The Best 17 Commie Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Commie jokes. There are some commie oligarch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these commie marxist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Commie Jokes and Puns

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

do commies write everything in lower case?

you know beacause they hate capitalism

Commie joke, do commies write everything in lower case?

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"

β€žCuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.

They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"

β€žShe said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says β€žCome with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says β€žOink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.

β€žPiggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says β€žWelcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes β€žMeeh!

Boss says β€žDon't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound like a commie

Then soviet


Afraid your kid might be a commie?

Well if he paints one of his bedroom walls red with some yellow stars or a hammer and sickle, that's a huge red flag.

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

Commie joke, What do you call a communist beaver?

Why couldn't the commie find the fascist?

They were looking too far left while the other one was far right.

What do you call a Soviet congress?

Commie con

I want to make a Russian coffee table book based on sex positions using cross stitch images. I will call it...

The commie suture.

What do you call a socialist who's into fashion?

Commie Hilfiger.

You can explore commie collusion reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean commie communism dad jokes. There are also commie puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What does a Soviet say to someone he likes?

Commie on my cell phone.

Why did the comedian go to Russia to cut down a tree?

Because the real joke is always in the commie Ents.

What did commies war to light their houses before candles?

Light bulbs.

What the ancap dad said to the commie son?

I'll take a N.A.P.

Why are some Commies bad at stats?

They fail to seize the *mean*s of production.

Commie joke, Why are some Commies bad at stats?

So a commie, a clown and a crook walk into a bar...

...no wait, they enter a presidential race.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the commie soviet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working commie libtard piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes