They don't come until you're asleep.
What does the Quran have in common with weed?
Burn it and you get stoned
What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?
They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?
They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire
What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common?
They both think,"Oh god, my mom is going to kill me".
What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?
They both turn o into an O .
Mathematics is 90% common sense,
the other half is intelligence.
What do Apple and the NFL have in common?
The Chargers suck.
What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?
They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
What do two communists have in common?
Everything
What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common?
All their Walkers are dead
What do gun owners and vegans have in common?
They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.
What do Daredevil and Scarlet Which have in common?
They both lost their vision
What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?
They both view alcohol as a solution.
I'll see my self out......
What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?
In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.
What does titanic and the sixth sense have in common?
Icy dead people
What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?
White people looking both ways before they start
What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common?
Remove the ring and your house is gone
What do dwarves and midgets have in common?
very little
What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?
Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.
I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents
What do whores and Walmart have in common?
We all make fun of them, but when we're inside one at 4am we're glad they're around.
Common English Mistakes
Common English Mistakes
-mixing up there, their, and they're
-using the wrong too, to, or two
-putting commas in the wrong place
-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches
-using apostrophes for plurals
What do a ring, a baby, and a threesome have in common?
None of them are going to save your relationship.
A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH
Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?
What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common?
Neither one can resist the urge to crack open a cold one .
What do the testicles and prostate have in common?
Nothing. There's a vas deferens between the two.
What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common?
They both got rich off of Tesla.
During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,
- Doesn't need heating,
But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
- Has great packaging.
What do Chris Hemsworth and Mike Tyson have in common after a workout?
They're both Thor.
What do Incel and Excel have in common?
Misinterpreting something as a date.
I witnessed an actual murder in real life and didn't tell anyone about it.
Crows are common in my area so it wasn't a big deal.
What do Excel, incels and some people who casually eat figs have in common?
They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.
(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.
As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't see what's wrong with sharing a good joke for others to enjoy. :/
Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people
What do men and Excel have in common?
They're always automatically turning things into dates when they're not.
What do "I'm pregnant", "we're pregnant" and "she's pregnant" have in common?
They all have *contractions*.
What do a pistol and candy have in common?
When you pull them out of your backpack suddenly everyone at school wants to be your friend.
What do train sets and breasts have in common?
They're intended for children, but it's usually the adults who end up playing with them
What do covid 19 vaccine and a new iPhone/smartphone have in common?
Just when you get the latest one, there's a new one you have to get.
What do field anthropologists and jokes subredditors have in common?
They dig around all day looking for some rare *humerus* discoveries only to find they've already been catalogued via Google search.
What do a tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?
Someone's going to lose a mobile home
What do a gun and a pack of gum have in common?
When you pull them out in a classroom, everybody wants to be your friend.
What does an injured person and the fillings of a sandwich have in common
They're both in pain
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
Both hang from the tree
What does a stripper and peanut butter have in common.
They both spread for bread.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the common common cold jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working common have in common piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.