The Best 39 Commitment Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Commitment jokes. There are some commitment fidelity jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these commitment spiritually puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Commitment Jokes and Puns

Relationships are a progression of 4 rings.

First is the "Friendship" ring, when dating is exclusive, but there's no more commitment

Second is the Engagement ring, when two people are so in love that they want to get married.

Third is the Wedding ring, worn when two people make a life-long commitment to each other during a ceremory attended by their friends.

Fourth and finally - is the Suffering. Starts about a year after Step 3.

A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life.

Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"

He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."

Then she says, "And the sex life?"

He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"

What do you call a woman that tries to force you into commitment?

A booby trap

Commitment joke, What do you call a woman that tries to force you into commitment?

A pig and a chicken want to open a new restaurant...

The pig asks what they would name it. The Chicken says, "why not eggs and ham?" The pig said no because that would require full commitment from him and left.

What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?"


Why is Barbie's boyfriend afraid of commitment?

He's a chic Ken.

Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

He had a fear of commitment

Commitment joke, Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

The best part about Ray Lewis being on ESPN is..

I can hear a guy with six kids by four different women lecture me about commitment & dedication.

My girlfriend says I've got commitment issues....

Well she's not really my girlfriend, more of a wife.

-Stuart Francis

About to hit my yeard, and I realized that not shaving for so longer beforehand made my commitment stronger

It was then that I realized that absence makes the beard grow longer.

I'm really afraid now that Gay Marriage has been legalized...

because I have major commitment issues.

You can explore commitment individuals reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean commitment sessions dad jokes. There are also commitment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Girl asked me to netflix and chill

So I was like na, more like Amazon prime and commitment.

Why did Shrodinger's girlfriend dump him?

Because she didn't like his lack of commitment

I started dating a psychiatrist.

Now I'm afraid of commitment.

My friends' girlfriend gets diagnosed with cancer..

He proposed to her on the spot. See ladies, it's not that men can't be spontaneous and romantic, we just don't like long term commitment

Guy tells a psychiatrist he has a fear of commitment.

Psychiatrist says, "There's no need to worry. I only do that in extreme cases."

Commitment joke, Guy tells a psychiatrist he has a fear of commitment.

As a guy, it's not that I have anything against psychiatric wards...

I'm just afraid of commitment.

Eggs and bacon

A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime's commitment for a pig.

Which magazine has only one issue?


I found a useful website for people with commitment issues.

But I didn't want to sign up.

Women say I have commitment issues because of my unhealthy relationship with my father

But I still talk to my dad all the time, our sex life has never been better.

I was once addicted to commitment issues.

I quit before it got serious.

I'm dressing up as Commitment this halloween

Well everyone's afraid of it.

My girlfriend says I'm afraid of commitment...

...well... she's not my girlfriend...

I love dating suicidal women...

because I hate long-term commitment.

What plant bears fruit & is afraid of lifelong commitment?


My girlfriend says I have commitment issues!

Well, technically she's my wife.

I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but now...

...after years of hard work and commitment, I'm living direct deposit to direct deposit.

My three biggest relationship issues are

1. Commitment issues

Did you hear about the mechanic with a fear of commitment?

He likes to screw, nut and bolt.

My uncle has ordered the same American beer at the bar for 9 years now

I must say, that's a commitment to the coors.

I get the appeal of being an anti-vaxxer...

Choosing to "be an anti-vaxxer for life" is a much shorter-term commitment than many other "for life" decision.

Marriage means commitment.

Of course, so does insanity.

As the son of a magician I'm very proud

My dad pulled the great disappearing act 20 years ago and still no one can find him! Now that's commitment to the craft!

commitment issues

Doctor: You might have a phobia of marriage. Do you think you have the symptoms?

Man: Can't say I do.

Doctor: Yes. That's the main one.

I shouldn't have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

We've been trying to organize a Fear of Commitment workshop.

But we just can't seem to nail down a date.

What's a real commitment to dying?


I can see myself getting married, buying a house and having kids but

getting a tattoo? That is a real commitment.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the commitment dedication jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working commitment pledge piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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