Commie Jokes

Following is our collection of collusion puns and oligarch one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Commie jokes for adults, dirty communism jokes and clean marxist dad gags for kids.

The Best Commie Puns

Just found out I was dating a commie

Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

do commies write everything in lower case?

you know beacause they hate capitalism

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"

β€žCuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.

They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"

β€žShe said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says β€žCome with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says β€žOink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.

β€žPiggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says β€žWelcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes β€žMeeh!

Boss says β€žDon't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound like a commie

Then soviet


Afraid your kid might be a commie?

Well if he paints one of his bedroom walls red with some yellow stars or a hammer and sickle, that's a huge red flag.

What do you call a communist beaver?

A dam commie

Why couldn't the commie find the fascist?

They were looking too far left while the other one was far right.

What do you call a Soviet congress?

Commie con

I want to make a Russian coffee table book based on sex positions using cross stitch images. I will call it...

The commie suture.

What do you call a socialist who's into fashion?

Commie Hilfiger.


What the ancap dad said to the commie son?

I'll take a N.A.P.

Why are some Commies bad at stats?

They fail to seize the *mean*s of production.

So a commie, a clown and a crook walk into a bar...

...no wait, they enter a presidential race.

What did commies war to light their houses before candles?

Light bulbs.

What does a Soviet say to someone he likes?

Commie on my cell phone.

Why did the comedian go to Russia to cut down a tree?

Because the real joke is always in the commie Ents.

There is an abundance of soviet jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 17 funniest jokes and commie puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any libtard witze you can hear about commie.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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