Commission Jokes
25 commission jokes and hilarious commission puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about commission that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of hilarious jokes that poke fun at the world of authority and sales commissions. From a Republic's Commissioner to joint commission rates, these jokes are sure to make you laugh!
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Funniest Commission Short Jokes
Short commission jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The commission humour may include short committee jokes also.
- Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.
- The Russian Navy has announced that it's commissioning glass-bottom warships ...so they can keep an eye on the Russian air force.
- What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears? A gf gif gift grift
- Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman? His commission was penne's on the dollar
- Did you hear the new classical piece of music commissioned by the church? It's called "I slipped and fell in A minor".
- Once I was commissioned to write an article about carrying rocks around in wet paper bags In the end it all fell through
- According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is... Brown.
(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission) - If "the big one" hits L.A., they say the sewer system will be out of commission for six months. So how will they tell?
- I got a surprisingly big bonus from selling a hotel in Madrid Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Commission
- When Professionals are out of commission, their replacements are called "Substitutes." Guess there were some issues when they tried calling them "Prostitutes"
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Commission One Liners
Which commission one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with commission? I can suggest the ones about comp and coop.
- Why don't Malaysian TV shows get commissioned? Because they all have terrible pilots.
- Did you hear about the doctor who does circumcisions on commission? He works for tips
- Favorite work of fiction? Warren Commission Report hands down
- Justin Bieber's been commissioned to write the new Canadian national anthem. Sorry.
- Why couldn't the hat salesman make anymore money? He already met his commission cap.
Happy Commission Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about commission you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean combo jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make commission pranks.
Letter Z getting removed Joke
After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.
zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo
visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse
zodiac is now xodiac
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...
..."This is the whey"
(Sorry)
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...
So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf h**...... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
English Weather
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An attendant to President Trump comes in and tells him "Sir, your commission has reported that three Brazilian i**... voted for Hillary."
And so he yells "I knew it! Now how many is a 'brazilian'?"
Homemade and 100% organic
Since it's my cake day, I'll give y'all a joke that I created by myself. One that tickles me.
Two car salesman were talking to each other about their sales. They were really impressed with the commissions they were making with electric cars. Then, one of them asked, "Why doesn't Dodge sell any electric vehicles?". The other salesman said, "That would be dumb. If they sold electric vehicles, they would have to give away a free Dodge Charger with each purchase!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... woman goes into a store to get a new washing machine
The salesman, eager to score some commission, snaps into his pitch with a broad smile; "We can load it up and send it over to your house today, and you won't pay anything for six months!"
The woman suddenly gets angry and says, "Who the h**... told you about me?!"
A cartographer is asked to make a giant topographic map
He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was really worried he wouldn't like it, but that was a huge relief."
A friend of mine, a performing arts student, was recently killed in an accident in Toronto…
He was putting himself through school by working as a birthday clown and he had to take the subway to get around. He was going to his next gig and his floppy shoes caught on his baggy trousers and, since he was a little too close to the edge, he fell in front of the train. We have tried to get the transit commission to adjust the signage but they won't do anything. They said he was just another victim of circus-pants.
