Committed Asylum Jokes
12 committed asylum jokes and hilarious committed asylum puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about committed asylum that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Committed Asylum Short Jokes
Short committed asylum jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The committed asylum humour may include short asylum jokes also.
- "Doctor, my brother is crazy. He thinks he is a chicken." "Well, why don't you commit him to a mental asylum?"
"I would, but I need the eggs." - Social media is like waking up in a mental asylum. You have no idea you're committed until you try to leave.
- In Germany it's common for mentally ill patients to be committed to least ten different facilities. They're in-zehn asylums.
- I recently fell for a girl at Shady Oaks Asylum for the Mentally unsound. I'm now in a committed relationship.
God that was bad wasn't it... - What did they say about the man who sent the office chair to the insane asylum? He committed deceit
- What happened to the man who sent a group of crows to the insane asylum? He went to jail because he commit a m**....
- A judge was arrested after ordering a group of crows confined to an insane asylum. What for? Committing a m**....
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Howlingly Hilarious Committed Asylum Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about committed asylum you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean escaped convict jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make committed asylum pranks.
Dave, a man committed to an insane asylum, was writing a letter.
The doctor asks "Hi there Dave, whatcha' doing there?"
Dave answers, "I'm writing a letter to myself."
"Really? What does it say?" The doctor asks.
And Dave answers, "I don't know, I haven't received it yet."
A CEO walks into an asylum...
A CEO walks into an asylum. A man at the front desk says, "What do you want?"
The CEO says, "I want to commit somebody. I don't talk to idiots, so take me to your best therapist."
The man at the front desk says, "Well, you certainly don't talk to yourself, so I doubt you're the one you want to commit. Come on in."
a guy has a crippling anxiety: he believes himself to be a kernel of corn
he seeks out the help of a therapist, who eventually has the man committed to an asylum. at the asylum, they work with him for months, until finally they have convinced him that he is NOT a kernel of corn, but in fact a man. they sign him out and he walks out the door, but not more than five minutes go by before he comes running back in.
"help! help!" he's screaming, "there's a flock of pigeons in the parking lot - they're going to eat me!"
exasperated, the shrink says to him, "but you have nothing to fear - don't you know you're a man, not a kernel of corn?"
"well of course I know that," he says, "but do the pigeons?"
We give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket; and then ask ask them to empty the bathtub...
While I was being given a tour of a mental asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?
The doctor answered, We have a standard test. We fill up a bathtub with water, then give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
I see, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's much bigger than the spoon or the cup.
No, said the doctor, a normal person would pull the drain plug. Would you like a bed near the window?
Two guys in a insane asylum...
There are two guys in an insane asylum,one is name John and the other is name Matt. John was going for a swim in the pool and begins to drown and Matt jumps in to save him. Matt gets John out of the water and the orderlies take John back to his room. Later that day the head nurse comes up to Matt and says "that for doing a sane act you have proven that you are a fully functioning human being and you are free to go. But I hate to inform you that your friend John committed s**...". Matt says "oh my god he killed himself he seemed fine when I last saw him". "When's the last time you saw him"? I went to his room and he was still wet so I hung him out to dry.